Beep…. Beep…... beep…..

I woke up, staring into a white ceiling. I felt a warm hand grasping tightly onto mine. Looking towards the source of warmth, recollections came back to me of what happened. So all those guys betrayed me after my amnesia, its karma. I looked towards the guy lying on my right, tears stung my eyes and came rolling down my cheeks.

 Since 16, I was given no love from my parents, I seek love by dating guys and dumping them afterwards. Do Kyungsoo was one of them. He was the only one who was always there for me when I needed someone. Showering me with so much love that I was afraid if he were to leave me I would be ‘paralysed’ for life.

Ever since the day I knew I was pregnant with his child, I thought we were definitely over, hence I broke his heart. I dated many other guys at the same time and when he found out he was so devastated but still clung unto me, believing that I would not change just overnight. Caring for me, trying to win me back. However, being the stubborn me, I continued breaking his heart.

Until one day, I suddenly felt useless. I felt my whole existence was all wrong and I should stop burdening everyone else around me. I decided to end my life with the baby in me. I took one of my boyfriend’s car and recklessly drove around his neighbourhood and alas I crashed, and even there was the least bit of pain, I felt numb and soon lose unconsciousness.

“Jae In! Jae In ah you’re awake? I’ll go get the doctor!” Kyungsoo beside me snapped me out of my thoughts. The worried and delighted look on his face made me feel guilty, I mustered all my energy left to grab his hands as he stood up.

“Is Kyungsun ours?” I just couldn’t stop myself from questioning.

He seemed surprised with my question since his eyes widened two times bigger, “You remember?” He sounded bitter about this.

“Is he ours?” I demanded.

“Does it matter? You’ve already abandoned us a long time ago, you have no rights to claim him back either way.”

So Kyungsun is ours…

His words are like bullets aimed straight for my heart. Yes, I was immature about suicide. But I really didn’t mean to.

“How did you know Kyungsun is yours?” Despite being hurt by his words, I was still in bewilderment of what really happened.

“Your parents told me.”

My parents?

Being confused I looked at him, cocking my eyebrows, hoping for more information.

“CAN YOU STOP WITH YOUR ACTING” He shouted suddenly. “Don’t pretend to be innocent. Please! You told your parents to tell me to take responsibility for Kyungsun or you’ll send him to an orphanage. What kind of mom are you? Do you really hate us that much?”

I was speechless. Overwhelmed with shock. My parents put words into my mouth during the time I was in coma? They just did not want to be bothered by another burden. Tears rolled down my cheeks continually upon the realisation. Kyungsoo was also standing there tearing away, looking at me with disgust. I couldn’t blame him, he did not know what happened to me and was deceived by my parent’s tricks.

“I’ll get the doctor.” He wiped his tears away and went out of the room. I was in total agony, berating myself for not being able to do anything but puppet of my parents. Perhaps it would be good to end my life now. No one is caring for me now, including Kyungsoo. He hates me. Perhaps it would be better if I’m gone now. This wouldn’t be an immature suicide anymore, I’m not dragging anyone else down with me. I took the needle on the table in front of the hospital bed and started slashing my wrist with it.

BANG! The ward’s door opened harshly and Kyungsoo appeared at the doorway being more teary eyed than before rushing towards me, snatching the needle away from me while blood is still oozing out from the fresh cuts.

“The doctor told me about your coma and amnesia. I’m sorry, I’m sorry for blaming you all these while.” He whispered as he hugged me tightly. I felt comfort for the first time as I rested on his shoulder.

The doctor then came, thankfully with a first aid kit in each ward, he treated the wounds that I made. After the doctor left, Kyungsoo looked at me, with gentleness once again, his lips capturing my lips as the passionate kiss lasted quite awhile, with us pouring our love for each other in the kiss. Soon after, I pulled away, catching my breath when he asked, “Will you marry me?”

I nodded immediately, grinning at him and shared another kiss.

“I love you”