Jongin and I weren’t back together. Or, at least, not officially.

            After the night of Jongin and Krystal’s event, as well as that whole debacle at Exo, he and I were too busy studying for finals to worry about anything else. And strangely enough, I didn’t feel the rush or instant need to “get back together” with him. He and Krystal were now officially broken up, and with the issues they had I doubted that they would get back together. Even then, I would be hardly worried. If you break up once, you can break up again.

            Besides, Jongin had basically admitted to me that he still had feelings for me. Not like he was going to go back on his word.

            I was expecting for us to do something once the semester ended though. Jongin and I were both very studious people after all, and wanted to put our feelings aside for the sole sake of our academic careers.

            Staring out of the window at the library, I was once again appalled at how quick my first year of college had gone by. Here I was, studying for my last set of finals before I go off and enjoy my summer break. I tried to think back to the events that had happened this semester, but couldn’t remember much except for that whole fight with Sehun and Paws for Pups with Jongin. First semester still remained a top favorite in my book.

            I had just finished my last final and was walking back to my dorm when I spot Jongin waiting outside.

            “Hey!” he said. His face was so bright, so happy to see me. I wanted to show him that same joy but I seemed too numb to say anything else but a simple, “Hey.”

            “How were finals for you?” he asked me.

            “Just finished my last one,” I replied. “You?”

            “Same. I came here to ask you something.”

            “Which is?”

            “So a couple of us are planning to go to Lake Watson this weekend,” Jongin said. “Rent a house, going swimming, play games in front of the fireplace. Stuff like that. And to, you know, be out in the wilderness and all every once in awhile. It’s going to be a lot fun. Would you please come with me?”

            “Of course!” I said enthusiastically, loving the idea already. A couple of days in the wilderness, away from everything. Sounded like genius, as expected from Jongin. “I would love to. ”

            “Great! So I’ll let you know about carpool and stuff. I think this will be good for us. Alone time and stuff,” Jongin said.

            “Yeah,” I agreed. “Alone time.”

            Jongin head to head off, so I went back to my dorm room where I pondered as to what I should bring to the trip.

            “I heard you and Jongin are together now,” Wendy said to me with a tub of ice cream in hand. Her dinner, I guess.

            I shrugged. “That’s what it seems like, but getting back together is not as easy as it seems.”

            “What does Sehun think about it?”

            I gave her a weird look. “Sehun? How would I know? I haven’t talked to him in forever. And why are you bringing him up anyways?”

            Wendy shrugged, eating some of that ice cream. “I just thought you guys were close.”

            Just hearing her mention Sehun’s name made me think back to that very first semester. It all seemed like forever ago. “We never were close,” I forced myself to say, even though I had always hoped for an otherwise. “We don’t even have anything to do with each other anymore.”

            Wendy frowned. “That’s kinda sad. You guys seemed really good for each other.”

            That night, lying in bed, I couldn’t stop thinking about him, so much that I wished that Wendy hadn’t brought him up in the first place. My mind wandered off, thinking about how he was doing nowadays, if he’s seen his brother again at all and how things are with him, if he did anything interesting for his birthday.

            On the day of the Lake Watson trip, I met up with Jongin at the Exo building to find him talking to Sehun.

            “Hey,” Jongin said, greeting me with a bright smile.

            “Hey,” I said. “What’s going on?”

            “Is it okay if Sehun drives you to Lake Watson instead of me?” Jongin asked. “My car is full cause my friend Baekhyun wanted to tag along and he just broke up with his girlfriend and...he’s not good right now. Basically, he’s going to be a nuisance the entire ride and insists on shotgun. I don’t want you to put up with that.”

            It’s been awhile since I’ve been in  Sehun’s car, much less a witness to that reckless driving of his. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed it until that moment.

Sehun was not meeting my eyes, but instead was checking his phone or some . The very sight of him checking his phone pissed me off, but the longer I stared at him the more I began to miss his familiarity. “If he’s okay with it then I am,” I said to Jongin.

            So that was how I, once again, ended up on the front seat of Sehun’s car. The ride was silent for a long while, neither of us saying anything to each other. I couldn’t stand the awkwardness between us, especially since we were acting like complete strangers, but I didn’t want to be the one to break it. He was the one who left me first. Plus, I had Jongin now. Krystal was perfectly free for the taking. This was how things were supposed to be.

            But soon, it began to grow dark and we were still on the road. A gut feeling told me that we were lost.

            “Wait,” I said. “Where are we, exactly?”

            Sehun bit his lip. “I...don’t really know. I think I got off the wrong exit at one point.”

            “The ?!” I exclaimed. “If you thought you were going in the wrong direction then why didn’t you ask me?!”

            “Because you weren’t talking to me!”

            “Well you weren’t talking to me!”

            Thanks to both of our stubbornness, we were in some deep now. Not only were we lost, but it was also getting late. If Sehun and I didn’t get our act together soon, then it could take us all night to get to Lake Watson.

            “Whatever,” Sehun said, making a sharp turn. “I’m done with this .”

            “Wait where are we going now?” I asked.

            “To the nearest motel. I’m tired.”

            Hearing Sehun admit that he was tired was somewhat frightening. The guy was never one to admit defeat or weariness. He was always so full of vigor and energy. The drive must’ve really worn him out. I guess my  nagging didn’t make it any better.

            So I said, “I could take over the wheel tomorrow morning if you want. Or even right now.”

            Sehun shook his head. And that was the end of that.

            Once at the motel, I took a shower first while Sehun got some snacks and water, as per usual. The two of us have been through this before. Somewhat. Except back then, things hadn’t been so complicated between us.

            When I got out of the shower, Sehun had been making a call. “Yeah,” he was saying. “We’re fine. Just got a bit lost. We’ll see you guys tomorrow morning. Okay. Bye.”

            I put my dirty clothes in the closet. “Was that Jongin?” I asked.

            Sehun nodded. “He got worried.”

            “Oh.”

            Sehun went ahead to go take his shower, while I got settled on the couch. He’d let me take the bed last time. It was only fair.

            Things between Sehun and I continued to be mute as the both of us settled into our designated sleeping spots. With the lamp turned off, he and I laid there in the darkness. I was wide awake, but pretended to sleep as I shuffled around under my blanket. I didn’t dare look at Sehun to see if he was asleep yet.

            I guess I didn’t have to wonder, because he then said, “He asked about you.”

            “Jongin?”

            “Yeah.”

            It was nice to know that Jongin had cared enough to ask about me and if I was okay. The thing that bugged me however, was Sehun’s subtle bitter tone.

            “That’s nice,” I said. “What’d you tell him?”

            “Nothing interesting.”

            “Fine,” I said. “Then goodnight.”

            “Fine. Whatever.”

            That’s it. I shot up from where I was and said, “Okay I’m done with you being passive aggressive. What the hell is going on with you?”

            “Well what is going on with YOU?”

            “I asked you first.”

            “What are we, in elementary school?”

            “Are we?” I asked. “Because that’s how you’ve been acting for, I don’t know, THE PAST FOUR MONTHS.”

            “Don’t blame everything on me.”

            “You know what I’m done with this .” I got up and made a move to storm out of the motel room when Sehun stops me by the door.

            “Get out of my way,” I growled, trying to push past him.

            But 6 foot tall Sehun would not let me as he kept blocking my way. “No,” he said. “Don’t leave.”

            “You’re really pissing me off right now.”

            “You still haven’t told me.”

            “Told you what?” I asked in disbelief.

            “What happened between you, Jongin, and Krystal,” Sehun answered.

“I can’t tell you.”

            “Why not?”

            “Because what if I open myself up to you and you just abandon me again?” I asked. “I know you. I know that you’re Oh Sehun and that you can just abandon people in the blink of an eye. You have commitment issues and you all you will ever do is break my heart and disappoint me.”

            “When did I abandon you, huh?” Sehun asked. “Tell me.”

            “Are you seriously asking me that? You did right after Black Pearl and you never told me why.”

            “I told you,” Sehun said, serious, “that if you knew what was going on then things could get ugly. But I don’t do things for no reason. I ask you about Jongin because I want to know, not because I’m trying to make you angry or whatever. I know that it’d affected you a lot and I…” He paused. “ I hate saying this type of .”

            I could tell that Sehun wasn’t used to expressing his feelings. I could also tell that he was making an effort in whatever he was trying to do.

            I sighed, leaning against the wall. “Fine,” I said tiredly. “I’ll tell you.”