I walked down the jostling street at night, with my emotionless, stoic face. This is an everyday thing for me, going to school, back home studying, eating and going for my part time job. It’s a routine that I knew would never stop its cycle, ever since my last relationship. I knew it, guys are all the same, they get tired of one and just get on to another. Like how children who pester their parents to get a toy for them, bringing them temporary pleasure once they get it and chucks it aside soon after, asking their parents for newer ones, the vicious cycle continues and their inner greed will never be satisfied. That is also the reason why I dislike children.

Living by myself is pleasant, it might be lonely but definitely much better than having loads of unnecessary problems to deal with, getting involved involuntarily. At 18, I got into a car accident which left me unconscious for a year and losing half of my memory. Ever since I’ve awoken, which I felt it’s an abyss, I forced myself to survive since I was left with no one. I’ve had a few boyfriends, which I thought I could finally have someone to depend on, but all betrayed me.

“mamaaa… mama….”

I felt something tugging on my jeans which snapped me out of my reverie.  Looking down, I saw a cute little boy, 3 to 4 years old with doe eyes on the verge of tears looking at me hopefully. Despite my dislike for children, I am definitely not a heartless being. Squatting down, I sighed and looked at him, “Are you lost? Where did your mom last go?”

“mama, are you my mama?” He asked, widening his eye, hopefully looking at me.

I thought I was going to melt upon his stare, as much as I was confused, his innocence actually had an effect on me which made me go swooning. Get a grip Jae In ah! I mentally scolded myself.

“Uh, no.” I replied which made the little one crease his brow. “Then do you remember where did your dad last go?”

“The café opposite.” He pointed.

“Okay, let’s go find him! He must be worried.”

Holding on to his little palm, I softened as we walked to get to the café.

On the way, I became curious and asked, “What’s your name?”

“I’m Do Kyungsun! I’m 3 years 5 months old! Nice to meet you! What’s your name mama?”

I chuckled at his excitement, “I’m Jae In, nice to meet you too, but I’m really not you mom.”

“Daddy says mama left us after I was born because she dislike us. Mama, do you also dislike Kyungsun?”

So, he his mom left him, same fate. The only difference was that at least he had his dad. Neither of mine were willing to take responsibility of me. All I ever was is life is just an accident. I’m just an extra in life, being insignificant to everyone else. Especially after I suffered amnesia from a car crash incident I got involved in as I was told.

“Nope, you are cute, noona dislikes children but you’re an exception.” As I said, we were outside the café, bending down to his height, I ruffled his hair. “Let’s do some serious hunting for your dad ok?”

Walking aimlessly with the boy little palm in my hand, we found a man in his mid-twenties hurriedly making his way towards us.

“Do Kyungsun! Where were you! You had me worried!” Kyungsun ran too him happily and got engulfed in the man’s arms.

“Mama! She’s there!” He excitedly pointed at me.

Both of us being surprised by Kyungsun’s sudden outburst, looked at each other with bewilderedness. The man’s eye just like his son’s widened, “Sorry, he didn’t mean what he said!”

“But I saw her photo infff……..” Kyungsun tried to make another statement but the man had already muffled what he wanted to say by covering his mouth, and looking at me awkwardly. Confused, I cocked my brow.

Staring back in his eyes, I shivered. Those soft brown orbs…

I soon felt myself melting into them, and could definitely feel how we were melting in each other’s gaze. When he suddenly broke the silence, “I’m sorry but he likes to shoot his mouth off. Thank you for bringing him back.”

I felt an indescribable tinge of coldness in the way he said it but I felt like this voice is really familiar, I could have sworn I’ve heard many times despite my futile attempt in recalling.

“You’re welcome.” I smiled and turned to walk away, though curiosity was eating into me.

“MAMAAA MAMAMAAMAMAMAAAAAA” Kyungsun wails were loud, surprising me. Turning back, I was surprised by the sight of Kyungsun trying to escape from his father’s grasp, trying to run towards me.

All of a sudden, I felt a pang in my head, memories and events from the past came flowing back to me. Holding onto my head, my eyes clamping itself shut tightly, trying to steady my trembling legs and body, I tried my hardest to look towards the father and son once more. Is he my son or... At the time where I managed to open my eyes before I out, the cacophony of sounds around me begun muting and I managed a blurry glimpse of the man Do Kyungsoo before falling into his arms with him trying to wake me up from falling into unconsciousness.

“JAE IN AH… jae in ah…….jae……..”