Everything had started out blissfully. Minseok and I found out we were debuting together in a group called “EXO-M” and as best friends, we couldn’t be happier to find out that we were not only getting a chance to debut and fulfil our dreams, we could do it together.

The date for our debut was set – April 8^th.

That day was actually already very special for the both of us, as it was the day of our friendship! If one could count Minseok’s birthday date forward and my birthday date backwards to match up, April 8^th would be the date you would get. It was funny though, we had decided on our friendship day based on a current trend that was going on in Seoul and we thought – why not? It was something cool, casual and comfortable for us to do. Things didn’t have to mean so much between us back then.

We were introduced to our fellow members in EXO-M, namely Yi Fan, Yi Xing, Jong Dae and Zi Tao. I had known Yi Fan as a senior of some sort, so I always looked up to him – literally and figuratively speaking. While I knew Yi Xing in dance class back in 2008 when we had both just entered the company, although I didn’t really talk to him much, he was kind. As for Zi Tao, I didn’t know him that well. I don’t think I saw him that often and that was probably because he only entered the company in 2010. Whereas I knew Jong Dae in singing class for a few months before we debut, but I got to know more of him later on because of Minseok.

We were excited to begin this new chapter of our lives together as one. And soon, our careers took flight.

An amazing and unbelievable year soon flew by, we debuted with our song, “MAMA” and released an EP. To our astonishment, many people loved our songs! We began to gain popularity rather quickly to the extent that we had no idea exactly how many people were watching us and loving us. It was initially just a very happy time to realise all this as we celebrated our victory.

At first, we didn’t foresee the toll and the burden of our rising popularity. We were blinded by our happiness and our fulfilling dreams.

I often felt emotional when I saw what we had achieved, especially at any awards shows. It was always a huge thing for rookies like us to receive affirmation from the public, it was always such a good feeling. It motivated all of us to work even harder and the high from it all kept us late at night in the practice rooms, dancing to our choreographies to perfect it, as well as teaching Minseok Mandarin in our dorm room.

At first, we never felt tired. It was as if we could do this for the rest of our lives. I felt invincible!

But what kept me grounded was Minseok. And I couldn’t be more thankful for his existence.

He once said, “We still aren’t the best, because there will always be those whom are better than us. So we have to keep working hard to become better selves each day.”

Minseok was always so humble and forever willing to learn, it made me admire him a lot. I noticed he was always shadowed by others, yet I never heard him once complain about it. He was a very talented singer with a powerful voice that shook my heart the very first day I heard it. He was also a grounded dancer who was hardworking enough to transform from a chubby and clumsy dancer to a coordinated and strong dancer. It was a pity though, he always caught himself in the middle. He just… wasn’t there yet. His singing techniques and voice wasn’t as professional and talented as Jong Dae’s, his dancing skills couldn’t surpass Yi Xing’s either. Moreover, he was a foreigner in a foreign land. And as his best friend, I was determined to help him soar far to let him achieve more than he could ever imagine!

I didn’t even know myself that I was caring for him more than I should be.

What is love anyways? Singing our second track on our MAMA album sure didn’t help me establish anything about love, in fact, it made me more confused at the end of it. But nevertheless, I pretended like I fully comprehended the song’s meaning and message while I was on stage. But, there was one lyric I could relate to.

“Girl, I can’t explain what I feel.” True, because love is complicated and love cannot simply be expressed in a song, so having a song that explains love defeats its purpose completely. Besides, I think ‘love’ is different for everyone, ‘love’ can be whatever one wants and needs it to be.

Once I was able to find for myself what really meant, it was comforting to find peace and solace in my own definition instead of scrambling around like a lost lamb for other definitions online. And what might my definition be? Well, it’s quite simple.

Love: Another reason to keep living life.

It just reached a point in my life during our promotions for both ‘Wolf’ and ‘Growl’ when I realised that I couldn’t do without a certain person in my life. I relied on this person more than anyone else because we had mutual trust, mutual understanding and mutual knowledge of each other. I don’t think we were ever free enough to really think about our relationship and reflect on it, but we just acted on gut, instincts. We would hug each other whenever we felt like it was needed, we would be around each other and find seats next to each other, we would hold hands when he got nervous backstage before a performance, and we would encourage each other when things got exhausting.

And that person was Minseok.

It was scary finding out that I loved my fellow team member and my best friend, you know? We would just be in our dorms looking at each other quietly when Minseok ran out of conversations and I would suddenly have the desire to kiss his lips. Or it would be those discreet glances at Minseok when he spoke, feeling a warm glow in my chest. The realisation hit me hard, like a strong punch to the stomach that would double me over and have me lost for air for a few seconds. It made me think if I had been in love with him all this time, if he felt the same way about me. It made me wonder whether our fun and casual relationship had tumbled into greater and deeper depths, where we couldn’t escape.

And then I realised another thing – I couldn’t reverse this, it was too late for all of that. I was trapped. But I was happily trapped.

A/N: I literally freaked the out when I found out XiuHan Day was on the day of EXO's debut while writing this chapter. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this first chapter! ^^ Leave in the comment section below on what you think and what could be improved. Thanks a lot and have a great day ahead.