Taeyeon just arrived at her apartment and still had this tiny smile on her face which hadn’t faded at all ever since she left the parking lot. She held the image of smiling Tiffany in her mind, afraid to let it go. After seeing the cold, expressionless Tiffany for a while back, it was very delightful to see Tiffany’s smile and Tiffany’s laugh again.

“Safe ride to you too, Taetae.”

Taetae.

She smiled even wider every time she recalled how Tiffany addressed her as Taetae again. 

She put her bag on her working table and fished out her phone. She unlocked the screen in a swift move and launched LINE apps immediately. She typed a name she always wanted to type on the apps and smile when she finished typing. Just one person under that name. She tapped on the name which brought her to the chatting window. She stopped for a while, contemplating, on the next move she was about to do.

“It’s okay, Taeyeon. Just a normal text. Just do it.” She tried to reassure herself. Her thumbs danced on the screen but hung in the air when her right thumb hovered on the send button. She bit her lips and took a deep breath before letting her thumb tapping on the send button.

Taeyeon Kim: Hi? Are you home already?

She immediately put her phone on the table and ran to the bathroom. Maybe a warm shower could help her to calm down a bit.

Under the shower, she still had a smile on her face. She did not count how many times she had showered after their breakup, but none of them felt this way. She felt half of her baggage was lifted from her shoulder. She felt lighter, and somewhere in her mind, she wished this would mean something better. Whether they could be friends again or maybe they could be together again.

She immediately shook her head at the thought. The way she hurt Tiffany was bad enough and how come she thought of having another chance with Tiffany. If she was Tiffany, she wouldn’t give any second chance. She might not be able to even forgive. She almost gasped at her own thought.

Forgive. Haven’t I forgiven yet? I haven’t apologized to her.

She immediately ended her shower and got dress in her pajamas. She snatched her phone from the table and jumped to her bed. She unlocked her phone only to find Tiffany had replied to her chat.

TIff Hwang: Yes. Safe and sound :)

The smile crept back on her face as she typed another reply

Taeyeon Kim: Good to know ;) What are you doing?

The reply came fast.

Tiff Hwang: On my bed, chatting with you

Taeyeon Kim: Me too! I know you didn’t ask. Just FYI.

Tiff Hwang: LOL. Dork!

Taeyeon smiled at the chat she had with Tiffany at the moment. Somehow she was reminded about the time when they first chatted. It brought a fluttery feeling into her heart. She remembered how Tiffany used to call her ‘my dork’, and she realized how much more she missed Tiffany all this time. I miss this, Fany. I miss us.

Taeyeon Kim: Yes, I am!

I need to apologize to her.

Taeyeon Kim: Anyway, are you free this weekend?

§

Tiffany just finished showering and took her phone out of her bag when she saw a notification on the LINE app. She took the charger and brought it with her to her bed. She usually charged her phone at the bedpost so she would be able to hear the alarm in the morning. She managed her position on the bed before unlocking her device and tapped the notification on her phone. Her heart skipped a beat when she noticed where the notification came from.

Taeyeon Kim: Hi? Are you home already?

Even though she was the one who tried to keep the distance between her and Taeyeon, she could not deny the fact that most of the time she found it hard to hold the urge to contact Taeyeon. Even though she was the one who made it look as if she did not want to have anything related to Taeyeon anymore, secretly she always cherished every little interaction they had, even if it was only for work-related stuff.

She bit her lips in uncertainty as she stared at the phone screen, weighing her options on how should she replied the chat. 

She bit her lips in uncertainty, in what manner she should reply to Taeyeon. She had always put on her tough and nonchalant facade all this time. She typed a reply:

Tiff Hwang: Yes.

But she deleted it and changed it into a longer one.

Tiff Hwang: Yes. Safe and sound. What about you?

But she deleted it again.

Maybe Taeyeon didn’t really mean to care. It was just a friendly gesture following my earlier friendliness towards her.

Tiff Hwang: Yes. Safe and sound :)

She hesitated for a while but finally tapped on the send button. She waited for a while but there was no reply from Taeyeon. She then plugged the charger into her phone and prepared herself to sleep.

Ding!

She immediately took her phone and read opened LINE apps, only to smile at the sender’s name.

Taeyeon Kim: Good to know ;) What are you doing?

She exhaled in relief. Knowing Taeyeon for a while now, she knew that the reply was not just a friendly gesture to return her friendliness. Taeyeon intended to text her. If it was just a friendly manner, Taeyeon wouldn’t ask back about what Tiffany was doing.

Tiff Hwang: On my bed, chatting with you

It didn’t take a blink to get a reply from the person from across the line.

Taeyeon Kim: Me too! I know you didn’t ask. Just FYI.

Tiffany could not hold her laugh reading the reply. This was the person she dated a while ago. It reminded her about their early days. When they texted each other, after the date. The day when she initiated to kiss Taeyeon’s cheek for the first time. She blushed at her own thought while her thumbs typing the reply.

Tiff Hwang: LOL. Dork!

Her smile faded a bit after reading her own reply.

Dork. I used to call you my dork…

Taeyeon Kim: Yes, I am!

Tiffany haven’t typed any reply when another message came in.

Taeyeon Kim: Anyway, are you free this weekend?

She stared at her phone screen in a confusion about what actually is happening at the moment. After all those awkward interactions these past one month, after how hard she tried her best to keep the distance. With just a friendly talk over a coffee, now this was what she got: an invitation on weekend.

She shook her head, trying to think straight. She did not know what was in Taeyeon’s mind at the moment, or any plan Taeyeon thought of on inviting her on the weekend. So, she needed to manage her expectation, and most importantly her feelings. 

It must be something related to work. Or maybe, she just looking for a friend for lunch.

Tiff Hwang: Depends on what are you gonna offer for the weekend. I don’t wanna work on weekend TT

She reread her reply to make sure that she wasn’t being too obvious. She indeed did not want to talk about works with Taeyeon at the moment. One month was enough for her to put on the strong and ignorant facade. The image of I-only-talk-with-Taeyeon-for-business-matter was too exhausting for her.

Taeyeon Kim: Not work-related. Promise ^^

Tiff Hwang: Saturday? Sunday?

Taeyeon Kim: Saturday. Are you free?

Tiff Hwang: OK. Saturday morning.

Taeyeon Kim: OK! There is a cafe in Jagakarsa, South Jakarta. Their ice cube latte is awesome!

Tiff Hwang: Ice cube latte?

Taeyeon Kim: Yes! they made an ice cube from black coffee and served it with fresh milk I LOVE IT!

Tiffany chuckled at the reply she got. Taeyeon and her coffee addict was something she missed as well.

Tiff Hwang: I thought you only drink long black or Americano.

Taeyeon Kim: You made me drink milk, Fany. I blamed you :p

Tiffany’s lips twitched a smile. Somehow it was nice to know that some changes she made on Taeyeon were still there.

Tiff Hwang: LOL. Okay then. Saturday morning, Jagakarsa.

Taeyeon Kim: What time?

Tiff Hwang: 10?

Taeyeon Kim: Sure!

Tiff Hwang: Now, now, I need to sleep, Taetae.

She watched her phone screen, in anticipation. She used ‘Taetae’ in purpose. She wanted to test the water. She wanted to know what kind of response she would get.

Taeyeon Kim: OK.

Her lips turned into a frown.

Taeyeon Kim: Good night, Fany :)

Her frown turned upside down.

Taeyeon Kim: See you tomorrow at the office

And her smile turned wider.

Tiff Hwang: Night to you too, Taetae. C u 2morrow :)

§

“So, how was her reaction?” Jessica stared right into Tiffany’s eyes.

Tiffany looked down to her cup of English Breakfast before sighing. “Why are we having tea in our office? Why can’t we just go to Chris’ Café?”

“Are you stupid? We’re about to talk about Taeyeon, and Chris’s place is the first place Taeyeon is headed to every time she arrives at this office complex.”

“I know, I know. But the office’s English Breakfast doesn’t taste good.” She took a sip from her cup and sighed once more. “Not good.”

They were in their room in the office, having morning tea. Instead of having their tea in Chris’s café, Jessica had decided to pick their office so Tiffany could update her about yesterday.

Jessica scrutinized her junior in suspicion.

“What?” Tiffany looked back at her senior. “Why are you looking at me like that?

“Are you hiding something from me?”

Tiffany widened her eyes in surprise. She did not hide anything from Jessica. She just wanted to have a seat in Chris’ café and redid the same thing that happened yesterday: She and Taeyeon sat at a table together and had a normal conversation like they used to do. It felt nice and she wanted to do it over and over again.

“Of course not!” She spoke too loudly, making Jessica squinted her eyes in more suspicion. “I swear, I do not hide anything, Jessi.”

“Then why are you acting weird?” Jessica shot another question.

Letting out a sigh Tiffany slumped in her chair and looked at Jessica apologetically. “It’s just... Well, yesterday was… good? I don’t know. Great, maybe? It’s been a while since the last time I talked normally to Taeyeon. And to finally be able to talk to her again, I want to do it every day.” She paused and smiled. “After one torturing month, now we’re able to talk normally like friends do. We even chatted last night. And she bid me good night as well.”

“Wait,” Jessica interjected. “You guys chatted last night?”

Tiffany looked at her senior questioningly. “Yes, is that wrong?”

Jessica let out a loud sigh. “Tiffany, do not play dumb in front of me.” She wiped her face with her palms.

“What, Jess? Nothing’s wrong. It was just two friends chatted with each other.”

“Can I read?”

“What?”

“Your chat with her.”

“Why do you want to read?” Tiffany somehow felt uncomfortable with the sudden request from Jessica.

“Why can’t I read? Do you hide something?”

“No. Have you heard the word privacy?” Tiffany held her phone tighter by reflex.

“Tiffy, two days ago, we talked about how can you get over your feeling with Taeyeon. And the first step we agreed was—“

“Be friends again with her,” Tiffany interjected. “I know, Jess. And I didn’t do anything more than a friend would do.”

“But your feelings said otherwise?”

Tiffany could not answer right away. The feelings she felt yesterday were too complicated. She could not understand well whether she was glad to finally be able to talk normally to Taeyeon like a friend, or was she happy because she secretly wished that if this ever went better than the first time, there would be a second chance for them.

“I don’t know, Jess…” Tiffany sighed and finally gave her phone to her senior. “You can read our chat. It’s in the LINE app. I need your help.”

Jessica took the phone and read the chat between TIffany and Taeyeon, and could only smile a bit before giving the phone back to Tiffany.

“You can’t befriend her, can you?” She asked Tiffany.

Shaking her head in answer, Tiffany looked at her senior in confusion again. “I don’t want to be just a friend, Jess. I can’t go back to square one.”

Jessica smiled understandingly. “Now there are only two choices in your relationship with her. First, to be back together again. Or,—“

“To end everything at all. All or nothing.” Tiffany sighed in defeat. 

§

It is not a date. It is not a date. It is not a date.

Taeyeon kept reciting the sentence in her head over and over again. She was in the cafe already, waiting for Tiffany to come. She pressed the lock button of her phone to check the time. She came thirty minutes earlier than the given time. It was still nine-thirty but here she was, sitting nervously at the corner of the room, waiting for Tiffany to come.

“It is not a date. It is not a date. It is not a date.” She recited the sentence again, a bit out loud so she could hear her own voice, wishing it would help to ease her nerve. So she took her phone and scrolled through the gallery, an album she named: the milk to my coffee. It contained pictures of her and Tiffany together. She kept scrolling until it reached the picture they took in Aunt Christine’s she looked around the cafe and noticed that the ambiance was very similar to Aunt Christine’s. She smiled at the realization. Aunt Christine’s was the place of their first date and now she chose this place for the first time they hang out again after the break-up. Was is it a sign? Could this meeting lead to something further than friends? Would this lead to another chance? She could not stop questioning herself only to come back to the reality that she was here in this cafe for apologizing to Tiffany.

What are you thinking, Taeyeon? You haven’t apologized to her yet and now you expect a second chance? Be rational, Taeyeon!

She frowned as she looked at their picture, noticing that even if she did something different this time, even if she would put her career at stake for Tiffany, even if she would have the courage to tell her family, Tiffany might no longer want to be with her anymore.

She closed her phone gallery and locked it. The moment she looked up from the screen, the cafe’s door was opened and Tiffany came into the cafe.

The girl took a while to look around and smiled when noticing how similar the cafe was to Aunt Christine’s. She could not help but wondering whether Taeyeon chose this place because of this similarity. She thought that if Taeyeon did that on purpose, would this mean that her ex actually wanted the same as her: to be back together again. She smiled at her thought but immediately wiped it away, trying to put her mind together, remembering Jessica’s advice.

Test the water. Whatever happens in this cafe, let’s go with the flow.

She inhaled deeply, trying to focus and thought of where Taeyeon possibly sat. It did not take too much time for Tiffany to find where Taeyeon was. She confidently walked towards the most secluded area in the cafe, the corner of the cafe, and she saw the familiar petite figure she had been admired. She waved at the petite figure, which replied immediately.

She then took a seat right across Taeyeon and beamed her eye smile.

Today is the day to decide. To be back together again, or to end everything at all. All or nothing.

“Have you waited long?” Tiffany opened the conversation as she put her handbag on the table.

“Nope.” Taeyeon smiled nervously and gave the menu book to Tiffany. “Do you want to order now?”

Tiffany could not help but to chuckle at Taeyeon’s reaction. “Why such a rush? I just came.”

Taeyeon laughed a bit noticing her odd behavior. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to rush you. I was just. Well… er… nervous.”

Tiffany smiled and took the menu book. “You told me, their ice cube latte is awesome. Imma try that one.”

Taeyeon nodded and raised her hand to call the waitress. “Two ice cube latte, please.” The waitress nodded and brought their order to the kitchen.

“Soooo,…” Taeyeon started to open the conversation. “First of all, I know you do not want to talk about work at all for today but I really need to tell you this one.”

Tiffany faked a groan but laughed right after. “Okay, okay. When it comes to working, nothing can stop Miss Kim Taeyeon,” she joked.

Taeyeon laughed along and put on her serious facade. “I promise, it would take less than 5 minutes if you did not argue with me.”

Tiffany laughed and nodded, gesturing to Taeyeon to continued the talk.

“Before I jump into the news, I would like to thank you for the amazing work in Lombok. Lombok's project was amazing. BOD acknowledged how significant your contribution to the company through the Lombok project.”

Tiffany smiled and nodded. Silently she did not want to take all the credits given to her. She would not be able to do everything she did for the Lombok project if Taeyeon wasn’t with her, as a manager, as a mentor, and as a lover.

“Since you’ve proven yourself on making things happen in Lombok, BOD wants to give you a more challenging project.” This time, Taeyeon smiled secretively and took a pause, enjoying the view of Tiffany anticipating the next word that would come from her. “Welcome to the biggest project this year: East Indonesia Development Program, Miss Project Manager.”

Tiffany gasped in surprise upon hearing the news. “What??? Me? Oh my! How? OMG!”

Taeyeon laughed at the response she got. “Yes, you!” She tried to stop her laugh. “It was not my decision. The BOD asked me to nominate three names. And you were one of the nominees. The rest was BOD's decision. Congrats, Fany.”

Tiffany had a very wide smile on her face at the moment. “That was… Oh my God. I can’t believe it!”

“It will be announced on Monday. So I thought of giving you a heads up. We don’t want to see a surprised project manager in a meeting, do we?”

“Yeah, sure.” Tiffany still had a wide smile. “Thanks so much, Taetae.” The smile was very sincere, her eyes turned into a pair of crescents, and Taeyeon was taken aback. It had been a while since the last time she saw Tiffany smiled like that. And now that she was able to see Tiffany’s smile again, she could feel her heartbeat erratically. Just like when the first time she saw a pair of Tiffany’s crescent eyes.

“You’re welcome.” Taeyeon smiled back at her. “See? I did not take more than five minutes if you do not argue with me.”

“Yes, right. Now, I don’t mind if you want to talk about work-related stuff all day long.”

Taeyeon’s smile faded a bit. “But I want to talk normally with you. I mean, it has been a while since we talk about non-work-related stuff.” She unconsciously pouted.

Tiffany was surprised for the second time today. She did not see this coming. She did not expect Taeyeon would be so honest and blunt.

“Uh, it’s okay if you only want to talk work-related stuff. I might take your kindness and friendliness wrongly.”

“No! No! It’s not like that. I told you previously that I do not want to work on the weekend. But if you have good news about work just like what you told me, I don’t mind having more time to discuss work.” Tiffany instinctively tapped Taeyeon’s arm. “Of course I want to talk about normal topics with you, Taetae.”

Taeyeon smiled a little and nodded understandingly. “Just FYI, my main plan was not to tell you about the East Indonesia Project. I want to apologize to you.” She put her gaze up looking at Tiffany’s eyes. “I know it might be too late to apologize. But, it’s better late than never. I made a lot of mistakes to you, to our relationship, but I’ve never been able to apologize.” She could feel her eyes started to get teary as she spoke. “I am sorry, Fany.”

Tiffany did not react right away. She was surprised for the third time now. She never expected Taeyeon would come to apologize. Especially this was not more than a month after their break-up.

“What are you sorry for, Taetae?” She finally asked her ex back.

“For everything…” Taeyeon answered half whispering.

There was a second of silence between them after Taeyeon’s last words. Until Tiffany cleared groggily. “Do you know how hard it was for me, Tae?”

Taeyeon looked at her in guilt.

“The first week after we broke up, I watched a video of us, cuddling in bed. I watched it every night and I always ended up crying myself to sleep. It wasn’t okay for me, Tae. It has never been okay for me.” She paused for a while and smiled at Taeyeon. “But, I am glad now we finally talk.”

Taeyeon nodded understandingly. “I am sorry, Fany…”

The awkward silence engulfed them. Both Taeyeon and Tiffany now did not know what to do or to say afterward. They only stared at their own hands, hesitating on what to say next. It was too awkward for them, now they started to think that talking about this was not the best thing to do. They were not supposed to talk about personal matters yet, especially related to their relationship.

The silence was very uncomfortable for Taeyeon and she planned to just end today’s hang out but suddenly she heard a laugh from across the table. She looked up only to find out that Tiffany was laughing.

“Why are we so awkward, oh my God.” Tiffany laughed and clapped her hands. “Oh my, Taetae… stop being so awkward.” She playfully flicked Taeyeon’s forehead.

Taeyeon finally laughed along. “Sorry for making things awkward.”

“It’s okay. You’re the expert on that.”

“What???”

Tiffany laughed again at the response. And so did Taeyeon. The awkward atmosphere suddenly vanished as the two girls laughed together.

“Now, now, tell me things I don’t know. We stopped talking with each other for a little bit more than a month. Update me, please.”

Taeyeon nodded and started to talk about the nomination of ’30 under 30’ and the award from the Ministry of Women Empowerment. About the awkwardness of the photoshoot, she needed to go through. The interview she needed to do. She also told the stories about her brother’s response to the awards.

Tiffany listened attentively to Taeyeon’s stories and laughed hard when Taeyeon told her about how JIwoong responded to the news. Taeyeon continued her story, updating Tiffany on how Jiwoong and Naomi progressed. About how her mom had shown some sign of approval of Naomi.

If only you have the same courage as your brother, Taetae…

Time flew fast as they talked and without them knowing it was dinner time already.

“Are we going to have dinner here as well?” Taeyeon asked when she noticed it was almost 6 pm already.

“I don’t think so. I am on diet. No meals after 6.”

“What diet, Fany? You’re so thin already!”

“I am too lazy to go to the gym recently so dieting is the only option left.”

Taeyeon laughed at the answer. “Do you have any plan for tonight?”

Tiffany shook her head.

“Wanna accompany me?” Taeyeon blushed at her own offer. She wasn’t sure how Tiffany would react to her offer.

“Where?”

“Movie.”

§

Hello! How are you??? What do you think is going on??? Hehehe.

Hi everyone! This is Kim Sara! I know I've been missing (again) I apologize for that. Please be patient with me. It is not intentional. My new job takes most of my time and it is getting hard to get free time. I hope you enjoy this chapter!