Kai catches himself right before his lips can curl in dark amusement—Jonghyun was just wildly off-key and Taemin was forced to turn his face away again; Kai knows that reaction of his former friend’s particularly well and the disdain is easy to spot. He bites his lip, hard, and closes his eyes to keep them from crinkling around the edges so they don’t give him away. Fancams record unpredictably harmful things and the internet is a poisonous place, but it’s really the strong grip around his thigh, right above his knee, which keeps his expression flat in polite boredom.

Shinee’s stage ends shortly and Kai claps with the rest of s. He’s neither the first to begin the applause nor the last to finish; the tense hold relaxes, resting with fingers spread wide on one of Kai’s long legs where they’re sprawled out under the table. Kai snaps his thighs together tightly when he makes the mistake of complimenting Seventeen’s sharp choreo to Sehun and the same hand moves at a painfully leisurely pace to very close to Kai’s crotch. It’s only the pants clinging tightly to his body that keep Chanyeol’s nails from leaving deep scratches as they circle; Kai shoots Sehun an apologetic glance and turns away, cutting their burgeoning conversation short before it’s even begun. The lingering touches cease and again the hold relaxes.

EXO wins…something; too wrapped up in avoiding the explosive tipping-point of Chanyeol’s possessive anger, Kai doesn’t hear what. He follows the leader dutifully to accept the award, smiles when everyone else does, and bows, shouting “We are ONE!” with the rest. Somehow when they get back to their seats he’s maneuvered into a chair between D.O. and Sehun, and when he doesn’t protest Chanyeol’s gaze from across the table grows dark—and not in a way that spells pleasure either, at least not for Kai.

Shoulders carefully loose and hands purposefully left hanging with faux nonchalance at his sides, Kai sits the rest of the night with his lip worrying between his teeth and his toes curled anxiously in his shoes. He pretends not to see when Baekhyun waves his hands for Kai’s attention; he pretends not to hear when D.O. whispers under his breath, “It’s not right, his hold on you.”

But the others don’t understand: Kai’s fear is paralyzing and there are rules between the two of them that he simply cannot break.