Author: Inspiritb2uty

Story title: Nostalgia

Story type: Chaptered

Reviewer:KangSangMun

Review completion:16/1/2016

Story Link:

Overall Story rating: 7/10 

Well your title isn’t very original or creative; I’ve seen quite a few fanfics with the same title so your fanfic dosen’t really stand out in that regard. However, your title does fit well with your fanfic and it was also intriguing, I really wanted to see what your story was about so good job I guess.

Foreword/Description: [7/10]

I really love your description, you were able to get across the main ideas of your plot and pique my interest without revealing too much. Your foreword also did a great job of getting me revved up as well. The only issue I have is with the wording I guess, in terms of how you arranged certain parts  

Kwon Yui is a rising actress and Yoon Doojoon is a famous idol. Everything is going smoothly for her and he's coming back from a hiatus. Both of them will be co-stars in an upcoming film.The two finally meet; but not for the first time. When past meets present, things would not be the same anymore. Can they stop the past from interfering? Or is it inevitable?  

A rising actress who has just about everything going well for her, Kwon Yui is seemingly content with her life, but she can’t seem to overcome the feeling that something of relevance is missing.Yoon Doojoon is a famous idol who is coming back from hiatus, making his return in an upcoming drama with A list actors.When the two meet in the most unexpected manner, the past meet will meet the present; shaking up both their lives. Can they stop the past from interfering? Or is it inevitable?

See the difference in the flow? 

Plot: [7/10]

Your plot isn’t very original in my opinion. I’ve seen a few fanfics with a similar idea so it’s somewhat over-used I guess.  But regardless of this, I still found myself being drawn into your story; I guess this has something to do with the way you owned the story.

I think your story is very believable and the pace adds to the believability as well, nothing is happening too fast which is perfect. However, I do have a bone to pick with you how is it that Doojoon was present at the engagement party?  Is he close with the groom?  If he is don’t you think the groom would have been aware that Doojoon was involved with Yui? If so I think he’d have at least told Yui he would be there. Also how did she end up borrowing her neighbor’s car?  She should at least have her own car, she’s making the money to actually afford it. Also, how is it that she was unaware that he would be apart of the casting?

Characterization: [10/10]

There’s not much I can say for this section, the story is ongoing and there is still a lot to be revealed about your characters and their past together. So far, I can say that I find your characters to be very believable. Yui’s reaction to Doojoon is spot on.Also, you described your characters quite well so I was able to form an image of what they looked like, so good job.

Grammar/ Syntax:[5/10]

This section brought down our overall score significantly. There are a plethora of errors littering your fanfic here and there, also you tend to switch POV;  sometimes you move from first person to a third person perspective because you use the wrong pronouns, for example. I groomed herself looking as natural as I could with a little touch of soft red lipstick and black eyeliner.Furthermore some of your sentences are oddly structured so it does affect the flow of your story and the overall enjoyment a bit, especially if you have to re-read it. I’ll point out and correct a few of the errors below.

• A figure dressed in a black button down, looking at her with shining black eyes filled with nostalgia.

A figured dressed in a button down, looked at me with shining black eyes filled with nostalgia.

• It was a hectic and sunny day yet it didn’t stop people from going out and spend their time.

It was a hectic and sunny day, but that did not stop people from going about their daily ctivities.

• I often hung around with my clique of friends, eating as much as I could and do crazy things together.

I often hung out with my clique of friends, laughing while we did crazy things together and eating as much as we could.

• Suddenly, nervousness crept on me.

Suddenly nervousness crept over me.

• Once, a bored Yui google up her own name and what popped up was something she never imagined existed like ‘Kwon Yui’s handsome manager’, 'What is Kwon Yui’s manager name?' and not much on the actress herself.

I was rather bored once and so I took it upon myself to Google my name, just to see what I’d come across. Strangely enough I came across an article titled “Kwon Yui’s handsome manager, there were so many questions about him and I could imagine that he had just a large fanbase as I did, or maybe I’m exaggerating.

• I had never regret choosing the career but I didn’t imagined herself where I was now.

I have never regretted choosing this career path, but I never imagined myself where I am now.

• Geurilla Date ended successfully. The crowd were [Should be: Crowd was] supportive and I had fun with the fans. A fan, a male university student managed to passed [Should be: Pass] the security barricade and kissed me on the cheek. It took me by surprise. I blushed red and bent down on my knees, laughing like crazy.

I groomed herself looking as natural as I could with a little touch of soft red lipstick and black eyeliner.

I groomed myself to look as natural as possible, I added a soft touch of red lipstick and black eyeliner.

• It was stuffy; like I was constricted although there was plenty of room. Breathing properly became difficult and I was sweating bullets.

I felt stuffy and restricted almost, even though there was plenty of room. Breaking became laborious and I felt myself sweating bullets.

I'd advise that you get a beta-reader,so that you can mitigate the amount of errors you make.

Vocabulary: [10/10]

Your vocabulary seems relatively fine; I didn’t have many problems with it. The words you used effectively set the tone and mood of your story and I could actually feel that nostalgic ambiance.

 Setting/Description:[10/10]

You have great descriptive skills; you made  sure to describe each change of setting and because of that I could actually visualize the character’s actions and fit myself into their position because I had a better sense of the atmosphere and where they were. I guess that’s one of the things which pulled me into your fanfic.

/Conclusion:[10/10]

For this section I will judge you based on the last chapter you have so far. I’m actually pretty excited to see what you will write next, there is an air of suspense present and I could sense the tension between your characters.  I also find that each chapter reveals a new piece of information which keeps me glued to the screen.

Enjoyment: [8/10]

I really did enjoy reading your fanfic, the whole plot idea is recycled but there’s something about this fic which kept me reading and I can’t really say what it is, it captivated me from the second I saw it, until the last chapter. The only problem I have is that you have quite a few grammatical errors which did draw away from the overall enjoyment, but I’d still read it again, recommend it even.

Total: [73/90]

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