There was always something wrong everytime they were together. That something was off. Wrong. The smile never seemed to reach his eyes, all gummy and wide with white teeth showing. So Soonyoung made excuses. He's tired. He's working hard for the both of them. Their future. He likes to think about it. Warm smiles, cooking smells and just the two of them together watching the stars come out. Perfect. 

Soonyoung thinks he doesn't ask for much. A small place, a sweet smile wishing him good night and a wide grin welcoming him back after work. Strong hands giving him a back massage when he's especially weary. If Seokmin isn't tired too, of course. He doesn't need the money, doesn't crave the success from Seokmin. If he extends the time he spends teaching children dance, his salary is more than sufficient for two. He can continue in his messy workroom, trying to write and sing the next greatest hit song. He's not in the way of Seokmin's dreams.

And if that does mean that Soonyoung has to give up on his own to become a well-regarded chereographer of his generation, he's willing to. 

Soonyoung loves Seokmin that much. 

It's difficult for two people to have dreams at once. Sometimes when Seokmin cancells their third date of the month he runs to an empty classroom in the dance building. Surrenders himself to the sadness. Lets the music flow through his body and releases his frustration through his body. He loves dancing too.

But he loves Seokmin more. 

He can grow to love teaching. The children are pure and lovable, untainted as they clumsily imitate his moves. The money is of course a draw. Seokmin doesn't have rich parents to fall back on either. Someone has to be the mature one, someone has to sacrifice to keep the finances afloat. There can't be two people chasing their dreams at once. Soonyoung still tries. Spends his spare time piecing together new chereographies, extra hours dancing to new routines. They could be better with more time, but that's not a luxury he can spare. 

But if Seokmin wants more money for a new recording device, the money is a luxury he can spare. 

All Soonyoung wants is for Seokmin to be happy. Yet lately he doesn’t look happy at all.

Soonyoung is beyond tired these days. Seokmin’s always busy these days, so he’s spent most of his time teaching extra classes. He was just complaining that his heater broke down and while Soonyoung has no clue why he turned it on since the weather had barely turned cold, he had made the extra money anyway. He can’t stand the thought of Seokmin shivering by himself in that rented apartment of his.

There’s also a part of him that suspects that if he’s not surrounded by the children keeping him strong and goes off to chereograph by himself, he’ll end up crying. And there’s no reason to.  

He can’t be lonely because he’s happily together with Seokmin.

It was supposed to be a surprise. Seokmin loves surprises, smiling wide whenever Soonyoung has one. A special trip to a fancy restaurant, a new recording microphone, three month worry-free of rent. Winter was arriving soon, and he’s saved enough to buy a new heater. Soonyoung misses him too much these days. Even when Seokmin texts that he’ll be working late at his home studio, Soonyoung still walks in the cold breeze to his house. That’ll at least take one worry of Seokmin’s mind.

The window facing the corridor is open, and Soonyoung peeks in. It’s strange for him to record with ambient noises.

Instead he looks up to see Seokmin and a man with short pink hair sitting on their sofa. The sofa Soonyoung sold a choreography cheaper than it was worth to buy. Smiling at each other. Whispering sweet nothings. Kissing.

“There’s this nice restaurant up in town. It’s quite expensive but the food is worth the cost.”

“I’ll take you there. Soonyoung should be giving me more money soon.”

Warm air blows out from underneath the apartment door. Seokmin laughs, smile actually reaching his eyes. He bends down and they kiss again.

Soonyoung doesn’t want to see or hear any more. The sound of heartbreak rings loudly in his ears. He runs. Runs down the stairs, down the street, past a red light and straight to the dance building. Pushes the glass door open rougly, ignoring the late hour and entering the first unoccupied room he finds. Turns the music on loud, loud enough to drown the ringing in his ears. Loud enough to drown his feelings. Dances roughly, violently. With wild abandon. Swinging his arms and legs, expressing the agony in his heart.

Lies.

He’s hallucinating. He didn’t get enough sleep last night. Too tired from all the extra classes he taught. Too lonely that his head acts up for the very first time. Because it has to be a lie.

Seokmin loves him.

Doesn’t he?

He said so. So many times.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Soonyoung believes every single one of them.

He’s tired. His body is weary from all the extra dancing he did earlier today. His head is so exhausted.

So he lets himself crumble. Collapse onto the ground. Hit the wooden floor with a loud thud. And then the tears come. Fast flowing and relentless.

Seokmin loved him. He did, he did, he did…

“Soonyoung-ah. Are you okay? I heard a loud noise and came running-“

Soonyoung grabs Jeonghan’s hands and looks him straight in the eye.

“I’m dreaming, right? This is a nightmare. Seokmin wouldn’t do this to me. Wouldn’t kiss someone else. He said he loves me. He loves me!”

“Soonyoung-ah…”

His phone that fell to the ground when he was dancing abruptly starts to ring. Soonyoung looks down. From underneath his teary eyes, he can see the name and number.

Lee Seokmin calling.

“See? He loves me. He loves me…”

With trembling hands he presses the answer button.

“Hello Soonyoung? The weather is really cold these days and the heater is completely dead. Can you pass me some money for the repairs? It’s going to cost a bit.”

The heater was working perfectly fine. The whole time he was there warm air billowed out from under the doorway.

Soonyoung covers his ears and cries even harder. Tries to turn off the call, but his hands and body shake too much for him to reach that button.

Long fingers reach out and tap it for him. The dance studio now echoes only with Soonyoung’s cries. 

Soft hands reach for his tear stained eyes, gently wiping it away. Jeonghan reaches for the stray towel lying on the floor, dabbing away his tears. Holding him tightly while he cried, entire body shaking violently in his arms. Slowly the cries weaken. Starts coughing as he chokes on his own tears. Jeonghan stays, patting his back and soothing him. The cries soften until all Soonyoung can hear is the sounds of his own ragged breathing.

“Here. Don’t cry anymore.”

A pause.

“That bastard didn’t love you anyway.”

Soonyoung opens his mouth to defend Seokmin instinctually. No words form, no reasonable excuses tumble out

Maybe it’s true.

Seokmin has only loved Soonyoung for giving him everything.

He closes his mouth and cries even harder. 

A/N: I take full responsibility for this angst fest. This is totally my fault. Don't ask me how "oh amazing MAMA performance Hoshi is an amazingly great choreographer :O" become "let's write soonseok breaking up!!!!"