As the days grew hotter, Chanyeol found himself increasingly lost in thought. In this space of time, he finds it difficult to find the motivation to leave his apartment. He finds himself waking up later and later every morning, until his ‘morning’ begins at 3pm. By the time he finds the energy to have breakfast, it’s early evening, and by the time he finds room in his stomach for dinner, it’s nearing midnight.

It’s a rut he can’t find himself getting out of.

Things were great after the picnic with his friends, but when he made it home that night, something just felt… off.

He couldn’t quite place it, but there was almost a sinking feeling in his chest, from the moment he laid in bed to the moment he opened his eyes the next morning.

Since then, he’s had some trouble falling asleep at night. He hadn’t been stressed about anything in particular, and nothing bad had happened to him since to warrant this feeling. This fact somehow seemed to stress him out even more.

A few of these nights, he found himself wandering up to the roof of his building, staring up at the stars until the sky started to brighten. The action would bring him some peace, but never enough to put him to sleep at night.

Other nights, he would take a drive around the city, get out as far as he could in hopes that the trip would clear his mind.

Nothing ever seemed to work though.

He sighed as he waited for the light to turn green, the incessant ticking of his turn signal filling the silence of his car. He had only passed a few other cars on his trip so far, windows rolled down halfway to let in their sound as they passed by him.

The nights had been getting cooler as of late, and Chanyeol let out a breath as a light breeze blew into the car, cooling his cheeks. He absently watched as the streetlights would illuminate the interior of his car for a few seconds at a time, shadows stretching out as the light would dim, shrouding the car back in darkness until the next streetlight.

He could see the side road he used to frequent so long ago, grimacing as he drove past it, not wanting to bother reliving bittered memories.

Yet Chanyeol still finds himself driving circles to pass by the opening to the side road, a piece of him wanting so badly to go back, another knowing it would do nothing but hurt him.

After a few more circles, he hangs his head, driving back to his apartment almost in defeat. He makes a turn onto the road, a small smile forming on his face as he passed by Baekhyun’s apartment complex. The memory of Baekhyun scurrying into the building on the evening of the picnic replays in the tall boy’s head, and he lets out a small laugh at the image.

He passes by the convenience store and remembers bumping into Baekhyun on Valentine’s day, the smaller boy with chocolates in his arms and a surprised look on his face.

Chanyeol smiles as he slows the car, easing it into the entrance of his building’s underground parking. He finds his spot and pulls the car in, letting out a breath as he leaned his head into the headrest.

For a brief moment, the sinking in his heart subsides.

~~~~~

When he checks his phone the next evening, he’s greeted by an unexpected text.

Byun Baekhyun
hey
do you have some time to talk?

Chanyeol’s thumb hovered over the home button, unsure of what to do for a moment, before opening the message.

Park Chanyeol
yeah
what’s up?  

Byun Baekhyun
bad day today
can i call you?

Chanyeol let out a breath, twiddling his thumbs over the keyboard. He started typing, only to delete what he had wrote, typing more and deleting more, typing more and deleting more. He could feel his heartrate pick up a bit, trying to find the right words. After a few moments, he closed his eyes, leaning back on the couch before settling on something to say.

Park Chanyeol
are you home now?

Byun Baekhyun
yeah

Park Chanyeol
do you wanna go on a drive instead?

The tall boy locks his phone, holding it up to his chin, feeling more nervous than he thought he would waiting for a response. It feels like ages before his phone buzzes with a response, and when he sees the reply, a small smile creeps onto his face.

He slides his phone into his back pocket before entering his bedroom, pulling a sweater over his head and grabbing his wallet and car keys off his dresser.

It takes a few minutes for Chanyeol to arrive at Baekhyun’s building, tapping a rhythm on his steering wheel as he waited for the smaller boy to come downstairs. He let out a small amused exhale when he saw the boy leaving the building, quickly waddling over to the car, engulfed in a hoodie.

Baekhyun gave the tall boy a smile as he climbed into the car, buckling up his seatbelt.

“Hey,” Baekhyun breathed.

“Hey,” Chanyeol responded, shifting gears and pulling out onto the street. “How’ve you been?”

Baekhyun let out a discontented hum. “You go first.”

“Well… I haven’t been up to much lately. I’ve just been taking a lot of drives at night.”

“Huh. Why have you been taking so many drives?”

“I don’t know. It helps clear my head, I guess.”

“Got a lot of things on your mind lately?”

“I guess so,” Chanyeol said. “It’s really nothing important.”

“Where do you normally go on your drives?”

“Nowhere in particular. I normally just drive in circles around the block until I get tired. Is that something you’d be interested in doing tonight?”

“Doesn’t that seem like a waste of gas to you?” Baekhyun asked with a gentle laugh. “Wouldn’t it be better to find somewhere to park?”

“Wouldn’t that take the ‘drive’ part of ‘night drive’?”

“Then maybe we should do a night park.”

“Are you trying to hit on me?”

“What do you—” Baekhyun started before letting out an incredulous laugh. “You’re the worst. Even if I was trying to hit on you, what would ‘doing a night park’ even mean?”

“I don’t know, but it sounds like a euphemism to me. Something like doing me at night, or whatever. Since I’m a Park.”

“Have these night drives been rotting your brain?” Baekhyun asked with another laugh. “I swear you made a lot more sense the last time I saw you.”

“You say that like I’ve ever made sense,” Chanyeol said, stopping at a red light, turning his head to Baekhyun. “But before we get too off topic— where would you suggest we do this night-park?”

“Do you have anywhere in mind? I can’t think of anywhere to go.”

Chanyeol pursed his lips, debating for a moment whether or not to suggest the place he had in mind. Baekhyun looked at him expectantly, brows raised slightly with a slight smile on his mouth. His features looked soft in the dim glow of the car interior, his appearance so gentle. Chanyeol swallowed and turned his head back to the road.

“I know somewhere we could go.”

“Then drive away, Park.”

The rest of the drive was quiet and mindless. The path was familiar enough for Chanyeol to not have to think about, even after almost a year of not driving it. Baekhyun looked out the window as they drove, watching the scenery pass by.

Chanyeol makes the turn onto the side road, a part of him feeling strange for bringing someone new down the path. It wasn’t totally secluded, but was relatively idle compared to the rest of the city. They continued down the road until they reached an overpass overlooking a highway, pulling over onto a patch of dirt just off the road. Chanyeol pulled the car into park, leaning back in his seat and unbuckling the seatbelt.

“This would be like, a great spot to murder someone,” Baekhyun said quietly. Chanyeol couldn’t stop the guffaw escaping his lips. Baekhyun sat up. “Am I wrong? It’s so quiet here! You could murder me right here and now!”

“Well, lucky for you I’m not fond of murder.”

Baekhyun smiled as he slipped his shoes off, folding his knees to his chest.

“So how’d you find this place?”

The tall boy tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. “I used to come here with my ex, back when we first started dating.”

The car was silent for a moment.

“I’m sorry, did I just make things weird? We only came a few times back then, just to talk when we couldn’t sleep. I haven’t come around for a while. With her, or otherwise.”

“Don’t be sorry, I’m the one that asked. Is there a reason you guys stopped coming?”

“I don’t really know. I’ve always liked it here, but we just… stopped going one day.”

“Is there a reason you haven’t come back on your own?”

“It feels a little weird. I feel like if I did, I’d just be sitting here thinking about where things went wrong with us, and that just doesn’t feel very productive.”

“So why tonight?”

“I don’t know that either. Maybe it’s just because it’s familiar. Plus, it’s nice to just talk and not worry about anyone else hearing you. I always found it a little easier to open up here.”

The car went silent again before Chanyeol turned to face Baekhyun.

“So what’s been on your mind today? If you’re ready to talk about it, at least.”

Baekhyun fiddled with the sleeves of his sweater, avoiding eye contact.  

“Well, it feels stupid now that we’re here.”

“I didn’t ask if it was stupid, Byun, I asked what was going on up there,” Chanyeol said, tone light. “So what’s up?”

The small boy kept staring down at his hands. “I was grocery shopping today. There’s this supermarket that I really like that’s a few subway stops down. It’s out of my way but it’s bigger and has a bigger selection of food. It just feels fancier so I feel fancier when I shop there. I’ve been a lot lazier about cooking nowadays so I just wanted to go and buy some ready-to-eat meals and maybe some frozen food and go home and just watch T.V. for a bit.

“So I go to the supermarket and I go to the freezer aisle and I see him— the guy I dated in high school. He hadn’t changed much since I last saw him, still wearing the same sweater and jeans combo he always used to wear,” Baekhyun said with a bitter chuckle.

“I felt like I couldn’t move. I wanted to leave before he saw me, but he never did. He just kept looking through the frozen foods like he was inspecting them for something. I don’t know how long I spent just watching him, but then I saw this guy walk up to him. He was cute. Dressed well and everything.

“He stood next to my ex and started talking to him, and my ex just… well, he put the food down and put his hand around this guy’s waist. Gave him a kiss on his cheeks and smiled wider than I’d seen him smile. Every time that guy said anything, it looked like my ex was drowning in adoration.

“I don’t know. My eyes started burning and I just had to get out there. I didn’t even end up buying what I needed to. God, it was so stupid. It’s been years since we’ve been together, but I see him in a supermarket once and I feel like my world’s falling apart.”

Baekhyun tiled his head back against the headrest, letting out a sigh and blinking rapidly.

“I just couldn’t stop myself from thinking about what I saw. I kept asking myself if he was always capable of being this loving and attentive. If the only reason he wasn’t like that when he was with me was because I wasn’t worth it.

“I know how stupid it is to think that. We dated back in high school. We were different people then, and we’re different people now. But when I saw him, I didn’t see a different person. I saw that same high schooler that I dated all those years back. I saw the person who wouldn’t give me the time of day no matter how many times he told me loved me.

“But I couldn’t stop myself. I felt like I couldn’t breathe anymore.”

Baekhyun straightened his head, quickly wiping tears from his eyes. “I’m sorry, I know that was probably a lot more than you were anticipating.”

Chanyeol furrowed his brow, letting out a soft breath. “Baekhyun… you know you deserve a lot more than how that guy treated you, right?”

Baekhyun looked back down at his hands silently.

“I’m sorry that he didn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated. And I’m sorry that he ever made you feel like you weren’t worth being treated well.”

Chanyeol could feel his heartbeat pick up a bit, loud enough to ring in his ears as he spoke.

“You’re a really amazing person. You’re kind, and sweet, and a really great listener. You’re funny and you’re so incredibly… bright. I don’t know how to explain it. You light up every room you’re in, and I don’t know how you do it. It’s one thing if some dummy in high school couldn’t see or appreciate that, but if you don’t think you deserve absolutely everything great this world has to offer… then I don’t know what to tell you Baekhyun.”

Chanyeol could feel his face getting hotter as his heart started beating harder and harder. The smaller boy looked up from his hands, first looking out at the overpass before slowly looking over to Chanyeol.

The road didn’t have many streetlights, but whatever light shone into the car was just enough to make Baekhyun’s eyes sparkle a bit, pale skin almost glowing in the light. A look of doubt painted his features, but failed to make him look any less beautiful.

.

“Sorry, I—” Chanyeol began, blinking and shaking his head as he collected himself. “What I’m trying to say is… I really hope you don’t let this guy make you feel like you deserve anything less than the best. You’re worth a lot more than you might think you are.”

“Is it okay if we stay here a little longer?” Baekhyun asked softly.

“We can stay here as long as you want to.”

“Okay,” Baekhyun said. Without a word, the small boy slowly reached over to the driver’s side, finding Chanyeol’s arm and running his hand down it. His fingers skittered down to Chanyeol’s wrist, hesitating a moment as if asking for permission. The tall boy opened up his palm in invitation, and the small boy didn’t hesitate to interlock their fingers.

By now, Chanyeol’s heart was beating out of his chest, face flushed red as he kept his eyes trained straight ahead, too afraid to look Baekhyun in the eyes.

The words had flown out of him before he could really control it, but he had never meant anything more than he did in that moment.

Baekhyun was one of the most vibrant and compassionate people Chanyeol has ever known.

And here he was.

Sitting in the passenger seat of his car.

Holding hands with him.

Park Chanyeol didn’t know a great many things. But what he knew in that moment was that he his heart was racing like it hadn’t in a long time.

And Byun Baekhyun was the reason for it.