September 23^rd 2020

As classes pick up and school starts again, Chanyeol picks himself up out of his rut. After making it home from night drive with Baekhyun, he had the most restful sleep he had all month. He woke up earlier and earlier until he felt like a half functional human being, eating breakfast in the mornings and dinners in the evenings again.

He couldn’t explain why— it was like a switch had been flicked in his head, and all of a sudden, things were starting to feel okay again.

Of course, this wasn’t without his own effort, but it’s as if that night helped him leap over a hurdle he couldn’t himself.

He’s not entirely sure why or how, but he’s grateful for it happening. Especially when he receives a text during class, from the very last person he expected to ever hear from again.

Seungwannie
hi
i know it’s sudden but
would you have time to grab coffee tomorrow?

Chanyeol’s finger froze over his laptop keyboard, lecture notes forgotten as his heart sinks into the floor. He blinks a few times, not believing what he was seeing, but the notification refused to disappear.

He flips his phone face down on the table, trying to dismiss the thought long enough to focus on his lecture again. No matter how many times he tries to convince himself that he didn’t care, he couldn’t ignore the lump in his throat and his heart racing out of his chest.

He doesn’t address the text until he makes it back to his apartment, staring down his phone for what feels like hours. He sits on his couch, hands clasped to his lips as he stared down the message, as if it would resolve things.

It’s only until he’s in bed, almost ready to sleep that he opens the notification, fingers hovering over the keyboard, trying to think of the right thing to say.

It feels like hours before he’s able to hit send on his message.

Park Chanyeol

my class ends at 1

His heart races when the message is almost immediately read, a text bubble appearing before he’s even able to process it.

Seungwannie

1:30, same place as usual?   

Park Chanyeol

okay

Seungwannie

see you then

~~~~~

Chanyeol gets little sleep that night. His eyelids don’t grow heavy until the sun is starting to rise, and by the time he’s able to drift off, it feels like he’s waking up again, getting ready to go to his lecture.

He’s barely able to focus on his lecture, taking half-hearted notes as his mind drifts to his coffee plans after class. He has half a mind to cancel while there’s still time, but a part of him knows it would be better to go. To finally get closure.

At least, he convinces himself of this, just long enough to get him to the café he used to frequent, wringing his hands in anxiety as he peeked inside. He was a little early, and as he stood in front of the café, he felt the regret rise in him.

What am I doing here? He asked himself. Is this even worth it? I was doing fine without her. Why did I even—

He took a sharp intake of air when he saw her, looking down at a cup of coffee, equally wringing her hands as she sat alone. She still looked as beautiful as the last time he saw her, milk chocolatey hair grown just a little past her shoulders. She was dressed simply in an oversized sweater and jeans, but she still looked as stunning as ever.

Even from outside the café, Chanyeol could almost hear her overthinking as she stared mindlessly into her drink, hands almost red from her wringing them. He let out a breath, clenching his jaw as he pulled the door open, the girl jumping in her seat when the bell at the door jingled. He walked to her table, the girl sitting up a little straighter as she brought her coffee cup closer to her.

“I’m really sorry to call you out here so last minute,” she said quickly, “I got you a drink— it’s the same one you used to get all the time, though I don’t know if you still drink it, it’s been a long time since—”

“Seungwan,” Chanyeol said softly, “You’re rambling.”

She deflated a bit, Chanyeol taking the moment of silence to take a seat.

“Thank you for the drink,” he said, hands grasping the coffee tightly to stop them from shaking. “Lucky for you, I’m a man of simple tastes.”

Seungwan let out a soft chuckle, visibly relaxing a bit. “It’s been months and you still haven’t diversified your tastes?”

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, alright?”

“You haven’t changed,” she said fondly.

“I see you haven’t either. How’s music production been treating you?”

“Same as ever. Still a labour of love, emphasis on the labour part. How’s photography been?”

“I’m still paying tuition to take photos so there’s that,” he said, eliciting another laugh from Seungwan. “So what was it you wanted to talk to me about?”

She looked back down, staring at her hands. “Ah, well… I’ve actually been wanting to talk to you for a while now. I just couldn’t really work up the courage until now. I just… really wanted to apologize to you.”

There was a pause between them, prompting the girl to keep going.

“I’m sorry things ended so abruptly, and I’m sorry I handled things so poorly. You were my first serious relationship and I didn’t know what to do when I wanted to end things. There were probably better ways and better times to do things but, I don’t know. I was scared. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I guess that’s all I ended up doing, huh?

“Honestly, I had a lot of things going on in the few months leading up to the breakup. Things got really overwhelming for me and I didn’t know what else to do. I know it’s no excuse for how I ended things, but if I’m really being honest, it was the most relief I had felt in a while.

“You meant so much to me and I really did love you. I just realized I didn’t love you in that way. Not like I thought I did.”

“I understand,” Chanyeol said. “Thank you for telling me.”

“I really am sorry. If I could go back and change how I did things, I would.”

“I don’t doubt that, but you don’t need to beat yourself up over it. That won’t do either of us any good, now will it?”

Seungwan smiled. “You’ve always had the biggest heart, you know that Chanyeol? Always so kind and considerate of others. It’s one of the reasons I fell for you in the first place.”

Chanyeol let out a scoff.

“I’m being serious!” Seungwan said, sitting up with a smile. “I remember seeing you around campus first year and you were always so kind to the people around you. It was really sweet. You were always like that to me when we dated too.

I really am sorry about everything. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk to me again after this, but I just wanted to let you know. I’m sure your life is going fine without me in it, anyways.”

“I’ve been managing,” Chanyeol said. “It helps a lot to have people I care about.”

She smiled. “I’m happy to know you have them. Even though we’re not like that anymore, I want you to know I’m still someone who cares a lot about you.”

Chanyeol paused for a moment, expecting something, anything to hit him in his stomach, but nothing comes but warmth. “I care a lot about you too. And if it’s worth anything, I would really like to try being friends again.”

Seungwan looked at Chanyeol with pleasant surprise, leaning forward a bit more in her chair. “Really?”

“Even if we weren’t meant to be a couple, I think we still made pretty good friends. Maybe we could start meeting up for coffee more often, catch up on what we missed the past few months.”

“I would really like that.”

“Well, there’s no time to start like the present. What’s been going on with you?”

Seungwan perked up, eyes sparkling in excitement. “I’ve wanted to tell you for a while, but I never really got the courage to message you about it… Do you remember last summer when I said it was my dream to become a singer?”

“And you’d always get performance anxiety whenever you went out for an audition?”

“Yeah! You always gave me so much support and honestly, it helped me a lot during that process. A few months back, I honestly don’t know what got into me, but I went to this café that does open mic nights, and I just… I signed up.”

“You did?” Chanyeol asked, smile on his face.

“I did! I honestly don’t think I’ve ever sweat that much in my life, it was getting hard to even hold my guitar. But I went up there, in front of a full house, and I just… sang. It was exhilarating. It felt like the longest and shortest three minutes of my life, but once I finished my song, all I knew was that I wanted to sing another one. And another one, and another one, and another one. I started going every week, and I made friends with some of the other performers, and the people who worked at the café too.”

“I’m really proud of you,” the taller said, beaming. “I wish I could’ve been there to see it. Are you still performing there?”

“I am! I can give you the address if you’d like to come, it would really mean a lot if you could be there.”

“Just let me know, and I’m there.”

Seungwan smiled, finger circling the rim of her coffee cup. “What about you? What’s been new with you?”

Chanyeol hummed, thrumming his fingers against the table. “Honestly, not much. I’ve been spending a lot of time with friends, taking drives, and just doing schoolwork. Not very eventful in my neck of the woods.”

“Boo.”

“Boo what?”

“I’m sure something else has happened! It’s been over half a year! Did you go on any trips, try anything new, meet any new people?”

Chanyeol paused at that, contemplating whether or not to speak to that.

“Your silence is very telling.”

“I don’t know,” Chanyeol said, staring down at his drink. “I guess I met someone?”

Seungwan leaned in closer. “You guess?”

“Like, we’re not dating or anything.”

“But you wanna be?”

“I didn’t say that—”

“Do you have a crush on them?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Come on Chanyeol, tell me more!” Seungwan said through a laugh. “It’s been 9 months, I’m gonna be nosy if you’re crushing on someone!”

“It’s uh… So he’s in our year. In journalism. Byun Baekhyun?”

“You have a crush on Baekhyun? He’s so cute! Does he even know you exist?” she asked jokingly.

“For your information, we’re actually pretty close. I met him earlier this year and we kinda… clicked. I just don’t know if I’d call it a crush.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know… I’ve never really… Liked guys in the past? Maybe I don’t like him that way and these feelings are just misplaced.”

“What do you feel when you’re with him?”

“He just makes me feel really warm. He’s really easy to talk to and I always feel safe talking to him. It’s been really nice, but I don’t know if that constitutes as having a crush on him.”

Seungwan leaned back, taking a sip of her drink. “I don’t know if it does, but it’s clear that you do have strong feelings for him.”

“How do you know?”

“It’s this,” she said, gesturing at him, “You visibly changed when you started talking about him. You still have that dumb smile on your face.”

Chanyeol drops the smile, conscious of his expression. “Even if it is a crush, how am I gonna talk to him about it? The first thing I told him was that I’m straight. Won’t it be weird if I tell him that I like him out of the blue?”

“Chanyeol, your uality is your business. It’s not something you need to have figured out at any given moment, and even if it is something you figure out, it’s not something you need to explain to other people. If you like Baekhyun, you like Baekhyun. End of story. It doesn’t matter what label you give yourself. Hell, you don’t even need to label yourself. Just do whatever feels right, okay?”

The taller boy relaxed a bit. “Okay. You’re right. Thank you.”

“I hope things work out well for you two, no matter how you choose to handle it.”

“I hope so too.”

Seungwan gave her phone a quick glance, pouting and scrunching her nose at the sight. “I gotta head out soon. I’ll text you the café address, I play every Thursday.”

“I look forward to hearing you live.”

“Thanks again for coming today Chanyeol. You really didn’t need to, and I really appreciate that you did. I really did miss you.”

Chanyeol smiled. “I missed you too. I’ll see you around then?”

“See you around.”