A/N: Hello! Before you start, I would just like to clarify that the poster/the pic above isn't mine, and I give full credits to the owner (@nyaokuloh). I hope I won't be misunderstood for using it and I hope I'm allowed to borrow this. Thanks and enjoy! ^_^ 

“Vernon—“

“No, it’s okay, seriously—“

“But—“

“I’m fineeee,” he insisted as he put his arm on my shoulder and pushed me gently, “Go now, hyung.”

I clamped my lips in a firm line, and then sighed heavily. “You’re so stubborn.” I gave him a hard look.

“I could say the same for you,” he said sassily and I could only roll my eyes. This kid.

“Hyung,” he nodded towards the door, “They’re waiting. You should hurry.”

“Do you really want me to go?” I frowned at him and half-heartedly joked. “It seems like you really want me to.” 

“It’s… it’s not like that,” he hesitated for a while before shrugging, staring at his pen and twirling it in his hands. “I mean, if you really want to go, I’m not stopping you, hyung. Just go.”

I stared at him quietly and I could have laughed if his voice didn’t sound so sad. It’s really funny, how we’re arguing over a petty thing like going out for ice cream with the other members and I was really excited about it and wanted to go, because, who refuses ice cream? But I happened to notice that there was one member missing out in the crowd and they noticed too, so yeah. I went here, in his room and found him writing some lyrics and convinced him to go with us.

I don’t really feel like eating ice cream. His words repeated in my head, and that’s when I knew something was wrong.

Hansol never refuses ice cream. If anything, he really really loves it.

And now, he’s telling me he’s okay and that I should go and leave him alone, but there’s no way in hell I’d do that. I know him, he’s going to keep it to himself again, never going to tell anyone about what’s bothering him and the next day, you’ll never even notice something happened to him. He would say it’s alright, that he got over it already and then he’d pretend to be back to his chill and calm and happy self. But the fact that he’s bottling up his emotions on his own, it’s not okay to me.

Just as I was about to say something, the door suddenly burst open and S.coups hyung was already peeking his head inside and looked at the both us. “Hey, what’s taking the both of you so long? Hurry up and let's go!”

Vernon smiled at him and started, “Hyung, I’m not going, I’m still finishing my rap.” S.coups nodded understandingly and mumbled a quiet 'Aw okay if you say so' and then turned to me. “How ‘bout you, Seokmin-ah?”

“Go now hyung, I'll stay here,” I said and then I could see Vernon frowning at me from the corner of my eye.

“Oh okay… we’ll just bring you guys something then.” my lips broke into a huge grin and he looked at us meaningfully and smiled. "Alright, I'll get going now. Make sure you guys don’t do something naughty in here.” He gave us a wicked smile and before any of us could react, the door slammed close again.

Then awkward silence . . .

What the hell… I just stared at the door, blushing slightly, and I inwardly cursed myself for being like this. Immediately, I put on a serious face, realizing that it's totally bad timing to think of what those words actually meant and I looked curiously at Vernon, and saw that his face was completely facing his notebook and he looked like he tried hard to keep his face neutral and all. Guess I'm not alone. I almost wanted to chuckle.

“So…” I started and he looked up, looking like a puppy caught in headlights and I couldn’t help it anymore. I burst out laughing. “Oh god,”

His cheeks turned pink a bit and frowned at me, “What.” I shook my head, still laughing. “Nothing… it’s just, you look cute.” 

He just stared at me blankly as I laughed and I expected him to be defensive and all, like, 'stop!' 'oh my god, i'm not.' but he didn't, and my laugh soon faded as I blinked at him. He just kept staring at me and just like that for so long. His eyes were back to that serious yet sad one, and I just sat there, looked back at him and after a few seconds of just staring, my eyes softened at him, “Vernon...”

“Seokmin hyung... why?” he asked quietly.

I frowned at him in concern, “Huh? What are you—”

“Why do you keep doing this?” his eyes averted from mine and to his pen again, tapping it quietly on his notebook. 

“Do what?” I gave him a confused look.

“Why do you… why do you still like me?” I freeze a bit and I stared at him for a few moments, looking a bit guilty or caughthanded for a split second, before my gaze lowered to the floor instead. I made no words to deny it because we both knew the truth and it's not like I tried to hide it anyway. I asked myself the same question every day, it's really confusing, but I always knew in my heart the silent reply it would say, 

“I don't know, Hansol-ah, I just do.” I said firmly, looking at him straight in the eye. It's been a while since I last called him that and my heart warmed fondly because I've always liked calling him his real name. “I really don't know and I'm really trying not to but...”

“Hyung...”  he started and he seemed to be struggling on what he's gonna say as he stuttered, “...you know we can't—”

“I know.” I immediately stopped him from continuing his sentence and I gave him a slight smile. “Just being here is enough and—“ I chuckled, “I know this is too cheesy and it's disguting, as you would say it, but I really want to be by your side. I can’t… I can’t just watch you being in here alone, sulking like a child and keeping all your problems to yourself. It’s like, watching my grades fail. That's the feeling.”

At that, he let out a faint chuckle and I looked at him sincerely. “Hansol, you’re amazing. Stop being too hard on yourself.” He just blinked at me quietly and suddenly, I felt like a mother hen lecturing her baby chicks. “Even if I don’t like you, I would still think you’re amazing and no wait, I don’t just think it. You really are. Come on; stop blaming yourself for what happened back there. Even if you don’t do well or if you do well, for me, and I’m sure, even for the other members and our fans, you are always amazing.”

I smiled and for a few seconds, he’s just silent. He’s probably thinking how I knew what his problem was; well it’s too obvious, really. Since we've been really close since trainee days up until now, the moment I saw him sad like that and writing his lyrics quietly, I knew. Whenever someone brings up SMTM4, or when someone random at the street recognizes him for that, or when we guest on shows and then the hosts would ask him about it, it’s obvious he still felt terrible about what happened in there.

It didn’t slip away to me when the new season of 'Show Me The Money' just suddenly flashed on the TV, when Dino was flipping through the channels and some of the members playfully encouraged him to join again, he gave them a fake smile, and at that moment, I knew that it was totally what’s bothering him and the members probably thought he’s already okay with it since we've already talked to him about it many times and assured him that nothing's to feel terrible about.

But judging by how he’s not denying and not saying anything after what I said, I'm right that it is probably what's making him so down right now. 

I figured he needed time alone and so, I stood up. He looked up at me and I chuckled, unable to help it myself as I patted his cheek. “Sofia won’t be happy seeing you like this.” By the mention of his sister, his eyes immediately lit up.

“Why don’t you call her or something? I’m sure she’s gonna be happy hearing from you again,” I nodded suggestively, and he smiled slightly. “I guess I will.”

It was silent for a while, my hand still on his cheek and I just looked at him comfortingly.

“You’ll be alright sooner or later. Just stop thinking about it.” I said and I didn’t realize I was already caressing his cheek a bit too long and I immediately retracted my hand, as so to avoid some things to become unnecessarily awkward again. When he didn't speak, I finally turned to leave. “I’ll go to my room now, gonna sleep. Goodnight.”

“Sleep? It’s still early,” he blurted and I looked back at him again, putting my hands on my pocket. “Well, maybe not. I just said that because I really have nothing to do and I got nothing to say,”

He gave me a weird look with his brows raised and all, and I just chuckled. “Okay, whatever, just stop looking so sad and maybe I'll come back here later,” I shrugged and for a few moments, I just stood there in front of him, contemplating whether I should leave him or not, but decided that giving him alone time was for the better. I mumbled a quick, "I'll get going now," before I turned back and started towards the door but I halted in my steps when he spoke up again.

“Thank you, Seokminnie,” he said, sounding a bit shy. “Like, for everything... Really.”

I couldn’t suppress the smile that threatened in my lips, because how cute and rare was too hear Hansol Vernon Chwe being shy, and I tilted my head back, facing him with that smile.  “Anytime, Hansol.” I said before finallly going out.

Later that night, I was happy to see that he finally came out of his room and joined us as we ate the dinner that the other members have bought. It was noisy and cheerful as usual at the long dinner table and thankfully, Seungcheol hyung didn't break his promise about buying us something - he brought us ice cream - to my utmost joy and I watched everyone in content. I wandered my eyes and to my surprise, Vernon was looking at me and my eyes met his. I gave him a meaningful look and he quickly looked away, a slight blush forming in his milky white cheek. I chuckled in amusement.

Hopefully, I won't see him again looking so upset but if it comes to it one more time, I'll make sure that I'll be there for him again.