Endless fleeting time

1.

The "Yes?" Youngbae said in reply to the boy who called his name hung stagnant in the air.

The amount of times Jiyong said "Bae" in his daily life were far too many for Youngbae to count. An insurmountable amount from the day they met. A nickname he had never called himself but Jiyong dubbed for him instead, ignoring Youngbae's shy correction of "Not 'Bae', just Youngbae" falling on deaf ears and it was then that Youngbae realized he was doomed. By being called by a modification of his real name, it forced Youngbae to grow out of the embarrassment he felt over it, this idea that someone can show you importance or a sense of endearment just by dropping the first syllable of your name. Yes, over time, the new moniker was one Youngbae learned to wear proudly, because it was his best friend, who had thought Youngbae important enough to use his creativity to make such a nickname, saying it.

But the tone was different. The way "Bae" was said was off from the usual excitability Jiyong's voice attached to the name. Jiyong said it quietly, almost hesitating before fully committing to the utterance of those three letters. And as Youngbae's gaze shifted from the ceiling of the practice room he was boring a hole into to the shaggy-haired brunette who sat cross-legged next to him, he saw that hesitance written on Jiyong's face. In the way that Jiyong's jaw seemed clenched. In the way that his fingers danced around each other in that way they do when Jiyong needed to channel his anxious energy into something because he was perpetually a child who could never really sit still long. And in the way Jiyong's eyes refused to meet Youngbae's, seemingly fixated on his reflection from the opposite set of mirrors that covered the walls of the dance room.

A nervous knot coiled in Youngbae's stomach. Because even though he knew nothing about the boy's change in attitude, he knew there was a change nonetheless.

2.

Growing more concerned, Youngbae, who was lying on the floor, utterly spent, propped himself up on his elbows to get a better read on his best friend. They had both just finished an intense dance routine overseen by Yang Hyun Suk himself. To say it was nerve-wracking would be an understatement. The reason for his visit was to tell the boys, both seventeen, that after five long years, they would begin the arduous task of finding members to be with Youngbae and Jiyong in an upcoming boy group. Despite the promise that both boys would debut no matter the outcome of the other potential members, it didn't sit well with them that their hip-hop duo would never be. That they had to share the spotlight with boys who hadn't been through years of taxing training like they had. Like the eventual acceptance of his nickname, Youngbae was sure he would eventually accept this new hand fate dealt to him. He looked at the positives, that at least he would finally be debuting and Jiyong would be there by his side. Jiyong, however, was still struggling. The boy didn't even have to say anything to Youngbae; one look on his face whenever the "group" was mentioned and Youngbae could visibly see Jiyong's whole demeanor change.

That's why Youngbae cherished moments like this, where it was just the two of them, because soon they would cease to be just 'two'. And it was why Youngbae wanted nothing more than to smooth out the crease in Jiyong's brow and make him focus on anything but the negative, as Jiyong tended to do.

With the shift in position, Jiyong finally looked at Youngbae. An intense look that Youngbae wasn't prepared for. It made Youngbae furrow his own brows, trying to decipher what exactly the brunette was thinking. Why he looked at Youngbae so intently, with a strange blend of softness and fear, as if he'd never seen him before until this moment.

3.

The concept of time amazed Youngbae, in the way that days could seem so long, yet time could pass so slowly, and vice versa. The world had a way of distracting the human mind so well that any task could make the minutes melt away without notice, or could make a person very aware of each tick of the clock. And right now, time confounded him more than ever, as he'd never felt like time was both moving and not at once. Not until now, when he locked eyes with Jiyong, and felt a jumpstart in his heart, a sudden jolt that was exhilarating if not terrifying. Why though, Youngbae couldn't say.

Not that he really had a chance to speak, as Jiyong was suddenly bent down over Youngbae, the gentle brush of his nose against Youngbae's cheek the only thing the older boy could register before that equally gentle press of Jiyong's lips against his own.

And time froze altogether.

Naturally, Youngbae emitted several physical reactions in correlation to the surprise he felt. His form stiffened, like a deer in headlights. He gasped-- through his nose since his mouth was very much occupied with something else. His eyes widened, which only allowed for him to see that Jiyong's eyes were scrunched closed. Jiyong was... kissing him. Youngbae should've been freaked out, grossed out, even, that another boy was kissing him. And that that other boy was Jiyong, who had been his best friend for five years.

But save for the initial surprise of the romantic gesture, Youngbae felt none of those things. Repulsed, angry, upset. Nothing. He just felt Jiyong, this boy who used to be more shy than Youngbae, now this bundle of effervescent energy that Youngbae sometimes had trouble keeping up with. A determined, sometimes whiny brat who demanded perfection. A trainee who had been there and experienced all the struggles Youngbae had and more. A fun, caring, trustworthy person he'd been lucky enough to consider his friend. And, though he'd certainly never considered it until now, maybe more.

4.

Youngbae could feel his ears burning up, and the almost painful pounding of his heart against his chest. For a moment, he wondered if Jiyong could hear it, as the sound was seemed almost deafening in its ferocity. For what reason, Youngbae had no idea, really. And he wasn't really sure if it matter now, either.

As reflexive as his shock was of this kiss happening all was how he applied just as much of a gentle press to Jiyong's lips. Having never been in any sort of relationship before, all he knew was to kiss back a person who was kissing you. And the kiss was akin to how Youngbae felt dancing: intense concentration on the moment, electric adrenaline surging through his veins. It hadn't totally registered that he was kissing Jiyong, of all people, back. But it helped that the caress of Jiyong's surprisingly full lips felt oddly comfortable, and even invigorating, like a small burst of static discharge.

5.

And just like that Jiyong pulled away. His eyes shot open, worry evident in the way he looked at Youngbae. It did worry Youngbae, too. Had this kiss changed them? What were they? Friends, or more than that? What did this say about Jiyong? Moreover, what did this say about Youngbae?

It had been a staring contest that defied time. A telepathic communication where neither could speak, or knew what to say, but wanted to say something.

But at the very least, Youngbae had decided the kiss wasn't the worst thing ever. And secretly, it was something he wished hadn't ended in those five short long seconds.