The Spring breeze lightly and swiftly caressed your face, taking away the heat and bringing you momentarily relief from sun. Before you knew it, Spring has came and Winter was well on its way. That winter was the coldest one you have encountered as you snuggled up in your room, in your own lonliness. However, that has passed. Although you do not dare to rip the pages of your life that documents the storms of that season, you are relieved to end the chapter that includes those events. It was time to turn the page and learn how to live again, without him, in this new season of Spring.

It has been more than two years, after all.

Biking down the same streets, eating at the same restaurants, listening to the same old songs, and even recalling the same old memories were all gradually getting less painful. The void in your heart where all the air kept leaking out, causing your soul to constantly feel deflated, has been patched up. You can smile now, without any sourness or bitterness, when his name is mentioned. Things were, unexpectedly, okay. The buds of plants poking out from the dirt have proven themselves stronger than anticipated. They were flourishing with a youthful glow in a newfound beginning. Similarily, your spirit was sprouting with fresh but fragile hopes that you were driven to protect. Because of what had happened, you were always afraid of nourishing and tending to those hopes too much, spoiling them rotten, only to be disappointed with the outcome. Nevertheless, how does a human live without hope? You at least had the right to hope for the small things, right? You did not dare to wish for much—just enough to help you look forward to the next day, and just enough to keep you on your feet and still stay rational. It was a balance that was difficult to maintain; a mixture of tender hopes and doubt had to be kept at all time. This was the result of hearbreak. It makes you meek and cautious, it makes you skeptical and weary, and mostly, it makes you someone you different—someone more mature.

He is now just a distant past. Occasionally, the memories of him does come back, but they never stayed for long. Glimpses of his face came back, but you would just wave them away. You have made peace with the fact that he was gone and with your peace came the realization of your own strength and your own faults. Enough with blaming him for everything and enough with pausing time. 

"Hey, can I rant for a minute?" Your friend abruptly ceased the dish stacking, set down the dish towel and turned to you.

"Sure?" Puzzled, you turned off the water faucet to listen to her clearly.

"I really didn't want to tell you this, but it has been bothering me this entire day." She sighed in exasperation. 

"Oh? Just tell me." You insisted, though slightly concerned. Although you two were close, your friend is not the most considerate person in the world so you were worried about what kind of complaints about you were going to spew out of those lips.

"___ has been transferred to my department a few weeks ago." She stated, studying your reaction to the mention of his name.

"Oh, and?" you replied. 

"You're over it right? I can mention him right?" She questioned before continuing.

"When did I ever said you can't?" 

Although you would have loved to cut off all the strings between you and him, it was not possible in a world where there were too many people connecting you two. If you really wanted him gone and out, you'd have to cut off several friends and not talk to some of your co-workers forever, but honestly, that would not be worth it. He was not worth it. The most critical point was that the string tying around your heart was cut off at least. 

"Oh ok. Anyway, we all knew each other once so I greeted him and guess what he did?" 

"What?" 

"He just waved with a disinterested look and said 'hey.'" She's crossing her arms at this point. "You should have seen his expression. Here I am smiling like an idiot, trying to be friendly and he replied with 'hey' and walked away." She scoffed.

"Wow." Even you were a bit surprised by his demeanor. A part of you knew he had a bit of an edge when it came to certain people—although never to you. However, you never thought he would be like that at a professional setting.

"Maybe... because you're associated to me?" You suggested, apologetically.

"I also thought of that, but you know how his new girlfriend is my co-worker, right?" She pointed out.

Yes, yes you did.

You precisely recall the moment you found out that you found his ex-girlfriend had broken up with him through a mutual friend. You were curious, but not surprised. You were interested, but not hurt nor happy. It was all just juicy gossip about an old friend. Not a single of your heartstrings were tugged. 

"Yeah, I remember. Her name is Mary, right?" You nodded to confirm. 

"Yeah. She's way too good for him, I swear." Your friend rolled her eyes.

Mary is a friendly girl that you knew had liked him the same time you did.

Why did so many girls like this guy? You sometimes pondered and laughed at yourself.

Mary has a square fact that did not exactly complement the short light brown hair that barely brushes her broad shoulders, but her bright smile made up for it. She was indeed a hard person to dislike. She was a simple girl that people of both gender liked. She was boyish enough to fit in with the boys and simple enough to get along with the girls. Nothing about her stood out much, but that one night when she went out of her way to greet you.

It was during the time when he and you still talked. Mary shyly introduced herself to you, stating how much she has heard about you from him and how close you guys seem. You remember thinking what a nice girl. We're going to be good friends.

You guys never became that close though. You just did not have the chance. 

"You should have seen the way he treats her!" Your friend exlaimed. "We're all put in the same team for the net project presentation and we've been working on this for like a month already, but his attitude is so lame." 

"What happened?"

"He barely puts in the effort and so I kindly asked him to please redo his part, he said no." She looked at you in widen eyes filled with disbelief. "I am about to slap this boy sily, but decided to talk to Mary instead. I mean, if he cared for his girlfriend's job, he would put in some effort, right?" 

You nodded, listening.

"Nope." She raised her eyebrows, expecting your shock reaction with a ironic smile. "He told her no in front of everybody on the team."

"So what's going to happen? Can you complain to the higher-up?" You inquired.

"I could. But Mary would never." Your friend picked up another plate to dry with force.

"So what are you doing to do?" You started to feel the frustrated as well. 

Who wouldn't?

"I'm not sure. At first, I was going to redo his part for him, but I'm not going to pick up anyone's scrap. We have two more weeks before the deadline and if he doesn't clean up his act, I am going to file a complaint." She told you.

"Wow, that ," you sighed. "I thought he cared a lot about his work. I remembered when he used to work overtime just to gain favors and get a promotion. He used to be so ambitious..."

"Yeah, he completely changed. He doesn't even look affectionate with Mary." 

"Interesting..." 

"It's best that you stopped liking him. I feel sorry for Mary whenever I look at them. I can't imagine you being in such a relationship." Your friend bitterly stated.

"Haha, thanks," you chuckled and resumed washing the dishes. 

Her words were most likely very subjective and you are sure her personal emotions of frustration highly influenced her opinions on their relationship, but it still felt nice hearing that. You, too, were glad things did not work out. 

"What did you even like about him?" She suddenly wondered..

The question was caught you off-guard. You haven't really thought about it for a long time. 

"I'm not really sure, to be honest." You shrugged. 

He did seem like a changed person. First his looks, then his personality. Maybe the person you loved was already long gone. The person who bear the same name as him is not even him. 

You guessed that is what first-loves are like. They are reckless and impulsive. They make you speed towards things and grasp onto them too quickly. Nothing should be obtained so hastily or else it will break all over. Like those few months you both ran through the sunrise, the sunset, the moonlight. You ran and ran, but never took a moment to breath in each other. You both just enjoyed the moment, but never fully appreciated each other, never fully looked at the other. Did he really know you? Did you really know him? Did you love him or did you love the moment?

If you could go back in time, would you do it all over again? 

Maybe. Just Maybe. 

Because you'd want to hold onto those butterflies, those excitements, those fleeting joy. However, you would not collapse the same way you did before. You would not collapse anymore because you know your two feets are all you need to stand on this Earth. You did not need anyone else. 

Whether he was happy with his current relationship or not, it does not matter to you. Whether he was satisfied with him job or not does not concern you. There is nothing left to regret, nothing left to love, nothing left to miss, because the truth is, the person you loved is long gone. 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The end 

Hope you all enjoyed!~