Kihyun knew he'd ed up and even though he tried to think on the positive side -- that maybe you could take him back and the two of you would continue on as usual -- he knew he shouldn't be too hopeful.

"What a stupid way to find out if a girl likes you. Come on, Kihyun."

Kihyun lifted his head up from his palms and eyed Wonho with any energy he still had left. "Nothing gets by you, Wonho. I realize that now, but thanks. Really appreciate it."

"I'm just saying," Wonho said, looking as if this entire situation was just blowing his mind. "Was your pride really that important? You could've just told her you like her the old fashioned way. You know, without the whiskey and... other girl."

Kihyun stared blankly at Wonho, his mind barely operable. This time, he had nothing to say. He knew this was all of his fault, and he had no one to blame but himself, but having Wonho say all of it out loud was putting him in a really bad mood. Or more accurately a worsened mood. He had been a torture to be around all week and even he realized it.

"I'm just saying," Wonho said, holding his hands up in defense. "You know, you've been into her for as long as I can remember. With all of that spare time, I just assumed you had a better plan than... you know, whatever you did."

Kihyun sighed. Truth was he never planned on confessing to you. He may have always been the impulsive type, but he always figured you never wanted to be anything more than just friends and was doing pretty good with respecting that. But of course, Kihyun, being Kihyun, wouldn't let a good thing last for too long. All it took was a few drinks and a bad idea to make everything go downhill.

"There was no 'better' plan, Wonho," Kihyun replied, somewhat harshly. "There wasn't any plan to begin with. She never liked me. There's no reason to confess to someone who doesn't like you."

"Well, I wouldn't like you either if you did that to me," Wonho countered, not seeming to take the hint that all of his replies were not helping at all. He sighed and got up just at the right time. "Anyway, I'm only here to make sure you clean yourself up. Everyone at work sent me to check on you, so, you know, this all falls back on me if you decompose in the meantime or something."

Kihyun glanced down at his body, the first time in a while he actually cared to. For a usually handsome guy like himself, he looked and felt pathetic. But what did it matter? It wasn't like he was leaving the place anytime soon. It wasn't like you were coming over, either.

"Thanks, but I think I'll manage fine," Kihyun replied bitterly as he got up with him. "I'm going to shower now so you should probably go back to work and tell everyone I'm okay."

Truth was, he was barely managing (if at all) but if it meant getting Wonho out of his hair quicker then it was a good enough excuse.

He wanted to wallow in peace.

///

You really didn't feel like validating what you already knew (that Kihyun was a complete who didn't deserve your forgiveness), but it wouldn't feel right if you didn't give him a chance to explain for himself.

He was, after all, drunk when it all happened. Drunk Kihyun was impulsive Kihyun and the fact that regular Kihyun was already impulsive said something. The fact that you knew him that well was his one saving grace.

So there you were, standing at Kihyun's door, prepared for anything and ready for nothing. It took a few moments to work up the courage to knock, but it also took a few moments for him to answer, which made it seem like two eternities of waiting.

Finally, Kihyun answered the door and you raised your eyebrow at how terrible he looked. Really, maybe you should've told him you were coming just so he'd at least make himself decent. You couldn't help but drop your tensed expression when you looked at him. Usually, even when he's lounging around the house, he looks decent. That couldn't have been because of you, right?

Kihyun immediately patted down his flicked up locks and coughed awkwardly. "I didn't know you were coming."

"Yeah, well it seems we can both show up uninvited at each other's doors," you replied,
your cold expression returning to your face.
You couldn't forget why you were here.

Kihyun's expression weakened. He looked completely exhausted, so there wasn't much he could hide in his expression. Instead, he sighed weakly. "I didn't mean any of it. I don't know what I was thinking. You know how I am when I'm drunk. If anyone knows me, it's you."

That part was true. Kihyun wasn't exactly everyone's favorite guy when he drank -- he was obnoxious and scarily impulsive -- but that night was fueled by something else and you knew him well enough to sense it. Usually, when he was drunk, he never treated you like that. You didn't know why but he was hiding something from you.

This entire situation seemed to be bigger than it seemed.

"Kihyun," you replied, giving him a look. Your expression was blank, but your voice wasn't as strong as it usually was. "Be honest with me."

A part of you laughed at yourself. What about being honest with him?

No, that was a completely different situation. Kihyun knowing your feelings for him wouldn't do either of you good.

You tried to skip that thought process in your expression, but when you looked back at Kihyun, there seemed to be a change in his own expression. Did he sense it?

He opened his mouth to speak, but for a moment, nothing came out. He hesitated, then, after a few moments, he snapped out of it and shook his head. "It was just a rough night. I'm sorry. I-I don't know what came over me. Everything's just been piling up at work, I guess."

You didn't need to study him hard enough to know he wasn't telling the full truth, but you weren't going to push him to say anything he didn't want to tell you.

And then you sensed it.

It all made sense.

He knew.

He knew you had feelings for him and that night was just his way of pushing you away. It was the only reason that seemed plausible. Why didn't you realize that sooner? God, that realization came down on you like a million bricks.

You looked into Kihyun's eyes and suddenly it was hard to look at him and not feel ashamed. It was the worst thing anyone could see in their best friend. You'd worked hard not to let that happen, but here you were.

You laughed bitterly, slowly backing away from him. If he wanted you to care less, to not be so clingy, you were going to give him exactly what he wanted. This was you protecting yourself.

Your eyes were cold when you looked at him, and even though there was so much uncertainty and nervousness in the pit of your stomach, you wouldn't allow a single nerve to show in your expression. "I get it. Explain no further