“Congrats on beginning your morning smoke-free!” Irene said a little too loudly, her voice rang in Seulgi’s ears like a bell--a very obnoxious bell. It also didn’t help that Irene started applauding her, causing her to wince from all the head pain.

 

She didn’t wake up in the best mood this morning. Seulgi remembers getting out of bed and looking in the mirror at someone nearly unrecognizable. Bloodshot eyes, dry lips, and sunken cheeks. One may have thought Seulgi was deathly sick. Truth is, she was just a miserable soul.

 

It’s been three days since Seulgi agreed on “no morning cigarettes” and although she can smoke whenever she wanted later on in the day, the absence of that usual one or two cigarettes took a toll on her. Just as breakfast is the most important meal of that day so was Seulgi’s morning smoke.

 

It’s not an exaggeration. It’s fact. Her face was evidence of that. Of course, she always looked much better later on in the afternoon. But in the morning, oh the morning, it was oh-so painful.

 

“Yay…” Seulgi says with obvious sarcasm.

 

Seulgi takes a seat on bench as she rubs her temples for some relief. Last time she checked, they had about fifteen minutes until the bus would arrive.

 

Fifteen minutes to wait for the bus.

 

Another thirty minutes until she would arrive at her stop.

 

And lastly, a five minute walk to work.

 

She has to wait nearly an hour before she can smoke and as Seulgi can feel her lips constantly going dry, she’s not sure she can make it. It’d be no surprise if she happens to pass out on the bench right now.

 

Shoot me now.

 

“Seulgi!”

 

Irene’s high-pitched annoying voice disrupts her thoughts. Seulgi looks at the girl who happened to be sitting next to her now. When did she sit down?

 

“What?” Seulgi weakly replies.

 

“I’ve called your name at least ten times now,” Irene cocked her head to the side with furrowed brows. “You didn’t hear any of it?”

 

And Seulgi’s not sure if she was delirious or not but there may have been a hint of worry in Irene’s voice.

 

“No,” she replies with a heavy sigh. “Why didn’t you just hit me or nudge my shoulder to get my attention?”

 

Not a second later and, “Ow!”

 

Irene strikes.

 

“I’m not that violent,” Irene pouts, seemingly offended but Seulgi knows the latter is quite the actress.  

 

A mild throbbing at Seulgi’s temples has her squinting and she tries her best to ignore it as she looks at Irene with disbelief.  

 

“Really? You just punched my arm!” She emphasizes by directing Irene’s attention to her newly sore upper right arm. It actually did kind of hurt. But then again, everything was hurting for Seulgi right now. The light hurt her eyes, itched, her lips were unbearably dry, her chest felt constricted, and she couldn’t stop fidgeting. God, she needed to smoke so bad. Seulgi her lips again, trying to hold on.

 

“I only did what you just suggested,” Irene scoffs, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she stares back at Seulgi.  Plus, I’m not violent all the time, I can just be a bit aggressive.”

 

It was Seulgi’s turn to scoff.

 

A bit? That was definitely an understatement.

 

“I totally agree--”

 

“I’d be careful if I were you, Kang Seulgi,” Irene warns, quickly cutting the smoker off with both her words and killer smile. “Say too much and I may end up doing something you may not like.”

 

Seulgi’s starting to get very familiar with that smile. So far, whenever Irene smiled like that, it brewed trouble for Seulgi--the kind she wanted to avoid but always got caught up in.  

 

“You know, you shouldn’t smile when you say stuff like that. It’s scary,” Seulgi admits as she scoots away, putting some distance between her and the smaller girl. Close proximity equals higher chances of getting assaulted by Irene. She’d rather not have that right now. Honestly, it was taking all of Seulgi’s strength to just sit up and even talk. To defend herself against Irene would be impossible.

 

“Oh? And why do you find my smile scary, Seulgi?” Irene coos, undoing Seulgi’s previous action as she slides herself towards the smoker but of course not too close. Irene still had that sensitive nose of hers and even if Seulgi hadn’t smoked yet today, she still had the lingering scent. Still, the unexpected movement has Seulgi surprisingly flustered and a bit scared in fact. There was no telling what Irene might do.

 

Seulgi quickly puts her hands up in defense, “I take it back! You smile like an angel!”

 

Irene tilts her head and stares at Seulgi, or at least it seems like she’s staring? Seulgi can’t really tell through squinted eyes that were stinging from the rising sun.

 

“Aw, what a nice thing to say,” Irene finally replies.

 

And Seulgi’s shoulders sink in relief at Irene’s answer before she buries her face into the palm of her hands, her elbows resting on either knee. Now, how much longer again until the bus arrived?

 

“Ow!”

 

Another punch to the arm. It was lighter but still painful.

 

“Irene! What--”

 

“Hurry up, the bus is here now,” Irene points to the large vehicle coming to a stop before them. She then grabs her purse and makes her way out of the bus shelter but not before looking back at Seulgi and urging her to hurry up.

 

Seulgi breathes a sigh of relief as she rises from the bench. She smiles just the tiniest bit. The wait was a lot shorter than she thought.

 

Just about forty more minutes.

 

//

 

Gray clouds swirled around her as bits of ash fell off the end of her cigarette. Nothing but a soft orange glow illuminated the room as night had already fallen.

 

The warm feeling of rough paper between her knuckles was one both familiar and comforting. Smoke stained her lips bitter and filled her lungs, burning them, soothing them. Everything constricts and then relaxes. And she loved it.

 

Soothing. Relaxing.

 

To just sit around smoking, thinking of nothing, doing nothing--it was great.

 

It was great to feel nothing.

 

//

 

Morning came and she awoke coughing, dry and rough. She her lips, tasting the faint bitterness that still lingered as she crawled out of tangled sheets and dragged herself to the bathroom.

 

Her eyes looked better, no longer bloodshot, just a bit pink. But the dark circles around her eyes were much worse than before. She looked haggard--she felt haggard. And when she feels that same pain pulse and throb in her skull, she winces from the oncoming headache that’s become constant.

 

It was another morning of suffering.

 

//

 

Seulgi turns around confused as she hears someone plop down on the seat behind her. She was both surprised and unsurprised to see it was Irene. Surprised because Irene usually never sits anywhere near her on the bus, typically taking a seat at the very back. But also, unsurprised because, of course, who else could it have possibly been besides Irene?

 

No one.

 

“Why are you sitting over here?” Seulgi asks as she clears .

 

Irene leans forward against the seat, resting her chin on top as she stared back at Seulgi. But she didn’t answer, she stayed quiet and unmoving, her lips tightly pursed together and her eyes searching as they seemed to evaluate Seulgi. Seconds tick by until the latter finally starts to feel a bit uneasy from the way Irene is intently gazing at her.

 

“What are you doing?” Seulgi repeats.

 

Irene blinks a few times as she continues to scan Seulgi’s face. The latter her lips anxiously, agonizingly dry and Irene’s stare continually making it worse.  

 

“Nothing,” Irene monotonously replies.

 

A sudden throb near her right temple causes Seulgi to flinch as she laughs-- tries to laugh, “R-Right.”

 

She turns towards the window and leans her head against the cool glass, hoping it would relieve her somehow. But the cold is no miracle painkiller and Seulgi closes her eyes, trying to breathe through every aching pulse in her skull. Restless teeth gnaw at the bottom of her lip wishing a cigarette rested there instead.

 

I’m fine.

 

“S-So, why are you sitting over h-here?” Seulgi questions with shaky breaths.

 

It shouldn’t be this hard. Why is it this hard? Her nails dig into black denim, deep enough so she could feel her skin getting imprinted. Shaking knees, bouncing up and down, she just couldn’t stay still. Why can’t she smoke right now?

 

She needs it.

 

She needs it.

 

Why does she need it?

 

“No reason. I just wanted to make--” Irene cuts herself off and the sudden hush causes Seulgi to turn around.

 

Irene was still there, unmoving, but with eyes fully focused on Seulgi. She was expressionless. No usual smile, smirk, or scowl. It was odd. But her eyes--her eyes were saying something. Seulgi just didn’t know what it was. Yet, for some reason, she felt guilty looking at them. Perhaps it was because, in that moment, Irene seemed so innocent.

 

And when Irene continues on, speaking softly and sincerely, with words that never sounded so gentle, Seulgi can feel her cheeks heat up for different reasons than before.

 

“Because I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

 

Seulgi’s caught off guard and rendered speechless. For the moment, she forgets all about the pain.

 

“Here,” Irene digs into her purse and hands Seulgi a bottle of orange juice. “Drink this.”

 

“Thanks,” is all Seulgi manages to say as she’s still stunned.

 

“You fidget a lot. You know that?”

 

“What?”

 

Seulgi snaps out of it as she follows Irene’s line of sight that was focused on her restless leg. She hadn’t realized.

 

“I guess I do. I never noticed,” Seulgi shrugs and takes a sip from her orange juice. The acidic taste was refreshing, soothing as the liquid traveled downward.

 

“Make sure to drink all of it, okay?”

 

Seulgi pauses.

 

Irene’s staring again with the same eyes and Seulgi peers into them, drawn in and lost. She still can’t quite figure them out but she nods anyway,“Okay”.

 

“Promise?”

 

There’s a hint of concern in Irene’s voice, similar to the way she called Seulgi’s name the day before and it makes her weak. It’s throwing Seulgi off how Irene can be a violent and devious pest one day and then calm and caring the next. And Seulgi’s beginning to learn that Irene isn’t entirely what she seems.

 

She’s more.

 

She must be more.

 

“I promise,” she complies, gazing back at unreadable eyes.

 

Irene smiles, “Good. If you didn’t promise, I was going to punch you.”

 

They both laugh.

 

Seulgi doesn’t get Irene.  

 

She thought she did.

 

//

 

Seulgi rushes to her usual balcony where she could see Wendy was already waiting for her. Wasting no time, Seulgi sticks a cigarette between her lips, lighter at the ready for when she’s finally at her smoking zone. With quick strides she dashes past the shorter girl and she’s free!

 

Finally!

 

“You look like hell,” Wendy laughs, observing Seulgi as she fans the smoke away from her face, her nose scrunching slightly. Wendy was the most tolerant of Seulgi’s smoking habit but the smell was still something she couldn’t completely bear.  

 

Seulgi exhales, smoke and tired words fall from her lips,“I feel like hell.”

 

She truly did but not for any longer as she begins to feel her body unwind, the pangs in her mind dulling and the discomfort in her joints forgotten. It was like a blessing.

 

She needed this.

 

She needed more.

 

“Looks like you need Jesus then,” Wendy jokes back with a wide smile plastered on her face just as usual.

 

Seulgi’s giggle is muffled by the cylinder resting between her lips as she digs into her coat pocket, fishing out her pack of cigarettes. She was going to need another soon. One just wasn’t enough. But when she opens the box, the corners of her lips tug down.

 

“Does Jesus have more cigarettes?” Seulgi frowns, tilting the pack towards Wendy. Only three lonely cigarettes slept inside. That wouldn’t suffice. Seulgi knows it. She can feel it.

 

“No, why don’t you try asking Satan?”

 

And Seulgi groans as a certain girl flashes in her mind.

“That sounds like something Irene would say.”

 

//

 

Overtime was killer. Seulgi drags herself into her apartment, toes barely lifting off the carpet as she makes her way to the couch. It was the closest source of comfort she had with her bed being too far of a journey and one she simply could not make. As her knees hit the edge, she falls onto the couch, body splayed upon it and her mind spiraling from the abrupt collapse. She was beyond exhausted and could almost sleep--almost.

 

Beads of sweat trailed from her nape to her back. burned, coarse and sore. And the rhythmic pounding of pain in her head never ceased. To put it bluntly, everything for Seulgi right now. All she wanted was to fall asleep and be numb, even for just a few hours.

 

Morning could not come soon enough.

 

//

 

“Oh my god!” Irene shouts, mouth agape and face aghast. Seulgi groans upon seeing her face. Irene was shining a little too brightly this morning, especially her eyes that seemed to be sparkling as they saw each other. A complete contrast to Seulgi’s which appeared to be dull glass, weary and distant.  

 

“Oh my god… you’re so loud,” Seulgi complains with a barely audible whisper as she carefully seats herself on the bench, leaning her head back to rest against the cool glass behind her.

 

But Irene either didn’t hear Seulgi or blatantly ignored her as she continues to shout, “Seulgi!”

 

“Irene!” The smoker shouts back with knitted brows and eyes closed, the boom of her own voice caused her head to throb. And there’s a strange tingling at the end of her fingertips she can’t seem to get rid off, so she busies her fingers with the button of coat, twisting it this way and that.  

 

Seulgi didn’t know what to do. Her head, her hands, her legs--everything was uncomfortable, painful, and unbearable.

 

“I’m dying…” Seulgi wheezes as she comes to this consensus.

 

That was the only explanation, right?

 

And Seulgi feels Irene push her, probably for being overdramatic or something, but Seulgi lets herself fall over as she now lays down on the bench.

 

“I can’t believe it! You smell…” Irene pauses to think, “less terrible!”

 

Seulgi peeks one eye open to catch a glance at the shorter girl who was unexpectedly kneeling near her, their faces just a foot apart. Irene stared at her, smile ever present and eyes still so full of emotion. Seulgi is learning how to read them better though as she can tell how elated the girl is for whatever reason.

 

“Do you have a volume down button?” Seulgi weakly asks. It was getting more and more difficult to joke around but it was in her nature.  

 

Irene her head to the side and she pokes Seulgi’s cheek, making the latter open both of her eyes. Irene was warm and Seulgi can feel her cheeks heating up from the lingering touch. Physical intimacy was something she had always been sensitive to.

 

“You didn’t smoke as much yesterday did you?” Irene’s smile widens. “Oh my god, I’m so proud, at this rate--”

 

Seulgi puts her hand out and cuts her off before any misunderstandings or high expectations could arise.

 

“Before you get ahead of yourself, I didn’t choose to cut back my smoking yesterday,” Seulgi begins to explain and she half-expected Irene’s face to change into disappointment or for her smile to diminish, but neither of the two happened. Irene remained the same, surprisingly, and so Seulgi continued on. “I ran out of cigs and I worked overtime. I was so out of it I crashed on my couch when I got home and didn’t get to buy any packs.”

 

Seulgi finishes with a heavy sigh, clearly exhausted from speaking so much, and Irene simply replies, “Alright.”

 

And Irene has Seulgi confused again when she looks back at her, “Why are you smiling like that?”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Like that,” Seulgi points towards the toothy grin Irene was wearing. It was bright and child-like with her soft lips and bunny teeth, accompanied by eyes that seemed to peer a little too deeply into Seulgi’s.  It was honest--too honest. Seulgi could feel herself wavering, her insides knotting and her heart palpitating.  

 

“You look like a creeper,” Seulgi replied jokingly, a tiny laugh trailing at the end along with the best smile she could muster.

 

“It’s nothing. I’m just really happy.”

 

And Irene just continued to gaze back at her.

 

Seulgi didn’t get it.

 

What’s there to be happy about?

 

//

 

Two packs. Forty cigarettes total. Seulgi rubbed her chin as she stared past the counter and at the glass case. She bites her lip.

 

Forty would suffice.

 

Forty was good.

 

Forty was more than enough.

 

But when she arrives home, she soon realizes how deprived she is--how much she longed for this. The thick, heavy scent of intoxication. Grey clouds swirled and fogged the room, tainting everything, staining it all bitter. It was suffocating. But suffocation never felt so good.  

 

Smoke and ash.

 

Smoke and ash.

 

There was only smoke and ash.

 

//

 

Seulgi would by lying if she didn’t admit she was the slightest bit afraid. Irene’s mood was the complete opposite of yesterday. Her jaw was tight and her eyes bore holes into Seulgi’s forehead. Seulgi was sure her funeral was set in stone.

 

“You haven’t smoked this morning,” Irene began speaking before Seulgi had the chance. “I can tell since the smell isn’t fresh but,” she sniffs and her head recoils back from how pungent the odor is, “you smoked a lot last night, didn’t you?”

 

Seulgi reluctantly nods. There was no way to deny it and it’s not like she could, even she could tell how strongly she smelled.

 

And despite Irene’s extreme disgust, she closes the gap between her and Seulgi by mere inches. It’s the closest they’ve ever been and Seulgi can feel a lump in as she forced to stare into Irene’s piercing eyes that seemed to always watch her.

 

“How many?”

 

“W-What” Seulgi stammers as she tries to back away but Irene gave her no escape.

 

“I said, how many?” Irene reiterates and it’s clear that she’s serious.

 

Seulgi gulps and stands firmly. She did this. It’s her fault. Now it’s time to own up.

 

“Around thirty or so?”

 

There’s a flicker in Irene’s eyes that Seulgi is all too familiar with.

 

Disappointment.

 

But Irene’s voice keeps steady, showing no indication of how much Seulgi let her down. Though Seulgi knows very well how dejected Irene must have been. She’s not the first.

 

“I never asked you this before, but how many do you usually smoke in a day?”

 

They both remained unmoving.

 

“Usually fifteen to twenty,” Seulgi confesses.

 

Finally, Irene’s jaw eases and her eyes soften. She looked upset. Upset and somehow hurt. And she finally showed it. Seulgi felt her heart sink.

 

She was the reason why.

 

Everything was silent and still. Irene stayed fixated on her.

 

Staring.

 

Just staring.

 

Seulgi can feel her insides knot, twisting and turning, until she can’t handle it any longer. She had to say something.

 

“Irene, I--”

 

“You stink,” Irene cuts her off.

 

“Yeah I know, listen I--”

 

And Seulgi is suddenly caught off guard when she tastes a mix of chemicals and flowers in . Irene stood there holding a perfume bottle at point-blank range.

 

Seulgi coughs and spits from the disgusting taste.

 

“What the heck, Irene?!”

 

Irene sniffs her and scowls, a quick change from the previous look on her face.

 

“You still stink,” she complains. “Except now you smell like dead fish and perfume.”

 

Seulgi brushes her off and decides to forego her apology. Seems like Irene was over it anyway. Seulgi probably shouldn’t have worried in the first place. She takes a seat on the far end of the bench, away from the other girl.

 

“Whose fault is that?” she replies.

 

"Yours. You already smelt like dead fish to begin with. I just added the perfume, which apparently didn't help at all," she pinches her nose and complains. "You still smell absolutely awful."

 

Seulgi scratches her head in annoyance. To think she was even concerned about letting Irene down earlier.

 

"What did you expect?” Seulgi scoffs. “That one spray of that little bottle would make me smell like a garden of flowers?"

 

For once, Irene doesn't immediately fire back a response. Seconds later though, she nods.

 

"You have a point."

 

That's not right.

 

Seulgi looks up at Irene who seems to be strangely entranced. Suspicious. Irene was not the type to come to an agreement so readily.

 

"If one spray isn’t enough," Irene mutters as she walks closer and when Seulgi sees the devious grin on her face, it's already too late. "How about the whole bottle!"

 

An onslaught of flowery fragrant mists attack her, invading , eyes, and nose.

 

"What the hell?!" she manages to wheeze, accidentally inhaling some perfume.

 

Seulgi coughs for dear life as she curses Irene but the latter is relentless and continues her assault. Irene's finger never lets up from the perfume nozzle, releasing a fresh mist within seconds of the last and Seulgi is at her mercy, rendered immobile after her senses have been handicapped. Her eyes stung, her nose raged, and her coughing intensified. A one-sided barrage and Seulgi was left struggling at the mercy of Irene. Until finally, the bottle was empty.

 

Her cough started to die down but her eyes still stung like crazy. Seulgi tried rubbing at them with the back of her sleeve but it only made it worse. Turns out her clothes soaked up all that perfume. Surprise. That’s what happens after you’ve been thoroughly doused in it. And now, she renewed the burning pain in her eyes.

 

“I can’t believe you just did that!” Seulgi coughed, slowly recovering.

 

Irene leaned down, wafting in Seulgi’s scent to reap the results of her sneak attack.

 

“Better...”

 

But something was off. Irene didn’t retain her usual mischievous tone that she usually had when she did things like this. Seulgi managed to pry one of her eyes open enough to peek at Irene.

 

She had this look on her face. She looked like an angel. An angel that was on the verge of tears. And Seulgi had never seen anyone so sad before.

 

There’s no reason to cry.

 

So why?

 

It hurt a bit.

 

The bus arrived shortly after. Irene quickly grabbed her things and boarded the vehicle, leaving Seulgi behind. That day, she didn’t sit behind Seulgi. She sat in the far back and every few minutes, Seulgi would glance over to check on her. But Irene never looked at her once.

 

Seulgi was angry. Angry and frustrated.

She didn’t understand.

 

Why does she also feel hurt?

 

//

 

A strange unknown odor permeates the room and Wendy’s nostrils flare in retaliation. She pulls up the collar of her shirt to shield her nose as Seulgi comes closer, the source of this foul scent attacking her sense of smell. Unfortunately, the thin fabric did very little to help her.

 

“You smell--”

 

“I know!” Seulgi cuts her off as she practically tears her coat from her body and throws it into the far corner of the room. Seulgi’s head moves side to side, smelling the sleeves of her shirt which causes her to wince and groan.

 

It must have been quite the morning and Wendy had a pretty good idea of who was behind it.

 

“Irene?” Wendy guesses.

 

“Who else?” Seulgi replies. She sinks into a nearby chair, a heavy sigh leaving her lips  “She attacked me with a bottle of perfume because I apparently reeked.”

 

Wendy lets out a cackle, the bridge of her nose scrunching a bit and her eyes squinting along. She comes to the conclusion that Irene is hilarious.

 

Wendy wonders just how terrible Seulgi must have smelled in the morning. If she recalled correctly, the smoker was running low on her cigarette supply the day before.

 

“Well, how many cigarettes did you have?”

 

Seulgi kept mum. A bad sign that indicated she went overboard. Wendy didn’t like it when she did that.

 

“Yo, Kang, you better answer,” Wendy demanded in a stern voice. She narrowed her eyes on Seulgi’s fleeting ones. The latter scratched her cheek nervously as Wendy began tapping her feet, telling her she was becoming impatient.  

 

“Like thirty?” Seulgi confesses, sounding not quite sure of herself. “I don’t really remember but I still have about half of this pack left.”

 

Wendy pinches the bridge of her nose.

 

“Seulgi.”

 

Seulgi quickly stands up in defense, arms out and pleading, “Aw, Wendy, come on. I know it was a bit much--”

 

“A bit?” Wendy stops her short as she comes in closer. She wasn’t taking any excuses, not this time. “Those weren't thirty cigarettes you smoked throughout the day, from morning to night. That was just all in one evening.”

 

Seulgi’s face falls flat, eyes fleeing to the corner of the room but Wendy shifts over and catches them in her own. Wendy wasn’t going to let Seulgi off that easily. She needed to hear this because frankly, Wendy was worried.

 

“One evening, Seulgi,” Wendy’s voice softens but it’s clear to Seulgi that the former is disappointed in her. “That’s just a few hours. That’s too much. You deserved that attack from Irene.”

 

Yes, Seulgi was a smoker. Yes, she smoked quite a bit each day. As far as Wendy knows, Seulgi usually burns through fifteen to twenty cigarettes, continuously smoking from morning to evening. But finishing nearly two packs in, at most, three hours was not typical. Not for Seulgi. Not since Seulgi first started smoking. And the flashback of those memories has Wendy frowning.

 

“Yeah, I know I went overboard,” Seulgi admits as she rubbed her nape. “Irene already gave me a mouthful. I just… I don’t know. I lost some self control.”

 

Lost some self control. Wendy didn’t like that. She didn’t want to hear that. Three years ago when Seulgi started smoking was the first time she heard that. If Seulgi were to be like that again...

 

“Don’t look at me like that.”

 

Wendy hadn’t realize that was she was frowning. Her brows knitted together and the ends of her lips tugged down further. Eyes gleaming with worry stared into her friend’s own.

 

Seulgi’s sighs and pulls her into hug, reassuring her, “I’m fine.”

 

Wendy eases into her best friend’s embrace and nods into her shoulder. Even with the masking perfume, she can still smell the lingering bitterness on Seulgi. She can’t remember how Seulgi used to smell anymore.

 

Only smoke, that’s all there was.

 

//

 

Irene stood there, ready and waiting as always. This time, though, Seulgi wasn’t sure if she could face her, not when that nearly-crying image of her keeps flashing in the back of her mind. What was she supposed to say? What was she supposed to do?

 

Seulgi just about bursts into another apology when Irene puts her hand forward, stopping Seulgi in her tracks.

 

“Let me see your pack of cigarettes.”

 

Seulgi looks at her questioningly but complies, not wanting to displease the other. At least, not so soon again. She fishes out the small box from her right coat pocket and hands it over.

 

Irene raises a brow as she shakes the box for its contents. There wasn’t much.

 

“Is this all you have?”

 

Seulgi nods.

 

“For now. I didn’t buy anymore yesterday. I didn’t smoke much either,” She admits as she recalls both Irene and Wendy’s reaction the day before. It didn’t exactly put her in a smoking mood. She tried. But every time she attempted to light a cigarette last night, all she could feel was guilt.

 

“Is this the brand you like the most?” Irene questions as she examines the box.

 

Seulgi studied the shorter girl warily. She wasn’t sure if Irene was genuinely interested for whatever reason or if she would spin this question around into some kind of chance to strike. Either way, it didn’t matter, Seulgi answered back, skepticism evident in her voice and in the way she side-eyed the other girl.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Irene barely nods in reply. She carefully opens the box with hesitant hands, they trembled slightly as she pulled on the top flap. They were so tiny, Irene’s hands, thin and delicate. It makes Seulgi wonder how fragile Irene is. She puts up a front. She changes moods in an instant. But her eyes say everything. And although Seulgi can’t quite understand all that they say, she’s come to learn that girl is painfully honest in all that she does.

 

Disgust paints Irene’s face as takes out all the cigarettes from the container except for three and seals them within a zip-lock bag she had ready. She secures the zip-lock in her purse and hands the nearly empty box back to Seulgi. The latter accepts it as she stared at the three remaining cigarettes looking puzzled.

 

“From now on, you can only smoke up to three cigarettes a day,” Irene declared. “That’s your limit. You will not buy your own cigarettes or get them from anyone else. I will be the one supplying you.”

 

Seulgi is quick to oppose, “O-Only three? Isn’t that a bit drastic?”

 

Having no cigarettes in the morning was both miserable and painful for the few hours she had to endure. But it was only for few hours because soon after she was able to smoke however much she wanted the rest of the day. Now, she was being limited overall. Three cigarettes. That would barely last her three hours.

 

There was no way.

 

“This isn’t a negotiation, Seulgi,” Irene stated firmly.

 

Of course, this wasn’t a negotiation. But at the same time, Seulgi doesn’t have to do what Irene tells her. She can refuse. Refusal is an option.

 

Seulgi sighs, “Irene, I’m sorry but--”

 

“You have to try.”

 

Irene wasn’t demanding. She wasn’t forcing Seulgi. She was pleading, her voice so soft and wavering that Seulgi almost didn’t hear her. And she begs again,

 

“You have to try.”   

 

//

 

“Wow, for once, you’re not smoking out here,” Wendy exclaims, clearly surprised as she walks over to where Seulgi was standing at the railing of the balcony.

 

“Yeah,” is all Seulgi is able to say. She shakes the box in her pocket, making sure those three cigarettes were still in there.

 

Just three, huh?

 

She thinks of when she’ll use them. Probably when her migraine starts to arise. For now, she felt pretty okay. Although, she was starting to feel that familiar restless tingling at her fingertips. They itched to do something.

 

“Sooooooo,” Wendy whistles, “Why aren’t you smoking, Kang?”

 

And Seulgi proceeds to explain what happened with Irene this morning. A plea she was too weak to say no to, but one she ultimately agreed upon not just because of Irene but for Wendy too. She remembers how Wendy looked at her the other day, eyes full of concern and it was Seulgi’s fault.

 

It was always her fault.

 

The way they both looked at her, sad and disappointed, she didn’t want that to happen again.

 

Not anymore.   

 

“You’re really going to try doing this?” Wendy asked.

 

Seulgi sighs, her shoulders dropping a bit as she folds her arms along the railing and rests her head upon them. She remembers Irene.

 

“Yeah, the least I can do is try.”

 

She feels a sudden warmth as Wendy wraps an arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer. She was smiling so wide, Seulgi could pinch her cheeks. Wendy hugged her tighter.

 

“I’m happy you’re trying, Kang. I really am.”

 

//

 

It was a long day at work and Seulgi luckily managed to last the entire day without a migraine but at the cost of two of her three cigarettes. Now, a lone cylinder rested in her pocket and Seulgi thought it best to save it for when she got home before sleeping. That way, she wouldn’t wake up feeling too much like crap. Though she knows she most likely will anyway. The elevator dings having reached the first floor and as she and Wendy exit the front doors of the building, Seulgi stops dead within her tracks when she spots a familiar figure just a few feet away.

 

“Irene?!”

 

Wendy blinks in surprise from Seulgi’s sudden shout. A million thoughts run through Seulgi’s mind as to what Irene could possibly be doing here as the latter walks over towards them.

 

“Hello, Seulgi,” Irene greets and it’s much too formal and strange to what Seulgi’s used to. She was expecting to get scolded, punched, a pity look--something other than a regular hello. And Irene looks at Wendy, extending a hand forward, “Hello, I’m Irene.”

 

Wendy smiles, returning the gesture as they shake hands, “Nice to meet you, I’m Wendy. I’m Seulgi’s best friend and co-worker.”

 

They break apart and Seulgi can feel Wendy nudging her side with her elbow.

 

“I’m glad to have finally met the infamous Irene.”

 

Irene switches her attention to Seulgi who is still stunned. She raises a brow and a sly smirk plays upon her lips.

 

“Oh? You talk about me, Seulgi?”

 

“Quite often,” Wendy quickly responds. “Nearly everyday in fact.”

 

And Irene stays focused on the smoker.

 

“I’m flattered.”

 

This was too weird. Seulgi eyeballs Irene skeptically for the front she was putting up for Wendy.

 

“Why are you here?” Seulgi finally manages to ask.

 

Irene doesn’t flinch and maintains her cool demeanor.

 

“For you, of course,” Irene smiles and it was genuine as far as Seulgi can tell. “You’re going home now, right?”

 

Seulgi looks back at Wendy but the latter just shrugs. It was clear from the grin on her face she was enjoying every bit of this and was in no way going to help Seulgi get out of it.

 

“I’ll just go on ahead,” Wendy laughs and before Seulgi could utter a word or beg for her to stay, her best friend takes off in a sprint, leaving her behind.  Curse Wendy.

 

“Seulgi,” Irene calls back her attention. “You’re going home now, right?”

 

“Yes?” Seulgi answers back hesitantly.  

 

In a flash, Irene steps forward, snaking her arm around Seulgi’s, interlocking them. The sudden contact and closeness has Seulgi blushing. And she tries to shake off Irene but the smaller girl has a surprisingly firm grip.

 

‘W-What are you doing?” Seulgi stutters, nearly breathless.

 

Irene looks up at her, causing Seulgi to pull her head back a bit. They were too close. Irene was too close. Seulgi could feel her cheeks burning.

 

“From now on, I’ll be escorting you home. I need to make sure you don’t run off to buy more cigarettes.”

 

Irene suddenly winces a bit, “God, you stink.”

Seulgi did smoke beforehand. She tries to shake Irene off again but the girl has an iron grip.

 

“Maybe you should let go of me then,” Seulgi scoffs.

 

But Irene refuses, “Out of the question.”

 

From her bag, Irene pulls out a face mask and puts it on to protect her nose and mouth from Seulgi’s supposedly disgusting scent. Seulgi watches, baffled. How far was Irene willing to go?

 

Yet, even with the mask on Seulgi can see the smile on Irene’s face from the way her eyes shined and squinted.

 

“Come on, Seulgi. Shall I walk you home now?”   

 

--

a/n: sorry this took me so long to write. this whole story was originally supposed to be three parts but part two ended up being super long and so i split it and this is the first half. hopefully i'll be a lot faster in writing the rest =] thanks to all the comments and subs. it's just nice to know that you guys enjoyed reading this story =] also, sorry for any mistakes. i tried to proofread fast >.<