One of the chaps about 9/30. I don't know but I felt the urge to write it hahaha and the series of dialogue in italics after the second set of lyrics are said by Yuri that I heard from some videos I have seen :)

just a short one hehe

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Something always brings me back to you, it never takes too long

No matter what I say or do, I'll still feel you here, 'til the moment I'm gone 

Jessica tossed and turned as the temperature inside the room lowered. The raindrops outside kept knocking on her window, leaving her in a state of awakeness. Her eyes had been closed for a long time now, yet she still could not collapse into numbness in the black abyss brought by sleep. Unconsciously, her hand danced along the empty side of the bed, where she would have been lying on. At times Jessica couldn't sleep, she would bring comfort to her by letting her listen to her heartbeat.

"Sica?" Yuri and Jessica lay on the bed, their bodies perfectly molded together under the sheets. It was the first night they had made love, and the night decided the stay a bit longer for the two lovers. Jessica had her ear against Yuri's chest, hearing every soft, but powerful thud of her heartbeat. The act they had done wasn't just for pleasure, nor satisfaction, but it was the promise of love and commitment in the most intimate physical connection between two bodies. 

"What is it?" Yuri kissed Jessica's forehead, earning a giggle from her. 

"I love you so much." Yuri held Jessica's face and kissed her deeply, pushing her body forward so that their skins would find no spaces between them. Jessica touched Yuri's bare chest, which she could only admire from a distance, but now it was hers to feel. She broke the kiss, but their lips were barely touching. "Can we make love again?"

Jessica laughed, making Yuri smile at how she threw her head back from it. "Don't be greedy." She lightly slapped Yuri's shoulder. 

Yuri brought back Jessica's ear to the space that hovered above the heart. "Do you hear that?" Jessica nodded and pressed her ear even closer to Yuri. 

"They're yours. All for you, only you."

And when the rain stopped, the silence only made the memory of Yuri's heartbeat louder in her ears. The loneliness only made her body miss the way Yuri's touch would seep deep into her veins to travel to her chest. Months have passed since her departure, and it only proved to forget was to remember. 

When she tried to forget Yuri's kiss, her taste would make its way back to her lips. When she tried to forget Yuri's voice, it was the only thing she could hear. When she tried to forget Yuri's face, she was the only person she would see. When she tried to forget Yuri, her love would only bang inside the cage she hid it in.   

Forgetting hurts just as much as remembering. 

The ring on her alarm told her it was nearing the time for their Tokyo Dome concert. It took much strength and love to bring her own two feet to Japan. Jessica couldn't help it. She just had to see them. 

Because she doesn't know if she would.

She doesn't know if she would ever again.

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You hold me without touch, you keep me without chains

I never wanted anything so much, than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

Jessica arrived later than what she had planned. There was a seething mass of people outside the arena, waiting for their turn to enter. Pulling her hood and cap down, she slipped into the crowd. Walking through it almost felt like walking through a current, having the people moving in different directions. Every face in the crowd showed nothing but joy, and it made her ache a little knowing she would never see such faces from the perspective on the stage ever again. 

Even in the mad cold December weather, the bodies around her seemed to have provided the extra warmth she needed.  

And as soon as people were allowed to enter, the bodies all moved to a single course towards the arena. Jessica stood there for a moment, having some people bumping her shoulder as they walked by.

So this is what it feels like to be a fan

She was one of the last people to enter. Thankfully she had found a ticket, although it was the cheapest one and the spot reserved was the farthest, it was alright. It's for them, it should be alright.

And seeing the inside made a small smile appear on her face. The stage was grand, and the entire dome glowed bright pink from the lightsticks. She remembered the dream they once thought of about performing in this place, and finally they have achieved it, even though it did not include her. 

You finally did it, girls

After a couple more minutes of waiting, the wide screen in front to show their first VCR for the night. And then they appeared. She appeared, and Jessica had to clutch her lightstick at the sight of her. She almost forgot how beautiful Yuri was, but it was saddening to see how the screen could never do enough justice for the real flesh of Yuri. In that moment, it was only her and Yuri, but they were minutes away, with a sea of impossiblity separating them both. A distant star she yearned but could never reach. 

She felt it again, Yuri's arms around her body, her kisses trailing fire on her body, her love leaving ecstasy in every cell inside. She wanted Yuri's smile, the smell of her hair, the taste of her skin, the feel of her love, she wanted all of Yuri. She was drowning in longing, and there were no lifeguards to save her dying self. 

And the memories just came crashing like a hurricane.

 

"Although she may look arrogant, and gets called an ice princess, because she looks like a cold person on the outside. She is very weak-hearted, tears up a lot, and cares a lot, and quietly holds others hands first. Our Sica, you are a warm ice.."

"Jessica! After knowing you for a long time, you seem like a really charming person. You look really coy, but your delicate side is really appealing. So, from now on, cry a little more. And thank you for following me, for following me so well."

"We are the YulSic couple!"

"Jessica jagiya!"

"Oh it's the Sica effect."

"Yes, it's easy being worst mom."

"You want me to do Sica then? ~Mmmmm Sica~(aegyo) She made me do it!"

"Jessica's job was sleeping."

"No, Yuri. It's okay. It's okay. It's because Sica cannot cook! You have to be understanding. Understand her, Yuri. I can be understanding."

"I'm gonna watch your musical! I'm definitely going to watch it! No, really!"

"After hearing Jessica's wish, I thought of mine. I wish that when we wake up Jessica once, it would be like we woke her up five times. She never wakes up!"

"Whenever I go wake you up, you're always like that. You keep raising your hand like you're being punished. Even if the bed changes, no matter where you sleep, your arm is always like that. Why do you have to raise it? Is it soothing if you do that?" 

"Jessica...The first time I went in, you guys had the unnie pose and you looked at me and said,"Take your shoes off!" I was so scared and I was barefoot, holding my sandals like this, but when I went in everyone else was wearing their shoes."

"My best friend(Jessica) just came in! I care for her a lot."

 

Jessica looked at the members on stage, and never had she felt the feeling of wanting to belong. Was the mere act of looking at them ever going to be enough for the neverending widening distance between them? It should be.

But as soon as she heard them sing their songs, their voices only echoed through the emptiness inside her. Her voice that was once together with theirs was finally erased, her voice now banned in their songs. And it hurt, it hurt too much but she just couldn't leave yet. Not until she had died the second time, not until she had seen enough of Yuri for her last memory to keep.

Seeing them happy on stage should have made her happy, too, but every smile was a crippled vein in her system, and every song was a dagger to her body.

It just wasn't the same anymore.

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Set me free, leave me be, I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity

Here I am, and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be, but you're on to me, all over me

Songs passed and it was difficult to stay still. They were wearing some costumes and running happily around. Jessica wanted to run to the stage and take Yuri away, take them away. But the words that belonged to Yuri could never be from her lips. The words "I love you" can never be hers to say, even when they were all the words stuck in . Missing Yuri was the only state her heart could grant her. All that they were, gone, all that they could have been, would never be. 

My love Yuri, 

I can forget what day it is, I can forget what year I came in for training, I can forget the time I woke up this morning, I can forget the last place I've been to, I can forget the name of the company's president, I can forget my other friends' birthdays, their favorite colors.

But I just can't seem to forget the first time you said you loved me, I just can't seem to forget the way you kissed my lips on the night we made love, I just can't seem to forget the way you put your arms around me when I get afraid of something, I just can't seem to forget the way you would whisper to my ears, I just can't seem to forget the way your hand would fit into mine, I just can't seem to forget the way you say my name, I just can't seem to forget the way you look at me. 

When it comes to you, I just can't simply forget anything. 

You shouldn't have let me love you if you'd end up leaving me broken. I've no regret, but Yuri, would you really allow me to forget you? 

Jessica should leave, she should never have come here in the first place, but the first few words of 'Indestructible' chained her body to her seat. She stared at the members who sat on the stairs, wearing their respective pink dresses. Was it even right to be there? Then the tears stung her eyes all too soon when she remembered the eight women whom she had left behind, or was it the other way around?

 

"Nine people who are very different from each other, have now become one." 

"I don't think Girls' Generation will ever be broken apart, even after many years have gone by."

"We made a comeback within 9 months, and for 9 weeks, the 9 members received 9 trophies."

"We can only shine brightest as SNSD when SNSD stand on one stage as nine."

"I wish SNSD's way down can be more beautiful than anyone else's and that we will enjoy what we have right now. I wish we would do all things with a positive mind." 

 

She just finds herself coming back to them again and again, even when they have pushed her away. They were her family, always would be her family no matter what they have done. Coming back to them was as natural as falling due to gravity. It was inevitable. Unavoidable, but it hurt.

Kono indestructible

Unbreakable

And the song's chorus accompanied with their singing just slapped her across the face, but she still listened, she still managed to stay.

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But you're neither friend or foe, though I cannot seem to let you go

She was no longer a part of SNSD.

"Yuri, you're my life! You and the girls are my whole life! I can't breathe without you! You can't just take that away from me, don't let me leave like this!" Yuri just looked at her, saying nothing, but her silence told Jessica everything. She was clinging on to goodbye. 

"I can't compromise my career for your love." And it killed her more after hearing it. Jessica had hoped for a while, but every step Yuri was taking towards her, hope would draw back two steps.

Show me how a woman loves. 

Hadn't she asked Yuri that years ago?

"A woman loves by her hands, touching the skin of her lover, sending comfort through the body." 

But as Yuri held her hands, it felt as if she was returning the touch Jessica had bestowed upon her, so that she could let go.

"A woman loves by her eyes, sending love without even touching."

But as Jessica looked at Yuri's eyes, she found no trace of what they had before. Yuri wasn't suppose to look at her like this, she wasn't suppose to look at her devoid of any emotion.

"A woman loves by her lips, saying the words from the heart, and kissing the innermost depths of her lover."

But as Yuri said the words to her, it only tore her apart. "I can keep my career, you can keep your love to yourself."

"A woman loves by this heart, surrendering it to the one she loves. I love you, Sica."

"I can't lose you." Jessica had said it a thousand times, but she felt this time would be the the last. She will never be able to say it again. 

"You already did."

The love Yuri had given her, she took away in the end. Yuri, the person who started it all, was the one who broke it apart in the end. But Jessica couldn't even be mad at her, because she loved her too damn much.

Jessica began to weep, and she didn't even bother wiping the tears away. She knew Yuri hated to see her cry, but when Yuri backed away a few steps, and did not stop them from flowing, she knew then.

This was it. They were finally over.

The one thing I still know is that you're keeping me down

"Don't let me go." Pieces of her heart were slowly being shattered, but she's still offering to Yuri what little was left of it. Her tears were flowing with love down her cheeks, hoping Yuri would feel her. "Yuri, I love you."

But all Yuri could do was smile. She walked to the door and opened it. She was leaving, leaving for good. Yuri heard her say 'I love you', but she just didn't listen.

"Don't let me go." Jessica pleaded once more, but Yuri didn't look at her. Jessica felt the tight grip on her heart, prohibiting it from beating, but then loosening its grip to prevent her from dying, only to hold it tight once more and repeating the process over and over again.

Her love for Yuri had taken flight with its wings. 

But Yuri chopped the wings off herself. 

"I already have."

_________________

Something always brings me back to you

It never takes too long

One day, Yuri would stop loving her little by little, and Jessica would have ceased to feel for her. One day, Yuri would start to forget her, and Jessica would have ceased to remember her. One day, Yuri would start falling on love with another, and Jessica would have already been together with someone else.

She would see the people she had lived with, lived for, continue as eight, and she wasn't a fool to know she would soon become a forbidden name in their world. But their name would always be present in hers. They can take the girl out of Girls' Generation, but never Girls' Generation out of the woman.

But still, Jessica wept again silently on her seat, just as she had so many times before, because she had lost her Yuri, her heart, her sisters and she was not accustomed to their absence, to her absence. They were singing their debut song, and all their shared moments and memories started wounding her already beaten heart. And when she saw the eight members shed tears, she had to cover to avoid a loud wail to escape and cause attention. 

Jessica decided to keep her grief and hurt in the silent crevices of her heart. She would live, and she would smile. 

"I already have."

Yuri now only belonged the her past, and as much as it hurt to do so, she would accept it. What has passed will never return to her, Yuri would never come back to her. Their hearts were in different places, and she doubted if they would ever meet again. Jessica stood up from her seat and left the dome.

It was time to let go.

So she never looked back, because there was no need to anymore.