Dim lights, smooth mahogany, and the scent of sandalwood. This pub used to be Moonbyul’s favourite place to go to, once upon a time. Nowadays, she didn’t frequent it anymore, but today… it felt like it was calling out to her, to come back and relive memories. Today, Moonbyul returned to The Backwoods.

Pushing the door open, she stepped in, her sneakers stepping silently on the wooden floor. After placing an order at the bar, Moonbyul settled down in a booth. Only one person taking up the whole four-person booth, she thought, just like old times. While waiting for her food to come, she scanned the pub. It was quiet tonight, and only one or two other tables were taken up. A particular diner caught her eye; a young woman with wavy hazel hair, dressed casually in a sweater and jeans. Her eyes, Moonbyul noticed, kept darting towards the door, then back towards her phone on the table, all the while nervously fiddling with her hair, smoothing it out continuously. Probably a date, Moonbyul mused.

A tap on the shoulder brought her back to her senses. Startled, she looked up, meeting the eyes of a blonde. “Hey, Hyejin,” she said, greeting her old friend. “What are you doing here?”

The girl laughed. Taking while wagging her finger, she replied: “No no no, it’s Hwasa now. I have to have a good stage name, right?”

Moonbyul raised her eyebrows, and Hwasa gestured to the stage at the end of the pub. Then it clicked. “You work here? Singing?” Moonbyul asked, surprised. The girl in front of her nodded, grinning at the brunette. Pride welled up in Moonbyul; she knew that her friend always wanted to sing and perform, and although it was tough trying to find places to promote her voice, she was glad that she finally found a place to start.

“Do you have a song request?” Hwasa queried, and the brunette shook her head. “Well then, in that case, I’ll sing that song that we always used to listen to.” With that, she made her way to the stage. And as she did, the door opened.

Hearing a little gasp, Moonbyul glanced at the girl who was sitting at the other table, who now sported the biggest smile on her face. Her deep dimples and those eyes that danced with delight, they were all facing the door. And so Moonbyul looked at the newcomer.

It was her.

It was her, and she hadn’t changed since the time they last saw each other. It was her, all dolled up, with a black choker and little black dress, the same dress that was her last birthday present. It was her, with her long and slightly wavy hair, in the multiple shades of brown that looked like she had slivers of gold when the light was at the right angle, and it was her, with that beautiful smile and those perfect teeth, and her eyes still crinkled at the corners, because that’s how you knew she was truly happy, when her smile reached her eyes and just lit up the whole room like how the sun brightens the universe and…

Their eyes met. The smile wavered. 

The song started.

‘Over the mountain, across the river, to my hometown

I came looking for you in these backwoods

On the day that the balloon flowers blossomed

I left leaving you with a promise.’

The woman’s eyes flitted away, coming to rest on the girl with the dimples. And her smile became even more brilliant than before. Sitting down in the chair opposite her date, a conversation was immediately initiated, and Moonbyul could not regret any more her choice of seats. She could hear the soft voice, the melodious laugh, the love and adoration that flowed out. And what once was for her, was never again hers.

‘I hope it’s not too late

I’m relieved to see that you haven’t changed

I was worried that you wouldn’t recognise me

I feel the reason to live when I fall asleep in your arms

Even when I’m with you I miss you again.’

Yet it was too late, too late to feel those arms wrap around her, too late to listen to the heart that steadily beat, too late to fall asleep in warmth and comfort and peace. And she ached inside, knowing that the only person who made her feel and understand all of that was sitting less than 10 paces away, knowing that she couldn’t do anything now.

“Though wild berries float away in the river

I’ll never again go to another place

Playing a reed and singing, I want to live with you

Stay with me, don’t go, stay with me.”

Those were the words Moonbyul heard before, over and over again, before she left Seoul. But the one who whispered them, the one who etched those words into her soul… was not with her. She was with someone else now, fingers intertwined with another’s. “Solar,” Moonbyul could not help but utter her name, voice cracking miserably. Although she was sure that the woman could not hear her, so deep both in conversation and love, the other’s gaze darted towards Moonbyul. Offering a rueful smile, the gorgeous woman’s attention returned to the cute girl in front of her, caressing a dimpled cheek with one hand.

“Over souls, over hills, to the old house

I’m here at the water mill in my moonlit hometown

I left alone in tears the day birds were chirping

Though clouds drift away

I won’t leave you to go to another place again

I’ll live with you and plant something.”

She remembered the day that she had brought Solar back to her hometown, back when it was peaceful and calming. She remembered visiting her old home, back when her parents were still alive. Nothing had changed since they passed; her bed, her chair, her favourite place to sit on the porch… They were all still intact, protected by a fine layer of dust. She remembered dusting off the old photo albums. Solar had giggled at her baby pictures while they sat in the fields next to the house. They made flower crowns under the blue skies, and when they kissed, Moonbyul could not help but fall in love, even deeper than before. And the heart that she once held so precious… she could only watch now as Solar loved, not her, but another, and she knew then that the heart was not hers anymore.

“The road we walked together

The sound of the wind blowing my hair

With your head on my arm

The night sky that we took time counting stars

Being with you alone shines brightly enough

Let’s be together.”

Hwasa’s soulful voice, added together with the soft piano, made Moonbyul relive all the memories that she once shared with Solar. The heart-rending melody, the gut-wrenching lyrics… Unconsciously, tears started to form, b dangerously in her eyes, threatening to spill over.

“Though time may pass

I too want to laugh by your side like this

Playing a reed and singing

I want to live with you singing…”

Moonbyul couldn’t take it anymore. She could not bear to listen to another laugh, to see another smile, to yearn to touch the sun and be in that everlasting brightness. 

“I love you, Wheein.”

And her heart broke, shattering into pieces that would never be able to be put back together. Chest tightening, Moonbyul ran out, and collapsed into a pool of tears. Letting the rain wash over her, she didn’t try to hide her ugly sobs, didn’t try to deny the pain inside her, didn’t try to pretend that those four words meant nothing to her because They Did, and she couldn’t do anything about it, not anymore, not ever.

“I want to live with you.”