I pulled over in front of her house and sank to the car's seat, gripping the stirring wheel. I closed my eyes trying to flush down the stress from earlier dinner.

"I'm sorry," Hwayoung spoke above a whisper.

I turned to look at her and sighed. She was looking down, playing with her purse on her lap.

"I should've known. But I really didn't know they would brought the engagement up. If I knew, I would've just told them you couldn't come." Her shoulders slumped and she turned to look at me.

! She's really feeling guilty. It's evident in her eyes.

"I'm really sorry, Jongin!" She bit down her lip.

I just sighed and threw my head back on the head rest. "It's not your fault. The topic's bound to be discussed sooner or later anyway. It's inevitable," I told her nonchalantly. I glanced at her from the corner of my eyes. She had her head down again. I honestly hated it when she did that. It made me feel unnecessarily guilty. "You scared me back there," I told her.

She immediately lifted her head and looked at me with rounded eyes. "You were worried?" She sounded like she didn't believe it.

"Who wouldn't? You suddenly acted like you're going to pass out. I know you did that to save me from the engagement discussion, but don't do that again!" I reprimanded her, but she gave me the widest smile. The kind that made the guys in our campus fell head over heels for her. But it didn't have that kind of effect on me.

"Araso." She nodded and smiled sheepishly.

I don't understand why she was always like this every time I scolded her over something.

She then unbuckled her seat belt and opened the door. She was going go step out, but then paused and twisted her body toward me again. "Thanks, Jongin." She gave me a smile which turned into a grin. "I'll see you tomorrow!" She finally stepped out of the car and waved at me before opening the gate to her house.

That girl was too cheerful for her own good. I just worried that she would be devastatingly broken later. A part of me know she was already slowly breaking down now. And another part of me know, I was the cause.

I knew she had feelings for me, but I couldn't give her back my heart. It wasn't that easy. I had obediently fulfilled my parents' wish for me to marry her, but when it came to my heart.... I just can't.

Don't judge me. I did feel rotten for being like this towards her. But, hey, the heart wants what it wants.

The next morning came and I drove to Hwayoung's house to pick her up per usual.

"Morning!" She greeted me cheerfully as she entered the car and buckled her seatbelt. I nodded and drove away.

We arrived at the campus and went to our separate classes. Though we were of the same major, we still had some different classes. Actually we could have had the same ones because when it was time for online enrollment every start of the semester, she always came over my house and did it together with me in her own laptop.

The first time we did it, I thought she came over so that we could take the same classes. But instead, she always took different slots. I wondered why and asked her once. She said - with her usual smile - she wanted to give me a space. And to be honest, I was grateful for that.

After my first class was done, I checked my watch and went to the library. Her favorite spot. Entering the library, I immediately went up the second floor. I smiled seeing her table was still empty.

Sometimes I felt stupid for coming here just to see her sit, read, and do her work. But she always brought a smile to my face. She had been doing that to me ever since the first day our university life started. Only Yoon Jumie could do that to me.

I remembered bumping to a clumsy girl on my first day after the orientation. Her papers and stuffs were scattered on the floor. And of course I helped her pick 'em up while she continuously muttered apologies. I told her it's okay as we both stood up and I handed her papers. She bobbed her head before lifting them up. Our eyes met and that was when for the very first time I felt my heart skipped a beat.

I know. Cliche much!

But that was the truth! I admit to having crushes before, but I never felt what I felt for Jumie. I remembered her smiling after that, and that was when I lost it. I was determined to make it my mission to see her smile everyday. She asked me for direction to a class, and for the first time in that day, I thank the boring long introduction to our campus. Luckily, I listened to that boring introduction.

I took a seat at a table, a little far from her usual table in the library. And then I waited.

Almost an hour passed, but there was still no sign of her. I looked at my watch and tapped my finger on the table. My next class almost started, but she still had not come.

Where is she? Did something happen to her?

Just as I was about to give up, I heard footsteps on the stairs and she slowly came into view as she ascended the stairs. I ducked my head and grabbed a book which was lying there to hide myself. I peeked and instantly smiled at her sight. But the smile soon slipped away when I saw that she wasn't alone. That guy was there walking behind her.

Of course! What did I expect? They were always together.

And it pained me. A lot. But I guess I deserved it after what I had - or more correctly had not - done to Hwayoung. The irony! I guess people were right when they said that karma is a b- yeah, you know what I meant.

I remembered the first time I saw her here in the library days after our first encounter. I was going to approached her as she went through the aisle of books when this sleepy-eyed guy caused some books to fall when he tried to reach for a book. I was going to be the hero and saved her from the falling books, but it all happened too fast. Some of the books fell on her head and she fell to the ground. Realizing what he did, he turned around and helped her up telling her a string of apologies and 'are you okay's. I saw their eyes met and I guess that was when it all started for them. If only I acted quickly that day, maybe they would never even met.

I watched them approached her usual table and he placed the books he had been cradling for her in his arms on the table. She put down her laptop before turning to him with a grin and a pat on his shoulder. He playfully ruffled her hair and whispered something that made her smile and- obviously- made me frown. They just stood there with smiles on their faces for what felt to me like million years before they gave each other a hug and he left.

Finally! Thank God!

Why I stayed and didn't leave already although I had seen her smile for today? Because that was a smile for him.

After he left, I looked back at her in anticipation.

Will she see it? Will she notice it?

She looked down with knitted eyebrows.

Please see it! Please like it!

And just then she smiled and then grinned. I saw her biting her lower lip to prevent her grin from growing wider. I found myself smiling along. When she raised her head and looked around, I immediately ducked my head to hide again. I peeked over the book to see her already looking down again with a grin. I got up and quietly went down the stairs for my class.

The rest of the day went by with a happy bliss because I had seen her smile today. I know. Corny! But like I said, only her could do that to me.

I walked to the dance studio to pick up Hwayoung. I was just about to reach the studio when the door to the room open and people filed out. I noticed a group of girls to be Hwayoung's friends but saw no sign of her. I approached them and their giggles and chat gradually come to a pause.

"Oh! Hi, Kai!" One of them greeted me with a wave of her hand. "Picking up Hwayoung?"

"Yeah. Where is she?" I tried to look inside the class.

"Oh, she's in there." She nodded to the studio. "You might have to wait though."

"Hm?" I quirked a brow.

"She said she wanted to practice some more." Hwayoung's friend shrugged and I nodded. "Well! We gotta go. See ya, Kai!" She and the rest of the group waved with giggles.

"Hwayoung's so lucky to have him as a boyfriend!"
"And a soon-to-be husband too!"
"Oh! When will my prince like him come?"

I heard them mumbled to each other and giggled as they walked away.

Oh, girls! You don't want to have a boyfriend like me. I shook my head. I tore my gaze away from the group and peeked inside the dance studio. I opened the door a little wider to get a better look.

Her friend was right. She was practicing again. This girl just didn't know when to stop. Sigh. Sometimes she worried me. Well I have a heart too, so I did worry about her. I might not love her, but she still held that title of being my girlfriend. Despite of how I coldly treated her, I did see her as a good friend of mine. I didn't have that much friend, and she was a good companion. I wished that whatever happened to us, I could still keep her as my best friend.

I know, that is so selfish of me! When it came to our hearts, I treated her like trash, but I still wanted to keep her? Selfish! And I just made myself sound like a bigger jerk than I already was didn't I?

I watched her move gracefully like the ballerina she was. I didn't understand why she had to practice a bit more. She was already good. No. Good would be an understatement. She was already a well-known ballerina in the ballet world. Wait, who am I kidding? She was good even in jazz and hiphop dance.

She's pretty and she got reputation. No wonder most guys in the campus fell for her. Except this idiot me.

Why couldn't my heart just choose her? Here I was loving someone who broke my heart every time she appeared with another guy when I already got someone beside me who loved me and stuck to me like a gum no matter how many times I broke her heart.

********

Try again, Hwayoung! I cheered for myself.

I stood on my toes and spread my arms to the sides before twirling several times. But at the last twirl, I slipped and landed on the floor.

Very graceful, Hwayoung.

I propped myself up with my arms and winced at the slight pain on my ankle. I didn't think I broke it, but it was still pretty painful. I was going to hold on to it when I saw a pair of sneakers stopped in front of me and a pair of hands wrapped around my ankle.

I paused and flinched at the touch.

"You just don't know when to stop, do you?" That monotone voice I so loved spoke and I raised my gaze to find Jongin crouching down to check on my ankle.

"Jongin." I smiled, but soon frowned.

Oh god! I just embarrassed myself in front of Jongin, didn't I?

"Your ankle's okay." He stood up and extended a hand.

I lowered my head in embarrassment while slowly taking his hand. He helped me up, resting his other hand on my lower back. My stomach did a little somersault at his touch.

"So, are you still going to practice? If you are, I'll wait at the cafeteria because I'm hungry right now," he ranted still holding me in his arms. But he seemed so calm despite how I was basically screaming, squealing, and running around inside.

I could only blink at our proximity. He raised his brows, waiting for my answer. He blinked his eyes and I did too. Oh gosh! Those eyes! I could get drowned in it for all I know. Geez. Why didn't he let me go already? This guy really didn't know what he could do to me, did he? Of course! What did I expect! He liked someone else. This close distance between us did nothing to him.

Seeing he still didn't make a move, I cleared my throat and took a step back, pushing him at an arm's length. "Err.. No. I guess I'm done for today." I then regained myself and gave him a grin before hooking my arms with his. "Shall we eat now?"

He scoffed to the side with a smirk. Now that I thought about it, he seemed to have been having a great day.

"Alright. Cafeteria or outside? Your call." He asked me with a small smile.

Honestly, I didn't understand him sometimes. One time he would be this cold boyfriend who didn't even act like a boyfriend, but at rare moments he would act like a good boyfriend. And today seemed to be one of those rare moments.

I thought about where to eat for awhile before deciding to eat outside because eating at the cafeteria raised a chance of meeting Jumie. And right now, I just wanted to indulge in my time with Jongin. Besides, I wanted to give Jumie and Lay a space to bond too though I was pretty sure they got all the time in the world to do just that.

Jongin agreed. We walked to the parking lot with me still linking my arm around his. He let me do it. I guess he really was having a great day.

But that little happiness didn't last long. When he suddenly stopped in his steps, I looked up to him. It was as if dark clouds were gathering above him. When I followed his line of vision, I found Jumie and Lay walking side-by-side. Sigh. Fate is sometimes untimely. They were just pushing each other around before Lay put an arm around her and pulled her closer to him.

Then I think everyone of us felt breathless when Lay suddenly planted a kiss on top of Jumie's head. I was just so surprised, but secretly happy for her at the same time. I thought Jumie was surprised too because she stopped walking before turning to Lay and suddenly hitting him continuously.

I would laugh at that if it wasn't for Jongin's arm that slipped away from mine when he walked away. I felt like an inconsiderate friend. I should've pulled him away when we saw them both.

"Jongin! Wait up!" I chased after him.

Okay, why did those words felt so ingrained in me.

I could feel him still being gloomy though he tried to mask it when we entered the car. I guess I'm gonna eat at home today. My shoulders immediately slumped at the thought.

"I think I don't feel like eating out suddenly. Can we just go home for now?" He asked me with a slightly disappointed tone.

See! I was right!

"Alright." I nodded with a small smile.

He drove away from the parking lot and I sighed. "I'm sorry," he suddenly apologized when we had left the campus premise.

I whipped my head to him and told him it was okay. The whole ride was silent for awhile. I could feel the growing gloomy aura coming out from him.

I bit my lip and decided to say, "They're only friends, you know." I could feel his eyes on me before he focus on the road again. He must've wanted to ask what I meant or how did I know he liked Jumie, but I beat him to it. "I know you, Jongin. You don't have to deny it. I know you like Jumie." I didn't dare to raise my head.

"I wasn't going to deny it." My heart cracked and I looked at him. "And you know nothing about me." His tone was suddenly biting.

I might cry any time soon if I didn't see his eyes getting glassy and red. He was hurt. Just like I was. Well would you look at that! If I were inconsiderate, I would laugh at the whole situation. We're two broken hearted people who tried to reach the hearts of the ones we loved but couldn't. And the funny thing was if any of us were able to get what we wanted, the other was bound to be hurt still.

The ride turned silent again. It wasn't until we reached my neighborhood did I finally open my mouth again.

"Jongin," I called him with shaky voice. Don't cry now, Hwayoung! "I just wanted to tell you that I'm here as a friend. I won't judge you." I saw his brows knitted, probably thinking I was crazy. Actually I thought that way too. "Jumie and Lay were just friends." Okay. Maybe that wasn't the whole truth. I still thought Lay had feelings for her. "Why don't I introduce you to them? You can get to know Jumie that way!" I tried to grin.

He groaned and pulled over in my driveway. He snapped his head to me and anger flashed in his eyes. "Can you stop with that already?! Are you trying to hurt me even more here?" I wanted to scoff at his statement but found no courage to. "Introduce me to her? And then what? Watch her fall in his arms right before my eyes?"

"That's not what I meant-"

"Do you think it would ever work out between me and her when you're the one whom I'm supposed to marry?" His voice rose by each passing second.

"I-"

"Is this your way of taking revenge on me for breaking your heart?!"

I lost it at that and suddenly found the courage to retort. "I was just trying to be a good friend!" I shouted back and felt something trickling down my cheeks. Oh god! Had I been crying this whole time? "I know you never saw me as your girlfriend, so I just want to be a good friend to you! Can't I be at least that?! I just want you to lean on me for once!" I let it all out, unbuckled my seatbelt, and abruptly opened the door, leaving him speechless.

I wiped my tears with the back of my hand as I opened the gate. Just as I was going to step inside I was forcefully turned around and I found myself engulfed in Jongin's arms. I wanted to push him away for being such a jerk, but another part of me wanted the time to stop so that I could stay in his embrace.

"I'm sorry." He spoke gently, placing his chin on top of my head. "I'm sorry." He apologized again and I only cried harder. This was actually the first time I showed him this side of me after two years of being hurt by him. I know, I was crazy. "I lost control of myself there," he continued. "I'm sorry." He gently pushed me at arms' length and I sniffed looking up at him. "Stupid girl! You already are a friend to me." He pulled me in for another hug.

I was baffled by that and smiled through the tears. A part of me still broke down at his words because he only saw me as a friend. But that was a good sign, right? At least, I was something to him.