A door has never looked so scary, Joshua thinks, at least not until this moment.

            He can hear the slight music and laughter coming from the apartment, can smell the heavenly scent of delicious food wafting from behind the closed door. Yet, he continues standing just outside of it, not bothering to knock.

            Jihoon won’t knock either, but he tries to put on a braver front than Joshua. He scowls, crossing his arms across his chest as he glares at the door. “Let’s just go in.”

            Joshua feels his mouth go dry. He wipes his sweaty palms on his jeans. “Okay. It’s their anniversary dinner.” He feels the need to clarify why they’re at the apartment and judging by the harsh look that Jihoon throws at him, it was the wrong thing to say.

            “I know what it’s for. Trust me, I’ve been coming to these dinners since they got together.”

            Joshua winces and throws a look at Jihoon. It screams of panic. “Sorry,” Joshua mumbles.

            Jihoon sighs, rolling his eyes as he lets his stiff posture fall. He reaches out and grabs one of Joshua’s sweaty hands, holding it tighter between his own. “Listen, we can leave – if you want. We can have a date night or something.”

            “No,” Joshua mumbles meekly, “we can stay. I just need a moment. They’re going to be all... couple-like and stuff.”

            Jihoon throws him a secret smile, interlocking their fingers. “We can be all couple-like.” He raises a brow.

            Joshua wants to smack himself on the forehead because – oh yeah, Jihoon is his boyfriend now and he should be his main priority, not some pretty boy who’s already mated with someone else. So Joshua throws a smile at Jihoon, who is smiling prettily back, and Joshua can’t help it really – Jihoon is just too cute – so he’s bending down to plant a kiss on the tip of Jihoon’s nose when the door opens behind them.

            Joshua freezes, his lips still on Jihoon’s skin. Jihoon throws an irritated look at whoever caught them and he groans, stepping away from the older boy. He keeps his hands attached to Joshua’s though. Joshua clears his throat, his face red, and it only gets worse when he sees who’s standing by the door.

            It’s Jeonghan, who is standing there watching them with a loopy smile.

            “Hi hyung,” Jihoon greets and Joshua follows with a stiff greeting back. Jeonghan just smiles at them both and that’s when Joshua notices the drink in his hands and the flushed look Jeonghan has to his cheeks.

            “Friends! Hello. Welcome, welcome, come in. Please,” Jeonghan gestures for them to go inside in a grand voice.

            Jihoon’s eyes cut to Joshua and his lips twitch in amusement. He tugs Joshua in, who is stuck in place watching the way Jeonghan’s face flushes as he brings his drink to his lips. Joshua stumbles in after Jihoon and he hears the door shut behind him.

            Immediately, Joshua’s eyes are drawn to the people in the apartment. It seems to be everyone he’s familiar with that’s in Jihoon’s circle of friends. Jun sits by the couches with a drink in his hands, conversing with Seungcheol. Minghao is talking animatedly to Vernon and Chan, who seem to be clinging onto his every word as they sit at the table eating. Joshua is surprised to see Soonyoung there as well, with Seokmin attached to his hip as they stand to the side clutching drinks.

            “I found the noise outside! It was just Jihoon and Joshua.” Jeonghan comes to stand beside Joshua and knocks his right hip into Joshua, winking. “They were out there – being cute. At least Joshua was, but then again when isn’t –”

            He only stops talking because he hiccups and Joshua is burning red.

            Seungcheol turns towards them, his eyes lighting up as he catches sight of his short friend. He’s standing up and coming towards them and Joshua notices that Jihoon is curling closer to his side.

            “Hi,” Seungcheol says. He smiles at Joshua, a bit of a bite to his tone as he says, “Joshua, good to see you.”

            Joshua smiles tensely. “Nice to see you too. Congrats on, you know, the anniversary.”

            His smile is genuine now, and Joshua catches sight of a strange look in his eyes before it’s gone. “Thanks, do you mind if I steal Jihoon from you? We have something to talk about.”

            “Actually –” Joshua is saying and Jihoon has already flatly said no, but Seungcheol reaches out and latches onto Jihoon’s wrist. He tugs him forward with surprising strength, the younger boy tripping behind Seungcheol as he follows helplessly. Joshua watches as Seungcheol sits back in his same position as before, with Jihoon now at his side.

            “Should I be worried?”

            Joshua, frowning, turns toward Jeonghan. Jeonghan has pursed lips, his eyes narrowed as he watches his mate and Jihoon sit together on the couch. His eyes are a bit glazed, shining brightly.

            “What?” Joshua asks.

            “Should I be worried,” Jeonghan repeats, “that my mate hasn’t talked to me at all during this entire night? I mean, he looked more excited to see Jihoon than he was to see me this morning.”

            Joshua is opening his mouth to wave off his worries but Jeonghan turns to him and says in a dreamy voice, “You have really pretty eyes.” He reaches out to clumsily touch the corner of Joshua’s mouth. “You have a really nice mouth too.” He frowns as Joshua starts stuttering, his face heating up, and pulls his hand away. “Sorry, is that not appropriate to say?”

            Joshua trips over his words. Is it appropriate? Definitely not, especially not with Jeonghan’s mate and Joshua’s boyfriend within a couple of feet from them. But – Joshua cuts a glance to Seungcheol and Jihoon, who have not seemed to have even noticed them – and it doesn’t seem that bad, especially not with the way his lips tingle in the aftermath of Jeonghan’s touch. Jeonghan has a dazed smile on his face and he’s looking at Joshua like he hung the moon in the sky.  “I – um… I think you’re drunk.”

            Jeonghan hums, grinning widely. He brings his drink up and swallows it all in one take. “You’re probably right. But it’s not my fault, Soonyoung is the one who bought all the booze.”

            “Oh yeah, I was wondering why he was here. No offense, but I didn’t know you two were friends.”

            Jeonghan nods seriously. “Oh yeah, we’re friends. Or were, before he asked me to set you and Jihoon up.” He’s talking a mile a minute and he gestures to the kitchen. “Do you want a drink or do you want to eat first?”

            “Wait, wait, back up a minute.” Jeonghan has already started walking towards the kitchen and Joshua has to reach out and grab the back of his sweater to keep him from walking. Jeonghan growls – actually growls – and turns to face Joshua, his face in a pout. Joshua ignores the loud pounding of his heart. “Soonyoung asked you to set me and Jihoon up?”

            Jeonghan frowns, his eyes lighting up with fire. “Yes,” he mutters under his breath. “I didn’t like it, so I didn’t do anything. But did it matter?” Without letting Joshua speak, Jeonghan continues. “No, it didn’t matter, because you and Jihoon got together anyway. And I saw you guys kiss. You guys kissed in front of everyone. Remember?”

            Joshua blushes and quickly lets go of Jeonghan’s sweater when he sees the angry look on Jeonghan’s face. “Yes,” he mumbles, “I remember.”

             “I need another drink,” Jeonghan mumbles darkly.

            “Okay,” Joshua follows after Jeonghan, who is angrily stomping towards the kitchen. Joshua spares a glance to the others, realizing that no one has noticed them. At most, Minghao briefly locks eyes with Joshua before he’s turning towards Chan and Vernon again. Joshua comes up behind Jeonghan just as he fills his entire cup up with a clear liquid.

            “Whoa, is that necessary?” Joshua says as Jeonghan brings the cup to his lips, drowning it all in one go. Jeonghan briefly winces as the alcohol travels down his throat. Joshua frowns as Jeonghan starts refilling his cup once more.

            “Is anything ever necessary?” Jeonghan asks, his eyes looking towards where his mate is. His lips draw into a frown and he glances at Joshua quickly before he’s looking forward again. “You know, me and Seungcheol have been together a long time.”

            Joshua leans against the counter, his voice quiet. “Yeah, I know.” And his heart twinges – just a little bit – as he says that sentence.

            Jeonghan leans beside Joshua, his eyes fluttering closed. Joshua ignores the way Jeonghan’s hips press against his own, instead focusing on the way Jeonghan’s lashes cast a shadow on his cheeks. Joshua feels his breath catch in his throat because Jeonghan really is beautiful, especially like this – with flushed cheeks and a drunken tilt to his lips.

            Joshua jerks his eyes away from Jeonghan – okay, maybe he should focus on something else, like the tile pattern on the floor. Yes, that’s much safer.

            “Are you happy?”

            Joshua decides to risk it and he turns towards Jeonghan. Jeonghan still has eyes closed, his fingers clasped around his bandaged wrist. Joshua feels his heart start racing again, but he doesn’t turn away. “What?”

            “Are you happy,” Jeonghan repeats. “I mean, with Jihoon. Are you happy with Jihoon?”

            Joshua pauses, thinks about Jihoon and everything he has lived through with the younger boy. Joshua remembers dates – where Jihoon and him have ordered out and ate until they laze around on the couch wrapped up in each other. Joshua remembers one disastrous date where Jihoon tried to cook for him and that had ended up with Joshua picking up a pizza and Jihoon mumbling angrily under his breath about how temperamental ovens were as they ate.

            Is he happy with Jihoon?

            Yes.

            (But he knows that being with Jeonghan would make him happier. He knows this just like he knows that could never happen.)

            So he’s honest. He says, “Yes, I’m happy.”

            Jeonghan takes in a shuddering breath and opens his eyes. He doesn’t even glance at Joshua, just nods curtly and then he’s moving away from Joshua. His hands reach out to wipe crumbs off the counter and he says, “I’m happy for you two.” He glances at Joshua then, his eyes blank. “Would you like something to eat?”

            Joshua frowns, wondering where drunk Jeonghan went, but then he sees Jeonghan sway on his feet. Joshua reaches out quickly, his fingers curling around Jeonghan’s biceps to steady him on his feet. Jeonghan glances up at Joshua with wide eyes, his gaze turning soft for a moment before he’s ripping his arm away from Joshua’s hold. Joshua frowns as Jeonghan winces, his fingers curling around his wrist as he hisses in pain.

            “Are you okay?”

            Jeonghan glances at him quickly before he averts his eyes. “I’m fine.” With his fingers still enclosed around his wrist, he points towards the living room. “I think Jihoon is looking for you.”

            Joshua looks out, and sure enough, he spots Jihoon marching toward him with an angry set to his shoulders. “Uh, I’m gonna go see what he wants.” Jeonghan nods with a distracted look on his face and Joshua quickly darts out of the kitchen, catching Jihoon by the shoulders just as they’re about to crash into each other.

            “Hey,” Joshua bends down to look at Jihoon’s angry eyes. “What happened? Are you okay?”

            Jihoon sets his jaw and glances back at Seungcheol, who is leaning back on the couch and talking to Jun as if nothing happened. He turns back to Joshua with fire in his eyes. “No, I want to leave.”

            “What? But we just got here.”

            “And I’ve said congratulations and I want to leave.” Jihoon reaches up to grab Joshua’s hands, removing them from his shoulders and letting their interlocked hands fall between them. “We can get dinner somewhere else – my treat. I just have to get out of here now.”

            And Joshua is a good boyfriend, so he quickly nods. “Just let me say bye, okay?” Jihoon nods, turning towards the door. Joshua slowly makes himself back towards Jeonghan, finding him in the exact same position that he left him in.

            “Um,” Joshua starts and Jeonghan turns to him with curious eyes. Joshua notices that Jeonghan is holding a half-empty cup, his lips moist from the drink and Joshua winces just thinking about the hangover that Jeonghan will have tomorrow. “Jihoon and I are leaving.”

            “Already? But you just got here.”

            “Yeah, um, we just stopped by to say congratulations, so… congratulations,” Joshua finishes lamely.

            Jeonghan tilts his head, smiles, and lifts his cup in a toast. “Congratulations to me.” He throws his drink back, not even flinching as he finishes the entire cupful. His eyes and voice are surprisingly clear as he says, “Can I go visit you at work again? I miss you.”

            Joshua feels his eyes go wide as his heart starts to race yet again. He his lips, not knowing why he drops his voice or why he reaches out to brush his fingers against Jeonghan’s. “Of course you can visit me,” he says in a soft whisper. “I missed you too.”

            Jeonghan looks at him with a flushed face and his voice has the same tone as before as he says, “You should go now, Jihoon is waiting for you.”

            Joshua clears his throat, removing his fingers, and steps back. He tugs down his sweater. “Yeah, I’ll see you.”

            Just as he’s walking out of the house with Jihoon holding his hand, Joshua notices Jeonghan burst out of the kitchen. He has another drink in his hand, but instead of going over to Seungcheol, he walks over to Soonyoung and Seokmin. He lets out a drunk laugh as they talk, his eyes not once straying towards his mate, which is fine because it seems like Seungcheol is not noticing him either.

            How strange, Joshua thinks. You’d think they would want to be together on their anniversary.

⚘❁⚘

            It’s two in the morning and Seungcheol is asleep on the couch. He has one hand propped on the back of his head like a pillow while the other rests on his chest. He hadn’t bothered to change, meaning he’s still wearing crisp button up that he had on earlier, though it’s definitely wrinkled now.

            Seungcheol is asleep, so Jeonghan is cleaning up by himself.

            He has just said bye to their last guest – Soonyoung and Seokmin, who left the apartment in a giggling, stumbling mess, at least in Soonyoung’s case – and he took one look at the discarded plates of food and empty cups and decided to clean. So he went into the kitchen, grabbed a large garbage bag, and came back into the living room to find Seungcheol fast asleep.

            Jeonghan is picking up an empty glass when he hears Seungcheol mumble something in his sleep.

            Jeonghan freezes, turning to look at his mate. Seungcheol is frowning, his lips moving as he mutters in his sleep and the sight causes Jeonghan to smile a little. It is, after all, their anniversary, so Jeonghan reaches out to Seungcheol. Back then – before things got… however they are now – Jeonghan would like to touch Seungcheol. Nothing serious, he just liked the feeling of being reassured that Seungcheol was there. So every night before bed, Jeonghan would brush his thumb against Seungcheol’s eyebrow.

            He does so now, but his body freezes as he catches sight of his bandaged wrist. He sighs, and slowly reaches out to unwrap the bandage. It falls to the floor and Jeonghan lets himself look at his mark for the first time in weeks.

            Or, what’s left of it anyways.

            The part of the name that’s still on his wrist is faded beyond belief; so far gone that Jeonghan has to squint to read it properly. But that’s not the worst of his problems. The worst of his problems is that half of Seungcheol’s name is gone and Jeonghan has no idea what that even means.

            Jeonghan brushes his fingers against his wrist, sitting down beside Seungcheol. He doesn’t know why, but his mind briefly wonders to what Joshua and Jihoon are doing at this moment. It’s late, so they’re probably at their own places asleep. Jeonghan winces, or maybe they’re sleeping together…?

            Seungcheol whines again and Jeonghan reaches out to brush his thumb against his eyebrows again.

            Three things happen at one.

            One: Seungcheol mumbles again and Jeonghan is close enough now that he can hear exactly what he’s saying. Jihoon. Jeonghan freezes, looking at his mate with wide eyes as he keeps repeating Jihoon’s name over and over like a mantra.

            Two: his wrist burns terribly and he watches in horror as Seungcheol’s name disappears, fades into his skin like it was never there in the first place. He panics, quickly jerking his hand away. No… no, no, no! This can’t be happening. His mark can’t be gone and he doesn’t even have time to panic because…

            Three: something stabs sharply and hotly over his heart and it causes him to physically stumble up and away from the couch. It’s a sharp, burning sting and Jeonghan clutches at his heart. His fingers are already working the collar of his shirt, tugging it down in a panic. And he wants to laugh becuase of course this would happen on his ing anniversary. His mind goes blank as he stares at his chest in disbelief, the dark, bold words, contrasting with his skin.

            Jisoo.

            Seungcheol turns over in his sleep, and so he doesn’t notice Jeonghan curled on the floor, whispering to himself, over and over again, “Jisoo, Jisoo, Jisoo.” 

a/n: meanie date will be next time so there's that to look forward to ~(^.^)~