•

"Maybe if I hook up with guys I can learn to move on? Nah, it’s not like I can hook up with someone if I can’t get over him. Maybe if I don’t think about our memories too much, I can move on?—tch, as if I can. Everything I see reminds me of him for Christ’s sake." I rolled my eyes and scrolled through the SNS site in front of me. 

"She's wearing a white gown." I can already feel my stomach drop. I slammed my innocent laptop screen shut.

"What the hell ever. It’s been five years Park Bom, 5 years! It’s time to get your straight Damn it! Don’t think about them! He's happy, you're happy, they're happy, everyone has moved on—even your friends moved on!" i shout with frustration while tugging my long locks.

*Ding* "oh. From Ssantoki."

"Bommi, don’t be shocked. (´Д` ) I think she’s is pregnant.(´Д` )" 

"Eh?" My eyes widened and my chest tightened for a second.

"Ah, so that’s why she’s wearing white. Why am I even shocked?" It’s possible I guess, they have been together for 6 years now, but still, they should've been careful, especially now that they're at the peak of their career. 

"Che— then shouldn't she be wearing something besides color white? White is for the pure, she should wear black or something really dark— like black." I deadpanned.

"Ya Dara. How did you know? I think they're getting married, but Isn’t she young?" I replied. Never thought it would happen this fast. 

"I saw a picture and her stomach looked big to be normal— I think that’s the reason why they're getting married. And yeah, she is. She is Young'sㅋㅋㅋ."

I sighed. I knew she would say that.  "Dara. You’re so dead when I see you." 

I sent the message and laid my back flat on the bed where I can see the glow in the dark star-stickers Ji and I placed a couple of years back.

"I really like torturing myself don't I? Maybe I turned into a masochist? Maybe I was in my previous life." I chuckled at my own joke.

I starred dazed at the make believe stars, “I don’t understand, why is it just me? Why am I the only one getting flustered after everything that’s happened? We shared the same memories, then why doesn’t he feel what I feel? Why the hell did things not work out?” I flipped to the side. 

"What is this feeling?  Anger? Jealousy? I don't even know anymore. Do I even have the right to get jealous? Our relationship ended years ago. I always say I wish them happiness, but deep down inside me I know I don't want them to be happy.  Does that make me a selfish person?" I thought feeling a burning sensation coming from my eyes. 

*ring* *ring*

"Now's not a really good time." I sighed.

"My park senses were tingling. I can feel your saddens till my house. It’s okay to cry Bommi, its okay. "

I took a deep breath. "Dara, was I no good?" 

"Bommi you know it wasn’t like that, it wasn’t your fault thing ended the way it is. It takes two to tango."

"Then why is it just me? I want to move on with my life too but I can’t." I devastatingly said. "I've been trying to move on and let them be happy these past years. I even tried to get into relationships but every time things go steady, I fall back to where I am and can only picture myself beside him. I try, I really do try, I try so damn hard I’m almost tired of everything." My voice trembled as I feel my eyes fill with tears. I hate myself for sounding so desperate.

"Hey, don't stress yourself too much. Ji was your first love, first kiss, first date first everything, so it would really take time before you get over your feelings. It will take a lot of time to get back on your feet Bom, so just hang in there.  Better things come to those who wait, so just sit back, relax and pamper yourself for the time being. You don't need to have a man to be happy; I'm here to cheer you on. You're beautiful, smart and y so don't waste it moping around just because of Ji. —well maybe you should a little he's Ji after all” she laughed. “But seriously, if you want to get things out of your mind for the time being, we can go travel outside the country right now if that makes you feel better."

I snorted at my best friends’ way of trying to cheer me up. "I've decided, pack your things up Dara, we’re going to Tokyo Disney Land tomorrow."

"A-okay! I’ll call you when I’m done packing. Don’t try to do anything funny —like kill yourself okay." 

"YA! I would've done that before if I was that miserable. Don’t worry; I still need to find the guy of my dreams so I won’t try anything drastic like that." I chuckled.

"Just making sure you’re still alive when I call you later. I’ll be quick, Bbyong!"

I clicked my phone shut and let the conversation sink in. "I guess I’m going to Disney tomorrow." 

I walked over my dresser and pulled my suitcase which accidentally dragged an old box along. 

"I almost forgot about this." I sat on the floor and propped the box on my lap. I slid my hand across the cover, wiping the thin layer of dust that has accumulated over time. I opened the lid and was greeted by nostalgia.

"I should get rid of these." I half-heartedly said.

I grabbed a garbage bag and emptied the box's content inside. I placed it at the side of the door and went back to packing my things.

After a good hour of packing, I went back to bed. The first thing that came to my mind was the garbage bag.

"Should I throw it? I should throw it already." I can feel my stomach tighten and swirl with the decision I was going to make.

"Ji young ah, you really are my sweetest downfall." I muttered getting myself off the bed once more. I grabbed the bag and placed the hand written love letters and other pictures and gifts carefully back inside the old box.

I grabbed a particular picture and noticed how happy we looked. I still can’t believe we can’t be like this anymore. I placed the lid and propped the old box inside the cabinet. 

With the particular picture in hand, I went back to bed and starred at how young we looked. I caressed his pale face slowly feeling the ache of my heart again. "Jiyoungi, when the time is right, I’ll find someone who can bring me happiness like you did."  I whispered softly, slipping it under my pillow. 

"But until that time comes, I’ll keep you close to my heart."

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A/N: Just a Oneshot for all those Gbom deprived shippers out there. <3