I was never the girl that anyone noticed. I sat there in the back of the classroom, doing my work diligently. I would get picked on because I seemed timid and I seem like I don’t have a mind of my own, I can’t stand up for myself.

I am neither of those.

I can stand up for myself. I have a mind of my own.

I will not be pushed around, I have a strong backbone and I will stand up for what I believe in. Whether or not it is your cup of tea, that is not my problem.

I do have a best friend, or should I say, I had a best friend. His name was Baekhyun.

Yes, that Byun Baekhyun. The Baekhyun who is now hanging out with people he thinks are popular, but that's his own perspective. I have a different perspective on popularity,

But I guess I need to start from the beginning.

Baekhyun and I knew of each other because we had mutual friends. He was friends with my ex-boyfriend, Junmyeon. Baekhyun was also close friends with my friend, Taeyeon. Baekhyun and I when we first met, we loathed each other’s guts in freshman year. Baekhyun and I, we were polar opposites. He was outspoken, and rude sometimes. I always believed in being polite to everyone, even if they were a douche.

However that all changed in Junior Year.

Baekhyun and I quickly became best friends when we were stuck in that dreaded old man’s history class in Junior Year. We both turned over a new leaf, and we realized how much we were actually alike, although we were still opposites in some areas. We also happened to be in almost all of the same classes that year, but that horrible history class is what became the foundation for our friendship.

The old man who taught history, everyone hated. First of all, he could put anyone to sleep, and secondly, he was a horrible teacher. No one learned anything from him. He was the type of teacher who would grade you so harshly, but give you no explanation on why he gave you a terrible grade.

Baekhyun and I became the best of friends when we were stuck in a group project with this other girl, Eunji.

Eunji was the type of girl who would never pay attention in class, up to teachers, and didn’t do any of her homework, then blames you for not doing your part.

Baekhyun and my friendship first began when we would have long calls as we confided in each other about the struggles of having Eunji in the group who was totally sandbagging.

She was the girl who we both wanted to bury us in our graves once we die, so she can let us down one last time.

Those late night vent session turned into long calls about anything, and soon enough, just like a snap of a finger, we became best friends.

Baekhyun and I did everything together. We became the definition of two peas in a pod. We were so alike, yet completely different at the same time, it was how our relationship worked.

We never questioned our friendship, it worked because it worked. There was no psychological reasoning behind it. The only thing you had to know was that the friendship worked because we cared for each other deeply. The friendship worked because we were able to put aside our differences and learn to accept other people's faults.

Ultimately that's how relationships work, whether or not it is platonic relationships or romantic relationships. It works because you learn to understand each other even though you have your differences, and if there is true care between both humans in the relationship. If one stops caring, then the relationship starts falling apart, like in marriages when a couple is going through divorce.

Baekhyun, he was even was my date to my junior prom because he said, “why should I ask some fake, two-faced girl, when I can spend time with my favorite girl?”

Long story, short, junior year prom was a blast and was a completely memorable night.

 

The summer heading into Senior Year, now that was one of the best times of my life. That summer, I became closer than we ever were with Baekhyun and a few other people within our friend group, I guess people would call it, we had our own little squad thing going on.

Our little squad consisted of Baekhyun, Jongin, Junmyeon who was my ex boyfriend but we were on good enough terms to be friends once again, Taeyeon, who was the friend that Baekhyun and I were close friends with, Jongdae, Yifan, but we called him Kris to make life easier, and Sehun.

A bit of a summary for everyone in our little squad so you can have that visual in your mind. Everyone was a bit better than average looking, the one thing they all had in common was that everyone was intellectually smart, and we were all a little quirky,  but that's why I think our squad was close.

In life, human beings are always trying to fit in, and with us, even though we were all quirky, we felt at home when we would hang out together.

When human beings find people That can accept each other for their little weirdness in us, it's how friendship groups form.

Junmyeon, now he was the definition of socially awkward. Ig you looked up socially awkward, you would probably see his name in the thesaurus as one of the synonyms. We are each other's ex's, but we are on good terms. I still care for him, and vice versa, but we're the type of people that are better off as friends.

Jongdae, he's friends with everyone, and everyone seems to know him. Jongdae is playful, and he loves singing and drawing, plus he is talented at it. Jongdae's heart is full of gold and he's probably the definition of a kind older brother.

Sehun, he may seem quiet, but once you get to know, he becomes a different person. Somedays, it seems like he could talk on forever. Sehun also loves to crack inappropriate jokes, 24/7. Sehun is also childish, and probably the only one that still thinks like a little kid.

Yi Fan, which is his  real name or Kris, which is English name, is straight up weird. He has a different way of thinking and sees the world differently from most people, but that's what makes him unique. Kris is also intellectually smart, and we all think thats the reason why Kris lack street smarts.

Taeyeon, she's beautiful inside and out. Taeyeon has always felt insecure about herself, but she is beautiful. Her heart is kind, and all she wants to do is explore the world, living a free-spirited life.

I'll explain Jongin later, because his explanation comes later.

That summer, our squad spent it together and we went to the beach, went over to people’s houses to play video games, mostly at Junmyeon’s house, we went out for BBQs; it was the life.

Senior Year came around quickly and our group was tight. We were all close, but that’s when I realized something that only Taeyeon would know at the time, which was that I had fallen in love with Jongin.

There were so many things to like about Jongin in my eyes. First of all, Jongin was tall and handsome with that sun kissed skin, his full, luscious lips, his lean physique.
Jongin’s personality is what got to me-  his looks was just the icing on the cake.
Jongin was cocky, and I was okay with that, because he had a reason to be cocky. He was also lame, he loved those lame puns and jokes, because Jongin tried to be cool and pretend he didn’t enjoy those kinds of things, but he did.

Taeyeon thought I was out of my mind, but that never mattered to me.

I was in love with Jongin.

Baekhyun, he picked it up eventually, it was just, I could never confide into him about that, however Baekhyun became a wingman.

Baekhyun tried to help me and Jongin get together, but that never worked.

The whole squad soon found out, and that meant, Jongin found out about my feelings for him.

Jongin, he told me he was too inexperienced with love, but all he knew was that he enjoyed being friends, so that’s what he wanted to stay.

I understood what Jongin meant, but like any feeling of being rejected,  I was crushed. But like always, Baekhyun was there for me and helped me get over it.

Even though it seemed like the “end of the world” at the time, I now reflect upon that ,and it seems so petty how I was hung up over those kind of things like a high school crush rejecting me. But life likes to teach you things, and one of it is an experience you can only gain in high school. The first true experience of developing, falling, and being destroyed.

It was a high school type of love. In high school, you are running on emotions, and never thinking logically. It’s the sole reason why in high school, you are emotional, you seem think that the world is going to end- but it’s not. It is just a phase, and you will grow from it.

Prom season came around once again for Senior Year and I went with Sehun. Sehun and I were friends so I was fine with that, and Baekhyun wanted to ask someone else to prom, and so everything worked out in the end. However, throughout the night, even though Baekhyun, Jongin, Junmyeon, Kris, Jongdae and Taeyeon all had different dates from different friend groups, by the end of prom, we all had ditched our dates to have fun together at prom because it was our last event before the school year ended.


Our graduation, and the summer after graduation, those were the days I never want to forget. I had completely moved on from Jongin, and we were bros, and Jongin was the second person I was closest with besides Baekhyun and Taeyeon.

“Bros before hoes,” as we always quoted and would laugh about it together, because that’s what we would be, and forever be in our heart.

When I look back at it as someone a tad bit wiser, it was a way of coping for my high school self. If he was my brother, my feelings would be able to stop because I cannot have feelings for a brother. He would have to stay my brother forever, and I was forever in the friendzone.

The friend zone is not just for the male species, it happens to the females too, and I think it personally is the worst for females. Females think more off their emotions, males think more off logic. Therefore females, I think I may be biased, but females take being in the friend zone the hardest.

Baekhyun was my best friend that was a male, and Taeyeon was my best friend that was a female. Kris and Junmyeon would be heading out of our area college, so we spent almost everyday that summer hanging out. Most days we were over at Junmyeon’s house because he’s too kind. He welcomed us over and we played video games at his house some days, and other days we would just be there talking and playing around.

I never wanted that summer to end;

because that’s when everything started to change before my very eyes but I was too blind to see it.

Our first semester as college students came around again, and once Junmyeon and Kris left for college, away from us; the rest of our group split up too. Baekhyun, Taeyeon and Sehun went to a different college compared to the one Jongin, Jongdae and I attended. Our two colleges were way closer than the college that Kris and Junmyeon headed out too, but it was still different.

Slowly, as freshman year of college hit, we tried to keep that same bond we had in high school, but it was hard.

In college, you meet different people, and everyone was starting their different paths towards their future.

I was too blind to see that.

I always thought we would be best friends till the end of time, because that what the bond felt like to me.

But I was naïve- I was too innocent to see how the world works.

Distance does damage to relationships; it is the prime reason why long-distance relationships never work out.

No matter how hard you try, distance will always affect your relationship in a positive and negative way.

Baekhyun, we were still close, but little did I notice our friendship was changing- drastically.

It was not till Spring of our first semester at college did it hit me that our friendship was not like how it was during high school