Hey, hey, hey my beautiful readers. I know I haven't updated in about a month and right now there really 

isn't an excuse (other than the fact that I've been stuck on what to write) for me to not have updated sooner. 

Hopefully the ridiculous length of this chapter will be enough to please you lol. 

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The Color of Our Memories:

Chapter 8 - Drowning in You (Part 2)

- Jessica’s POV -

"Sica?"

The low, raspy quality of a certain dancing queen’s voice is not what I heard, but what my ears were met with was a voice of a higher tone that elicited from a height a bit over my head. It was Sooyoung.

The air that my lungs had decided to hold in without my knowing rushed out my lips as if it too hid and only came out when the coast was clear.

"Umm, what are you doing?" I turn around to see her eyeing me strangely. She stands there puzzled, an eyebrow raised and mouth opened. I play off my surprise and nod a greeting filled with indifference.

Hyoyeon wasn't even in the room and here I was fidgeting like an idiot.

"Hyoyeon isn't here yet don't worry."

I freeze. The weight that was previously on my shoulders was replaced and I find my body instantaneously feeling heavier.

"Ha?" An instinctive response shoots out from my vocal chords, my tone more accusatory than shocked, as if Sooyoung had uttered an insult that was seemingly too quiet for me too hear. But no, it wasn’t an insult, but the statement picked at a particular part of my mind and heart. The parts where only I had access to and no one else. The part where my shameless thoughts of Hyoyeon and my darkest secret resided and were one embodiment. Sooyoung picked at it and by doing that a jolt of fear shot up my spine. No one, not the rest of the members, not shikshin here, no one is supposed to know and here she stands before me, a strong possibility of her knowledge of my forbidden emotions in her grasp.

We stand at the doorway and with time at a senseless halt, I expect some sort of response from Sooyoung while a barrage of panicky thoughts jumble up within my mind.

She knows. She has to, why else would she say that. What do I do, what do I do, what do I do-- no. Calm yourself. She probably means something else. Don’t overreact, I swear don’t--

Her eyebrows furrow and her face contorts as she pushes down a smirk characteristic of her whenever she executed a prank successfully without the members knowing. A smirk.  I my head to the side, confused.

She’s smirking. Oh my god she’s smirking. She knows, she knows. Okay, okay, okay, just stay cool.

“You’re weird. Why are you staring at me for? Move.” I push her aside coolly and enter the room, my nervousness and fear slithering off my body like a blanket.

Later. Just think about Sooyoung later. She’s probably just joking. Probably.

Entering the room I  find our manager on the phone at the far corner of the room while Yoona and Yuri went about minding their own business. The array of snacks spread out on the coffee table situated at the middle of the room between two sofas was absentmindedly being devoured.  

“Oh, Jesshika unnie is here.” Yoona says without turning away from her phone. She’s sitting on one of the sofas with her legs folded up to her chest, her thumb swiping across her phone while her other hand readies to insert a vanilla wafer into her waiting mouth. She was completely immersed.

“Wow, you’re not late for once. I’m impressed.” Yuri says, walking by me with a bottle of water in her hand and smirks. I hit her on the shoulder lightly and just as she was about to take a sip, the clear liquid splashes lightly onto her cheek.  She glares at me and wipes at the now wet spot on her cheek.

I take off my coat, ignoring Yuri who was now patting a small spot on her shirt dry, and hang it on the coat rack by the door. I then go over to Yoona and plop down onto the seat next to her, soon after resting my head on her shoulder.

I look on at her phone as she reads a text message.

“Who are you texting?” I ask, curious. Sooyoung takes a seat on the couch opposite of us and I tense up once her eyes her set on me. I feel like hiding. Like curling up in my spot, hoping that I could just get up into the cushions of the sofa and stay hidden. Sooyoung’s gaze never looked as analytic and intimidating as it did now, and all of a sudden I gain the urge to twitch my eye in fear.

“Sunny unnie. She just finished filming with Seohyun and Hyoyeon unnie so I was asking her how it went.” Yoona responds in a delayed manner..
“Oh, for that sitcom they were doing right?” I say.  
“Yeah. Sunny unnie told me something unexpected happened today.”
“They changed the script up right?” Yuri comments. Yoona nods. “Its Hyoyeon’s first time doing a scene like that. I wonder how she did.”
“A scene like what?” I ask.
“A kiss scene.” Yuri replies.

I feel my body numb and my lips part to gap open. Kiss scene?

Whatever. Its just acting. Its her job.

The sound of the doorknob twisting and the door swinging open cuts into the dull silence, revealing Sunny who enters the room and then...

Hyoyeon.

Hyoyeon enters the room with her hands stuffed deep into her coat pockets and her face nuzzled behind her grey muffler.

My body becomes rigid like stone and my nerves tangle themselves. I’m definitely not prepared for this. Two weeks was too long apart from each other.

I just sit there shuffling in my seat, noticeably uncomfortable, and steal quick looks at her. And suddenly, the flow of oxygen to my lungs halts. Even if my brain says not to, my eyes yearn to continue just simply looking at her, admiring her, but who knew admiration itself could be accompanied with such guilt? Countless times have I told myself to throw away these emotions, but here they still are, stupidly appearing whenever she’s within eye range.

Hyoyeon’s eyes wander around the room, until finally she notices me sitting on the couch with Yoona. Our gazes lock for a moment and I fight back the urge to look away so that I wouldn’t seem suspicious. My lips fight to break into an awkward smile and to my surprise however, it wasn’t me who avoided the eye contact... but her. She darts her dark brown orbs away and moves her head away and if her muffler wasn’t covering her face I would’ve sworn that she was blushing.

Heat rises up to my cheeks and I too look away nervously and focus on my hands in my lap, my facial muscles relaxing into that bored expression I was so famous for.

What just happened?

I lift my head up once I feel that Hyoyeon had taken her attention off me and notice Sooyoung peering at me. Her eyes zoom from Hyoyeon and then to me and then back again. She does this a couple of times before narrowing her eyes and crossing her arms, puckering her lips in what seemed to be contemplation.

“Soooo... How was it?” Yuri asks while picking at her nails.

“It was okay.” Hyoyeon replies sounding uninterested and shrugs. She doesn’t bother taking her coat off and walks over to the couch opposite of me and Yoona, and sits down beside Yuri. She crosses her arms over her chest and puts a leg over her thigh, then shaking her foot vigorously.

“It was okay?!” Sunny scoffs, “Okay?! Okay my ! If Seohyun didn’t interrupt filming you two would’ve kept going at it!”
Yuri raises an eyebrow and smirks as she brings her water bottle up to her lips, “Oh reaaaaally? No NGs?”
Sunny does a little chuckle as she removes her coat, “Not a single one. Its as if it wasn’t her first time doing a scene like that.”

Yoona puts away her phone, tucking it away into her jeans pocket, and lays her head on top of mine. She clasps her hands together on top of her knees and joins in the conversation, “Who exactly did you have to act with? I’d laugh if it was someone like Doojoon.”

“It was.”

Yuri chokes on her water she was drinking, the liquid dribbling down her chin and splattering out onto the dressing room floor. She coughs harshly, hoarse.

I feel my insides burn and an all too familiar emotion surfaces. Of all people, why did it have to be Doojoon. Just, why.

Well, whatever. It’s just Doojoon. Its none of my business. I’m just the friend anyway.

I force on a smile and stare at Hyoyeon dead on with new found courage. I was using all my strength just to hold myself back from overreacting. There was a burn in my stomach that continued to build up, like acid. It fought hard to catapult itself from the pit of my stomach and spew out my mouth in a flurry of angry and insensitive words. It needed to release itself and make itself known.

It was jealousy and it needed relief.

“So you still like him after all? No wonder you pulled it off so well.” I say with a sarcastic smirk, not noticing how much more venomous I sounded, how much it sounded like I was blaming Hyoyeon for a crime she didn’t know she committed.

Hyoyeon’s eyebrows furrow as she shoots me a puzzled look and her head to the side. She could probably tell there was something wrong and somewhere, deep within me, behind my suppressed irritation, I wanted her to know there was something wrong. I wanted her to notice me.

Everyone continues conversing with each other, but none of it was important at the moment and all their words just ended up going in through one ear and out the other. Hyoyeon and I just keep looking at each other and by doing just that words lost all importance in communicating with one another--staring seemed to be enough. Through the reading of each other’s movements, we had our own little conversation amidst the convoluted chatter of the other members.

Why are you angry? -Her eyebrows raise slightly before furrowing deeper.
Its nothing. -I roll my eyes and sniff a smile.
Clearly, its something.  -She sits back into her seat, sighing and shakes her head in defeat.- Fine, whatever.  Don’t tell me.

“She probably isn’t over Doojoon.” Yuri laughs and nudges Hyoyeon in the side with her elbow.

My attention redirects towards the other members and my ears perk up in interest.

“Probably not. I don’t know if its because your acting is that good Hyoyeon-ah, but that kiss scene looked too believable to be just acting.” Sunny chimes in.
“I was just into character that’s all.” Hyoyeon responds firmly. She roughly pulls at her scarf and lets it drop without a care onto her chest.  
“Pfft, did you hear what she said when I asked her if she still liked him?" Sunny said. She chuckled lightly before continuing, “she said, ‘I don’t know’”

Everyone starts to laugh and I too join in, but it ends up seeming sarcastic and hesitant rather than whole hearted. I bury my head into Yoona’s shoulder, my hair concealing my features, and continue on with my supposed ‘laughter’.

Milliseconds pass and my smile fades and I sit still with my face hidden. I frown and chew on my bottom lip in frustration. The stinging sensation in my eyes were surfacing and I could feel the wetness building up to form tears.

I thought it was over between them. Over before anything could start.

Ugh. This is so stupid. I’m being so stupid.

Pabo, you’re not supposed to feel hurt. You’re not supposed to love her remember? You’re a friend remember?

“Alright girls, you’re up.”

One of the staff members of the show we were to appear on today pokes his head into our room and calls us to the shooting set.

Everyone stops laughing and just nods, but once the staff person leaves, they begin to verbally tease Hyoyeon about Doojoon again. Hyoyeon sighs exasperatedly and stands up.

A few seconds or a few years might have passed since I buried my head into Yoona’s shoulder and it wouldn’t have mattered. The build up in my eyes was becoming far too great and I feared that if Yoona moved even one inch that everyone would take note of it and attack me with a bout of questions, which I would definitely have difficulty answering.

I decide to stealthily move my head away from Yoona’s shoulder, in the process quickly wiping away the tears from my eyes.

“Guys stop laughing we have to go on soon,” Sooyoung says, trying to get everyone to settle down.

“Sunny didn’t you come with Seohyun?” Sooyoung asks Sunny who was now calmed down.
“She went to the washroom if I remember.” Sunny replies.
“Didn’t Tippany and Taeyeon go to the washroom too?” Yuri adds while fixing her attire and stands up.
“That was almost half an hour ago.” Sooyoung says, now sounding worried.

“Girls, come on we have to do mic checks.” The same staff person pokes his head into the room and motions us to get over to the set. He stands at the door waiting.

“We have no time. I’m sure they can find their way over.” Yuri tries to reassure everyone even though she was doubtful herself. She makes her way to the door and everyone reluctantly follows her.

Everyone exits the room, along with our manager and staff person and like water breaking down a dam, the tears cascade down my cheeks quickly and before anyone could come back and notice, before Hyoyeon could notice, I rub them away. But it was useless, the burn in my heart was still there and the only thing I could picture was Hyoyeon and Doojoon and what that kiss might have looked like. The fact that it was scripted didn’t settle me, it didn’t provide me comfort.

The kiss was probably all lip at most, but that isn’t important. Did she look at him sweetly after? Did his eyes twinkle and make her swoon?

Did she realize that she had never forgotten about him? That she still loved him?

“Sica?” I hear Sooyoung call out to me at the doorway and hurriedly, I wipe away my tears.

In the empty and quiet room, the smallest of sounds were amplified, including my faint sniffling. That desire for me to hide when it came to Sooyoung from earlier invaded my senses. I’ve never been so scared of her.

“Sooyoung.” I reply with a forced smile. I hope she can’t see how red my eyes--

“Why are your eyes so red?” Her hand moves to cup my cheek, but I nudge it away weakly, standing up.
I trudge towards the doors, a brand new batch of tears forming. My lip quivers slightly and I bite down onto it to make it stop.

“How long do you think you can keep this up Sica.”

I stop right at the doorway and slowly turn to face her. She looks up at me, pensive, and makes her way towards me.

“I don’t understan--” She doesn’t even stop to listen and walks right past me and out the door. She mumbles something under her breath while shaking her head,

“Don’t think no one can see.”

******************

The members of girls’ generation finished their talk show recording with ease. They started off late on recording with the unusual arrival of Taeyeon and Tiffany, the two girls’ faces glowing and behaviour jittery. After quickly fixing themselves and with a few make up touches here and there, they joined the rest of the members. Seohyun soon followed suit after her trip to the washroom and all was well.

Now, they walked to the studio building’s parking lot where their trusty white vans awaited them. Hyoyeon walked closely behind Jessica the whole time, making sure to put a little less than a meter between them. Whenever Jessica walked faster ahead of her she would match her pace and stand either behind her or beside her.

Their hands nudged, their skin grazing. Hyoyeon felt Jessica's hand hover near hers and she just couldn't stop paying attention to how close it was. She wanted to slip her hand unnoticed into Jessica’s but now, for some reason, it felt unnatural. Why she thought, she didn't know. Holding hands was an act she did without thinking twice with the members. All of a sudden, it had become something she had to think on when it came to the ice princess.

Her fingers twitched. She stretched out her fingertips but retracted them after giving it some more thought.
Why was she standing by Jessica the whole time anyway? What brought her to this spot?

They could converse normally, yet their exchange of words would never carry on past a few words and a large majority of the time it was strictly composed of just ‘yes’s or ‘no’s. It was all as Sooyoung predicted. Communication between them was cut short and Hyoyeon felt at times if that it was what Jessica wanted all along.

But why? Hyoyeon was convinced it was because of her but she constantly thought about the reasons for why the older girl would want such a thing and during those times she would remember what Sooyoung told her.

“She’s totally gay for you.”

Hyoyeon didn’t want it to be true. She didn’t want it to be true, but she never revolted at the idea. She didn’t find it disgusting, but it made her feel on edge. It made her question things, a lot of things, about herself, about Jessica, their friendship, and those thoughts never let her sleep at night. It made her afraid and after today’s conversation with Jessica, the ice princess’ forced smile would give Hyoyeon a lot more to think about later on.

They were a few feet away from the vans now and in a few seconds Jessica would dispatch into the vehicle set for her while the rest of the group would enter the other two vehicles for them.

To grab her hand or not? To say a few meaningless words before Jessica left or to leave this barrier between them?

Grab her hand. Talk to her.

Hyoyeon slipped her hand into Jessica’s, her fingers snugly fitting in between the spaces of the older’s fingers, and firmly tightened her grasp. Jessica who had her head down the whole time, reflecting deeply on the shikshin’s words, stopped walking in the middle of a step and put her feet together. A spark ran through her palm and up her arm and without even looking up she knew it was Hyoyeon. Her touch was always different somehow.

Hyoyeon waited for Jessica to move her head to look at her and ran over sentences to say through her mind.

She was blank. Her mind was blank and as soon as a word appeared it was replaced with a clear slate. All she could do was utter sounds.

To make matters worse once Jessica's eyes laid on her the only thing she could focus on were the older girl's shiny, gloss coated and fully shaped lips. She didn't understand herself anymore. And so she dumbly uttered Jessica's name while blatantly staring at .

"Jessica..." Hyoyeon's voice came out soft and because wasn’t in the best condition that day, it gave it a childlike quality that made her adorable. Jessica froze for a moment but then quickly regained her composure.

“Yeah?” Jessica  looked down at their hands and then looked up, following Hyoyeon's gaze. She noticed where the younger girl’s attention was causing Hyoyeon to stop what she was doing and to break into a forced smile.

“If... I-If,” Hyoyeon gulped. Really? Stammering? “If you don’t have a schedule tomorrow come by the dorms. Its always nice for you to visit.” Hyoyeon tightened her grip and bit down on her lip, chewing on it for a few seconds before closing the distance between her and Jessica. She meekly raised her eyes to Jessica who’s brain wasn’t quite functioning while still chewing on her lip, and the first thing she saw were Jessica’s lips. If she didn’t refocus herself that's all she would have looked at in the duration of their conversation. The dancing queen bit down harder on her now well moistened lips and gave the ice princess a smile that reached her eyes.

“I missed you.”

The dancing queen said only loud enough for the two of them to hear as she played with Jessica’s fingers momentarily. Jessica’s fingers felt thin in hers. They were bony but nonetheless elegant and slim. The velvety skin of her palm pressed against hers and brought to Hyoyeon’s attention how she never took such small details account until now. Jessica’s breath became trapped halfway on its way out of her nasal passage and she let the younger girl before her timidly hold her hand, Hyoyeon’s thumb rubbing the side of her forefinger.   

Hyoyeon abruptly let go of Jessica’s hand after realizing she was taking too long. A stark realization came to her. She just said something so mushy, so sensitive, so needy . It wasn’t like her at all. She couldn’t even tell her own mother face to face that she missed her and here she was saying it to Jessica.

Taeyeon, Sunny and Tiffany were now walking up behind them, the strange, heartwarming aura surrounding Hyoyeon and Jessica making their heads turn, reeling them in and eventually when it finally sunk in what the scene looked like they stopped in curiosity. Their faces were all blank, but their gazes were ever so analyzing, accusing, so quick to make up stories without even needing to know what was happening.

Jessica caught sight of the three and scratched the back of her neck with the hand Hyoyeon just held in a jittery fashion. She was completely flustered and she desperately prayed that no one took note of that. She lowered her head in embarrassment, her bangs covering her eyes. Tiffany and Taeyeon simply shrugged it off and hopped into the van set for the rest of the group hand in hand.

“Jessica you’re leaving already?” Sunny asked approaching her.

Sunny’s voice took Hyoyeon by surprise. Her shoulders jolted slightly. She raised her hand to Jessica’s forehead and flicked the space between her eyebrows in an attempt to make everything seem natural even though really, it had the opposite effect.

The ice princess flinched at the impact and Hyoyeon stuck out her tongue at her, “Make sure to visit more often pabo.” Hyoyeon grinned and made her way back to the company van that would take her home.

Sunny stood watching the both of them with a blank expression (completely unreadable unless one could sense the slightest of eyebrow twitches). Hyoyeon brushed past her, their shoulders bumping, and for a moment, just a moment, Sunny could hear the heaviness in the dancer’s breathing and could see the flushed color of Hyoyeon’s skin. Pieces were lining up suddenly into one big picture and Sunny just couldn’t let the nagging need for that final piece to fall into place go. And there she was, the final piece, Jessica, right in front of her.

“Aren’t you gonna come over today? I don’t think anyone is doing anything tomorrow. You’re free aren’t you?” Sunny inquired.

“Y-Yeah. Maybe some other time? I’ll see about tomorrow.” Jessica replied in a mumble and her head still hung low. She rubbed at the back of her neck with her fingertips vigorously for a moment and then grabbed at her neck in frustration. Why was Sunny talking to her at a moment like this. Any attempts at acting natural were hard to pull off at the moment and Jessica knew she was digging her own grave by talking with Sunny any longer.

“Jessica?” Sunny placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder. Sunny was hot on the trail of something. She just didn’t completely know.
“I’ll see you later ‘kay?” Jessica gave the aegyo queen a lazy smile and hurriedly made her way to the vehicle set for her. Sunny nodded and let her hand drop down to her thigh. She walked back to the vans, reflecting on her thoughts. She wondered if anyone within their tightly knit family had even come across what she was thinking of at the moment. Hyoyeon and Jessica... their relationship had never been as ambiguous as it was now.

Meanwhile, Jessica remained standing in front of the van’s doors. She was still extremely flustered and stricken still in a daze. Her train of thought continually dashed back to the feel of Hyoyeon’s hand in hers, the tenderness in the dancer’s charmingly raspy voice and the adorable gestures Hyoyeon naturally expressed just then as she played with her hands. But most of all it was what Hyoyeon told her that shook Jessica up and brought back to life the tiny bit of hope she used to hold secretly.

That tiny burst of hope that had appeared after months of trying to get over her own feelings appeared once more. The already dead hope that was crushed and stepped all over on once Doojoon entered the picture sprung to life. The hurt she experienced back at the dressing room earlier was relieved a bit. Everything was rose colored and suddenly picturing Hyoyeon and her together was possible again...

Possible until her fellow groups members called out to her, their heads poking out from open windows as they made the most obscure, comedic faces and threw pieces of things like candy wrappers at the ice princess, all in their own special way of saying goodbye. Jessica turned around and was met by a plastic wrapper to her face. She flinched and waved goodbye to the rest of the members, who now transitioned to using their aegyo voices while they said their farewells.

“Who am I kidding.” Jessica thought to herself while waving goodbye. She covered one ear to protect it from blowing up at the high frequency of the sugary sweet aegyo voices of her friends’. Once the rest of the members left she hopped into the vehicle and rubbed at her forehead. She couldn’t help but laugh even though the spot where Hyoyeon flicked her finger at still stung.

But that same laughter turned into small, taunting chuckles aimed at herself at the thought of Doojoon.

“You’ve lost Sica. Move on.”

******************

Sooyoung sat next to Hyoyeon with a neck pillow snug around her neck. She had her phone cupped in her hand that laid on top her lap, still showing a text message she read a few seconds ago. The rest of the members filled up the other vehicle intended for them and so the two were paired up in the remaining vacant vehicle.

The night landscape of Seoul city whizzed past them as their van rolled on top of the highway. Watching the lights emit from the buildings and the streetlights like little fireflies amidst the glowing backdrop provided a certain ambiance as Sooyoung stared out the vehicle’s window. It was dreamy and relaxing and no matter how many times Sooyoung saw the sight she always admired it.

Her attention from outside the window strayed for a moment and she took a quick look at Hyoyeon who was unusually quiet this car ride.

Sooyoung smirked. She knew what Hyoyeon was thinking about. After observing her and Jessica the whole day it was impossible not to. The constant staring, the confusion, the jealousy, the hesitation, the blushing--Sooyoung saw it all. She didn’t need to ask Hyoyeon what she was thinking about, but it was always fun to mess with her.

"What are you thinking about?"

Hyoyeon was busy drumming her fingertips on the side of her face as she rested her chin on her palm. She too was looking out the window but with a rather far away look. Hyoyeon wasn't available at the moment.

Sooyoung slumped down in her seat and rested her head on the seating. She smirked.

"Jessica's lips looked nice didn't they?"

"They were..."

Sooyoung’s eyes instantly widened and a roaring laugh burst from her lungs.

Hyoyeon was still preoccupied in her thoughts and so she absent mindedly answered Sooyoung's question. Once she noticed Sooyoung laughing she snapped out of her thoughts and panicked.

"N-No! That's not what I meant! I-I mean,” Hyoyeon couldn’t believe what she just said. “Listen to me! Stop laughing!” Hyoyeon yelled out and pushed Sooyoung by the shoulders.

Sooyoung slid down her seat in slow motion laughing harder now that Hyoyeon realized what she said, and because of her thin body, she had no trouble slipping past the seat belt across her chest and landing onto the floor of the van. Hyoyeon couldn’t help but chuckle a little at how hard Sooyoung was laughing despite how annoyed she was at the shikshin.

She deemed it useless to explain anything to Sooyoung and just waited for the taller girl to calm down as she scratched the back of her neck nervously, completely flustered.

Sooyoung wiped the tears from her eyes and climbed back up to her seat. In the rear view mirror, the glancing eyes of their driver caught her eye. She tapped her phone on and created a new text message. The conversation they were going to have was definitely for their ears only.

Sooyoung’s manicured fingernails tapping against the glass of her phone could be heard.

｢So what happened during filming? I bet it had to do with Jessica didn’t it? Your eyes were practically glued to her lips throughout today and what was that about? I mean, ‘I missed you’? Really Hyoyeon? xD｣

Hyoyeon’s phone vibrated in her jeans pocket and she immediately slipped it out from its hiding place. Her eyes opened wide and she covered her face with her hand, shaking her head.

｢You heard thaaaat? DDDD: I thought no one heard... ｣

｢I was watching you the whole time ㅋㅋㅋ ｣

｢You creeper~! o.o ｣

｢I watch you all the time.｣

｢Ewwwww stop that =.= ｣

｢8D 8D 8D ... but seriously what happened during filming?｣

Hyoyeon’s mood dropped and that faraway look she had on previously appeared again. Her attention turned to outside the window and all of a sudden she became quiet. After a long silence Sooyoung decided to send another text.

｢Soooo... are you gonna tell me or do you expect me to guess?｣

Hyoyeon wondered whether she should talk about what was on her mind with Sooyoung. She wasn’t one to easily open up. Hyoyeon didn’t do serious, she didn’t do talking about feelings or sensitive topics, but a lot had been weighing heavily on her mind recently and it seemed as though the shikshin was the only one she could confide in, peculiarly when it came to Jessica.

｢I’m confused Sooyoung ): ｣ Somehow the use of smileys made it easier for Hyoyeon to voice herself. She was kind of thankful that their driver was present or else they wouldn’t be texting at that moment and awkward words would have to be exchanged.  

｢About what? :o ｣ Sooyoung sat up straight in full attention.

｢Something--｣ Hyoyeon stopped typing and her lips and gritted her teeth. She rested her elbow on the window pane and brought her hand to her face in thought. After a few moments she started typing again,  ｢Something happened when I kissed Doojoon.｣

Sooyoung chuckled and rolled her eyes. ｢You realized you still like him? I never really liked him.｣

｢Nooooo  >__<｣ Hyoyeon sunk down in her seat and put her hood on uncomfortably. The hood suddenly made her feel much more comfortable about what she was about to send, like a safety net. She continued typing.

｢All I could think about was Sica.｣

Sooyoung read the reply quickly. Her eyes lingered at ‘Sica’ and she stared at the name at a loss for words.  

Hyoyeon’s fingers hovered above the screen hesitantly. She thought about what she should text next: was it okay for Sooyoung to know more than that? Was it wise to bring awareness to a new realization that she knew would bring her more worry than relief? But this load on her heart... she needed to talk to someone about it and lessen the burden, even if was at the cost of bringing in new worries.

｢That kiss ended up being longer than it should have been and when he looked into my eyes all I could think about was Sica. I have no idea whats going on with me. My head isn’t screwed on right.｣

Sooyoung didn’t know how to reply and she just simply stared at the dancer dumbfounded and then back at her screen. The information she was being fed was slowly being processed. It was all too unreal. Was she reading things right?

Hyoyeon glanced at Sooyoung and when she saw how surprised the taller girl was she tightened her hood around her head in a squeamish fashion. Maybe she shouldn’t have said anything.

Sooyoung closed her open mouth and crossed her arms as she slid down her seat. She looked out the window and saw the all too familiar streets they were in. They were almost home.

Silence filled the vehicle and then like a bomb that needed to blow up, Sooyoung released the laughter she had been quietly keeping in.

“W-Whats wrong with you? I’m being serious here!” Hyoyeon emerged from her little make shift hiding place behind her hood and hit Sooyoung on the shoulder with her phone in her grasp.

“I don’t believe this...” Sooyoung said as she laughed, “Seriously, you two. You two are so blind I swear. How can anyone...” she stopped for a minute and laughed harder, “How can anyone be so dense?”

“Yah! What are you talking about!” Hyoyeon was quickly becoming annoyed. She kicked Sooyoung with the front of her converse sneakers.

Sooyoung calmed down, “After today I thought you still had it for Doojoon, but wow. This is a serious turn of events.”

Hyoyeon didn’t say anything and just kept frowning at Sooyoung who batted her eyelashes at her, analyzing her reaction as she laughed. Sooyoung tapped her phone on again and began typing out another message.

｢...Is that why you kept staring at Sica’s lips? ㅎㅎㅎ｣
｢>///< Its not like I wanted to. They kind of just... drew me in. >.> ｣
｢And when you can’t go to sleep at night what do you do? ｣

Hyoyeon stopped typing and sighed heavily.

“I don’t know. Thoughts just pop up--”
“And those thoughts are about...?”

Hyoyeon opened to respond, but once the first letter of her response escaped her lips (the response having to do with a certain ice princess) her eyes widened in disbelief. Seeing the dancer’s reaction, Sooyoung began to laugh for the billionth time during the car ride.

“Shut up Soo.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“Its your fault!”
“How is it my fault?!”
“You’re the one who filled my head with nonsense!”
“Oh please Hyo. You already knew about Jessica long before I did. I didn’t need to fill your head with anything. You already did that yourself.”
“Shut up. You’re wrong. I just haven’t been getting enough sleep.”

The vehicle parked outside of their apartment complex and it took a while for Sooyoung to calm down before pulling the handles and pushing the metal door outwards. She exited the vehicle and once her heels met the rough cemented floor, she ducked her head into the vehicle again with a huge grin and yelled in a sing-song voice,

“You better go to sleep tonight or else I’ll seriously call Jessica and make her sleep with you.”
“Stop it.”
“Stop what? I’m not doing anything.”
“You’re doing that, that thing.”
“Its called teasing Hyo, do you need a dictionary?”

Hyoyeon’s mouth opened in shock and she chuckled a bit before taking her handbag and throwing it at Sooyoung who was fleeing from the scene as fast as her feet could carry her.

Once Hyoyeon got off the van she felt lighter after talking with Sooyoung. Her heart and mind felt lighter... and new worries started to weigh her again.

Guilt. The same guilt Jessica had to endure everyday pricked at Hyoyeon. These emotions... they weren’t meant for Jessica. They were meant for a handsome young bachelor with a charming smile, that could dance well, that had bad boy tendencies... Hyoyeon planned for that, but she could have never predicted this.

The feeling felt foreign in many ways, yet at the same time it felt like it should have existed in her heart long before. It felt like it belonged, like it was right. But Hyoyeon knew better than to let herself continue thinking like that. She shrugged it off like a joke. Her heart on the other hand, didn’t. It couldn’t.

Her heart was overflowing with Jessica and it was nearly impossible now for Hyoyeon to ignore it any longer. No matter how many excuses she found or how much she shrugged it off.  

*******************