I trapped myself in my room so that I wouldn't have to see the decorations that clogged the halls and rooms of the house. I thought that I could block out the jolly music by playing some the Gazette on full blast, but my mother told me numerous times to turn it off until she threatened to punish me. That it was too loud and heavy and... rough for my brother.

"But Mom, you have no idea how irritated I am listening to that Christmas music ALL DAY!"

"Honey, I can't help that. Your brother wants to listen to it."

"Well, what about me, huh? I'm irritated, and lately it seems like everyone's just OBSESSED with how JIHOO feels and what JIHOO wants! What about me, I have feelings, too!"

"Watch your tone, Myra!" My mother pointed her scolding finger at me. "You know better than to talk to me like that. And the only reason everyone's ignoring your feelings and wants is because of your funky attitude! You're trying to the life our of everyone!" She huffed as if she had meant to say this for a long time and finally got it off her chest.

I looked away. She hates me, I thought. And she had a reason to.

But Mom sounded as if she hadn't wanted to say it, like she wanted to take it back. "Myra, I..." She sighed. "Now, I know why you're acting like this, but we really do want you to be happy..."

I waved her off. "I don't want to be happy, Mom. I don't deserve it."

My mother walked over to be and hugged me from behind, but I still avoided her eyes. "We all miss him, Myra." She hesitated "But it's Christmastime. He'd want you to be happy. He'd want us all to be happy."

I tried doing some homework, and I tried drawing some manga, but I heard Jihoo singing along to Deck the Halls endlessly. It used to be my favorite Christmas song. But now... I don't like it. It was almost the worst song I could listen to.

I looked outside. It was snowing, and it was obvious Jihoo had already played out there, with the funny looking snowman and snow angels in the yard, and I could tell him and Mom had a snowfight as well. I just wanted to leave all the music, so I determined the approximate temperature from how it looked and dressed for the weather.

I finally walked out of my room into the living room to grab my boots.

"Where are you going, Lil' Missy?" Mom smiled at me. They were sitting at the dining room table, drinking hot chocolate.

"I'm going out."

Jihoo looked back at me. "We already played out there, so you're late."

"I'm not going out to play, I'm going out for some fresh air."

Mom laughed. "Well, I'm not sure you'll enjoy it so much. Dress warm, okay?"

"Yeah, see you later."

I walked out the door, bundled up from head to toe. Before I left, I had sent a text to my cousin Sunny so we could meet at the park. Her name is actually Susan Lee, but her smile always seems to light up the room whenever she walks in, so she's always been called Sunny.

I walked to the park, slowly and carefully so I wouldn't slip. The sidewalks were cleaned, but I just had to be sure. I hope Sunny is driving safe...

I sat on a bench, free of snow, and waited for my cousin.

It was still snowing, but it was slow, so it wasn't too dangerous to be outside. Before, I would have thought that it was a beautiful scene, where the white snow blanketed the park and the yards of the houses, and to tops of trees, and a peaceful whistle of the wind, as there is usually no one on the icy roads to break the silence. But at that moment... it depressed me. The white snow is a blanket of death, waiting for any victim to come in it's embrace and freeze... The howl of the wind, a warning that people mistake for the beautiful sounds of wintertime, and the chill of the wind on unsuspecting faces, nipping passerby with it's icy touch.

I sighed, pondering over winter scenes made me feel worse and going back home seemed a more pleasant thought.

So, I took my notebook out and started writing.

I always kept a small book with me in case I got inspired to write a poem. I figued since I was out there doing nothing I would write about how the winter scene made me feel.

Then I heard the whistling of someone, which made me jump since I thought I was the only person at the park. Then I noticed, the whistling was getting louder.

What to do? It's coming my way!

I looked around to see if there was anywhere to hide. But then, I thought it would look silly if I ran over to the playground to hide just because a stranger was passing by.

So I just stayed seated, looking down, waiting for Sunny to come.

Finally, the whistling stopped, but I still heard the footsteps on the sidewalk.

They didn't stop until they were next to me.

I slowly looked up at the person those footsteps belonged to. I had to squint, since the bright clouds and snow blinded me.

He reminded me of myself in a way, with his mixed looks. He must be half-asian and half-white, I thought. I'm half-Korean and half-Arabian, so I thought that somehow we instantly connected at that moment.

"Hi." I spoke.

"Hi." The boy walked over to my right to sit next to me. "It's a beautiful day, isn't it?"

I sighed. "I guess you could say that..."

He looked at me curiously. "You must like the winter to be sitting out here just looking around."

"I'm waiting to meet someone," I replied. He nodded, then sat back.

"It really is nice weather for this time of year. I hope we can get some snow on Christmas, too."

"Meh..."

"'Meh...?' What's with that?" he laughed.

"I don't really wanna talk about it. I'm just not into Christmas this year." I sighed.

"What is it about it?" He smiled at me, genuinely curious. Even though I said I didn't want to talk about it. "Is it the cheery-ness? Or the materialism? The fact that there's no more tradition...?"

I sighed. "I guess you could say that. But mostly it's the expectations."

"Expectations? For presents?"

I laughed. Then I kept laughing, at myself, wondering why I was talking to this stranger, and I was actually compelled to tell him why I hated Christmas. It probably had something to do with the fact that no one really asked me. Was it because all my friends and family already knew? Or because no one cared? Should I talk about my feelings to this stranger? I asked myself.

"Expectation... is a funny thing, isn't it? It could be expectation for the presents you want, or for presents at all. Some kids want a certain toy for Christmas, while others wish they simply had a toy, no matter what it is."

The boy nodded, encouraging me to go on.

"It could be the expectation of how great the celebration is. Will the food be great? Who all will be there? What movies will we watch, or songs will be sing, or stories will we tell?"

The boy nodded once more. "Is that what it is? The celebration? It sounds like you haven't liked them all in the past."

"The ones in the past were crap!" I blurted, and laughed out of nervousness. "You wanna know why?" He nodded, but I was gonna tell him anyway, since I was on a roll. "You want the people you're closest to to come! You want the people you love to be there! And for the past four years, my father wasn't there because of his stupid business trips!"

The boy, despite my anger and my shouting, stayed calm. "Is he on a trip now?"

I shook my head. "No... no, actually, he's not. And it's my fault." I tried to take a deep breath, but the tears were already rolling down my cheeks. "He's not, because last year, I made him promise to come home for Chrismas, and on Christmas Eve, he died. In a plane crash. Because he tried to keep that stupid promise! And it's my fault!" I buried my face into my gloved hands. How could I let myself go like that, in front of a stranger? Just blurt out the reason I was so bitter, then cry like a fool in front of him?

He put his hand on my shoulder and offered me tissue, and waited patiently until I was done.

"I'm so sorry," I sniffed.

"No, no, it's okay." He smiled at me, and instantly I felt warm inside, and it made me feel a little better. Maybe talking to nice strangers isn't a bad idea. He didn't judge me or anything. We had only talked for five minutes, and he was trying to comfort me.

"What's your name?" He asked.

"Uh, ha," Why hadn't I introduced myself before I poured all my emotions out like that? "I'm Myra Yoon. You?"

"I'm Vernon Hansol Choi. So, Myra..." He took a deep breath, probably trying to figure out how to say it. How to say, "It's not your fault" or "You can't control what happened on the past" or the worst one, "It'll be okay." I didn't want to hear any of that. Because whether it was true or not didn't matter to me. I pushed my Dad too far. He was supposed to be finished with the back and forth traveling this year, but I pushed him...

"Myra, have you thought that maybe, your father knew what could happen? And was willing to take the risk to be with you?"

I looked at Vernon. "Huh?"

He looked uncomfortable, and he took his hand off my shoulder and rubbed them together. "Maybe... your father knew that there was a storm coming but just really wanted to see his family..."

"How did you know it was a storm?"

That question made him more uncomfortable. What exactly I was accusing him of, I wasn't sure, but I never told him it was a storm that caused the accident.

"Well, it was in the news you know. The plane crash."

Oh yeah. Duh. The Christmas Eve Blizzard, they called it.

I huffed, seeing my breath freeze up in the cold winter air. If it was true... it only made me feel worse.

"You said you're waiting for someone?"

"Yeah, my cousin."

"What's their name?"

I looked at him. "Why?"

He laughed shyly. "Sorry if I come off as nosey. I actually moved here not long ago from New York, so I don't know anyone."

I sighed. He's just a teen looking for friends. "Sunny. Well, Susan, but we call her Sunny."

"That's a pretty name."

"Thank you, kind sir."

We stood up at the sound of the voice. Of course, it was my cousin. Her car was parked further down the street, since in front of the park is off limits.

"Oh, hello." The stranger walked over to my cousin to shake her hand. "I'm Vernon, nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too. Are you a friend of Myra?"

"Uh, we just met a few minutes ago." I responded.

Sunny smiled and nodded. "So, you said you needed to talk, Myra?"

I laughed quietly. "Actually, I feel better now. I already talked it out with, uh, Vernon. So I feel better now."

"Oh, ok." She said softly. "Well, I didn't come out here for nothing. Let's go get something to eat. And you can come too, Vernon."

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