Echoes of feet slamming down on pavement echoed throughout the halls of the concert hall. Minseok ran with everything he had, tears streaming down his round, puffy cheeks. The flustered male could feel his heart beat hard in his chest with the beat of his feet. In that moment it felt as if the world was frozen for him, nothing really mattered. He needed air, his entire being dying for something fresh in his heavy working lungs. His whole body shook with every step but Minseok just kept running, the small boy fighting to keep moving. Strangled sobs fought in his throat to be released, but the desperate boy pushed them down as much as he could.

When his eyes landed on the metal double doors that led outside he felt a small kind of relief, finally he could breath. His hands trembled violently as he pushed one of the thick doors open. Dark ebony skies met his red eyes, and cool air slapped his tear streaked face. Minseok felt that nothing in his life had ever felt so good, not even when he learned that Exo would debut. “Finally….” He panted softly. The weak male stumbled forward and grabbed the icy railing for support.

Minseok stood there for what seemed like hours and just stared into the never ending sky. He had always wished to be one of those bright twinkling stars. He thought that being an idol would help him achieve that dream, but now that he lived that life he felt indifferent.

What kind of star was he? He didn't shine nearly as bright as the others, he had always been a shadow of their bright vibrant light. Many times Minseok had found himself staring in envy at the others for their breath taking skills.

They were too modest to admit they were better, but everyone knew it. Minseok had become the black hole in Exo that never seemed to end. He tried so hard to cover it up with cute smiles and a happy attitude, but a person could only put up that kind of act for so long. He was so close to the edge lately Minseok could almost taste it, and it frightened him.

He took a shallow breath and tried to bring in more of that lovely night air when a voice filled his ears, “Hyung? Are you alright?” Minseok knew who the owner of the voice was. He took a moment to compose himself and bring a big fake smile onto his lips before turning. “Of course Sehun-ah, I just needed a little air is all.” He let out a small chuckle and scratched the back of his head.

The maknae gave him a wary look but quickly pushed it away and returned the smile. “We’re going for food, Suho-hyung promised to pay!” He snickered playfully and slung an arm around Minseok’s shoulders. The elder played along and snickered with the youngest. The two males walked out with Minseok feeling an emptiness in the pit of his stomach, something that didn’t leave him all night.

After they returned from getting food everyone instantly went to their rooms to prepare for bed, all but Minseok. The eldest Exo member went into their living room and slipped onto the comfy couch. He sighed softly and leaned back, his eyes falling shut. He often did this when they came back to their dorm, sitting on the couch and waiting for everyone to go to bed. He liked the silence of nighttime, even if it meant giving up a bit of his well-deserved sleep.

On rare occasions some of the members would wake up in the middle of the night and keep him company, but most nights it was just Minseok alone with his thoughts. Slowly, everyone washed up and got ready for bed, many sharing showers to quicken the process. It was with the last grumble from Kris of a goodnight and the sound of a door closing that Minseok let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

The petite boy stood up on weak legs and made his way into the empty bathroom. After he flipped on the switch Minseok quietly closed the bathroom door behind him. His dark eyes made their way to the long full length mirror, that Tao had insisted on getting, as soon as the door was closed.

He felt a wave of uncertainty and self-consciousness wash over him as he gazed at his figure. How had he even debut? He was nothing like other members, just an average guy with a face that never quite caught up to his age. He felt like his muscles could be more defined, his face could be slimmer. Everything about him felt wrong. “What are you doing Minseok?” A shaky voice filled the dead silent bathroom.

It took him a moment to realize it had been his own voice. It didn’t take long for the tears to follow, heavy streaks falling down his flushed cheeks. Self-hatred was an evil and dark fire that burned inside Minseok. His legs couldn't even support his weight as he fell to the ground, sobs breaking out. He bit down on his lip hard to try and contain them, but it was useless.

He sat on the bathroom floor like a helpless child and kept crying. His entire life he had been told he would never amount to anything, he was a talentless baby who would never make it big, and for a moment Minseok had thought debuting would prove everyone wrong. As he fell into his roll as ‘Baozi’, the baby faced boy realized that he was wrong.

Minseok didn’t know when the warm arms wrapped around him, but the last thing he remembered before passing out in them was the overwhelming warmth they carried. In those arms he felt so safe, like all of his worries were washed away. It was an overwhelming feeling that left Minseok to have the best night’s sleep he had had in years.

“Minnie.” A soft voice called out. Minseok stirred slightly at the beautiful sound, his big brown eyes fluttering open slowly. He squinted from sleep and looked up to see the warm and comforting smile of Yixing shining down on him.

“Time to wake up hyung, Kyunggie and Jongdae made breakfast.” The elder blinked a bit trying to register what the other was saying. He glanced around to find himself in his bed, which he didn't remember laying in. “Wha…..” He sighed and flicked his half lidded sleepy eyes up to meet the bright ones.

“Okay.” He pulled on a small forced smiled and pushed himself up on the bed. Yixing wrapped on arm around him to help Minseok out of bed, his radiating warmth heating up the other’s cold skin. The touch felt so familiar, one he had found so comforting and safe. When Minseok stood up, he stumbled a bit in shock but quickly regained himself. “Hyung are you okay?” Yixing asked worried. He gave the younger a small nod and began to adjust his pjs (which he also didn’t remember putting on).

“Come on Xing, I don’t want to keep them waiting.” He laughed softly and left the room. The other male quickly followed behind with one of his sweet and innocent grins stretched out over his pink lips. “I’m so hungry!” Yixing ran down the hallway. Minseok laughed and followed behind.

When they entered the kitchen the other ten members were already seated around their very long and awkward table, eyes moving over to watch them sit down. “Now we can eat!” Baekhyun groaned and looked down at the food with desperate eyes. Kyungsoo gave him an annoyed look almost as if he dared him to touch the food before he allowed it.

“Moring hyung.” Suho smiled to him bowed his head a little. Minseok smiled and nodded his head at the kind gesture. Suho had always been so polite and formal, even now as they grew closer he still felt the need to bow to the eldest every time he saw him, even if it was only a slight bow of his head.

“Eat gremlins.” Jongdae chuckled and leaned forward to grab some of the eggs. Everyone quickly began to dig into the yummy American styled food, small little fights breaking out over who got the most of what. Minseok was a bit reluctant to grab any food. He settled for grabbing some fruit and nibbling on it while everyone else stuffed their faces.

“Hyung aren’t you going to eat more?” Yixing’s soft voice asked in a quiet tone beside him. Minseok pulled on another one of his big fake grins and shook his head, “No I’m not all that hungry.” He shrugged like it was nothing. The younger gave him a worried look but (thankfully) didn’t push the matter any further.

The rest of the meal went by pretty quickly since everyone else felt the need to stuff themselves like turkeys for thanksgiving, and Minseok wasn't bothered by anyone else for his food choice. Honestly he felt like eating only a little bit of food could help his weight, maybe even more trips to the gym would be good too.

After Kai and Sehun were chosen to clean up since Kyungsoo had found it extremely rude that the two maknaes had tried to sneak some food before Minseok and Yixing had sat down. The duo whined and cleaned with a sour look on their faces while hawkeyed DO watched them.

Minseok knew they had no schedule for the day, so he quietly made his way back to his room. Baekhyun and Tao had left to go to some sale and Chanyeol was too busy pestering Kris to be in their shared room. The eldest went over to his bed and slowly climbed under the covers. It didn’t take long for sleep to envelope him, something that didn’t happen very often.

“Your so beautiful.” A sweet voice called out behind, a voice he longed to hear. Minseok turned with a large grin on his lips, and not just a fake grin, but a real one. He could feel his heart speed up in his chest just at the thought of seeing the owner to that lovely voice. Teeth dug into his lovely lip hard as he nervously looked into the eyes of his favorite person.

Yixing smiled back with one cute dimple showing, nothing but love and adoration in his twinkling eyes. He took slow steps towards Minseok, and each one felt like an eternity. He couldn’t wait to be in those arms; those soft, warm, and safe arms.

“My beautiful Minnie.” Soft hands cupped his puffy cheeks as gentle, soft lips pressed onto his forehead. Minseok leaned into the touch with his eyes falling closed. He basked in the warmth that radiated off of Yixing like the sun, a bright and beautiful entity that never seemed to die. “You’re more beautiful than I am.” Minseok looked up into those big inviting eyes, and a melodious laugh filled his ears, “Silly Minnie, why cant you see?”

He felt his face lift up, and before he could even think a set of safe and addictive lips were gently pressed against his. It felt as if everything was spinning around them, Yixing being that gravity that held him down to the ground. When those amazing lips pulled back they moved to graze over the sensitive parts of his skin, “You’re not a star, you’re the bright and beautiful moon, not even I can compare to you.”

Minseok could feel tears filling his eyes, but for the first time they weren’t tears of anger or sadness, these were tears of blissful and infinite happiness. “Oh Xing.” He sobbed softly and the other held him so closely, his arms trapping him in a way only Minseok could appreciate.

“I love you Minseok, I always have.”

Minseok jolted up right in his bed as his breath came out in jagged pants, sweat rolling down his face. His heart beating hard in his chest like it was about to burst, and his eyes were opened wide. Did he just have a dream about Yixing?

The next few weeks were really hard on Minseok. He worked hard in every performance and interview, but no matter what he did, nothing felt good enough. He thought he had been at his lowest before, but he couldn’t have been more wrong. His dreams about Yixing were becoming a frequent thing, and recently the only thing he dreamt about. Every night it was the same cheesy moments filled with sweet words and slow kisses.

Minseok didn’t know what to do and being around Yixing was becoming increasingly hard. He tried to forget his dreams but the elder found himself unable to when they were such bitter sweet dreams. There were nights he never wanted to wake up, the reality of life too harsh compared to his Yixing’s sweet words.

He found himself becoming attached to Yixing and Minseok hated it. He knew the younger would never return his affections, he wasn’t gay, and even if he was why would he choose someone so low like Minseok?

The strain between them was even starting to become apparent to the other members and that wasn’t good. Minseok cried more often, and now he wasn’t just on the edge, he was the edge. Yixing tried to talk to him, but every time Minseok would just brush him off and pretend it was nothing.

Nothing seemed to help and it was getting out of hand. Today had only seemed to escalate things. They had been on a show with their Sunbae Shindong as an MC, and they had been given the task of telling the person next to them something they wanted to tell them, whether it be good or bad.

Yixing’s words not only proved to Minseok that he knew of the elder’s insecurities, but he also confirmed Minseok’s feelings. He had been so desperately trying to bury them and push them away, but today as he nearly cried in the middle of broadcast he found himself finally accepting it.

Minseok was in love with someone he couldn’t have, and that heartache hurt even more. As soon as he had gotten back to the dorm the eldest had grabbed a big hoodie and his ipod and left. He wandered the night streets with his music blasting in his ears, tears falling down his cheeks.

This was how Minseok found himself sitting on a park bench to the side of the Han river at two o’clock in the morning. He quietly sang the lyrics to the song he listened to as he cried,

I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart
But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
You put your arms around me and I'm home

How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around?
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

He panted and choked out a few sobs, his emotions running wild. The lyrics felt so right in his mind, and everything was unreal then. Minseok was slowly slipping.

The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved
I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go...

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth
And I've never opened up
I've never truly loved 'til you put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

You put your arms around me and I'm home

Each line got stronger, louder, and before he knew it Minseok was singing the song with everything he had, a strong a beautiful voice singing out into the quiet night sky. When he finished Minseok just fell apart completely. He sobbed and curled up into a ball on the bench, body shaking in an unhealthy way.

When he felt a pair of warm arms wrap around him Minseok thought he was in a dream. His vision was blurry but when he looked up he felt as if he was looking at an angel. A pair of warm and concerned eyes looked down at him with tears. “Why is such a beautiful angel crying?” He mumbled softly.

His angel reminded him of Yixing, a subtle yet surprisingly handsome face looking down on him with one single dimple. “Minnie….”

He wanted to answer but it was too late, the hysterical male had drifted off into a darkness.

When he woke up Minseok felt like he was still sleeping because he could feel two arms wrapped securely around his waist, ones he had only felt a few times before and many times in his dreams. He didn’t want to question it as he snuggled into them, the warmth over powering him. Never in his life had he felt so safe in a pair of arms, not even his parents. It wasn’t until the body began to move next to him that Minseok realized this wasn’t just a dream. When he turned he found Yixing slowly blinking, his lips opening in a quiet yawn. Everything about him was beautiful and amazing, even when he just woke up.

“Morning Minnie hyung.” He smiled lazily at the elder. Minseok’s eyes widened and he quickly scrambled to get out of the bed. He felt a deep blush settle over his cheeks as he stood up, eyes cast to the floor. What should he do? Say something? All Minseok knew was that be wanted out of there. “I better go to my room.” He turned quickly to try and leave but a set of smooth hands quickly grabbed his arm.

“Wait hyung we need to talk.” Yixing lightly pulled to try and get Minseok to turn back around. “Look we have a schedule today, I need to get ready.” He tugged his arm away and quickly made an escape out of the room. His heart pounding hard in his chest as the small male scurried into the bathroom.

As soon as he was inside he had a hand placed over his heart, panic washing over the elder member. He wanted to cry but found his tears all dried up. ‘I cried so much already.’ He thought to himself bitterly.

After calming down Minseok quickly jumped into the shower to clean off, his heart pounding fiercely the entire time. When he left the bathroom Yixing was there but he just ignored the other and walked straight into his room.

Their entire radio appearance that day was tense. The other members had tried to lighten the mood but the wall between Yixing and Minseok was very clear. The two sat on opposite sides of the table from each other and neither would look up. Kris and Suho were beginning to worry a lot about this.

After the radio the two leaders had decided enough was enough. Suho had announced he was taking everyone out for dinner, but Minseok and Yixing would be staying behind. “Fix this.” Kris had told Minseok sternly before they left the dorm.

Minseok had made it his plan to avoid Yixing as much as possible. Every time the younger tried to talk to him the elder would find some excuse to go into another room. An hour had passed it was beginning to get a bit tiring.

Yixing had given up after a bit and laid on his bed, eyes filled with sadness. He just wanted to talk to his hyung about what he had seen. That night after the broadcast he had followed Minseok to the river, had watched him sing his heart out.

It was then that the younger had realized how much the baby faced boy meant to him. Before he had always rationalized his worrying for Minseok as a friend looking out for a friend, but after that night it was clear that it meant more.

Both males felt passionate feelings for each other yet both were having trouble coping with it. When everyone had returned the leaders had been very disappointed. They had warned both of them that if this wasn’t resolved they would have no choice but to tell their manager. This problem was effecting their team, and Kris and Suho weren’t going to let it get any worse. After everyone as went to bed Minseok laid out on the couch like he always did. He didn’t want to sleep because that only meant Yixing dreams.

Slowly the eldest member made his way into the bathroom and slid down to sit on the toilet. “You should just leave Minseok, who are you kidding?” He bitterly spat at himself. It was clear that he was the problem, he should be the one to leave. He probably would have been sent away sooner or later anyway for his lack of talent.

He tried his hardest not to cry, but just like always the tears fell anyway. This had become his nightly ritual, but there was something Minseok didn’t expect. When warm and soft arms wrapped securely around him it felt surreal, a tingling warmth he longed for.

Minseok glanced up in shock to see Yixing standing in front of him, tears falling from his eyes as well. “Please don’t say that hyung,” The younger whimpered quietly, “Please.” He fell into a heap on the floor and pulled Minseok into his arms.

The two of them didn’t say a word as they just held each other. It was here that they felt safe, happy. In each other’s arms they felt love and a never ending sprout of emotions. Yixing loved Minseok and Minseok loved Yixing.

“Xing….I-I.” Minseok shook with fear trying to find proper words. “No shhh.” One warm hand cupped his cheek and wiped away some of the tears, “You don’t need to talk hyung, its okay.” Minseok buried his face into the crook of Yixing’s neck and let go. He cried and cried until he felt like he had cried enough for a long time. The entire time the younger just held him and rubbed circles into his back slowly, soft words of comfort being whispered into his ear.

“Minnie look at me.” He demanded softly, but the other refused to look up. One hand gently tilted Minseok’s face up so their eyes met. In Yixing’s eyes Minseok found nothing but love and sincerity laying in them. It was a look he had been so scared to see yet longing for at the same time.

“You’re so beautiful Minnie, and not just on the inside,” He drew their faces closer and slowly smiled, “on the outside as well.” Warm and perfect lips pressed against Minseok’s and he realized one thing.

Reality was a lot better than dreams.

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