V’s delivery

On a cold night of late December, a couple was making sweet love. Daehyun and Baekhyun had been together for many years, but the passion between them was still burning strong. In the heat of the moment, Daehyun started professing his eternal love to Baekhyun: “I love you so much! I want to make you a thousand babies!”

The next morning, a loud bang! woke them up. They realized the noise came from the window. The courageous Daehyun went to see what collided with the glass. He opened the window and soon found a huge bird entering the room. It was a stork, carrying a basket in its mouth. After dropping the package on the floor, it started to talk.

“Hello! My name is JongUp. I am here to deliver your order.

- Our what?

- Your order. Last night, you ordered a baby.”

They glanced in the basket and saw that, and indeed, there was a baby in it.

“So, hum... It’s named V and…

- V… like the number 5 in roman numerals? Or like the letter?

- Yes, like the letter. V. And it’s now yours. Thank you for doing business with Storks Inc…

- Buuuuut… we didn’t order that baby!”

While Baekhyun was arguing with the delivery bird, Daehyun got curious and went to see the baby up-close. It was kind of cute, and instinctively, the man started making weird faces to entertain the child. It worked wonders, and the infant started laughing; unexpectedly, his smile was off-putting, as it had a particular square-shape.

“I think it’s broken…” Daehyun interjected.

“Ah! See you have to take it back! You smashed it against a window and now it’s damaged!” Baekhyun exclaimed.

“Ah no sorry. No refunds or exchanges allowed.”

And on those wise words, the stork left them dumbfounded, staring alternately at the window, the baby and themselves.

After an eternity of denial, they finally accepted that they had to keep it, at least until they found a way to return it. Unfortunately, it was Monday morning, and both of them had to go to work. So it ended-up in a battle of rock-paper-scissors, to determine who would stay home. Daehyun lost, so he got baby-duty and called in sick. Baekhyun left for work, laughing his -off, but promised to go buy baby supplies on his way back home.

And so Daehyun was left alone, with a baby. They stared at each other for a while, until the younger got bored, and started looking around the room instead. It was time for breakfast, because Daehyun’s stomach said so. He decided to feed the baby first, because that seemed right. He didn’t have a baby bottle, or baby milk, so he just gave the infant regular milk in a glass and tried feeding it slowly without spilling anything. He failed, but the baby was still fed, kinda, and alive, so it was a victory in his book.

Now it was time for adult breakfast. Daehyun sat the baby on the counter, next to the stove, and started making himself eggs. He realized the baby didn’t need to  be held up, and was almost sitting right by itself. Is that normal? How old is he? I thought he was a newborn. Mm.. Oh my eggs!

After breakfast, Daehyun spent most of the day poking the baby and thinking it was weird. In the afternoon, it started crying like it was it being murdered, and there was nothing he could do to make it stop. “Baek would know what to do! Why did he leave me alone!” Since he didn’t have a pacifier, his last resort was to hand the kid a teddy bear. Instead of cuddling it, the baby started chewing on it. Daehyun was really happy that the cries stopped, but also couldn’t help himself from judging the baby, again.

To the biggest relief of Daehyun, Baekhyun came back from work a little bit early, with a bag full of diapers and powdered milk. When the baby laid eyes on Baekhyun, he exclaimed loudly: “BAE”. Both Baekhyun and Daehyun were astonished and confused because they didn’t understand what it was trying to say. After a few repetitions and a tiny hand pointing towards Baekhyun, they finally figured out that the infant was trying to say “Baek”. It was weirdly cute, but also worrying since he was technically born this morning.

Baekhyun decided to change the baby and feed it, secretly wondering how Daehyun managed to keep it alive without any baby stuff. He chose not to ask questions for the sake of his own sanity. He put the baby to sleep in the guest room without any resistance, which hinted that it had been awake all day. Fortunately, the child would be in better hands tomorrow, as they agreed to stay home alternatively.

The baby slept almost the whole night through, waking up only once to be fed and changed, going back to sleep right after.

The following morning, it was Baekhyun’s turn to babysit. He went to see the baby and thought it was a little bit more… chubby than yesterday. He sat it in the living-room, in front of the TV while he prepared a bottle of milk. When he came back from the kitchen, the baby was… gone. PANIC. He looked everywhere for it, and found it in the bathroom, playing with the water in the toilet. PANIC. He quickly grabbed the baby and washed its hands while gently scolding it. After that, he realized the child must have walked itself to the bathroom. How was that even possible? He called Daehyun at work in panic, asking him to come home as soon as possible, because the infant was being weird again. His boyfriend, promised he would try to come home early.

By then, Baekhyun was hungry. He decided to make himself eggs, since he could easily sit the child on the counter and keep an eye on it. He ate with the baby sitting on his lap, since there was nowhere else to put it without it walking away, and then he fed it the bottle he had made before the bathroom incident. Yet, one bottle did not seem to be enough to satisfy the infant and he had to make a second one. That thing sure eats a lot... for a newborn.

In the middle of the afternoon, Daehyun came back home and was immediately handed a baby, while Baekhyun disappeared in the bathroom, declaring he absolutely needed to take a bath. That was code for panic. Baekhyun only took sudden baths in times of high stress. Daehyun decided to be a nice boyfriend and made diner. He set the table, plates and all, and sat there with the baby in his lap. He waited a respectable amount of time for his lover to come out of his bath, but it was taking “hours” so he started feeding the kid instead. Except that it wanted nothing to do with milk, only pouting and whining anytime the bottle neared its mouth.

Just before the adult could lose his patience, the baby furtively grabbed a handful of green peas from the plate and shoved it in its mouth. Daehyun didn’t even have the time to interfere that the food was chewed and swallowed. At first he wanted to panic, but everything seemed fine. The infant was looking at him with big eyes, it was still breathing and alive. Daehyun was judging it pretty bad, but instead of scolding he decided to experiment. He gave the baby more peas, and then switched to salmon. There was still breathing and no chocking in sight, so this was definitely a success. In fact, the kid seemed to appreciate his culinary skills a lot.

That’s when Baekhyun entered the kitchen. “Hey, how’s it going?” he asked. “Great! This kid loves salmon!” Daehyun said, genuinely smiling. PANIC. The older of the adults started yelling at the incompetent one, but was quickly interrupted by a valid objection. “He has teeth anyway. It’s fine!

- I need another bath.”

Daehyun watched his boyfriend walk back to the bathroom and shrugged.

“Do you want more? Do you want salmon?

- Almon?

- Did you just talk? Can you say peas?

- Pea!

- That’s so cool! Say other things. Say… table!

- Able

- Oh my god. Say my name! Dae-hyun.

- Dae.

- …. That’s valid! Yaaay!”

The rest of Baekhyun’s bath was spent making the baby repeat all the objects in the kitchen, and then in the living-room. When the stressed boyfriend finally joined them on the couch, Daehyun was eager to show him his magic trick.

“Okay check this out. Baby, say it again, just like we practiced.

- Shes cake.

- …. Are you kidding me? Did you just spend an hour teaching it to say cheesecake?

- It only took five minutes mind you, and it can now repeat anything you say, and name many things in the apartment. Bam!”

Baekhyun was more concerned than impressed. He slowly reached for the baby and took it silently to be bathed. It was later put to bed, and slept the whole night through.

The third day was a very eventful one, as Daehyun was in charge and seemed to have taken the mission of developing the child’s abilities. By noon, the baby was walking perfectly and saying a few short sentences. They had a great time bonding as Daehyun tickled it, also letting it climb on his back and pretended to be a horse all around the living-room. Later, is was story-telling time, as the kid’s vocabulary needed to be expanded.

By the time Daehyun tried to change its diaper, the baby exclaimed “toilet” instead. Even if he was surprise, the adult decided to give it a try and, just like that, the child was toilet-trained.

Another problem needed his attention: the clothes the baby was delivered in did not fit anymore, as the kid had grown bigger. Daehyun decided to wrap it in a big ugly Christmas sweater, so that they could go shopping.

He entered the first baby store he found, and was assisted by a nice lady who gave him a choice of outfits for his “son”. The clothes were marked as being for two year olds, which Daehyun found suspicious. Something told him that buying the same outfits in many sizes would be a good idea. So he bought two outfits, in sizes 2, 4 and 6. Just in case. He also purchased a nice winter suit in the biggest size he could find. Back at the apartment, more intellectually engaging activities followed, such as: watching a movie, coloring and learning to count to 10.

That night, Daehyun exposed a crazy theory to his lover. According to his experiments and google searches, the baby seemed to be growing more each day, at approximately one year per day. Baekhyun was not buying it, but Daehyun didn’t budge. He even went as far as making predictions for the next day’s skill improvements. Tomorrow, the child could throw and catch a ball, stand on one foot and make a non-abstract drawing.

Thursday was back to Baekhyun’s turn. Before he left for work, Daehyun made sure to reiterate his prediction and brag about how clever he was for buying bigger clothes for the seemingly forever growing baby. With that in mind, Baekhyun kept a close eye on the kid’s motor skills, mostly so he could prove Daehyun wrong.

After breakfast, he tried to invalidate the first prediction. He found a tennis ball in an old sports bag in the closet, and threw it gently at the kid. The said kid, did not catch the ball fast enough. He motioned to close his arms in the general direction of the moving object but, instead, it hit him in the forehead. Baekhyun tried not to laugh too hard and, after making sure the child was okay, he smiled in triumph over Daehyun’s stupid theory.

Because he was looking very good today, he decided to commemorate the passing of this child in his life, with a few selfies. Except that the kid wasn’t looking as good as him. So, he improvised himself a hair-dresser and gave the baby his first haircut. After they were both gorgeous, Baekhyun found the perfect lighting, perfect angle and took the perfect pictures. After the photoshoot, the review of many shots revealed that the two models had somewhat of a family resemblance. They both had fluffy looking hair, cat eyes and smiles that ranged from a little bit rectangular to a lot.

When the afternoon came, Baekhyun left the child alone in the living-room with paper and crayons, while he made snacks. When he returned with sliced apples, he was presented with a drawing. A precise drawing. The proud artist explained his masterpiece: “This is a house. This is a you. This is a Dae. This is a me, the baby!” Baekhyun was really touched by this attention, and the fact that the child really seemed to like them. But he also realized two things: first, Daehyun was right – ; second, the child thought his name was ‘the baby’. This is not right. I have to do something.

“Hey so… You know your name is not ‘the baby’ right?

- No?

- When we got you, your name was V.

- V?

- Yes. Do you like that name ?”

The kid just shrugged and kept a blank face staring Baekhyun down.

“How about, we try calling you V for a while, and you see if you like it okay?

- Okay.”

From that conversation, they went right into playing ball again, at V’s request. Baekhyun was already chuckling at the thought of the kid getting hit in the head again, which did not happen. His movements were a bit more on cue, and after a few tries he actually caught the ball with his tiny arms against his tiny chest. He even threw it back – . And just like that, two out of three predictions had come true. In a hurry, Baekhyun asked V to try standing on one foot; fortunately, he fell to the ground. Phew! At least not everything Daehyun said came true.

Speaking of the devil, he just came back from work and witnesses V catching and throwing a ball. A knowing smirk made its way to his lips, annoying the hell of his lover. Their glare was interrupted by a very happy child gesturing a piece of paper in front of Daehyun. He presented his beautiful drawing once more, this time referring to himself as V. Daehyun went along with it and congratulated him on his art.

“So honey I guess I was right?

- Not so fast! It’s only two out of three. He can’t stand on one feet: I checked.

- Oh really?”

Daehyun unexpectedly stood on one leg, gesturing for V to imitate him. Within a minute of continued effort on the kid’s part, he finally succeeded. Baekhyun was insulted by this sight. He crossed his arms, and left the room huffing and puffing. Daehyun was really proud of his victory but he knew better than to rub it in.

Before bed time, Baekhyun was trying to prepare an outfit for V to wear the next day. He soon realized that size 4 clothes were starting to be a bit small, but size 6 might still not fit properly. After pondering a while, he chose a size 4 shirt and size 6 pants. The kid was growing tall more than anything at this point.

When he was in bed with Daehyun, he sarcastically asked what his predictions were for tomorrow. The diviner refused to answer, saying it was a surprise. When Baekhyun would come back from work, V would be able to do so many more things.

It was now Friday. Daehyun started his day by furthering his google searches and making a list of things V should be able to accomplish today, as it was day 5, thus he was supposed to be four years old, according to his theory. He made his way to the guest room, now V’s room, and he was pleased to see the boy already trying to put on the clothes Baekhyun had prepared for him. He put his shirt inside out but aside from that: it was a success! The grown up checked ‘dressing himself’ from his list with a big smile.

Today was a big day, as it would be V’s second visit of the outside world. Dressed in their winter wear, they went to the park in order for the kid to meet other tiny humans. He really needed to develop social skills. Daehyun encouraged him to run around and jump in the snow – just so he could check that off to. He played a while with the little boy but later let him spend time alone with his peers, as he went to sit on a bench nearby.

Daehyun entertained himself with his phone while waiting. He surfed various social medias and came across Baekhyun’s army of selfies with the baby. A tender smile graced his lips as he saw the two beautiful beings that looked so happy. He admired their fluffy hair, their pretty eyes and their… boxed smiles. Wait… They looked suspiciously similar. Almost like they were related. But that was too weird to think about. It wasn’t possible.

Snow started falling a bit too much for Daehyun’s liking. He deemed the weather unsuitable for a kid and called out for V so they could go home. Anyway it was lunch time.

After lunch, they had to get back on Daehyun’s strict learning schedule. It was time for arts and crafts. He taught V to use scissors and glue. They worked on a beautiful collage together with old magazines. Using the kid’s enthusiasm to his advantage, he moved on to the writing portion of the development plan. They started with simple words, Daehyun writing them out and V retracing them below: ‘Daehyun’, ‘Baekhyun’, ‘V’, ‘cheesecake’, etc.

Followed the conversational training. V started talking of his own accord. Soon, he was asking a ton of questions, to which Daehyun did not want to answer. Things like: ‘Who are my parents?’ ‘Are you my dad?’ ‘Is Baek my mom?”.  This was a dangerous topic. Yet, the fact that V instinctively thought of Baekhyun as his mom was hilarious, and another victory. Being the dad was much better.

“Hmm… You should ask those questions to Baekhyun.

- When I spend the day with him tomorrow?

- Yes! Well… no. Tomorrow is Saturday. Nobody goes to work on Saturday.”

Still, Daehyun was glad to see that V had developed a sense of time notion. He did not have that on his list, but he wrote it down, just so he could check it.

Baekhyun soon came home and was forced to listen to Daehyun recited all of his accomplishments and victories for the day. He was really annoyed, but still proud of V for all his progress. It was now undeniable: Daehyun’s theory was probably right. He sent his boyfriend to the kitchen to make diner, but mostly to shut him up.

When diner was ready, Daehyun decided it would be fun to experiment in front of Baekhyun – and freak him out. His lover was sitting at the table, while himself was serving the plates near the stove. He asked V to come to him and gave the child a small plate full of food. He told him to bring it to Baekhyun. PANIC. Baekhyun rose to his feet in a matter of seconds, ready to stop a catastrophe. To his surprise, V had already walked half the kitchen and nothing was on the ground. Time froze as all eyes were on the child. He soon reached the table and just needed a hand to set the plate on it. Baekhyun was impressed but still threw a dark glare towards Daehyun, who only mouthed ‘Victory’ back. The rest of diner was uneventful, and devoid of death glares.

Saturday finally came and no one had to go to work. They decided to spend the day all together, as they had mostly interacted with V one at a time. Baekhyun let his family fantasies loose and planned the most typical day he could. Activities included: going to the theater for a fun animation movie and eating at a specialized cheesecake restaurant. It was one of the first words V pronounced and wrote, so it was only fitting that he should taste some. Plus it was a fundamental part of the Jung family tradition. Fortunately, he liked it.

Then, it was time for outdoor activities. They played in the snow, built a fort, made snow angels and a snowman. Daehyun thought it was a bit over the top but his boyfriend was extremely adamant that they had to do everything single thing a family with young children could do outside. The kid was getting pretty tired so they headed home to warm up. Daehyun prepared two and a half hot chocolates with mini marshmallows. And everyone cuddled up under a big blanket on the sofa, while a classic holiday album was playing.

The day eventually came to an end. It was late and little V had to go to sleep after his exhausting day. Both Daehyun and Baekhyun put him to bed, making sure he was all tucked-in and comfortable. As they were watching him fight sleep and eventually close his eyes, Baekhyun felt a sudden wave of affection wash over him. Seeing this adorable face looking peaceful and angelic made his mother instincts cry out. He turned to Daehyun with a pout that did not need to be explained in words. He was irremediably attached to the child and wanted to keep him. Initially, Daehyun thought he would protest. Because he still believed the kid was broken. Plus it would be encouraging the delivery of things that were not ordered in the first place, which was against his morals.

Who could resist a whiny boyfriend asking to keep a child that is really smart, nice and cute? Not Daehyun. And so he let out a deep sigh and gave Baekhyun a tender smile, surrendering easily. His decision was celebrated with a kiss, a very soft and loving kiss, leading to something not appropriate to do in a child’s presence. They dimmed the light and went out of the room to enter their own. Lying in their bed, they could not seem to find sleep. Both had their eyes open, staring at the ceiling, silently worrying about the troubling details regarding V and his presence in their lives.

For example, if they wanted to keep him, how would they be able to put him in school without any identity papers? They had no birth certificate for him or adoption papers. Surely, people would find weird that he had no mother. Also, how much longer would the child grow? Would his growth halt, and when? Or would he just grow one year each day until he was an old man? And he would die? This was a really disturbing thought for both Daehyun and Baekhyun. They found sleep not yet sure what to do, and certainly not reassured in any way.

The next morning, a loud bang! woke them up. They realized the noise came from the window, again. A very annoyed Daehyun went to see what collided with the glass, even if he suspected he already knew what it was. He opened the window and soon found their friend the stork entering the room, as it had done a week ago.

“Hello…

- YOU!” screamed Baekhyun, interrupting whatever speech it was about to say. “You better have a good reason to come back here!

- This time I am SURE I did NOT order anything last night!” interjected an agitated Daehyun.

“No no. I am not delivering anything new, nor taking anything back. It’s just that… I kind of forgot to give you something that came with the baby.

- Which is?

- The… instruction manual.

- …. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”

Baekhyun was so outraged that his boyfriend had to physically restrain him so that he wouldn’t hurt the bird.

“In there it explains that the child stops growing after six days, so… today. Sorry about that. Here is the manual, and also the papers you need to be legal guardians. The name isn’t filled out, so you can put whatever you choose to call him. Thank you for doing business with Storks Inc.”

And on those wise words, he left. Hopefully forever.

It took a few minutes for Baekhyun to calm down, and then followed a short conversation on what they wanted to call the child. Both of them had secretly been thinking about it. Daehyun said he wanted something that finished in ‘hyun’ like them, but Baekhyun preferred the variant ‘hyung’. In a moment of revelation, both of them said the same name out loud: “Taehyung!”

All excited, they decided to go wake Taehyung up, and tell him that he was officially adopted and named. Unfortunately, his room was empty. They didn’t panic yet, as he probably went to entertain himself in the living-room. But he wasn’t there either. Baekhyun’s stress level was dangerously increasing. They entered the kitchen. PANIC. Taehyung was standing on a chair he had pulled up to the stove, and was making himself some eggs. While Baekhyun was having a heart attack, Daehyun walked to the child and, after evaluating that nothing was threatening their lives, smiled approvingly.

“Hey buddy, what are you doing?

- I’m making eggs.

- Did you… make enough for everyone?

- I can make more if you are hungry!”

That was it. Daehyun was in love. This kid was the best thing to ever happen to them. And so, they had a very good breakfast. They lived happily ever after, and never, never, NEVER, ordered any other babies.