AfterPrison
 [ONESHOT]

KIM MINSEOK

Indistinct noise from the other inmates pierced right through my ears. Every step I made on the rocky land of the prison’s backyard made a crunchy sound as my shoes and rocks met. I stopped for a moment when I reached the high walls of the prison’s backyard. At the peak of the wall, there were wires with pointy more wires curled into them.

There was no way a person could escape this enormous prison, that’s what I thought, squinting my eyes up to the wall with the sun striking right through my eyes.

An unusual noise occurred all of the sudden. I turned around to see what had happened. Inmates gathered in one area with serious faces on. It made me frown. I had a bad feeling about this.

Some men from afar started to run towards the commotion to see what was up, so did I. I couldn’t see what was happening, because there were just too many of them blocking my view.

So, I asked one inmate who stood in front me, “What happened?”

“Someone jumped from the building. And hell, he’s dead,” he replied casually.

“What?” I exclaimed, shocked. I looked at the top of the building, and saw two guards with grins on their faces. I figured it out right away--they pushed the poor man to his death.

I wasn’t mad, but I pitied the poor man who had died without a fight. There was so much injustice in this prison. Just because these guards and the warden thought they had such a high position over us, inmates, they thought they could rule us over. They thought they had the right to decide whether we die or not.

It was unfair.

I finally got to the front to see who the victim was. Just in time, other guards went to the area to pick up the body.

“Move away, people!” Some of the guards shooed us away with their batons, and some took out their shotguns and pistols to scare us away. But I did not move, not an inch. I resisted one guard who blocked my way and pushed myself into the dead body. My eyes were wide, horrified, as soon as I recognized who the man fell off the building.

A close friend, Jongdae.

He and I came into this prison sometime in the same year. We became friends right away with his cocky personality, which I liked. He and I were always together even though I was 6 years older than him. Then one day, I heard, he was sent to the hole for 2 weeks.

The hole. It would be the last thing an inmate would want to go inside the prison. I’ve been there before for 5 days. It was madness. It was a small dark cell where I saw nothing, I couldn't even see my own hands when I threw it in mid-air. The only time I saw the light was when the guard would bring me food, it was his duty. He would slide the small window and place the food, then, before I could desperately crawl to beg for help, the next thing I knew was that I heard the clanking sound of the window closing, bringing me back to the darkness. I had no one to talk to, had nothing to do; the uncomfortable silence around — it made me go crazy. I hated it. I learned my lesson since—I never tried to talk back to any of the guards or the warden.

I shouldn’t be surprised, Jongdae had an ego after all. He might have provoked some authority, that’s why he was sent to the hole. Now, look what he had gotten himself into. He’s dead.

The sound of a gunshot snapped me back to reality. And that was when I stood back. The guard shot the ground to keep us in order. “STAND BACK, GENTS!” shouted the guard.

“Jongdae,” I muttered as I watched the guards carry poor Jongdae’s body away from our sight.

I did not cry. I was too old for that . But it made me sad and silent. I lost a friend. A friend of thirty-two years.

I turned around and walked away from the scene. This was not the first time this kind of situation had happened, sure—there were lots of victims caused by these dirty guards, and even the warden himself.

I walked gloomily to the bleachers where my other friends were staying. Most of them had their blank faces staring at nowhere. All of them were also probably shocked as I was from what happened.

I sat beside YiXing, who was playing his harmonica with a very depressing beat that perfectly suited the situation.

“I just don’t understand, you know,” Zitao initiated. “Why do they do such things? With a cold blood?” I could feel the remorse within his voice. He was the newest and youngest in our group, 7 years with us, while I was the oldest.

Yixing stopped playing his harmonica and faced Zitao. “You will get used to it, give it some time.”

“I will never,” he denied with certainty.

I looked up again at the peak of the walls, with the sun shining brightly, in contrast with what was happening now. “We’ve heard that before. We’ve even said it not once, but countless times.” I looked at Zitao, he did not say a word. But, I continued, “We all used to hate these walls, but with time, you’ll get used to it.”

Zitao remained silent.

“KIM MINSEOK!” I heard a deep low voice shout my name from behind. I looked back and saw one guard looking at me with a serious face near a door, and I saw my friend who came out from the same door, Yifan. He had his head slightly bowed down, shoulders dropped as he walked towards our group.

Yixing and Zitao also looked back and they gave me a forced smile. “It’s your turn. Your parole hearing,” Yixing said as he patted me at the back, then I stood up. I was sure they were as low as everyone was with Jongdae’s loss. They would have their own parole hearing in a week or two, they had said.

“Nah, I’m up for my rejection,” I said with a scoff. But really, I didn’t care about anything at the moment, except for the loss of my long friend, Jongdae. It slowly sank to me that he’s gone.

Yifan and I smiled at each other as our paths came closer. “Rejected,” he said before I could ask what happened to his hearing. I just forced myself to chuckle as a response. “Good luck,” he bid with a pat on the shoulder once we reached each other.

“Thanks,” I said, and we continued walking. I went to my parole hearing. He went to the bleachers where our friends were staying. I stopped walking, turned my head around to Yifan’s direction. He still had no idea what had happened to Jongdae. How would he take it?

“Kim Minseok, don’t make me repeat myself again!” The guard shouted, waiting for me to enter the building.

“My apologies,” I said, and finally entered the building.

Two guards escorted me to the room and left me behind after. And another guard inside the room, guarding me to keep the parole panel safe.

There were three men and a woman in their suit and ties, even for the lady, eyes laid down on files of records, jotting down things. Next to it were two stamps—the ‘approved’ and ‘rejected’ stamps. Two stamps that would determine my future—free from prison or free from outside. One of which would make me rot.

But really, I didn’t care for my future anymore. But suicide was never part of my choice.

“Sit,” one of the panel members ordered me to sit at the metal chair. Back then, it was wood. But as time went by, I always noticed how the chairs and tables in every office changed.

What does the outside world look like now? I always wonder.

“Kim Minseok,” the man in the middle spoke my name. I sat there, staring outside the window that was behind him. I was thinking of Jongdae, he was at the back of my mind. “So, you’ve served here for 32 years of a life sentence,” he said, then paused. I shifted my eyes to him as he continued his sentence, “So, do you feel you’ve been rehabilitated?”

Back then, I would say pretentiously, “Yes, sir. Years I’ve been here, and I kept learning from the mistakes I’ve committed back then. I feel I’m a changed man, sir.”

But today was different.

I was ready to be rejected.

“Maybe. Maybe not,” I said, eyes directly shot at him, to the one who asked. I looked down at my dirty fingers, and cleaned the dirt inside my nail as I said, “I don’t know. Because no matter what I say, I know you’ll just reject my files and let my life continue here at prison. But I don’t really care as much as you don’t care about me. You’re just doing this job just to get your money, feed your kids, and pleasure yourselves. But, you never really cared about us, the inmates.”

Some on the panel sat back, maybe feeling offended from what I had said. Some stared at me, surprised. I didn’t feel bad from the words I spilled. It’s all true.

They were speechless. Maybe even guilty.

“So, tell me,” I said. “What do you really want to ask me? So, this hearing will be over.”

The middle man cleared his voice. He slid my record away from his desk so he could lean his arms onto it. He looked at me seriously. “Did you regret what you did back then?”

A witty grin formed in my right cheek. I scoffed. “Of course, who wouldn’t?” Then my grin faded immediately as I recalled the time I committed a felony. “Nightmares would always haunt me at night. I have always wished it never happened. If so, then, I’m probably enjoying my life outside, playing with my kids, taking my wife to a romantic dinner.” I paused for a second because a thorn pricked my chest inside. I continued, “But no, I’m alone. And it’s all because of a stupid decision made by a dumb desperate boy.”

I looked at them after I'd said my statement. All they did was to stare at me.

I sneered, shaking my head to snap back to reality. “Oh, right, I know you don’t care. So, go on, reject my stupid record,” I said with an angry tone.

“Watch your tone, boy,” the guard beside the door warned me about my actions. But I ignored him.

The panel stared at me with an unexplainable look I couldn’t describe. I just bowed my head down and went back cleaning my dirty nails.

The panel murmured to each other. I looked up as one took a pen and wrote something on my record. Finally, the middle guy took one of the two stamps beside him and stamped my record.

I rolled my eyes, stood up, and turned around.

The woman stopped me with the words, “But, where are you going, Mr. Kim?”

Confused, I slowly turned around back to the panel. The woman was wearing a smile. I couldn’t understand why. Only confusion could be determined on my face.

“You’re through, Mr. Kim,” the middle man said. Almost a sense of joy or pride was present on his eyes. “You’re now a free man.”

It took me a while to understand what he had said. I flinched. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I couldn’t be happy. Not yet.

After thirty-two years in prison, I was now finally a free man. I didn’t exactly know what to feel first. Should I be happy? Should I be proud? Should I be scared? Should I be sad? I didn’t know.

“Congratulations, Mr. Kim,” the woman happily congratulated me on her seat. “May you have a great journey.”

“C’mon now, boy,” the guard held my arms and dragged me away from the room. I looked back as the door was being closed by the guard, I could see the panel discussing until the door finally closed.

I left the room without a word after the result. I was too dumbfounded.

I am free. The thought wouldn’t sink into my mind.

The door out to the building opened. And the guard greeted me with the same disgusting face. He had no idea that I was now free.

I walked towards my friends, back at the bleachers, with thoughts outside the world. Questions kept running into my mind on what would happen to the future. With my future.

I shook my head and got my attention on what was now. I looked at them. And I saw Yixing wearing an unpleasant reaction, he must have heard the news around Jongdae.

Remembering Jongdae, I didn’t know if I should be happy for being finally free, or should be sad for losing a friend.

I realized, it must be because of Jongdae’s loss that I was unstoppable back in the panel’s room. I didn’t know.

I could hear the tone from the harmonica that Yixing was playing. Then, he stopped playing once we had eye contact.

“How did it go?” Yixing asked.

I waited myself first to reach them before I talk. “I’m free,” I said with an enigmatic tone.

“What, you’re kidding, right?” Yifan chuckled at first, of course, he wouldn’t believe me. I didn't react. Then, he looked at me seriously, noticing the face I was wearing. The grin on his face faded, his face softened. “You’re not kidding?”

I slowly smiled, finally sinking it into my mind that, “I’m free.”

“.” Zitao awed, dropping his jaw.

***

Authorities gave me a suit to wear for my leave and a bag for where my things will go. I looked at myself in the mirror.

“Look at you, old man. Finally free,” I muttered to myself, proudly.

But then, I stopped for a moment as I looked into the mirror. All I saw was an old man. Wrinkles under his eyes, cheeks starting to have wrinkles as well. White hair scattered around my head.

Then, I remember the time I was in my youth. Stunning young man, with skin so smooth, I could make a girl fall for me in seconds. I smiled as I remember those times. It was the highlight of my life, my youth.

The smile on my face instantly faded when I realized I couldn’t do more of that anymore because I’m old.

I never had a serious relationship with a girl. I had too much fun in my youth—I played them. Once I get tired of one girl, I move to another, and to another, and to another. My youth was too short.

I closed my eyes, remembering the pleasure. I missed it. So damn much. If I knew what my future would be, then, I would’ve been more serious towards life and everything. Then maybe there would be someone waiting for me outside, then there would be no reason for me to be afraid now, only reasons to be excited.

But there was no one waiting for me outside.

I breathed deeply and composed myself to snap out of it. Maybe there’s something good waiting for me outside. I tried to smile, for my own sake.

I heard my cell door opened with a creak sound. I turned around to see a guard.

“It’s time, Kim,” he ordered.

“Just a sec,” I said and hastily grabbed the box of rock chess pieces that I carved with a rock hammer and put it on my bag.

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