Loving someone who didn’t love you back wasn’t easy, it was painful to see them seek comfort in someone that wasn’t you. To have them laugh and smile with others and look at a certain someone with a look that you wished they would look at you with.

Minseok learned this the hard way.

He knew he should be trying to forget about him but he couldn’t help it, it’s like he couldn't escape, he was literally everywhere, he was his bandmate it wasn’t like he could simply say, “Sorry I don’t want to be in EXO anymore because I’m deeply in love with Sehun.”

No that wouldn’t work, telling anyone anything would completely destroy the bond that they all had worked so hard to build and maintain after three of them left.

So he kept a smile on his face and pretended everything was okay even if it wasn’t, even if it was slowly killing himself inside, he could bare with it he thought, it’s not like it really bothered him.

He thought he could deal with it that was until Sehun fell asleep with his head on his lap after they all had decided to watch a movie. He wanted to leave, retreat back to his room or at least move his head off his lap. But he couldn’t not when he saw the peaceful expression on his face.

He sighed as he ran his fingers through the younger’s hair, knowing how the younger was trying to improve his hair after the many times it has been dyed throughout their comebacks.

Then the thoughts came back, could he really do this?

Could he really pretend everything was okay when everything was from it?

Well he had to at least try, that’s what he kept telling himself.

Keep a smile on your face, don’t let it show, look forward, distract yourself.

That was the only thing running through Minseok’s mind as he watched how close him and Kai were, it wasn’t just on stage but also at their dorm. They had gotten closer over time.

He sighed and kept his eyes trained on the television, trying to pay attention to what was happening, even going on his phone to block out everything from the outside world.

But it all came crashing down when Sehun walked over and sat down next to him, begging him to let him and Kai go out for bubble tea with Kyungsoo, he could only nod as he kept his gaze anywhere but on Sehun who hugged him quickly then left.

He couldn’t do this could he?

He wondered why, out of all the times Sehun could’ve come to him, he had to choose now, when his heart was in the process of deciding whether to move on or continue to torture itself, but he couldn’t say no to him.

So he listened as Sehun told him how he liked someone but didn’t how to tell them, he told Minseok that he had liked them for a very long time and that he couldn’t keep it to himself.

Minseok at this moment knew he couldn’t do it, he felt his heart shatter but merely nodded and tried to give the best advice he could as he felt his heart crack even more with every blush that spread on Sehun’s as he kept talking about this person, at every smile that this person caused. Everything that he wanted to make Sehun feel but couldn’t.

Because of the simple fact that it was only him, Sehun liked someone else, the harsh reality of it made him want to run away, but he kept himself in check, even blew a kiss playfully at him as Sehun walked out of his room while laughing.

He wanted to distance himself but he couldn’t, he knew if the members saw him acting suspicious they would only think the worst and freak out.

His heart also wouldn’t let him, he wanted to tell Sehun everything, but he kept quiet because he saw how happy Kai made him. So if it made Sehun happy he would endure it, even if he felt himself slowly losing his happiness.

He would be okay as long as he saw his love happy, it killed him yet kept him alive as he saw Sehun smile, maybe he should try and distance himself. That’s what everyone would tell him to do right? But he already tried that.

His heart didn’t want to be distanced, he didn’t know what to do, it was slowly killing him having to do this every day but he knew that if Sehun was unhappy or if he was taken from him he really would die.

Minseok couldn’t keep it in anymore, he told Kyungsoo everything who told him he should still confess to Sehun, but even then he didn’t know if it was the right thing to do. He decided that even if he does lose himself it’s okay, it’s okay because he lost himself to Sehun.

All he ever wanted was for Sehun to be happy, granted he wanted to be the one that brought the smile to his face and be the one that made him laugh, be the one that Sehun went to for help or when he was and needed help or was just scared. But just knowing he was okay and happy, knowing that he was being taken care of was enough for now.

Of course he knew that it eventually wouldn't be enough but for now it was good enough, he had to try and keep this to himself for as long as possible, for the sake of Sehun's happiness, that's what should matter...that's what really matters.

He felt his heart was ready to burst from happiness as Sehun actually paid him attention, he was resting his head on Minseok's shoulder while playing with his hand and telling him how he was the best hyung for giving him bubble tea. Minseok looked across the room where Kai was on his phone, sometimes glancing up at them but saying nothing and not showing any emotion whatsoever.

He seemed more interested in his phone if anything.

Minseok wondered if he felt the same way he did, did he have the same feelings as Minseok when it came to Sehun?

Did he love him just as strongly?

He kept wondering and suddenly something in him screamed out that no, he couldn't just keep doing this, he couldn't keep pretending he had to say something, had to tell Sehun how he really felt.

Maybe, just maybe Sehun would say something, smile and hug him while telling him he loved him the whole time, but of course that was just his imagination running wild.   

Today would finally be the day he would speak up, both dorms were mostly empty, with some of the members being occupied with other work related things or having gone out with each other.

He knew he had to say something now or else he never would, he would never find this courage again so he had to do it now while he still had the nerve. So taking a deep breath he left his room then made his way to the EXO-K dorm and knocked on the door, he waited until Suho opened it who looked surprised but smiled and told him he had to leave quickly then left leaving Minseok by himself at the door. 

He closed the door then bit his lip trying to keep himself from walking right back out. 

He walked to the room Sehun shared with Suho and Baekhyun which should be empty since he knew for a fact Chanyeol and Baekhyun went somewhere by themselves.

Still when he got closer he heard two voices coming from Sehun's voice and decided to stay quiet even though he knew he should make his presence known. 

"T-That's not it!" He heard Kai laughing and guessed he sat down on the bed.

"Whatever anyway I've seen the way he looks at you, he does like you."

"M-Minseok hyung would never like me!" Sehun exclaimed and Minseok felt a bit of hope, they were talking about him weren't they? That had to mean something right? 

"I bet he totally does." 

"You're not going to give this up are you?" 

"Nope." 

There was a silence then Kai spoke up again. 

"Anyway we should do it." 

There was a silence then Minseok could tell Sehun had walked closer to Kai. 

"Do you really think so?" 

"Yeah, you just need to get over your nerves." 

He didn't hear Sehun respond so he peeked in and felt his hope filled with courage slip away as once again his damaged heart broke once more when he saw Sehun in Kai's lap with his arms wrapped around his neck and their lips pressed together. 

Biting his lip Minseok left quietly, once he was outside he ran back to the EXO-M dorm and went into his room, which was fortunately void of his manager.

He had no choices now, he couldn't tell Sehun, what was the point if he was blissfully happy with someone else? He would just ruin their relationship and he didn't want that. He couldn't hide, what was there to hide if they already knew? 

Well he had one choice Minseok thought bitterly as he laid down on his side, letting the tears that he had been holding back this whole time escape, he gasped softly and bit his lip as they just kept running, he couldn't stop them, he wasn't sure he wanted them to.

Not as the harsh reality slapped him, Sehun wasn't his, he was never his to begin with so he just had to move on, it was really the only thing that he could do now. He just had to forget about Sehun and move on.

He would have to pray that he could fix himself, mend his broken heart once again so he could love, and if couldn't he just hoped that whoever ended up loving him could help him.

But even as he was saying this he knew it wouldn't be easy, it was probably all lies he was telling himself, because even as he felt his heart breaking, his world breaking around him, he couldn't deny that he still needed Sehun, he couldn't live without him. 

So yeah that was that x.x I'm really sorry if it's bad, I kinda like it, I don't know if I should make another part to this..meehh no one will probably care anyway I hope you liked it~ ^.^