Lemon Stabbin’

“Yixing, please.”

“I’m busy, you do it! I’ve been telling you to-”

“But-”

“Not buts, and I mean it both ways with two t’s and with one.”

“Yixing, plea-”

“You’ve stalled long enough. Now go out there and just get it over with!!”

“But-”

Yixing shoves his husband out of the kitchen.

“Heyyy Sehun, how old are you again?” Chanyeol asks as he shakily walks over to sit next to his son who focuses of the TV screen intently; he’s playing a videogame that involves a lot of racing and death. Fish pads over to the taller from her bed and hops onto the couch next to him nudging her face underneath Chanyeol’s large hand to receive a nice head pat and maybe a belly rub.

“I’m-GOGOGOGOGO!!! Ten, why?” he sticks his tongue out slightly and furrows his brows in concentration as he speeds up to first place.

“W-well. . . ?” after petting Fish a few times to alleviate his stress, he glances to the figure lightly smacking a wooden spoon against their hand. “Uh. . .”

“YES!!” Sehun shouts gleefully laying against the couch cushion with a giant grin on his face.

“Sehun, well. . .we need to talk about. . .something,” Chanyeol takes the TV remote and shuts the TV off with a shaky hand. “It’s importan-”

“My grades are fine, dad! No need to worry!! Turn the TV back on, I’m almost finished with the Story Mode!!”

“It’s not that, it’s something els-”

“Daaaaaaaad,” Sehun whines. “Can it wait till laaaaaaaaaater?”

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!!

Chanyeol winces at the noise.

“Sehunitreallycan’twaittilllaterorelseYixingwillkillme.”

A dramatic sigh. “Fiiiiiiiine.”

“Okay, so. . .uh. . .where do I start. . .” Fish climbs over Chanyeol to Sehun and nestles into his lap. Sehun giggles before petting Fish’s soft, puffy coat. “Well. . .”

“So, there’s a couple, okay?”

“Like, you and Baba?”

“Yeah, like Baba and I, anyways. . .uh.”

“Are we having a story time?”

“Uh, sure?”

“But it’s so early!! Can’t this wait till laaaaater?” Fish yaps as if agreeing with Sehun.

“I’ll try to be quick, okay? It’s really important I tell you about this,” Chanyeol does his best ‘I-am-your-father-give-me-respect’ face, but it doesn’t hide the fact that his eyes scream ‘save-me-from-doing-this.’

“So, there’s a couple, right?”

“Yes, Dad, there is a couple! So what happens?” Sehun laughs and Fish yips along.

“Wait, I need to get a few things. . .” Chanyeol stands up and rushes to the kitchen.

“What are you doing?! Get back there and-”

“Gimmie a sec, Xing! I just need a few things to get the point across to him,” he whisper yells rummaging through the drawers and picking up a lemon. “It smells good by the way, what are you making?”

“Food.”

“Wow, Xing,” Chanyeol deadpans. “Very clever.”

“I try,” he grins and pecks his lover on the lips. “Now go!”

Yixing smacks Chanyeol’s shoulder lightly with the wooden spoon. “Okay, okay!! Just let me finish gathering my things!”

Sehun pets his dog’s head a few times before he glances at the remote on the couch. Before he could grab a hold of it, Chanyeol enters the room with a butter knife and a lemon with its top cut off; Sehun can see the white part and a little circle in the center that’s yellow. “So, uh. . .let’s start the story again, okay?”

“Okay!!”

“Let’s first give our props names, yeah?”

“Can we name them after you and Baba?” Chanyeol bursts into boisterous laughter.

“Sure, Hunnie,” he holds the knife up. “What’s its name?”

“That’s you, Appa! Chanyul!!”

Yixing scoffs from door frame. “Honey, I think I should be the knife.”

“Okay, Baba!” Chanyeol glares intensely.

“That's not what you thought earlier this week.ANYWAYS. Yixing meets Chanyeol,” he has the butter knife bounce up and down to simulate walking. “Yixing says, ‘Hi, I think you’re incredibly handsome, talented, and good looking!’

“Chanyeol says, ‘Thank you!’-Lesson one from this interaction Sehun, always be polite! Even if the person may look scary, always be polite and kind!”

“Like saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you?’”

“Exactly!” Chanyeol places the butter knife in his lap to ruffle Sehun’s dark brown hair. “So, Yixing asks Chanyeol if he wants to go on a date and Chanyeol says yes, so fast-forward to their date at the theater-”

“What’s a date?”

“Uh. . .A date is when two people go out together and do something they both like. For example, a date isn’t when one person wants to go watch some yucky movie while the other wants to just hang out at the bar-I mean bowling alley.”

“Oh, okay! Continue with the story!” Yixing grumbles from the door frame while Chanyeol picks up the butter knife with a grin on his face.

“They’re in the theater and it’s dark. Yixing gets closer and closer to Chanyeol, so close that he tries to kiss-”

“Ewwwww,” Sehun sticks his tongue out. “I don’t like this story.”

“Well, I have to finish it, bud.”

“Do I get to play my game afterwards?”

“Yes, I promise.”

“Keep going, then!!!!”

“Yixing is trying to kiss Chanyeol and he succeeds!” the butter knife is rubbing against the lemon and Chanyeol is making some kissing noises. Yixing tries not to laugh too loud. The little boy makes some faces, but doesn’t say anything so he can get to playing his game quicker.

Moving the butter knife a little, “Can I touch you there?”

“Appa, I don’t understand?” Chanyeol's face turns bright red and Yixing is holding onto the doorframe for support; his laughter is loud.

“Uh. . .Sehun re-remember that talk Baba and I had with you about your private pa-parts?”

“Yeah. . . ? What has that got to do with this?”

“Well, Yixing the b-butter knife wants to t-t-touch Chanyeol the l-le-l-lem-lemon’s private p-pa-arts. . .” he enunciates every word slowly and carefully despite his incessant stutter.

“Oh. . .do you and Baba-”

“SO, Yixing touches Chanyeol there and then,” he wiggles the butter knife around the lemon. “H-he asks if he can have while Ch-chanyeol.”

Yixing is still laughing. “W-wait,” he takes a deep breath. “IN THE THEATER?!”

“FINE! NOT IN THE THEATER! IN THE CAR?!”

“Oh, I never knew you wanted to do-”

“A HOTEL ROOM.”

More laughter and Yixing is on the floor clutching his stomach. “That brings me back-”

“YIXING AND CHANYEOL ARE IN A HOTEL AND YIXING ASKS CHANYEOL IF HE WANTS TO HAVE ,” Chanyeol yells over the noise and Sehun tilts his head to the side. Fish watches Chanyeol also tilting her head to the side.

“Appa, what is ?”

“I'M GETTING THERE,” he yells some more but this time as a way to regain some of his dignity from doing this awful talk. Why couldn't I just have gotten out It picture book, goddammit Yixing!!

“ANYWAYS. Before I was rudely interrupted by your Baba, Chanyeol said no! That he didn't want to have with Yixing because he is too young. Lesson two from this story, you, Park Sehun, are too young to have ! You will always be too young until you're out of this house and living on your own!!! Do you understand?”

“Yes, Appa!!”

“Yixing asks again, but Chanyeol still says no! Lesson three! If you're with someone and you're holding hands, kissing, or about to have and they say no, Park Sehun, you will STOP what you are doing and give them space. You do NOT continue doing whatever it is you were doing if they feel uncomfortable in anyway. Do you understand?!”

“I will never be with someone ever, Appa! Because that's gross,” Chanyeol laughs. “I understand.”

“Okay so, Yixing asks again and this time Chanyeol says yes. So, Yixing puts his private part inside of Chanyeol like this,” Chanyeol stabs the lemon.

“Ewwww!!!” Fish buries her head between Sehun’s hands.

“EXACTLY. You see this?! This will happen!!” the knife sheethes itself in the lemon. “You see the juices?! That's your cherry being popped- well, I guess lemon in this case. You can never get it back once it's popped!! KEEP YOUR LEMON UNPOPPED FOR AS LONG AS YOU CAN SEHUN.

“EWWWWW.”

“Don't ever have , Sehun! You are too young!!”

Yixing is rolling on the floor and something seems to boiling over in the background.

Sehun hates lemons.

this was inspired  by a video i saw on facebook haha
so if you have any suggestions feel free to message me! ^^

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