I don’t know how it happened but it did. One minute I was so excited to give him his birthday gift then the next minute he ended everything between us. I wondered what I had done wrong and all he said was that he simply doesn’t love me anymore. That was it wasn’t it? We can be in love with someone the day before but we can wake up to not even remembering why we even loved the person in the first place.

I called my best friend Shindong on the phone and told him the news. He said I’ll be fine which I replied by laughing with tears welling in my eyes. I mean, I know I’ll be fine someday but damn can I get a little sympathy from my best friend? I did date my boyfriend.. wait ex-boyfriend for almost four years. Shindong told me to meet up at our favorite club here in Washington D.C. which I first refused to go but after thinking, I finally agreed to go. I thought to myself, it’s better to spend some time with people than wallow in your sorrow in your small apartment Sungmin.

I drove to the club and immediately saw Shindong the moment I got out of my car. He pulled me and we ran inside the club together. I never hesitate whenever I’m going to drink alcohol. I love it. The drinks kept coming but my body has always been good at tolerating alcohol. I drank one last shot and even brought the shot glass on the dance floor. It all came back to me. The memories, the kisses, the hugs, the promises; everything came back. Soon enough, I was crying while dancing on the dance floor. I wasn’t really up to be the center of attention tonight so I decided to leave. I wobbled my way back to the bar to return the shot glass to the bartender then made my way out of the club. I could hear Shindong yelling out to ask where I’m going but I just waved my hand and didn’t look back. He knew better not to follow me.

As soon as I got out of the club, the most surprising feeling came over me. I was drunk. I felt every single drink that I drank tonight coming back out of my system. Knowing how lucky I am, I tried to hold it back but we can’t fight what needs to happen. I threw up and it landed not on the ground, but on someone.

“Ah! Verdammt!” The man in front of me yelled out.

I smiled with my mouth covered. I looked at the man’s now vomit-stained shirt, then at his face. “You speak German huh?” I asked.

“Uhmmm yeah. I’m half,” he calmly answered as if nothing bad happened to him. He ed his shirt, then threw it away in the garbage can beside me.

After that, I don’t remember what else happened that night. My body wasn’t able to take it anymore that I suddenly passed out. All I know is that something broke my fall.

~

I woke up and I immediately realized I wasn’t in my car because this car was reeked of mint. My car smells of lime. I looked at the time on the dashboard and it was 5:54 AM. The sun hasn’t risen yet but I knew it will soon. I unbuckled my seatbelt and stumbled outside of this unfamiliar car with a slight headache.

“I probably shouldn’t have drank too much,” I mumbled as I closed the passenger door.

“You’re right,” the sudden voice said. It was the man I threw up on sitting on his trunk. “Do you know how much one shirt costs from Jos. A. Bank?”

I gave him a judgmental look. “Is it that necessary to own expensive clothes?”

“Why not? I can afford it,” he smugly replied. He patted the space between him asking me to sit beside him. “So, what’s your story?”

I made my way to sit beside him and as I did that I asked him what he meant. He asked me why I decided to drink so much last night from the club. I was hesitant to tell him until he finally introduced himself. His name is Cho Kyuhyun.

I turned away from him for a second and stared up at the sky. The sun is finally rising and I smiled. I looked back at Kyuhyun and frowned. “That’s his favorite color,” I told him.

Kyuhyun looked up at the sky then back at me. “I’m guessing you’re talking about your ex considering that you got so drunk.”

I nodded at him. I proceeded to tell him my story.

“I love him so much, you know? I thought I left some love for myself but it turns out he took it all. He took my heart. I thought I was going to be okay if he ever left me because I’m used to being alone. I’m used to tending to myself and only having to worry about my cat. Then he came alone and swept me off my feet. He literally swept me off my feet because I had tripped that day and broke my ankle. He told me last night that he was leaving me. He said he didn’t love me anymore and that he wasn’t so sure if he ever did. I think that was the part that broke my heart. You have no idea how many times he told me that he’ll only love me forever and how many times he promised that he would never leave me. But he did it anyway. A person in their right mind would be mad if this ever happened to them, but I’m not mad at him at all.  All I ever prayed for at night is for his happiness and who knows maybe he’ll find happiness without me in his life. As much as I wished we could stay together forever, we both know that forever doesn’t really exist.” I forcefully inhaled for I could no longer breathe through my nose with all the mucus that was streaming out along with my tears. I looked down on my shaking hand as Kyuhyun caressed it. I turned my head to look at Kyuhyun and smiled. “I’ll be fine one day. I know I will be.” I pulled my hands away from Kyuhyun to run my fingers through my hair. “So how about you, why were you going to the club by yourself?” I asked him.

The sun was half-way up and was starting to light up every path that we could set our eyes on in D.C. Kyuhyun jumped off his trunk and I followed. He took his keys out of his pocket and locked the doors to his car. We made our way to the Lincoln Memorial as he began with his story.

“Well, I don’t think my story is as intense as yours. I too am gay as well, but I had to get married to a woman; for business, of course. My wife was.. how should I say this.. soft-spoken? She agreed so fast to be wedded even when she knew what I was. She said it really doesn’t matter what I am since it is only for business. She was very nice and she treated me well. She’s a surgeon and even though my mother asked her not to work anymore and to just stay at home to tend the house and our daughter, I refused. I let her do what she wants to do in life. I think maybe that’s why she left me.”

I gasped. “She left you?!”

Kyuhyun nodded with a smirk. “Yup! She left me! Can you believe that?! I’m handsome, rich, and smart! How could she?!”

I punched his arm and urged him to continue on with his story.

“Anyway, she left me to be with another man. A “real” man that is. I’m not quite sure if she wants to get a divorce or just keep her infidelity a secret from our parents, but yeah our daughter gets to stay with me because her new man doesn’t really want to take care of a kid that’s not his. I never loved my wife. I just respected her. We’re business partners that’s all we were. I dated a few men in my life but I never got my heart broken yet. I guess I just haven’t found the right one.”

We sat down on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial and watched the sun fill the sky. There were more cars and people now that the sun was up. Kyuhyun turned to face me to wipe away the tears that were starting to fill my eyes again. “His favorite color is the way the sky looks during the sunrise. Not the color of the sun itself. What’s your favorite color?” I asked.

“I love the color of the sun itself.”

I smiled then said, “me too.”

“You’re right, you know. You’ll be fine. Maybe not today, but definitely one day. As will I.” Kyuhyun’s reassurance definitely made me feel better. He got up and reached his hand out to me to pull me up. “Listen, there’s this really awesome noodle place that I know down at Chinatown. You want to get some breakfast there?”

As much as I wanted to say yes to him, I had to say no. Curse having to work! But we exchanged numbers and promised to see each other in three days.

There was so much I learned in the last few hours. I learned that we lose people, but we also gain them. I learned that I’m not the only one in this world that’s going through something and that I have to be more cautious about the way I act. I love the act of loving. I will always search for the love that will be reciprocated the same way it was given maybe even more. If the day comes a couple of years from now and my ex decides to come back to me, then maybe he was destined for me. Who knows right?

Who knows what the future holds?

~

Let’s just love as often as the sun rises. To everyone who feels like they don’t have the reason to wake up again, just look outside and see what new adventures it has in store for you.

-끝-