[gif credits to choco-cone]

Title: First Heartbreak

Pairing: Bobby x Reader

Genre: Romance, Angst

Length: ~1300

Plot: Bobby was your heaven but also your hell.

Note; This fic is based on Tori Kelly’s song which you can listen to here and also Apology (obviously) by iKon.

___________________________________________________________________________

❄ 

I would never talk about it, never let it get too deep. But something in me’s changin’, guess you did something to me.

“I like you”, he had confessed to you on a snowy winter day. It was cold, the tip of your nose painted red, your fingertips frozen just like your feet and maybe that was the reason you just couldn’t move. Maybe he was the reason you couldn’t move. You were so lost in his eyes, the snow was falling from above reflecting in the corner of his eyes and the smile on his face looked so genuine that it instantly made your heart jump in excitement. 

I think I like you too, you thought but held yourself back from saying so. It was something dangerous, it was something with consequences. love, It may have looked as beautiful as a rose, however no one seemed to think of the thorns that came with it.

When he took your hands in his and interlocked each finger with each other, you already knew it was too late. It felt like a secret promise of safety. Like a magic spell you were enchanted and let yourself fall; hard and slowly. In that moment he was there, he promised you safety. But what happened in a few months… or even years? Would he be still there to catch your fragile heart?

❄ ❄ 

‘Cause for the first time I get worried, when I’m lookin’ in your eyes. That one day you might leave me, and it keeps me up at night

Months passed and he was still there. Months passed but …he was still there. Close by your side without a sign of leaving any time soon. However it didn’t calm you; instead your fear grew bigger and bigger each day because every day your heart seemed to fall even deeper for him and risked to get hurt hundred times- no a million times more. Living without him already seemed like an impossible task.

“Hey”, Bobby’s voice resounded in your ears like a love song. “Hey”, you replied quietly as you watched him come closer and connect your lips with each other. It felt like a kiss of reunion, a kiss of i missed you so much, although we’ve been apart for just few hours. 

You rested your head against his and closed your eyes to not get hypnotized by his gaze. He knew what kind of effect he had on you and yes, he did use it against you sometimes. But did he know how much your heart screamed whenever he looked at you? And how much fear spread out in your guts whenever he looked at you?

“What’s wrong?”, he asked like he always did. He knew it. He definitely did. You were only more vulnerable to him now. “Can you just–” hold me, what if you said something wrong?

I guess that means I really love you, 'cause I’m afraid to make mistakes.

“What”, Bobby chuckled softly, “Kiss you? Hold you? Take off your clothes and make love to you?”, your rosy cheeks turned into an even darker red now and you looked down, hitting him softly. “Stupid idiot”, you mumbled along the lines. He always made you laugh in times like these.

His laugh quietened down and now he was looking in your eyes directly, completely serious. “You see, i’m here. Always.”, he whispered only for you to hear, “I promise.” He promised and it was sealed with another kiss. Kim Jiwon promised to always stay by your side and protect you, forever. Protect your fragile heart which was so afraid of falling in love. It already did, you realized, long before he had promised. But you felt safe now, you weren’t scared anymore. Because he was there and he promised.

That day he did all the 3 things to you. Kiss you, hold you, and yes …making love and stuff. 

❄ ❄

I wanna run, I wanna stay. Hold every piece so it won’t break.

It was your first real fight. 

“I hate you!”, you yelled as you threw something at him. You weren’t sure what it was but you wished that it would really hit him. The fact that you did hurt you even more, why were you even thinking like that? “How could you do this to me?”, your voice was gone but from the look of his eyes you could see that he understood. 

“I didn’t–”, “Stop lying! I saw it with my own eyes!”, your heart cracked open as you recalled last night. Bobby was kissing another girl and even if it lasted for less than 5 seconds, it was enough to break down your world. All the trust and love Bobby had given you, felt like a complete lie. As if you had woken up from a too sweet dream. “I swear she kissed me– i would never do such a thing”, Bobby cried as he pulled you into his embrace. You wanted to protest and push him away but you were tired. So tired of pretending because all you wanted was stay and hold all the pieces of shared memories together. There was a big crack and you weren’t sure if you were strong enough to handle it.

“I’m so sorry, i was drunk and didn’t realize– i’m just sorry”, he repeated his apology over and over again. It sounded genuine and painful, it sounded like he was suffering. You weren’t the only one hurting right now and you held him even closer as you cried into his chest. “If you wanna leave, i understand. But i still love you, i really do. I promise it won’t happen again”, He said slowly, working his magic spell on you which calmed you. You shouldn’t have given in so easily but he still loved you, somehow that was all that mattered.

❄ ❄ 

But that promise we made to be together forever no longer exists. Sorry for not being able to protect you

I promised her. I promised her that i would stay. But i can’t i’m sorry– i just can’t.

It was winter.

On a winter day you had let yourself fall 5 years ago and on a winter day you let yourself get hurt a hundred– no a million times more. He was gone and he lied. Kim Jiwon was like heaven to you but he turned into hell at some point. You didn’t remember when or why. It only started with alcohol but turned into a sharp-edged weapon, ripping your heart more and more open each day. He did things that were so unlike him. 

He was probably the most beautiful thing that had ever happened to you but also the worst thing because you were still in love. In love with a liar and betrayer, someone who broke promises and just ran away. 

It was raining as you inhaled sharply, moving your feet as fast as you could, in hope that you could reach him. The snow was melting and vanished like the love you once had for each other. He was not only your umbrella but also your rain, he was not only your sunshine but also your snow, giving your warmth but also the chills.

“Jiwon”, you screamed and almost, you had almost reached his hand. He was so much faster, running away like a fool. Now it was him who was scared and you were the one who couldn’t give him the safety he needed. You slowed down, coughing loudly and couldn’t stop the tears that were running down. Why were you chasing after someone who had hurt you this much?

A hand reached yours and before you knew it both of you were running. You didn’t know why but you did.Together. Running away from love and the past you once had.

And in this moment you realized that Kim Jiwon was still heaven. It was just that his heaven included hell and you weren’t scared anymore. Because you wanted him and that was all that mattered.