This mission would be a hell of a lot easier if I had a particular affinity for reading lips.  I squinted through the dingy window as best as I could, pushing aside all intentions of being sneaky.  Thankfully at that moment, the pudgy man I had my sights set on chose that exact moment to start screaming loud enough for me to hear through the glass.

"Do you think it even matters at this point?  Those rebels are just tossing out bait, just waiting with their beady little eyes for you to cave in.  I don't understand why you keep humoring them."  

The previous government leader's minister, a pudgy man who was as a red as could be, continued on lecturing the boy who was supposed to be their leader, his mouth spewing little bits of spit every which way.

The son of the recently assasinated self-appointed government leader wiped at his face wearily with a handkerchief, his brow in a seemingly permanent furrow.

I grinned at the sight before me, quite proud of all that my people have accomplished and the wonderful effect it was having on these self-righteous bastards.  It was I who had lead the group of rebels that was finally able to succeed in killing the man who thought he could just extend his power over the people without so much as asking.  

And soon, I was going to be given the signal to assasinate this boy leader as well to send them our message.

I watched in amusement as the boy leader tried but failed to bring order to the council room, his face defeated and tired.  I had all the intel I needed for today's rounds.  As expected, they wouldn't be heeding any time soon to our requests for a fair council hearing where multiple voices could be heard--not just from their people but from our people as well.

I scrawled down a few more notes into my trusty, worn-out pocketbook before shoving it securely into my coat pocket.  Sparing the chaotic room one last glance, I shimmied out of the tight space I had had to squeeze myself into in order to get a good vantage point. I hopped off the balustrade in one silent swoop, landing lightly on to the stone steps of the pathway leading to the rest of the council building.

I scurried on quickly towards the exit and burst through the heavy wooden doors, straight into an inferno of the biting cold and hail slapping me raw in the face.  I buried my face as best I could into my already battered coat, tightening the scarf my wife had thrown around me this morning.  I gulped nervously at the thought of returning back to my wife who was sure to be furious, and for good reasons.

My husband fixed wary, tired eyes on me the moment he stepped into our small, shared bedroom.  I didn't blame him.  These days, I was more on edge and prone to pouncing on him with my usual naggy comments.  But I wasn't angry right now.  I was scared, and very desperate.

I smoothed down a wrinkle on the blanket strewn across the bed before finally bringing myself to smile brightly at him.

"A bit too cold to be prancing around outside, don't you think?"  

He sighed before shrugging out of his coat and unwinding the scarf from his neck.  

"Don't start with me now.  You know why I do these things."

His eyes were shining with the same desperation I was feeling.  I looked away, not wanting to let my resolve crumble.

"It's so dangerous, Luhan.  I know what you're doing is right.  I know you're fighting for a better future.  But to what extent?  When can I stop worrying about losing you?"

He groaned aloud and kicked aside a pile of logs I had worked hard to obtain this morning.  I flinched at his sudden outburst, silently chastising myself for being so afraid.  Luhan would never hurt me.  He was only frustrated with me because I was still disapproving with his chosen path.

A flash of remorse cut across his face for a moment before faltering into a false hardness that seemed to be his usual expression these days.  He knelt before me slowly, taking my calloused hands in his own equally hardened palms.  I choked back a sob that threatened to wrack itself through my body.  But Luhan, my dear Luhan, was so perceptive and so in tune with my feelings, how could he not be after all these years, that he immediately wrapped his arms around my head and brought me soothingly into his chest.

I allowed myself then to show him how truly weak I was.  He was so, so strong.  And I was nothing like him.

He was fighting endlessly against forces that were threatening our right to live freely.  And here I was shaking like a coward, hiding within the thresholds of the powerful group I wanted him to leave.  

I cried silently and bitterly, allowing my tears to freely drip down to his shirt.

He whispered nonsense promises into my hair, his hands running up and down my arms.  I pushed away from him, grasping his hands into my own.

"Luhan don't do this.  If you can't leave the group behind for me then do it for our daughter," I pleaded, tightening my hold on his hands.

He stayed silent for a moment, mulling over my words.  But as always, his resolve was strong, even if it hurt me in the process.

"I can't do that.  Because I'm doing this for you.  For you and our daughter.  Because I love you,"  he said softly, cupping my face and running a thumb across my cheek.

I moved out of his embrace, turning away from him without a word and moving to my daughter's side on the bed.  I felt him standing there, watching us quietly, even after I was done sniffling and basically ignoring his presence.  As I was on the brink of drifting off to sleep, I heard the door open then close almost soundlessly.

Some time after he had left, I found myself still curled up beside the sleeping form of our daughter, entranced by the slow, deep breathing of her sleep.  I curled a tendril of unruly hair behind her ear, smiling fondly at the clear resemblance she bore to her father.  

I foolishly thought that maybe using our daughter as leverage would finally be the straw to bring him back to his senses.  While his duty to the people was great, shouldn't his duty to his family be greater even?

But Luhan was Luhan.  He was loyal to his views, to his heart, and to us. And it wasn't like he had to fight anyone.  He was just the rebels' meager spy, sent into enemy compounds to record their conversations and collect intel. I would just have to believe that he would make it out somehow and that in the end, we'd be able to live normally--just us three.

A sharp rapping at the door had me alert from my standing position at the foot of the bed.  I looked over at my wife and daughter and their still, sleeping forms before moving carefully to the door.  I unclipped a small, retractable blade from within my trouser pocket, bringing it out before me as I turned the knob.

Kyungwoo yelped in surprise, taking a small jump back in defense.  I quickly shut the door closed behind me, quickly gesturing for him to follow me further down the dim corridor of the rebel compound.

"What the hell, Woo?  I told you my family was with me, you can't just barge in randomly,"  I whisper-shouted, jabbing him firmly in the chest with the of my knife.

He winced, smiling at me apologetically.

"Sorry man.  I told the commander you didn't want to be bothered but this is extremely urgent."

At his mention of our leader, I instantly brought my face closer to his, only flustering the shorter man more.

"Is it.." I drifted off, whipping my head to the sides to make sure we didn't have a chance of being overheard. 

He nodded grimly before swiftly placing a handgun into my now-clammy hand.  I looked down with awe at the hefty weapon, unsure I was really holding it.  Handguns and the like have been heavily regulated so personal usage was strictly prohibited.  Our leader, the commander, only really handed these out when the mission was especially dire or dangerous.  Some say receiving one is practically a death sentence in and of itself.  No one really returmed alive from missions when a handgun was involved.

But I had something to come back to and I wasn't planning on dying anytime soon.

I slide the gun securely into a holster Kyungwoo clipped around my waist.

"It's time to send the flare up,"  he whispered gravely before clapping a hand firmly onto my shoulder.  I swallowed my uncertainty, patting his hand.

"It's been a pleasure to know you, Kyungwoo,"  I allowed my voice to waver with true emotion just this one last time for a friend I had known since I was a child.

He grinned before stalking off soundlessly down the hall.

It was time.  I had been given the honor of sending up the flare-- the ultimate warcry to the people that threatened our freedom.

I held up my shaking fist to my mouth, afraid I would not be able to stop myself from punching the calm expression off the man before me.

"With all due respect,"  I hissed between my teeth, not bothering to staunch the tears of frustration and betrayal pooling at my eyes, "you sent out my husband to die without letting his own wife know?" 

I ended up biting my tongue to keep myself from saying what I really wanted to say.  I had known I wouldn't be able to stop him from carrying out his role as a spy for the rebels, but to send him out into direct contact against the armed men of the infinitely more powerful government-- this was too much.

The commander frowned, shuffling documents in his gloved hands.  

"I think you're not getting the full extent of the honor that has been bestowed upon your husband and his family.  Not just anyone was picked for this mission.  I entrusted Luhan with this important job because he's quite simply, the best.  No one else would make it out alive but your husband, my dear, has quite a good chance.  So you see there's just no need to worry yourself."

He leaned back in his seat, grinning  as if he was satisfied with his explanation.

"You say he's the best of the best.  And you say you sent him out on the pretense that he had a likelier chance to make it out alive.  But do you understand why I'm livid?"

I slammed my hand down on the desk between us, managing to startle the usually stoic man.  At my clear act of distaste, his easy smile morphed into one of utter cruelty.  

"This is the end of the conversation so you better listen well.  Luhan is fighting for a cause bigger than himself and bigger than you and I so I suggest you accept that he may or may not make it and move- the- hell- on."

"That government boy is one of the most heavily guarded people in this region and you expect her to calm down and just move on?  How do you expect him to get close enough to even get a clear shot?"  

I looked up in surprise at Kyungwoo's outburst. I always saw Kyungwoo as someone who stuck to a clear path and never deviated from what was right.  But it looked like he was someone that loyal to his friends and for that I was thankful.

Before the commander could get another word in, I held up a shaky hand to silence him.  He glowered at me haughtily but nodded in consent for me to speak.

"He's going to die and you're just going to find another replacement.  And that's all good and well for you.  But what about me?  What about his daughter?  We can't ever find a replacement for Luhan."

I had been laying on my front for hours, remaining concealed and as silent as could be behind a defunct well that was shrouded by curtains of lichen.  I knew that the new appointed government leader liked to take strolls every day at around noon around the Royal gardens--if you could call it that.  This was also conveniently when he had a lesser amount of guards flocking around him.

I rubbed at my neck, the cold biting and unforgiving even when a thick scarf was practically choking off my circulation.  At exactly the estimated time, the doors to the Royal gardens opened to the sound of small chatter and clomping boots.  I wiggled my own nearly frost-bitten toes in my own battered boots, feeling all the more pitiful in my less than regal state.

I watched in seething silence as the new leader and his posse stopped several times in heated conversation until they were merely a few yards in front of me. I shook my head to the side, willing my sopping bangs to move out of my eyes.  It was times like these where I wished I had listened to my wife's cute nagging.

"But I believe it would truly be beneficial for all of us if we just came to a compromise and held the council hearing the rebels have been asking for!"  The boy leader said thoughtfully, oblivious to the eye rolls of his fellow government officials.  

"Believe us, those rebels are nothing but trouble.  After we establish the Cristal system we've been planning, all will be well."

The boy leader hummed in response before turning towards the well and staring straight at me.

"Sending up the flare."  I pressed on the trigger, staring right back at him with unremorseful eyes as everything seemed to unfold in slow motion.

Then the bullet hit, straight into his chest, blood splurting almost simultaneously from his shot wound and his gobsmacked mouth.  

Then everything went back to regular speed and I felt my head start to reel with dizziness and pure adrenaline as I high-tailed it out of there towards the gate leading outside to safety.  I heard shouts of horror and curses not far behind me and realized that I may have just jeopardized my safety with my recklessness.  I got a clear shot but I hadn't considered how much space and time I would have needed to put between the enemies and I in order to make a clean escape.  

I hadn't been thinking at all.  And really this was that stupid boy leader's fault.  If he hadn't looked towards the well right at that moment, he wouldn't have seen me.  And if I had continued listening to what he was trying to tell the much older government officials, I might have realized that he had a valid point about a possible compromise.  And that he was much different from his ruthless father.

But it was much too late for regrets now.  

A bullet whizzed past my head.  Another shot barely grazed my cheek when I turned my head slightly to check on their progress.

I looked out frantically at the wide expanse of snow blanketing what seemed to be a field that went on for miles.  I spotted a materials junkyard in the distance, not the ideal hiding spot but better than nothing, and sprinted my way across the ankle-deep snow as best as I could.

The wind started to pick up speed at the worst possible time, sending me sprawling several times onto my knees.  Soon, I lost sight of my intended hideaway, my vision taken over by the violent plumes of snow and hail surrounding me from every direction.  I inched my way slowly forward, my face raw and beaten.

 I clenched my fingers around my scarf protectively, refusing to lose it so carelessly.

Then a ringing erupted in my ear and a pain so incredible I could no longer breathe blossomed across my back.  

The intense pain soon flared down to my torso, my vision becoming completely white. 

I felt my heart start to beat erratically, my head filled with the roaring wind and my choppy breaths.

I sat in the window seat of the commander's office, having refused to leave until Luhan returned.  My daughter climbed up into my lap, pressing a kiss to my tear-stained cheek.  I nibbled worriedly at my thumb, smoothing her hair down her back.

"I thought you were sleeping, little one,"  I said softly, gently rubbing her tired eyes.

"I can't sleep when mommy's not around,"  she murmured before snuggling herself comfortably into my arms.

After just a few minutes of me rubbing calming circles into her back, she fell back into a deep, unfitful sleep.  I pressed a light kiss to her forehead, feeling great sorrow for the child.  She barely ever saw her father as it was and now--  I shook my head, willing the dark thoughts away.

I turned my own tired eyes to the window, hoping that wherever he was, he could feel us waiting for him, yearning for him.  It was hard to see anything through the heavy swirl of snow and hail constantly pounding against the window.  

I was waiting for his familiar outline, for his familiar sheepish smile whenever he returned from his missions, for my name on his lips right as he would catch sight of me.

"Come back soon."  

Somewhere in the distance, a faint gunshot rang through the air, buried in the loud torrent of the everlasting winter storm.

I found myself laughing as I struggled to press the soaked scarf to my side, my vission blurring with pent-up tears swimming in my eyes.  It was too damn cold to even cry.  What kind of fate what this?  I doubled over in a fit of coughs, matted strands of hair stubbornly sticking to my forehead.

When my coughing episode ended, I threw myself onto my back, only to start wheezing and hacking when a new wave of pain took a hold of my entire body.  

I willed myself to stay awake despite the temptation of resting my eyes for just a moment.  Taking in quick, shallow breaths, I trailed my palms across my torso where sure enough I felt more than one gunshot wound wet with blood.  

"I need to go back home."  I felt as if I was hearing someone other than myself say those words.

 I floated for what seemed like ages in and out of a comforting blackness.

And then I was suddenly fully concious, a dull throbbing in my chest and my mouth dry yet at the same time wet with my own blood.  I twisted my neck to the side towards where I assumed the rebel compound to be, where my wife and daughter were safe and sound, waiting for me.  I groaned aloud at the incessant cold and snow that were only making my wounds worse.  

I reached a hand out towards home, towards my family.  I did this until the weakened muscle in my arm shook then spasmed uncontrollably and it flopped uselessly to the cold surface.  

I hope they felt me reaching out for them.  I hope they knew that they were my last thought.

I looked on blearily at a rivulet of blood ribboning prettily into the pure, white snow.

"Aw crap, my girl's gonna have a hell of a time washing these blood stains out,"  I said to no one in particular, letting out another half-hearted laugh.

My little Erina would have loved laying in the snow.

I took in a raspy breath, tilting my face up with great effort to bask in the bright sun.