We sat side by side on the second floor of the movie theatres, watching as the crowds walk past. No conversations made, no conversations needed as we enjoy each other’s presence, the heat emanating from our bodies comforting our souls. It seems as if time stopped, stopped for us as the continuous cycle of crowds leaving filled our sights.



He turned to me right after I turn to him, as the corners of our lips were raised; almost reaching our eyes and our eyes sparkled and shined at each other. These feelings in my heart, how could I explain it in words? The warmness and peace in my heart, has anyone felt it like I did? Is he feeling this way too? How I wish I could keep these feelings in a jar so that it won’t escape me.



Our hands had automatically been drawn together, like how magnets attract to each other and even though his hand had been rough and sweaty, the smile on my face grew bigger if that was possible because of the nervousness he was showing me. I clasped his hand tighter, wanting to clasp his heart tighter too and never let go as we strolled out of the movie theatre.



How foolish we must have looked like, with such big grins on our faces even when we’re not looking at each other. But when our eyes met, the smiles were replaced with serious expressions as we stared with so much longing at each other. Is this how love feels like?



~~



Where have you been? Why have you not been contacting me? The image of him in my mind burns my eyes; I longed to see him so much. Did you realize now that I’m not good enough for you? My mind takes me back to the past, where the scene of me telling you that I don’t deserve you is playing. Haven’t I warned you? But why do you still try to conquer my heart and then crumple it like that?



A torrent of tears flow out of my eyes, how long has it been since I’ve cried and hurt like that? But even then, I know that loneliness is inevitable and I’m thankful to you for showing me what flawed beauty is. I must go back to the past where I’m independent again, no longer can I depend on people and even as I think of this, my heart pains and clenched further at the thought of being alone again.



Maybe first love isn’t really meant to be.

~~
Days pass and everything is the same, except that now, my heart is bearing hopes. Hopes that my cynical mind would so strongly oppose of, the hopes of my beloved Yunho coming back to me again. In the past, I’ve found it tiring to bear hopes but how is it that now I’ve found it tiring not to have hopes?

Love, I conclude, really changes you.


~~


Weeks pass now and I found myself sitting down on a bench at the park, staring into space. It’s a miracle really, how I could survive until now. The loneliness that have long vanished since Yunho came, came back to haunt me again. Everything I do is haunted by memories of him and I wonder if he is haunted by our memories too.



Thinking back, I’ve never once said I love you to him. And I regretted it, really, to not tell him how I felt before he left. Was it that reason why he left? Endless possibilities of him leaving filled my mind and I failed to notice the overcast of clouds above me. The grey sky looks so melancholic it seems like its crying, how sad. No one was left at the park now but I feel indifferent about it. Even if there are people, I would still feel lonely and I stared at the dragonflies lingering with a bitter yet sad smile.



Even they get to be together.



The first few drops of rain dropped as it landed on my body and the ground lightly. Soon, its companion joined it and I was already drenched by the rain. I really should have gone home in case I fell sick but I didn’t want too. There is an atmosphere of peace here which I really liked, and the soft pitter-patter of the rain when it came in contact with the ground really soothed my soul. I closed my eyes, enjoying the melodious sound and scent of the rain along with the chilly wind which came with it. 



Suddenly, the rain seems to have lost contact with me and I snapped my eyes open wondering if the rain had stopped. Why did it stop so quickly? The sight of rain was still visible; the dragonflies which were once lingering in front of me were gone. Though now replaced by a figure, whose image burned my eyes. 



I met the familiar sight of his eyes; his brown pupil which I often stared at for a long time. Everything seemed to stop, the pitter-patter of the rain seemed to have stopped and even the wind that came with it stopped too. My eyes are still fixed on his and I wonder how I look like then, zoning out like that, drenched with rain. After unashamed staring at his eyes for a long time, I begin to stare at his whole face, admiring the beauty of it again. I start to doubt if his beauty was really flawed now since there are no words to describe his perfection. I looked at his body, clad in a casual polo tee and shorts that reached his knees.



As cliché as it sound, I didn’t believe that he was really standing there. What if my eyes are playing some kind of cruel tricks on me? As I thought of that possibility, tears formed in my eyes again affecting my vision of Yunho. Why must I feel the pain of lost again? Why did my own eyes play this kind of cruel trick? But even if my eyes were playing some kind of trick on me, I must use this time well to appreciate the sight of him before he disappears again and so, I rubbed my tears away quickly not bothering if the harsh movements of my fingers hurt my eyes.



He didn’t move an inch and I wanted to touch him so badly, wanted to hug him because I missed him so much. I missed him so much my heart started to hurt; I didn’t even remember asking him why he left me in the first place. I was just so grateful being able to see him again. What if I hug him he suddenly disappears into thin air? I couldn’t risk that chance and so I just tried to take in the sight of him as much as possible, enough to last me for weeks to come before this imagination comes up again.



He suddenly smiled at me and I felt my heart stopped. Felt my heart stopped pumping and I could no longer hear the rhythmic sound of my heart. His smile was so warm and it made me warm too as I was reminded of our date at the cinema. His white and perfect teeth shined at me and his lips were so inviting but it was his eyes, the love in his eyes that made me feel this way.



Does anyone else know that your smile is like an embrace?



It made me tear up again and I was frustrated at myself, I really have to stop tearing! I can’t waste this opportunity! Again, I harshly rubbed the tears that pooled in my eyes but instead of stopping the tears, it kept flowing without stopping. I could only see Yunho’s silhouette now since the tears clouded my vision and I rubbed my eyes ruthlessly, not caring if they’re swollen and red now which I bet it was.



Then he came nearer to me and my heart started to pump again but this time, it pounded fast and hard against my chest. I could hear the fast pace of it in my ears and wonder if he could hear it too. ‘Of course he couldn’t, he’s just an imagination’, I thought. His hands suddenly made its way towards me, slowly and I remembered how I used to hold it. Hold the rough and sweaty yet big and warm hands with my own. I wanted to hold it again, wanted to hold it again. 



His hands touched my cheeks and I could feel the heat of his hands travelling around my cold face. The gentleness of his hands made me shiver, it was as if he had no choice but to touch me like that, scared that he would break me. 



Who can understand better than me that your gentleness is like a feather



If he really was an imagination, how is it possible for me to feel the warmth in his hands then?



“Yunho? Is that you?” It was difficult for me to speak, since I haven’t spoken since he left and furthermore, there was a lump in my throat. Even though my voice sounded like a toad croaking, I managed to speak and I was thankful to God. The tears that I’ve tried so hard to stop flowed out like a wave, never stopping. I refuse to blink; I wanted to imprint his image in my mind forever.



His hand on my cheeks began to move and wiped away the tears but he stopped since my tears couldn’t stop.



“Yes it’s me”. His voice, it was so good to hear his voice again. I thought I would not be able to hear it again. We didn’t talk much in our dates; we had believed that our actions are more important. It was rare to hear him talk and he only talked if necessary and even if he didn’t, I knew what his silence meant.



“Are you going to leave me again?” This time, it came out as desperate. Desperate is the only word to describe this question despite the thick fear coated with it. The silence was unbearable, it was killing me to not get a reply and I wondered if he was really going to leave again. More tears threatened to spill out of my eyes when he suddenly gave a firm answer, “No”. The fear in my heart had somewhat disappeared but I was still doubtful.


“Really?”


“Yes”. Another firm answer given by him.


“I love you”, he said and I felt myself crumbling. I felt weak all of a sudden and felt giddy because of my happiness. If only he knew how much I loved him. He pulled me up and embraced me in his arms, throwing the umbrella away. Our hearts were together and I felt it, felt his beating mirrored mine; fast and loud. I wanted to hug him as tight as I could, to make sure he couldn’t leave me again but I was honestly too tired. Tired by all the happiness inside me, it felt so surreal.



“Marry me?” He whispered into my ears and I thought I was hearing things. I broke the hug and look at him in confusion. There in his hands lay a ring, plain looking but yet it promised and meant so much to me.



“Yes. Of course I will” My body was found in his embrace again, the warmness of his body travelling to my heart.



After the rain, it becomes harder to forget, to forget that I still love you. So, let time stop. Maybe then, the rain will never stop and I will never stop loving you.

A/n:This is really a crappy piece. I wanted to make it more heart-felt but I think I ended up destroying it><. I also originally wanted to be fluffy at the ending but I didn't write fluff for such a long time and I guess my fluff-writing skills(if there's such a thing) became rusty. So sorry for this! You can throw me any criticisms.Constructive ones please.