Jaebum doesn't think he’s selfish. At least not after he met Jackson and had a thorough personality check. 

Pre-Jackson, as Jinyoung likes to call it, was a time when Jaebum was an ungrateful, selfish little bastard. 

He doesn't want to think that those were his only defining personality traits. Yet, it's kind of difficult when Jinyoung constantly reminds him of his horrendous past every time he tries to praise himself.

Jinyoung knows best though. He was there during the mess that was Jaebum in his JJ Project days, in his pre-Jackson days. 

Still, Jinyoung never left. 

Jaebum can't for the life of him understand why. 

Throughout the years, he’s come up with multiple theories. The most plausible one being the near frightening amount of black mail Jinyoung has on him, and since he’s now the leader, that naturally translates to exploitation. Jackson's too dimwitted not to mention good-natured to ever exploit Jaebum. Sadly, Jinyoung isn't.

He tries to ignore the confused expressions on the other members’ faces when he lets Jinyoung stay up later than intended to catch up with his favorite TV-shows.

He also tries to ignore the tired, suspicious glances he receives when he lets Jinyoung continue sleeping even after the alarm has sounded.

Jaebum compensates for that though. He makes sure everyone has eaten enough meals to stay alert throughout the day, even if it means handing out portions of his own food. He reminds them to bring water bottles wherever they go to prevent dehydration. He listens to their problems, no matter how absurd or petty. He takes all the scolding from their manager.

Jaebum does all of this because that's what a leader is supposed to do.

Despite Jinyoung and Jackson taunting him of his past self, he thinks he's qualified to label himself as unselfish.

He tries to keep that in mind, despite the glint in Mark's eyes dying as he rejects him. 

"W-What?" He stammers, blinking at Jaebum. 

Jaebum is not selfish. He is not selfish. 

"I'm sorry," Jaebum says, averting his gaze from Mark's pained expression.

He is. He truly is. 

"Why?" 

Mark sounds so insecure, so unsure that it nearly breaks Jaebum’s heart. He fiddles with the napkins lying on the table, looking all kinds of pitiful. The sight almost has Jaebum hesitating with his next choice of words.

"It's not you," he begins, cringing inwardly at the clichéd answer. "It's me. Honestly Mark, it's just me."

Mark frowns, squinting at Jaebum as if he has a spot on his face. It's the same expression he has when he's trying to figure out how to write a particularly hard sentence in Korean. 

"You're great Mark, and I'm really honored that you chose me. But, I can't."

Jaebum stresses the last words, clasping his hands together on top of the table. Mark still has that look, as if Jaebum's a puzzle that Mark hasn't deciphered yet. It’s beginning to unnerve him, the way Mark has him pinned down with his gaze.

Apart from tumbling sessions or running through choreography, Jaebum has never seen Mark this focused. 

"Is it someone else?" He asks, face contouring into fear. 

"What?" Jaebum exclaims. "No Mark, no I-"

He stops himself, glancing over his shoulder. Although Mark had chosen a table furthest to the side, tucked away in a corner, there were a couple patrons sending them furtive glances. A waitress had paused a couple times when passing their table. Now, standing behind the cash register, she’s blatantly staring. 

"Is it this place?" Mark whispers, releasing the napkins. "It is, isn't it?”

He sounds different, the insecurity still present but mixed with a tinge of hope. It takes all of Jaebum's willpower to shake his head, to carry on.

Jaebum doesn't remember the last time he was stuck in a predicament that had him fearing for the outcome, for what consequences his actions would cause.

Auditioning, possibly, debuting, most likely, debuting once again, almost definitely, facing one of s who he thought saw him as just a friend than a potential love interest, absolutely. 

Mark's cough snaps him out of his reverie. The glint is back in his eyes, urging Jaebum to continue.

Jaebum repeats to himself that he's too unselfish to agree to this, to accept Mark.

He somehow wishes he wasn't. 

"Mark," he starts, meeting his eye. "This place is great, okay?"

It is. Jaebum has no idea how Mark found a café within walking distance from the company building, hidden from the public yet garnering enough customers to maintain a steady business. The scent of coffee, freshly grounded, along with brewed tea fills the room. The interior is composed of wood while the lighting is dim; giving the customers the privacy they want while keeping the noise to a minimum. 

Jaebum understands why Mark chose this location. It's a great place for brief relaxation, for a casual time with friends, for a confession to take place.

Mark nods eagerly, akin to a puppy waving its tail at their owner. Jaebum fights the guilt coiling at the pit of his stomach. He spreads his hands over the table, palms facing down. 

"This has nothing to do with you," Jaebum continues, closing his eyes as he inhales sharply. "This has to do with our company, with our group, with our society." 

Silence follows, deafening silence that intensifies the rapid beating of Jaebum's heart. He waits a couple seconds, eyes shut. When Mark doesn't say anything, Jaebum takes it as his cue to continue.

"This isn't like California, Mark. People aren't as open-minded here as they are over there. If we were to start something and people found out, it would be the end for all of us." 

The words leaving his lips surprise him. Jaebum has never given much thought about the social issues surrounding his country, too wrapped up in the entertainment world. He thinks this sudden development has to do with Jackson. The thought makes him want to laugh. Jackson's influence on his life is more than he could've imagined.

Before, Jaebum would’ve added that to his never-ending list of Jackson's achievements in his life. 

Now, he doesn't know if that influence has been for the better or for the worse. 

"Do you understand?" He murmurs, hoping that Mark will. "We all share a dream, and as the leader I can't endanger that dream."

Jaebum folds his hands in his lap, opening his eyes to face Mark. He almost flinches at the sight. 

Mark is silent, posture tense while the paper napkins have been reduced to shreds.

That's not what sends a pang of guilt through Jaebum's body though. It's the look of utter dejection that Mark has in his eyes. 

"Is that it?" He chokes out.

Jaebum feels like his past self, an ungrateful little bastard. 

Mark bites his lip, chin quivering as he blinks. The action does nothing but increase the guilt growing within Jaebum. The emotion all but swallows him as one tear manages to crack Mark’s exterior. 

The teardrop slides down Mark's cheek, a testament to Jaebum's rejection. He leans forwards without thinking, hand stretched out to wipe it away. Mark flinches, jerking back as his breathing increases. 

The sound is uneven, broken as more tears fall from Mark's eyes. 

"Is that it?" He asks again, voice cracking. "Is that all you have to say?"

Jaebum flinches, the words searing his skin. 

"Mark-"

"No, I understand."

He rubs his eyes, in air between his teeth. Jaebum recognizes that expression, having seen it one too many times.

It's how Mark copes when he's at his breaking point.

He sniffles, inhaling deeply before exhaling. Jaebum waits until Mark's calmed down, wanting nothing more than to hug him, to shield him from his pain.

Even though, Jaebum's the cause of it.

"I understand," he repeats in a raspy tone. "It's not me, it's you."

For some odd reason, the words sound different when delivered by Mark. They're harsher, more brutal in a way that has Jaebum looking down in shame. 

"It's you and your god damn selflessness." Mark spits out.

Jaebum's head snaps up, staring incredulously at him. Out of all the things Mark could've said, Jaebum hadn't anticipated that.

"That's not true," he protests.

Mark's glare is more intense than before, yet this time it's not one that’s filled with hope. It's one that burns.

"If you can be honest with me," Mark mutters. "You can be honest with yourself." 

He is honest with himself though. Jaebum takes pride in his newly-developed personality trait; he likes not being selfish.

Which is why, he doesn't like the word leaving Mark's lips as if it's a bitter taste he can't rid of, as if it’s something Jaebum should be ashamed of.

He doesn’t like how Mark has him doubting whether he enjoys being selfless or not.

Jaebum is about to respond but stops. He resorts to digging his fingers into his palms instead. He has no right to be offended. Mark's simply taking out his anger on Jaebum, the cause of it all. 

"All I'm trying to do is protect our future," he responds calmly. "Is that a bad thing?"

"Is this a bad thing?" Mark retorts, a sharp edge to his tone that Jaebum hasn't heard before. 

The sharpness shuts him up, a sudden wave of helplessness washing over him. He hasn't felt like this since Jinyoung confronted him way back when it’d only been the two of them. When he’d been put in his place and scolded for his bad behavior until his ears burnt from embarrassment. 

It's ironic, the situation at hand. Jinyoung, reprimanding him in the past. Mark, reprimanding him in the present.

"We don't know what will happen in the future. If we don't take any chances, we'll never-"

"It's too risky!" Jaebum shouts, anger flaring in his chest.

He doesn't know why, why he's feeling this angry at Mark when he has no right to be. There are too many emotions swiveling within him, clouding his senses, suffocating him.

It confuses him, shoots him with another bolt of helplessness and Jaebum is terrified. 

Mark looks taken aback, shock flashing across his features. The action reminds Jaebum that they aren't alone, that they are in a public place with people who may or may not know their identities. He throws a quick glance over his shoulder, anticipating the numerous faces staring back at him. 

The waitress whose gaze had been following them is gone. A new girl has replaced her, busy typing away on her phone. The customers are fewer than before, thankfully not paying them any attention. Jaebum sighs in relief, slouching in his seat as he feels a rush of tiredness through his limbs.

He's jolted upright when Mark leans over the table. He's close, close enough for Jaebum to feel his breath ghost against his skin, to feel his own breathing hitch in his throat.

"Out of all the people I know," he whispers, lingering for a second longer before pulling back. Jaebum ignores the feeling of loss prickling his skin. "I never thought you'd be the one to avoid risks."

Jaebum feels it, feels the word like a punch to his gut. 

He can't breathe, the disappointment in Mark's tone suffocating him. He doesn't remember a time when he'd felt this way, not since his debut when the trainees, and even the staff, bad mouthed his manners.

Mark has a wry smile on his face. As if whatever Jaebum's feeling is nothing compared to what he’s experienced. 

Jaebum knows he's right. 

Yet he wants, for once, to be selfish. He wants to prove Mark wrong, wants to show him that he is that risk-taker.

The silence is broken by Mark pushing his chair back. The screeching noise has Jaebum catching his breath as stares at him in surprise.

He shrugs, hands sliding into his pockets. "Practice starts in half an hour."

Jaebum opens his mouth before promptly closing it, unable to assess the situation. Mark has that carefree slouch to his posture, lips quirked in one of his friendly smiles as he heads for the exit.

It's as if the confession had never happened. 

"See you later," he calls over his shoulder in a steady voice, betrayed by no emotions. 

Jaebum stands up, almost shouting at Mark to stop. This can't be over, not without the two of them coming to some sort of an agreement.

Not that that's possible, when Jaebum has more or less discarded whatever respect Mark bore for him.

Yet he wants Mark to at least feel satisfied with their conversation. Jaebum doesn't want to leave the café knowing Mark has a hole ten times larger in his chest than Jaebum. 

He can't.

He isn't selfish. He can't be selfish, not when he's at this stage of his life.

For the first time Jaebum regrets being selfless.

***

The clock is close to one when Jaebum bursts through the door, almost tripping over his own feet.

Jackson laughs at him, asking him if the age is getting to him while gesturing at the clock. Jaebum forces a smile, willing his body to relax as he scans the room.

Mark's sitting on the floor, back to the wall of mirrors. His eyes are trained on his phone, engrossed with the device while he adjusts his earphones. His foot taps the floor, counting the beats of the music and Jaebum wonders how someone can look so composed after having gone through such a chaotic conversation. 

Ironic, that's what the current situation is. Somehow, Jaebum is the one who’s scrambling to find an answer, emotional side overtaking the rational one as opposed to Mark.

Mark, calm, composed Mark, who doesn't appear to have been crying, to have been at his breaking point mere minutes ago.

"Are you okay?" 

Jinyoung's worried expression fills his vision, the question drawing the attention from the other members. Jackson is by Jinyoung's side in a flash, scrutinizing Jaebum's face.

Jaebum can't help glancing to where Mark's sitting, heart sinking when the other man does nothing but continue browsing his phone. 

"I'm fine," he replies with a shrug. "I spent all night checking the schedule for today, guess I forgot to catch some sleep."

Jackson rolls his eyes, patting him on the back before a look of seriousness crosses his face. "If you collapse, that means I can be the leader, right?"

"In your dreams," Jaebum snorts, yet he can’t help the smile that covers his lips.

"I don't dream," Jackson replies in that serious tone. "I live in the reality."

"Oh, shut up already," Jinyoung sighs, rubbing his forehead. 

Jackson at least has the decency to look somewhat offended, even though it's feigned. "Well, aren't you rude?”

"Your point being?" Jinyoung deadpans, wearing a poker face perfected after years of practice. 

Jackson huffs, arms folded across his chest. Jinyoung waves his hand at him as if he's a fly, fighting a smile as Jackson turns on his heel. 

Jaebum grins, the smile feeling less forced. 

"Mark," Jackson whines as he strides over to the other man. "Jinyoung's being mean."

He plops down next to Mark, entire body slumping against him. Mark removes his earphones, amusement clear on his face.

The grin falls from Jaebum’s lips. 

A tight line replaces the former smile as Jaebum watches the scene. His hands ball into fists at Mark’s laughter. His actions are far from forced; eyes’ crinkling as his laugh comes out naturally.

The sight, the sound, makes Jaebum want to leave the room.

"I'll talk to you later," Jinyoung murmurs.

He gives him a look that shuts up any potential protests before brushing past him. Jaebum stifles the urge to groan, opting for dragging his hand across his face instead.

Jinyoung always has to be Jinyoung. Jaebum doesn't know if he appreciates it or if he's slightly disturbed at the similarities his best friend shares with his mother, presumably a combination of both.

Their choreographer comes in, announcing his presence by tossing his jacket on top of the couch. Jaebum glances at Mark, watching Jackson haul him off of the floor. He shakes his head, trying to focus, trying to raise his voice and gather all the members.

He can't lose his calm, not when he's the leader.

"Everyone," he shouts, trying to keep his voice steady. "Take your formations."

The choreographer gives him a curt nod, already standing in his position at the forefront. Jaebum starts the music, tries to drown himself in the squeak of soles rubbing against wooden floor, the familiar atmosphere surrounding him. 

He trips after a minute has barely passed, crashing into Bambam before sprawling onto the floor. 

The music stops, followed by silence, a heavy silence that pushes down on Jaebum's shoulders as he lies there flat on the surface. 

The choreographer's sharp voice cuts through his embarrassment. "Jaebum..."

He trails off, as if he's uncertain about the situation at hand. Jaebum doesn't blame him, they have small accidents occurring all the time but Jaebum's never been the first to cause them. He's been the one who keeps an eye on the rest of the members, criticizing them whenever they slip up in the choreography or giving them a reassuring pat on the back.

This time, Jinyoung helps him stand while numbness seeps into his bones. This time, Youngjae gives him a reassuring pat while Bambam half-teases, half-criticizes him about the accident.

He bows his head, muttering an apology before hurrying to turn on the music. He can feel their stares burning his back, following him, and he wonders if Mark's one of them. 

Jaebum breathes hard, closing his eyes for a brief second. His finger trembles as he presses the key again, the music shocking his entire body. He lets the sensation course through his finger, allows the beat to pulsate through him. The familiar tunes snap him somewhat awake from his daze as he strides back to his designated spot.

The choreographer sends him a look before doing another countdown. Jaebum grits his teeth, willing his eyes to stay focused on his own reflection. 

They're halfway through when Jaebum loses focus, gaze straying away from his mirrored image to Mark as the other man moves forwards for his part. 

He lasts two seconds into Mark's rap before he stumbles, falling to the floor with a loud thud.

"Take five," the choreographer barks, agitation clear in his voice. "Jaebum, get over here."

The younger members scatter, migrating together to the couch where they share a hushed conversation. Jaebum detects their fleeting glances, how the whispered words escaping their mouths are directed at him. Jackson walks past him, patting his arm in a comforting manner while Jinyoung shoots him a concerned look.

Mark’s sitting at his spot by the mirrors, arms crossed behind his head with his eyes closed. He doesn’t appear to care. Jaebum wonders if the sickening constriction of his heart is how Mark felt during their conversation, during his rejection.

Jaebum must’ve looked the same way Mark looks right now, indifferent, uncaring. He’s surprised Mark hadn’t slapped him while he spouted excuse after excuse.

He gulps, trying to calm down. He can still feel a painful stab in his chest, can feel his nerves high strung as he walks towards the choreographer. The man sighs, frustration evident, when Jaebum stops in front of him. 

"Jaebum, is everything okay?" He asks, a hint of worry in his tone.

“Yes-“

“Don’t lie to me,” he interjects, hands on his hips. “You’re never the first to make a mistake during practice. What’s happening?”

Either Jaebum’s more transparent than he thinks he is, or Jinyoung has been affecting everyone with his mother’s disease.

Sighing, Jaebum drags a hand over his face. “I guess it's because of sleep deprivation.”

Not that they aren’t all sleep deprived, but Jaebum is the leader. Being the leader gives him certain perks compared to the rest of the members.

He glances across the room, freezing as he stares straight into Mark’s burning gaze. There’s a frown on his face, aimed right at Jaebum. There’s no doubt that Mark had heard what he’d said.

Jaebum wants to clamp his mouth shut and never speak again.

Being the leader also gives him more restrictions than he’d ever imagine.

The choreographer studies his face, scrutinizing him for any visible hints of a lie being told. Jaebum knows these people though, knows this industry better than the majority working in the different departments of this business. He has no problem putting on a façade of sincerity, erasing any signs of weakness or wavering.  

“Alright,” the choreographer hesitates, eyeing him once more. "Take a breather and come back. I don't want to see more mistakes from you."

"Yes sir."

The choreographer waves him off while calling the other members back to their positions. Jaebum hurries to leave, ignoring the silence that follows him out the room.

The door closes behind him with a heavy thud, Jaebum's back hitting the wooden frame as exhaustion seeps into his bones. He breathes a couple times, letting the oxygen flood his lungs.

A laugh escapes him, a hollow one. A few hours have passed, and Jaebum is still confused. 

How Mark managed to live like this for longer than days, even months, has Jaebum gripping at his hair. 

He's never been selfless; he's always been selfish over his own well-being. In the end, Jaebum always only values the outcome if there are no consequences for his own self.

He dunks his head against the door. A sense of shame traveling through his body, a bad taste in his mouth as he thinks back to the excuses he'd tossed out at Mark in the café. 

There are multiple reasons why he had rejected his confession. The biggest one, the most prominent one, being the society surrounding them and the position they are in. Despite how they act around one another, if those actions were to become more than platonic, that would be the end of their careers. Not to mention the five other people's careers they'd jeopardize. As a sensible, selfless leader, Jaebum also carries the weight of their lives.

Yet even though that reason is looming over all of them as a constant reminder, a constant threat, it's not the reason why Jaebum did what he did.

He's did it because he didn’t, and doesn’t, want to face the consequences of how that kind of relationship would affect him and only him himself. Jaebum doesn't even know the outcome, if it'll be good or bad, yet he still jumps to these conclusions.

If there’s even the smallest chance of his own comfort being endangered, Jaebum won’t take the risk.

Heaving a deep sigh, he sinks to the floor. He can feel the vibrations of the music from inside. The beats reverberate through his body as he chances a glance at a nearby clock. He’s been out for more than he's worth. The choreographer must've given up on waiting.

Jaebum doesn't blame him though, doesn't even feel bad about having been left out. He's rather pleased with the decision. If he'd messed up again, he’s certain he wouldn’t receive the same treatment.

In this moment, he can't handle worried glances and whispers directed his way. 

The music stops, tugging Jaebum out of his reverie. He rushes to stand up, dusting off his clothes as the door behind him opens. 

Turning around, he schools his expression into a sheepish smile, anticipating the annoyed expression of the choreographer.

The smile drops when he's not faced with him, but Mark.

Mark’s frowning at him as he shuts the door behind him, before grabbing Jaebum's arm. The touch sends a small burst of electricity rushing through his skin. Jaebum doesn't even have time to ask, pulled aside by Mark's strong grip. 

As he's dragged further from the practice room, he hears the muffled beats of the music starting once again.

Either Mark had managed to convince their choreographer, or someone else had done something that would require extreme persuasion skills.

Jackson's out of the picture, which only leaves Jinyoung. 

Jaebum wants to groan, or preferably slam his head against a wall, in aggravation, but he's too busy trying to keep up with Mark's fast pace to do any of that. 

"Shouldn't we be practicing-?"

"Can you think of yourself for once?" 

Mark stops abruptly in his steps, Jaebum almost crashing into his back. He manages to regain his footing as the other man spins around, glaring at him face to face. 

"It's always about the group," he snaps. "What they, what we want, and never what you want."

Jaebum can only stare incredulously at Mark. 

"But-"

"No buts, it's time you started thinking for yourself and not for others."

He's never heard Mark be this angry, this livid, before; especially not towards him. 

The whole situation is rather bizarre, because Jaebum can't for the life of him understand Mark's thought process. 

Mark sighs as the silence prolongs, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. "You have to stop being so unselfish." 

Jaebum wonders if he hears right, if it isn’t something his own brain made up. He almost wants to laugh at how far from the actual truth Mark could be.

"Excuse me," he says, only for the sake of saying something rather than staying silent. 

Mark leans back against a wall, shaking his head in frustration. The action alerts Jaebum of their surroundings. He looks away, taking in the area. 

They're in one of the bathroom stalls.

The fear that grips Jaebum is palpable.

"We have to get out," he whispers, eyes scanning the room for any movement. 

"Why?"

"Are you kidding me? There could be people in here and cameras-"

"Will you stop it?" Mark interrupts, mood worsening. 

Jaebum shuts his mouth promptly, yet the fears still there. He knows Mark can sense it, what with the pointed glare he shoots at Jaebum.

"No one's here."

As if to emphasize his statement, Mark begins to check the stalls, going as far as keeping all the doors open. 

"See, we're the only ones."

Jaebum isn't sure if he prefers that one either. 

He still feels anxious at the thought of someone walking in on them. Mark must notice that as well, a weary sigh leaving his lips as he grabs Jaebum's wrist once again. He doesn't wait for confirmation, pulling him into one of the nearest stalls.

While Mark shuts the door, even locking it, Jaebum forces himself to relax somewhat. 

"You happy?" Mark asks, turning to face him. "Or do you want me to block the door with the toilet?"

For someone as quiet and shy as Mark, he sure knows how to be snarky. Jaebum understands why though. He has enough self-awareness to know how difficult he can be.

Everyone has a breaking point, and he's quite certain he broke Mark's long ago; even before the confession at the café. 

Mark could've dunked his head in the toilet for all he cared without worrying about him putting up a fight.

Jaebum knows he has nowhere to hide much less run off to. Sighing, he sits down on the toilet lid. “Fine, let’s talk.”

He waits, but Mark doesn’t respond. Jaebum looks up at him, surprised to see the anger having disappeared, replaced with hesitation. It’s as if that confirmation was enough to extinguish the fight in Mark.

Mark takes a deep breath, steeling himself. “I want to hear what you have to say about this.”

He gestures to the distance between them. Jaebum follows the movement, staring at that space as though all the answers are hidden there.

“You’ve already heard what I think-“

“No, I heard what the company and what society think. I never heard what you thought.”

Jaebum doesn’t know what he thinks. He doesn’t even know how he feels. If he feels confined or conflicted, if he’s been pretending to be someone he’s not.

Pre-Jackson, Jinyoung, did any of that matter? In the end, Jaebum feels as if he’s remained stuck in the same spot. The only difference being that he’d learnt how to subdue all his negative traits, replace them with something feigned but likeable.

“Do you really want to hear what I think?” He whispers, voice wavering.

There’s no hesitation.

“Yes.”

“I’m not unselfish.”

“What?”

Jaebum stands up, peering at him. Mark doesn’t budge, showing no signs of shrinking back as he’d done at the café.

“Whatever image you have of me, I’m none of that. I’m an ungrateful, selfish bastard who only cares about what’s beneficial for me, and nothing else. I rejected you not because of the company or because of this society, not even because I happen to be the leader, but because I have no idea what will happen to me if this between us were to become real.”

He pants, chest heaving as he tries to process everything. The sound of his breathing echoes in the bathroom stall, a testament of his fears.

Jaebum feels sick.

Mark’s quiet, looking at the floor. He has that puzzled expression on his face, and Jaebum expects him to leave the stall. He doesn’t expect to receive a smile.

“That’s it?

This time, it’s Jaebum’s turn to ask what.

“You don’t think I didn’t know about your past self?” Mark almost sounds offended if not for the relieved smile on his lips. “You don’t think I’ve learnt a thing or two about you since our trainee days?”

“But-“

“I know you, Jaebum. I know that you can be impatient and that you sometimes regret being the leader because of all the responsibilities. I’ve seen you act like a selfish, spoiled child because certain things didn’t go your way. I know, and I understand.”

He reaches for Jaebum’s hand, intertwining their fingers. The sick feeling in the pit of Jaebum’s stomach disperses, replaced by a much more comforting sensation. Jaebum shakes his head, trying to make sense of the situation.

“But you weren’t there at my worst times-“

“Just because I wasn’t there from the beginning, doesn’t mean I won’t be there till the end.” Mark states in a firm tone, tightening his grip a little.

Jaebum blames his emotions and the fact that Mark’s already holding his hand when he pulls him in for a hug. A part of him is freaking out, warning bells shouting at him that this is a bad idea not to mention going against his values. But Jaebum has always had crap values; it’s about time he changed that.

Mark lets go of his hand, and for a split second that fear almost consumes him, before locking his arms around Jaebum. A shaky breath escapes his lips, reminding Jaebum that Mark’s been as afraid, if not even more, of this whole ordeal as he has.

“I can’t promise anything,” Jaebum murmurs, because he knows he’s still got a long way to go if he wants to reach Mark’s status of decent human being.

“It’s okay,” Mark replies, voice muffled in the crook of Jaebum’s neck.

They stand there, long enough for Jaebum’s mind to drift between the sweet scent of Mark’s hair to their practice. The latter one brings another thought to mind, one that has Jaebum pushing Mark back by shoulders; staring wide-eyed at him.

“How did you know of my past self?”

“I told you already, didn’t I?”

“And I believe you, but seriously, how did you know?”

“Im Jaebum, are you doubting my observational-“

“It was Jinyoung, wasn’t it?”

“…Yeah, okay, it was Jinyoung.”

“I knew it.”