Winter is horrible.

Byulyi was positive the moment she stepped out of her cozy little dwelling, unfriendly invitation from the biting cold which chilled her fingertips into clumsy numbness, seeping into her toes and spreading painfully throughout her feet as if her sneakers were replaced with pristine icy whiteness. The cold at her face as she instinctively sinks her teeth onto her lower lip to prevent her teeth from noisily chattering, which had now turned a blueish hue. Slipping her unfeeling fingers into the pockets of her jet-black coat, Byulyi hurriedly ducks her head and quickens her pace, her feet automatically tracing her daily routine.

Welcome!

The enticing aroma of coffee tickles Byulyi’s nostrils the second she steps into the café, bells ringing as the door behind her closes. Byulyi hates waiting, and upon witnessing the short queue of two individuals, she mentally thanks all the existing gods for gifting her with unexpected luck.

“Iced Americano, please.”

The barista smiles and nods, meanwhile punching the order in the cash register. She scribbles Byulyi onto the plastic cup, before looking up to face her customer.

“Grew tired of Latte? And where’s that pretty girlfriend of yours?”

Byulyi chuckles and shrugs, brushing off her hair awkwardly.

“Tastes do change over time, I guess.”

Byulyi does nothing but plays with her fingers casually until she hears her name being called. The drink is cold in her hands, and when she takes a sip, it tastes horribly bitter. She coughs but takes another sip; still bitter. Byulyi makes her way to her office in the cold, tossing the half-consumed cup of Ice Americano into the bin at the entrance.

-.-

“Hey.”

Byulyi looks up from the pile of reports stacked on her desk, only to witness her colleague Wheein quirking a confused brow at her.

“Yeah?” she questions dumbly, only to receive a sigh from the younger in return.

“Lunch.”

Wheein gestures towards the direction of the clock.

“You coming?”

“Oh.” Byulyi blinks, before realizing time have ticked by at an unknowingly speedy pace. She stares intently at her uncompleted work sprawled all over her desk, none of them which have been attended to since morning. A string of endless thoughts had occupied her mind ever since she planted herself on the office chair, where series of memories she could hardly grasp played continuously like a broken tape. She became absorbed in these meaningless thoughts, oblivious to the passage of time.

“No, uh, you guys go ahead.”

Byulyi forces a genuine smile, waving a hand to dismiss Wheein. Soon enough, her colleagues start to leave the office one after another, leaving her alone to drown in the torture of complete silence. The slightest of sound was muffled, and when Byulyi starts to choke it hurts, and when a single, pitiful droplet of tear lands its place on a dry portion of her report, she wipes it away urgently and forcefully; she knows it hurts.

-.-

Eyelids drooping and back hunching, Byulyi fumbles with her keys before stumbling into her house, slumping herself on the couch. She exhales deeply, lifting an eyelid. Time check.

2 a.m.

She closes her eyes and allows tranquility and darkness to take over her. Thoughts and energy that kept her going the entire day start to drain and fade away, as she sinks into an unknown place of absolute emptiness.

Ding-dong!

Byulyi jerks up from the couch, eyes widened and mouth agape, frantically searching for the source of the alarm.

Ding-dong!

The bell rings again and Byulyi fixes her sharp, calculating eyes on the door. Has she got a visitor at this ungodly hour? Her curiosity was thoroughly aroused as a twinge of uncertainty crept across her face. She shuffles to her feet and makes her way towards the door, not hesitating to fling it open.

“Y-Yongsun?”

Byulyi takes a sharp intake of breath and stares at her almost speechless, her eyelids fluttering in disbelief and a lump forming at the back of .

“Yeah, Byulyi, uh,” Yongsun stutters, her own voice a trifle unsteady. She at her dry lips and reaches to her pocket with shaky hands, retrieving a set of keys; Byulyi’s house keys.

“Here,” Yongsun’s voice cracks a little as she gently places the set of keys on Byulyi’s palm, their fingers brushing slightly and Byulyi wants so desperately to pull the other into a hug, capturing those quivering lips with her own but she knows she can’t, knows it’s impossible and knows it’s never the same.  Byulyi nods and when she tries to crack a smile, the corners of shakes and a mist sweeps over her eyes. She blinks and her vision gets blurry, her fingernails dig into her palm and it doesn’t hurt, but when she avoids looking at Yongsun and stares at her feet, it hurts like crazy and her heart starts pounding against her chest, urging for her to scream and cry out, to do anything but stand there like a hopeless being. Byulyi looks up urgently and opens to speak, but nothing comes out of it except for a dejected sigh, and Byulyi knows it’s over.

“I’ll get going then.”

There was a slight twitch at the corner of Yongsun’s lips, and before Byulyi gets any second to respond, the former trails away, footsteps sounding lighter and lighter, until no sound echoed from the hallway.

Byulyi was left standing with the door half ajar, before reality sinks into her. Like lightning striking sand, turning it from grain to glass, her sadness hardened into rigid anger. The sorrow that gripped her held on hard in a unrelenting grasp. She tried to breathe, tried to think, tried to escape it. It was impossible. Grieving tears that rolled off her cheeks damp the collar of her white blouse. Blinking hard, her eyes begin to sting, the tears not yet fallen begin to boil in her mind, erasing her misery and filling her head with boiling rage. She grips on the door with whitened knuckles, slamming it hard.

When Byulyi hits the floor she waits for the sobs to take her, turning her into a weak mess, a humpty dumpty that even the king's men couldn't help. She clasps with both her hands, muffling unbearable screams that pour her heart out. Horrible gurgling sounds spill from the back of as she coughs and chokes on her tears, wiping them away hastily and messily, leaving stains on her pale cheek. She feels a sharp end poke her thigh, and when she lifts her leg to pick out the key, she chokes again.

Scrunching her nose and furrowing her eyebrows, Byulyi places a hand on her forehead and eyes the ceiling, tears threatening to spill from her bloodshot eyes. She curls her fingers around the key and holds it close to her heart, where it was once unlocked and open and filled with nothing but love. She chews on her lower lip and closes her eyes, she knows it’s different and never the same.

Locked.