[gif credits to hwan-tastic]

Title: I lied

Pairing: Jinhwan x Reader

Genre: Romance, Angst

Length: ~1300

Plot: Jinhwan is a liar.

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[♥]

With shaking hands you pressed down the green button in hope you could escape into the safe shell that his voice built with the soothing whispers of his heart. If you could just hear that… just once…just once, you told yourself over and over again. It was the only light of hope that seeped through the darkness that was growing in every inch of your body. 

It ringed. It kept ringing.

The picture of Jinhwan faded with each passing heartbeat. The memories that you two had shared together and treasured deep inside, seemed so far away now. You wanted to reach out for them, as if they were clouds in the sky and you could get a hold of them if your hand was just long enough.

A sad smile crossed your face, when ever did he pick up your calls anyway? It seemed like an odd scenario.

The voice mail went on. With all your power you suppressed a heartbroken sob and laughed instead.

“Hey love”, you swallowed down another sob, “i hope you’re good?…you better be”, you tried to make it sound like a joke.

You wanted him to remember you as someone who was happy, happy and thankful to be with him. Someone who didn’t hurt herself by the thorns that his love included. It was your fault, you knew that. There was no blame on him.

“Don’t forget me…”, you finally spoke after the long pause where you were fighting against the mess that was churning in your stomach, shutting your heart up. You grasped it so tightly, boring your fingernails into the already broken and empty nothing that was still screaming so loudly. How come your heart was empty, yet hurting so painfully?

With trembling feet you took a step forward.

He loves me.

“Jinhwan”, you called, reaching his back to wrap your arms around his body. You leaned your head against his perfect figure, inhaling his familiar scent that wasn’t drowned in alcohol for once.

He was there, Jinhwan was there, you calmed yourself, holding him even more tight. He didn’t react.

“I love you”, you didn’t expect an answer. Instead you held yourself back from saying more unnecessary things. But you loved him, how could you keep that secret promise to yourself when it was eating you up from inside? 

There was no way you would keep that to yourself just because there could be consequences. There already were, you were already living with all that. Loving him was the only distraction that made you forget everything else.

“I know”, he finally replied.

He loved you too, yes, he did. He just couldn’t say it but you felt his heartbeat melting with yours, the moment your bodies got in contact with each other. That was the reason you loved hugging him. Even if he lied, his heart always kept the truth inside.

Another step.

He promised.

“Just tell me one thing”, your hands reached out to get a hold of him, get a hold before he could slip away and just disappear. It didn’t work. Fear overcame you.

“Will you stay with me…forever?”, you said the last word as if it was something forbidden.

The look on his face rested the same but his eyes flickered. His fingers went over your hair softly, the tips connecting with your skin, leaving small kisses behind. “No, I can’t”, he said immediately, like an answer that he had prepared for times like these. His words told you to go away, however his action told you to stay.

His lips came close to give you a small peck on your forehead. It was just a peck, but it lasted for quite a while and you couldn’t help but feel your whole self slowly breaking down by the heavy weight of the love you received from him.

He lied. You knew it. Jinhwan lied.

He would stay, he had to, because just now you could hear his quiet wish of doing just that, the secret promise that only his heart could yell, hoping it would reach you.

One last step.

He protects me.

You could see the cars racing through the streets. They were running away, running like everyone did. Running like he had told you from the beginning. But how could you run, when you were so intoxicated and paralyzed by everything he did?

Jinhwan will protect me, your mind knew it was a lie but your heart believed in the curing illusion that seemed so exhilarating just by thinking of it. You could hear the sounds of painful cries from afar until you realized it was you, you were the one who was crying. No, he would definitely protect you, you told yourself, now yelling at your stupid self.

♥

Jinhwan’s sat at the gravestone where the letters of his heart were engraved. It had been 3 years and everyday he kept coming back.

“Don’t forget me”, the words cried in his ears. They were so clear and still his mind couldn’t grasp anything else.

The sun was high up the sky and send its comforting radiation right down on Jinhwan’s face, leaving small kissed behind. The flowers were reflecting the luminosity of the sun into their full colors and feigned that this world was a beautiful place. A smile played on his lips when he stood up to pluck one of those pretty flowers, leaving them on your grave to keep the already full bed of blossoms some company.

His heart was aching at the sight, however his expression remained the same. He wasn’t allowed to cry, not now, not after all this time, not…when all of this was his fault.

Jinhwan didn’t care anymore. If only he had let you know how much he had loved you, how much he still loved you. Tears rolled down his cheek and all he wanted was to hold you in his arms and never let go.

You watched him from a distance, dancing around the graveyard. You felt light, like a feather which was free from every pain. His presence gave you strength. As always he brought flowers, your favorite ones, you noticed. With a smile you made your way over and looked at his face which was packed with sadness. It always looked like this.

Your hands slowly wiped his tears and you kissed the corner of his lips, in hope they would turn into a pretty smile one day. Your arms automatically wrapped around his body, like a missing puzzle piece that finally found its other half. Even now, you could feel his heartbeat mixing with yours into one beautiful melody. It was aching but as soon as you held him, it stopped. Even now, his heart didn’t lie, it knew the truth and felt what was right.

You said you wouldn’t stay with me forever…idiot.

“i lied.”