My breath fogged up in the air as I tried to escape him in the cold winter wonderland I am trudging on.

The sound of our mixed footsteps and his calls are the only things I could hear whilst I was struggling to keep my pace. My feet was giving up on me but no matter how tired I could be, I pushed my limit as I took the marathon to get away from him as a challenge—that if I get to go away from him then it means getting first place and freeing myself from the unpleasant heartaches and memories

"Stop!" 

His ragged, and tired voice that was badly strained due to tiredness from chasing after me rang in my ears as I kept going.

"Listen to me! Just this once!" 

"No! I can't!" It was the only thing I could say as tears rolled down from my eyes to my cheeks. 

What he kept doing to me was giving me a hard time that I don't know anymore what to do. Why was he suddenly chasing after me when yesterday he just pushed me away? I couldn't understand him. Last time he was pushing me away, but now he's suddenly pulling me back.

I could scoff and spit at his face if anger only overcame me. But I love him. No. Maybe the right thing to say is that I loved him. Yes.

But how come my heart still aches at the thought of him not sharing the same feelings as me?

"Just listen to me Hana! Just this once, please listen to me! I'm begging you!" He kept shouting, his broken voice almost convinced me had I not known by now how to stop from succumbing to his words.

I wiped a tear as I kept running, sobbing as I heard him plead to me like that. 

Because he never pleaded to me like that before. He never sounded so desperate like that. He never was the type to chase after someone. He never was someone to look twice at a person that didn't matter that much to him. And I hate the fact that I didn't matter that much to him like how he had told me yesterday.

'I'm sorry Hana. I-I can't love you back'

His words still cut through me whenever I remember them. Like it was just seconds ago when he rejected me when I said how much I loved him and how long I had loved him.

6 freaking years! Can you believe that I made a fool out of myself for him for that long?!

"Jongin, just leave me alone! I already had enough from yesterday. Can't you at least spare me today? Are you that eager to hurt me?!" I hollered back, trying to sound angry even though I know how I already lost to him the very moment he appeared right before me tonight.

"Hana! How can you simply tell me to leave you alone?! This isn't how things should work! Just stop for a while and—"

I stumbled on a pile of white snow on the ground, my feet getting caught on the terribly freezing collection of ice that heaven had unluckily sent to me at this time to give me another chance to embarrass myself in front of him.

"Ya! Hana! Are you okay?" His voice rang as he neared, and when he was already by my side and grasping on my arm, I flung his hand away forcefully with the strength left in me.

I limply let my arm fall down to my lap as I continued to sob. "How can you still ask if I'm okay even though you already know that I am not?!" I cried, throwing him a glare that still looked weak because my eyes were already stinging due to the tears I had shed.

His features softened as he stared at me, and his eyes were already glistening with tears as I stared back at him albeit that my vision was blurred with tears. The dimly lit street couldn't really help me prove what I was seeing, nor was I ever sure if I'm only hallucinating, but my heart softened a bit at this sight of him.

But why would Jongin cry in front of me? He's not one to shed a tear without any valid reason, nor was I expecting him to do it in front of me. I'm just his friend after all.

Who even cries for a friend?

"I do." I blinked back at him, confused with what he said. Then the soft chuckle that escaped his lips before he flicked my forehead made me guess. "You just asked me who even cries for a friend."

Alarmed, though I already had a clue that I had uttered that out loud since losing my mouth's filter again, I covered my mouth in surprise and inched away from him.

"Don't go away from me." He said, gripping on my arm tightly again as if he didn't really want me to run away from him again. My heart fluttered involuntarily against my chest again at his words.

That foolish organ is betraying me again. I mentally smacked my head. 

You shouldn't listen to him, nor give him the opportunity to play with your feelings again, I kept telling myself.

"Why are you doing this to me, Jongin?" I trailed down my eyes to his hand that was still around my arm, afraid to see his expression as I said that.

"I—"

"You don't like me, right?" I breathed out with a shaky voice as I balled my fists on my lap, trying to suppress my cries as more emotions swam inside me.

"You just said that to me yesterday in front of my house." I gulped as a lump got stuck in my throat. 

"That's why I'm doing you a favor right now by coming to Seoul with my family and living there for good. I'm not going to stick around being an eyesore to you anymore so stop confusing me!" I shouted at him, finally lifting my gaze to pierce through his.

But all of a sudden I was hauled to his chest, his arms were around me, hands on my back keeping me as close as he can. His face was on the crook of my neck, and I could feel wet tears vividly falling down to my collar as he breathed laboredly. I couldn't hear him sobbing but the way his chest was rising and falling so rapidly against mine made me realize that indeed Jongin was crying.

I tried to push him away as I felt a painful squeeze inside my chest at the thought of him actually crying because of me. It made me, in a way, happy because I was the reason to his tears this time, yet I was also sad for the same reason.

"Don't push me away, please." He pleaded, his voice was ghosting over my skin that I shivered from the feeling of his breath.

Clearing my throat, and trying not to show any other emotion besides resistance, I said, "I said the same thing to you yesterday, but you still pushed me away."

"How can you do it to me, and I can't?" I sounded terribly bitter but it was the only way I could let him know how horrible I felt because of him.

"I-I'm sorry." He stated, more like whispered as he started rubbing his hand in circles on my back. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking straight when I said that."

"I-I said things that I realized I didn't really mean."

I chuckled dryly, feeling somewhat mocked—close to getting insane with everything that he kept saying now.

"Really?" I scoffed. "Do you even expect me to believe you now after hurting me?" I pushed him away, this time successfully able to prevent him from hugging me.

"Do you expect me to listen to you now after hurting me? Do you expect me to easily forgive you because you apologized?" I shoved him on his chest but he didn't even budge.

I started hittng him with my fists while saying how much I hated him, repeatedly. I didn't know if my hits even hurt him or not, but I just kept going, not missing a chance to inflict pain on him at least. Because that still won't go on par with how badly he had hurt me no matter what I do. 

However, he only restrained my hands, placed one taut onto the left side of chest even though I resisted and he told me to just give him little time to let me know how he's feeling right now. Right at this moment.

I continued to struggle and free my hand from his grip but then when I slowly