Suho - The Last Member
Suho - The Last MemberHope. Something we carry with us. It is like a feather, weighed against our troubles, shadowing us from the pound of the raw sun on our backs. Some of us hold onto it tightly until the end, while others let it slip from their careless hands.
2014 was a hard year for Suho. 2014 and every year before that. Every day he had spent as an SM trainee to lead up to his career had been fuelled with sickly, sweet hope. He had faith in the people around him, and faith in himself. But every night after training he would lie alone in his bed, staring at the ceiling with misery and dread drowning out the light in his irises.
His friends were all picked up, one by one. SHINee was created, and slowly the training rooms became quieter, leaving Suho to be alone. He was young, but his experience outweighed everything. His experience was a weighing-down question wedged in between the dusty nooks and dreams within his mind - "if i have been going for so long, why am i still here, alone?"
He didn't find the answer until slowly, but surely, new trainees appeared. He trained hard with them; his new friends.
There were 12 of them.
Suho found a family within the SM walls. 2012 came and EXO was formed. Suho couldn't have been happier. He would go back to his dorm every night, light in his eyes as the boys around him laughed and argued and joked until darkness fell upon the room.
2013 came and went; it was full of successes, songs and awards. He met people his trainee heart never would have dreamed of, and sang with the boys who made his world spin.
2014 came.
How do you describe a heartbreak? It is when something snaps inside you. The pain in your chest is indescribable; it hurts both emotionally and physically - a churning sensation in your stomach and an ache inbetween your lungs. It's toxic, affecting every nerve in your body, spreading to the poles of your existence and diluting every cell with poison. Real, raw heartbreaks can scar you for life.
Kris left.
Suho didn't know what to do, or say. He would cry in his dorm, whilst trying to be brave for the other boys. He stayed strong for the people around him, although his soul had split and was filled with a hollow, twisting, draining ache. He kept asking himself what he had done wrong to make his brother leave him.
Summer passed, and the days grew hot. Suho remained strong. He has always been strong, since the day he auditioned.
Then Luhan left.
Again, Suho's heart cracked, suddenly and horrifically, splintering into millions of unrepairable fragments. The voices in his head got louder until he would scream into his pillow at night, flooded with the accusation that it was his fault, and that he was the reason everything went wrong.
The voices never stopped. He had lost two brothers in a year. He swore it would get better in 2015.
A comeback. A new start. Suho smiled, laughed, posed in front of the camera more times than he could count.
Then the rumours began.
"Tao is ill"
"He wants to stay with his mum" "One of the maknaes is leaving".
It took the brothers a while to realise the latter was true. The EXO-M maknae was leaving.
Then Suho broke down. In front of everyone. He breaks down alot nowadays.
But he's still strong.
It's now 2017.
Suho stands up from his bed in the dorm, looking around the spacious room.
He counts the beds.
12 beds.
He closes his eyes, breathing in the familiar scent of the room, images of the brothers he still holds dear flashing endlessly through his worn mind.
He opens his eyes and looks at the 12 beds.
11 are empty.
He is the only one left.
Hope? It has burnt out like the wick of a weak candle. Faith? His brothers left him. Yet all this time, Suho kept believing it was his fault.
A tear drips down his face, silent, and threatening. Once again, he was alone.
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