Lee Chaerin's POV

School is finally starting today! I haven't seen my classmates in two weeks since they've all been away on family trips and holidays all over the world. Yeah, I was stuck at home but I didn't mind. Well, that's because, before the school holidays started, I had a conversation with my crush that I'll cherish, forever.

Flashback.

"Yah! Chaerin! Wait up!" a familiar voice called out from behind as I was about to leave my classroom. I knew it was his voice. So I composed myself properly before turning towards him. And when I did, he was standing a little too close, so I backed up with a, "Whoa there, Kwon Jiyong."

He gave me his signature smile and scratched his head, saying, "Sorry, Chaerin. I was just thinking, why don't we go for some coffee?"

I swear, I just had butterflies screaming for me to say yes. Alone time with Jiyong? Today just can't get any better. I smiled at him and agreed. His face instantly brightened up and hooked his arm to mine, babbling all the way to the cafe near our school. I tried not to scream as he did that. It was a simple, normal gesture to him as we have been close friends for quite a while. And as much as I treasure our friendship, I want it to turn into something more. But he doesn't know that I like him, yet.

When we arrived at the cafe, we sat down near the window and letting the warm sunlight soak our skin. We both loved it. It was one of the many similarities we both share.  Remember kids, Vitamin D is very good for you. Jiyong excused himself to order our drinks.

"I'll get-" I was about to say when he interrupted me, confidently saying, "Caramel coffee with whip cream."

I laughed at this and when he turned away from my direction I tried my best not to have a panic attack. Isn't it cute how he knows my coffee order? Breath, Chaerin. Breathe. But you've got to admit, nothing can get more special than that. He returned with two cups, handing me my order as he sat across me. He was sipping his ice-blended coffee as he stared out the window, laying back. The sunlight that shone down on him complimented his features and he looked godly. Before he could catch me staring at him I asked, "What's up with calling me out here?"

Jiyong looked back at me and smirked. He put his elbows on the table and pushed himself closer to me. Shocked with the sudden move, I jumped backwards a little. He stared right into my eyes, giving me chills. He broke the silence by asking, "Can you be honest with me?"

. Butterflies. Does he know? 

"Of course! When am I not honest with you, Jiyong?" I said smiling.

"Well, is it true that someone in your class has a crush on me?" he asked, still staring into my eyes. His question made me nervous, but I pulled it off with, "I don't know. They seldom tell me anything. That's because I have a really big mouth."

"You promised to be honest, Chaerin," he said, a little more serious this time. That got me. I started feeling guilty of my statement. He continued, "Is it you?"

Wow. You're really bold, Kwon Jiyong. I looked outside, trying my best not to blush. He still did not move from that position, still staring right at me. Answer him, Chaerin. Maybe he'll like you back. Do it. I couldn't look back at him as I said softly, "I'm sorry for not being honest, Jiyong. Yeah, it's me."

The first thing he did was smile. But I only saw that adorable smile from the side of my eye as I was still embarrassed by what I said. He did the most unexpected thing. He took my chin with his hand softly, pulling my face back to him. He then sighed, "Aigoo, Chaerin. You don't need to feel bad. Why do you like me? What's so special about me?"

I hesitated to answer that question. I started to think of the good old times we had together, his adorable laugh ringing in my ears. When I knew I had chosen the right words, I answered, "Well, I can't really explain that. I just think you're really cool."

"Thanks. I think you're um, really pretty," he stuttered as he said that. My cheeks started to feel warm as he said that. It was the most satisfying feeling ever. To know that someone actually think I'm pretty. 

"Jiyong, no one has ever said that to me."

End of flashback.

I couldn't stop thinking about that day. Right after that he walked me back home and I couldn't sleep that night. Every part of me was screaming, 'He's the one.' Mind you, I've never had a boyfriend and I want Jiyong to be my first one. 

I was so caught up with my day dream that I didn't realize that my classmates were arriving one by one. I greeted them with enthusiasm as we exchanged tales of the holidays. I haven't told anyone about the conversation I had with Jiyong. I was about to when there was a knock at my class door. I turned to see who it was, instantly getting excited. It was Jiyong. Maybe he's here to see me, I thought. I was about to get up when one of my classmate, Sandara Park ran to him, into his arms. 

That broke my heart terribly.

I just stared at them, trying to register what was in front of me. My were classmates woo-ing them, the girls were even giggling at how cute they looked together. But I just stared. How could he? When he left the class, an arm around Sandara's waist, I gave a pained look to anyone who was near me but they were too engrossed with the new cute couple. I would have broken down there but being the proud girl I am, I didn't. But of course, I needed someone to talk to. I wanted to tell them how I feel, to talk it out with them but they seem like they didn't want any other story than the new couple. So I ran out.

I ran as fast as I could to the farthest part of the school. To the toilet, It's the only place I could cry out without anyone bothering me. And as I crashed to the floor of the dry, unused toilet, I cried. I let everything loose.  And the worst part of it was there was no one to comfort me. I had to go through this alone and no one will ever understand this.

I looked into the mirror, seeing my tear-stained face in the reflection. Rage started to build in me. I scratched the reflection before me. I pounded my fist onto it and vandalized it as much as possible. As long as I couldn't see my own face.

Why, Kwon Jiyong? Wh did you do this to me? Why? Yes, I know Sandara Park is the most beautiful, the most chased-after girl in my class. But, you called me pretty. You called me pretty when I thought no one ever would. You lied. You're a ed up liar. Why me? Why must I be so imperfect? Why can't I be as pretty as Sandara? To have that model-like body figure, that beautiful hair? I want her perfection. Why must I be so... ugly? I'll never be loved. Never. 

I looked at the mirror once again. My rage didn't end there. I was so angry that I could still see my reflection in it that I started throwing anything I can find to it. I couldn't see past the tears that welled up in my eyes. All I could hear was the constant shatter of glass. When I couldn't take my own rage, I slid against the wall to the ground. I was shaking so badly as I hugged my knees and cried into them. His face couldn't leave me mind. Neither could the fact that he lied. 

I spent hours crying. And I felt lucky that no one was searching for me. If they did and actually found me, I can't imagine explaining the broken mirror and most of all, the tears across my face. When I felt that I had calmed down, I stood up slowly, feeling a little nauseous. As soon as I was sure that I steady and presentable enough, I walked out of the toilet, staggering a little like I was drunk. I walked slowly by myself towards my classroom. It was already lunch time but I felt sick whenever I thought about food. As I neared my class, I heard giggles from the other side of the hallway. I took a peek, even though I knew I shouldn't have. And the instant I saw it, I wished I didn't. It was the two new lovebirds. They were hugging each other. God, Kwon Jiyong was so beautiful. He was smiling as if his life was complete. But he isn't mine. Neither was it me who made him smile that way.

I walked into the class room, a few of my classmates turned to me. One of them asked. "Yah, Chaerin! A badass now huh? Skipping classes. Pssh."

I tried to smile brightly, knowing it was a joke. "Because I'm CL, the one and only baddest female."

It was a line I use when I'm insecure. But I didn't feel any more confident as I said it. Fortunately, nobody noticed and just laughed along. Do I look that okay? They don't get it, do they? Fine, the beautiful girl gets the guy. This ugly self will forever be alone, insecure. Deep inside, my heart still hurt so bad. There are so many reasons to it. 

Kwon Jiyong shouldn't have lied. More over, Kwon Jiyong shouldn't have chosen such a beautiful girl over me.