I wish they would stop playing that song.

I wish that I wasn't here doing this.

I wish Mom would be a little understanding and tell me I didn't have to go to the mall and do this!

I was stuck in line holding my brother's hand, fake smiling at everyone who passed by, waiting to greet the man and leave. He looked ridiculous, really. How long did it take him to grow that beard, or to get so fat, or to practice that voice? And how could anyone be comfortable with letting their child sit on his lap?! That's a cause for worry, I tell you, but at least once a year, parents let it slide because he's Santa Claus... huh!

I asked Mom- begged her!- to let me tell Jihoo that it was all a lie.

"It's not a lie, Myra. He's using his imagination!"

Imagination? If it was his imagination, he would have come up with it on his own! I hate lying to him.

But then I hate everything about the holidays.

Jihoo got more restless the closer to the phony we got. His eyes grew wide when he could finally see him.

My eyes grew wide when I saw my friends walking out of a store.

Really, I shouldn't have been surprised to see my friends at a mall, especially when Christmastime was near but... I just didn't want them to see me.

But the crowd was clearing, and when it was Jihoo's turn to sit on the lap of the potential , Jin and Sulli spotted me.

They waved. I looked down.

Eotteoke...

They started towards me.

No! Go away!!!

"It is Myra!" I heard Sulli say.

I willed my brother to hurry with his list, but he kept on talking to the man, and the fake just nodded at everything he said...

"Myra! What are you doing here?"

Dammit!

I looked up and smiled at my friends. "Hi! Jin! Sulli! I'm with my brother. What are you two doing?"

"Oh, we're Christmas shopping." Sulli smiled. "We're supposed to meet Jackson here, too. Would you like to join us?"

I sighed. "I don't know. I'm already shopping for family..."

"That's great!" Jin exclaimed. "We might as well go together."

"I don't want to..." I said bluntly, surprising the two.

"Why? Did we do something wrong?" Jin looked hurt, as we were really close friends.

I shut my eyes and just told the truth. "You guys are all excited for Christmas and all, and it irritates me! I can't stand it, all this happiness and holiday spirit... ugh! I just can't stay in here! I just wanna go home and get away from all this!"

Jihoo finally stood up after hugging the Santa and grabbed my hand. "Ready to go now!"

"Me too, let's call Mom."

Then when I turned around, I saw Jackson running over with open arms, and before I could run away, I was wrapped in them. "Myra, I didn't think you'd be here!"

"Me neither." I muttered. I tried wriggling away, but he squeezed even harder. He only let go to greet Jihoo.

"Hey, little buddy, how's it going?" he knelt down to meet his eyes.

"I got to talk to Santa, and he said he's gonna get me everything I want!" Jihoo exclaimed.

"Wow, that's great!" Jackson said with wide eyes. I had to stop him before he encouraged my brother any further.

"Hey, man, that's enough! We're going home now!" I tugged my brother's hand, but he wouldn't budge.

"Can we hang out with Jackson today?" He asked with sweet, wide eyes.

"But Mom said when we're done shopping, and when you see him,"  my eyes pointed at the fat man in the red suit, "then call her and she'll pick us up."

"But we're not finished shopping!"

"Yes we are," I said and tried to tug him again, but he wouldn't move, and let my hand go.

"No, we still have to buy stuff for decorations!"

I growled. "Don't we have enough stuff in that house?!"

My brother was seven, but he pretty much had always been stubborn since birth. He especially tried to make me look bad in front of my friends any chance he got, and it worked all the time.

"Come on, Myra," Sulli said and kneeled down to meet the height of Jihoo. "He really wants to have some more decorations."

"He doesn't have any money! Now, come on, we're going home."

"Myra," Jin walked to me and said in a low voice. "I know how you feel about all... this." He looked around the decorated mall. "But, your brother is enjoying himself. Just stay for half an hour. Besides, I'll pay for his things" He smiled at me and grabbed my wrist, gently leading me towards the group.

I only gave in because of Jin. He was my best friend since he moved to St. Louis three years before, and Christmas culture in America always fascinated him, as it's different than in South Korea. What to do but join them? I had no choice but to stay a little longer, and we found some good stuff for our families as well as for Jihoo's decorations. And it only took half an hour, and Jihoo was sleepy and ready to leave.

So we sat on a bench and waited for my mother to pick us up, while Jackson tried to keep Jihoo awake.

While looking through all the things she had bought, Sulli asked me, "What do you want? Not that I'm gonna buy you anything, haha, so don't suspect." Of course, she was a bad liar. She was totally planning on buying me something.

"I don't want anything."

"Of course you do, Myra. Everyone wants something."

"I don't want anything, Sulli. Actually, I do. Can we just ABOLISH Christmas?!"

Sulli laughed. "Well sorry, Miss Scrooge." She continued looking in her bag.

I looked at my hands in my lap. I was hoping that my hair covered my face. I couldn't understand why, but I was just upset and offended. But Sulli wouldn't understand, so I kept silent.

Then I heard Jin whisper something, and Sulli say, "I'm sorry, Myra, I didn't mean any harm..."

I looked up at her. She had put her bag of presents on the floor next to her feet, and looking at nothing in particular. I sighed. How come I always managed to the happiness out of everyone?

"How was your talk with Santa Claus?" Mom asked Jihoo, glancing at the mirror. We were riding home in the van: Mom was driving, I was in the passenger's seat, and Jihoo sat behind Mom.

"It was fun! He said he's going to get me everything I want! He's gonna get me the cars and the water guns... And then, he said he's going to bring the holiday spirit back into Myra!"

"You asked him about me?" I looked back at him.

"Of course I did. He said he wants to bring happiness to all people, and I want you to be happy." Again, his big eyes shined in sincerity.

I wanted to be offended, but at the same time, I was mad at myself. I hadn't realized how much my attitude affected Jihoo. I didn't want to destroy his mood but... I just couldn't help it. Everything about Christmas made me sick. The happiness, the fakeness, the materialism, the expectation...

"Don't worry about me, Jihoo, I'm as happy as I'm going to get."

Mom looked at me. "You sound pretty grumpy to me."

I grumbled and rolled my eyes. Then Jihoo continued, "Then we saw Myra's friends, and Jin bought me all these decorations for the house, and Jackson bought me pizza!"

Mom glanced at me, then back at the road. "Jin bought your things? And Jackson bought you pizza?"

"I'll pay them back Mom, okay? I ran out of money, I only have five dollars on me."

She smiled. "I guess I don't have to make you guys lunch then."

"But I didn't eat..." I mumbled. I felt bad enough with my friends spoiling my brother, so I didn't want them to spend money on me either. If only I had an extra dollar, though, I could have bought myself a sub. But the little food I could afford couldn't fill me up.

Mom sighed for the hundredth time. "You're seventeen, fix your own food."

I growled for the thousandth time. She really did seem to favor my brother, just like everyone else.