“Do you usually sleep here?” Yixing asked Luhan as he rolled around Luhan’s mattress, Luhan’s eye twitched as the motion pulled his sheets from their place. Luhan hated having people in his personal area, but he hated having people close to Minseok even more. Why did Yixing even have to sleep over in the first place? In their room nonetheless! Sure their base was closer to Harbin where Yixing had to be tomorrow, but he could have stayed at a hotel . Yixing had been smart enough to ask Minseok instead of Luhan, knowing if he had asked Luhan he would have said no.

 

Luhan glanced at Minseok who was laying beside him on the bed. Both of them laying horizontally across it so they could speak to Yixing who was now splayed in a starfish position across the mattress humming to himself.

 

Minseok kicked him urging him to answer Yixing question,

 

“Yes, I do,” he finally replied, “Xiumin kicks a lot in his sleep so…” Luhan trailed off gesturing to the mattress. Yixing sat up.

 

“Oh, I can sleep with him then!”

 

“No!” Luhan squeaked out quickly, there was a beat of silence before Yixing started to laugh. Minseok chuckled as well, Luhan frowned feeling lost.

 

“I was just teasing you,” Yixing said, “sorry,” he added not looking sorry at all. Luhan gritted his teeth as he nodded.

 

“You know,” Yixing continued lifting a foot to poke Luhan’s shoulder, Luhan’s eyes widened at his impudence, “If you’re not careful I might steal Minseok from you~”

 

Luhan felt his jaw drop at the comment, shock rendering him speechless. He felt Minseok’s finger press against his chin pushing it up as Yixing’s laughter filled the room once again.

 

“He’s just kidding-“ Minseok began foreseeing Luhan’s annoyance, Luhan snapped out of his stupor throwing himself onto Minseok rolling them down the bed away from the laughing Yixing.

 

Minseok grinned allowing Luhan to manhandle him, 

 

“Not funny,” Luhan said placing his palms on Minseok’s cheeks to press them together. The corners of Minseok’s eyes crinkled as Luhan continued to abuse his cheeks, he lifted his hands placing them over Luhan’s. Luhan stopped not expecting the action.

 

“Don’t forget what I told you,” Minseok reminded him with a soft smile, the frown on Luhan’s face slowly lifted. He ran a thumb across Minseok’s cheek absentmindedly,

 

“I won’t,”

 

Yixing let out a tortured wail reminding them of his presence, Luhan rolled his eyes at the childish interruption. He reluctantly got off Minseok, pulling the other up to his feet.

 

“You two are nauseating,” Yixing complained as he watched the two argue on which side they wanted to sleep on,

 

“Are you sure you want to stay in here then? You can always use another room,” Luhan offered, not from the goodness of his heart. Minseok nudged him warningly, he pouted but let the topic drop.

 

“Let’s sleep, we all have to wake up early tomorrow,” Minseok said, “don’t forget you have a meeting tomorrow-“

 

Luhan shoved Minseok onto the bed cutting him off,

 

“Yes, father-“ he said smirking at Minseok’s narrowed eyes, “you’ve been reminding me all day, how could I possibly forget?” he ducked the pillow that flew his way before jumping onto the bed, afraid Minseok would decide to throw him out of the room. As soon as the lights were turned off the three men settled down quickly,

 

“Goodnight!” Yixing called out unaware of the sudden dilemma that struck the two men on the bed. They glanced at each other awkwardly trying to find a good sleeping position without being too close to each other. The last time the two had slept on the same bed, the two were teens. Luhan’s heart throbbed painfully at the uneasy look in Minseok’s eye, he turned around to grab the thrown pillow on the floor before placing it between them as a makeshift barrier. He shut his eyes not wanting to see how Minseok reacted to his action. He felt Minseok relax after a few minutes,

 

“Goodnight, Luhan,” he whispered. Luhan remained quiet waiting for Minseok’s breathing to even out.

 

“Goodnight,” he whispered back.

 

-

 

 

Luhan woke up to Minseok curled up against him, the pillow that had acted as a barrier between them was thrown onto the floor sometime during the night. The sight of the calm Minseok made him still. He feared Minseok would wake if he made the slightest move, knowing the other was a light sleeper.

 

His gaze lingered on Minseok’s face, eyes greedily soaking in the other man’s features at a close distance. His fingers inched to trail down the side of Minseok’s face, to grip his chin and caress his jaw. He lifted his head, eyes lingering on Minseok’s parted lips, he would only need to tilt his head and his lips would brush against the other’s.

 

His breath hitched at the dangerous thought, he forced himself to divert his attention pulling his head back slightly to lessen the temptation. He tried to remember why he had woken up in the first place, the room was still shrouded in darkness. Dawn had barely broken, he stilled suddenly as he realized he woke up because of a noise. How was Minseok still asleep then? Could it have been him that had woken Luhan up? He froze as he thought of the only other person that could have caused the noise.

 

He lifted his eyes from Minseok’s sleeping figure, sure enough his eyes met Yixing’s. The other had a confused frown on his face, Luhan felt his heart skip a beat.

 

“I should get ready to leave,” Yixing whispered slowly not commenting on what he had just witnessed. Luhan nodded, throat dry.

 

 

September 1951

Luhan and Ran Shàngwèi were one of the earliest to arrive as a result of Minseok’s hustling, Xi Tèjíjiàng was as Luhan had predicted already there. He waited for his father to approach him knowing he looked ruffled in his uniform despite Minseok’s help this morning. He had already mentally prepared himself for the imminent scolding on the way over. He frowned when the elder merely glanced at him before turning to resume his conversation with the men beside him.

 

Luhan lowered himself onto a chair slightly bothered by his father’s unusual reaction to his unkempt appearance. He waited in silence over the next half hour for his father to pass by with a comment, only to be stumped when the War Lord had taken a seat across him without a word as all the attendees filed in. Luhan shrugged off the unease that was beginning to fill him in and turned to the speaker in the front of the room with a put on smile. He had to pay attention, Minseok would nag if he came back to the base knowing nothing. He stifled a yawn as the standard opening was made by the speaker,

 

“Before we start this meeting, we would like to thank Xi Èrjíjiàng who has permitted his most capable Captain to join the third invasion. We are thankful-”

 

The practiced smile on Luhan’s face froze, his blood running cold at the astonishing announcement; he had not been informed by any of his captains of their joining in the third invasion. No one would dare go behind his back, no one except- he felt something in his gut twist.

 

“My Captain?” he asked praying he was wrong,

 

“Yes,” the old War Lord answered unaware of Luhan’s abrupt change in mood, “we appreciate Jin Shàngwèi’s presence amongst the troops. It will be a great moral boost to the men participating, his leadership will be put to good use.”

 

Luhan’s breath hitched, air leaving his lungs in shock. He spread his palms out on the table to steady himself. He took a few seconds trying to collect himself before his eyes seeked his father’s from across the table, the man couldn’t even look him in the eye. Luhan let out a humorless laugh as everything fell into place, as everything finally made sense. He tugged at his collar suddenly feeling like he was being choked.  He had been played like a fool. He let out another laugh eliciting a few confused frowns,

 

“No thanks needed, Tèjíjiàng. All the men around me are foolishly daring, they do not need a push by me to make their decisions,” his eyes were still trained on his father. Ran Shàngwèi glanced at the General concerned, he was no Minseok but even he could see trouble was at foot. He had to warn the other captain.

 

-

 

Minseok was alerted of Luhan’ s arrival by said man’s blaring shouts as he entered the main house, Minseok exchanged a look of confusion with the soldier he was conversing with. He excused himself as he heard Luhan yell out his name repeatedly. He sounded furious, judging by the flustered look on Ran Shàngwèi’s face, who had accompanied him to the morning meeting, Minseok was right. He was intercepted by the rattled man in a hallway.

 

“You had better wait until he cools down,” he warned Minseok trying to spare him from Luhan’s wrath, but the General had spotted them as soon as he turned into the hallway they were in. He advanced at an alarming speed, eyes narrowed on Minseok.

 

“You snake!” he hissed making Ran Shàngwèi take a step backwards in fear. Minseok felt his heartbeat spike at the fire in Luhan’s eyes. It had been awhile since he had felt threatened by Luhan.

 

“Luhan-“ he could tell this was no normal anger, Luhan was shaking.

 

“How dare you-“ Minseok slapped a hand over Luhan’s mouth inwardly praying for his safety as the other’s eyes widened in rage,

 

“Not here,” he begged hoping Luhan would see that arguing in front of others was not the best thing to do, Luhan’s eyes flashed. Whatever shred of hope remaining in Minseok died, Luhan was too far gone to care.

 

“Not here?!” he screeched slapping Minseok’s hand away making some soldiers who filed in after him flinch, “Do you-“ he broke off expression incredulous as Minseok dared to walk away from him.

 

“Ah, yes Xiumin, run! Like you always do!” he yelled at Minseok’s back,

 

“What!”

 

He snapped turning his anger to the gawking soldiers, they lowered their heads immediately. They breathed a sigh of relief as Luhan stormed down the hallway towards the direction Minseok disappeared in. They jumped at the sound of a door slamming, praying for their captain’s life.

 

Luhan found Minseok in his office waiting for him by the window, he slammed the door shut making sure everyone got the message to stay away. He rounded on Minseok grabbing him by his collar.

 

“You went to my father!” He spat, Minseok’s expression was infuriatingly nonchalant,

 

“Was that a question?”

 

Luhan growled releasing Minseok suddenly as if he couldn't stand the idea of touching him. His fingers curled and he grabbed the closest object to him before throwing it against the door, the sound of glass breaking did nothing to calm him so he repeated his action. Minseok watched in stunned silence as Luhan thrashed his office, breaking everything that he could and when he was out of things to break he headed to his bookcase ripping books from their places and tearing them apart. Minutes passed before Luhan finally slowed down, fingers littered in unforgiving cuts. Minseok waited for him to calm down, his own heart was beating rapidly against his chest,

 

“We have a guest coming over,” he reminded Luhan, grimacing when he realized his mistake. Luhan frowned at Minseok, the look on his face not comprehending. He could not understand Minseok’s line of thought, was that really what was bothering him right now?

 

“We have a guest coming over,” he repeated slowly, he let out a snort, “is that what you’re worried about?” he grabbed the remaining object on his desk, a frame.

 

“,” he let out an incredulous laugh making Minseok’s heart clench, he lifted his arm ready to smash the frame when Minseok stood in front of him blocking his path.

 

“Enough,” he told Luhan trying to take control of the situation, “let’s talk this out- like adults,”

 

Something flashed across Luhan’s eyes,

 

“You want to talk?” he asked lowering his hand tossing the frame back onto the table, it cracked, “You didn't seem to want to talk to me before this,” his tone hinted that he was not only referring to recent events, he took a step back studying Minseok from head to toe in faux thought, “What’s changed Uminnie?” he asked smile deceptive, Minseok refused to cower under his gaze. He didn’t want to address that problem just yet, he needed to redirect Luhan’s anger.

 

“This is about me joining the invasion, isn’t this?” he asked carefully judging Luhan’s reaction, the other’s nostrils flared.

 

“How dare you go behind my back and enroll in the next invasion!” he stabbed a finger into Minseok chest painfully pushing him back, “I went to the meeting all clueless and unassuming only to be told you were a part of the next invasion. I ing swooned!” Luhan shouted slamming a hand on his table, smashing the frame’s glass, “You made a fool out of me,”

 

Minseok’s brows creased as he misunderstood Luhan, the two were totally out of sync today.

 

“I apologise it was never my intention to make a fool out of you, I just wanted to avoid- “ he paused waving a hand in the air, “this-“

 

Luhan’s eyes narrowed,

 

“I don't give a about you making a fool out of me, I’m angry because you went behind my back!” he stopped to catch his breath, “I thought we were friends? Why do you not tell me anything anymore?!” The frustration was clear in Luhan’s tone, “I’ve done all I can for you! I’ve lied for you! I’ve turned a blind eye for you! Do you really think I didn't know how Yifan’s prisoner escaped?”

 

Minseok lips parted in shock he could feel his lungs constrict making it increasingly hard to breath, Luhan knew yet he had said nothing.

 

“My horse died? Funny, I saw him up and running a few days ago.”

 

He had never let on that he knew, his ability to hide things unsettled Minseok. Luhan continued to rant,

 

“Again and again! Over and over without fail! I’ve tried to make you happy, even if it went against my better judgment. Haven’t I done enough? Why can’t you trust me? Like I used to trust you!”

 

Minseok felt his insides turn at the past tense, his heartbeat was so loud in his ears that he thought he might have heard Luhan incorrectly.

 

“Used to?” he asked quietly, Luhan eyes were filled with conflict.

 

“How can I trust you now? I could handle it before, but I’m tired of being the only one to value our relationship. I’m tired of being the only one who cares too much, of being the only one paranoid that this will end! I’m tired of constantly falling asleep with the fear that when I wake up you’ll be gone!”

 

Luhan’s eyes were glistening,

 

“Do you really care for me, Min? Or am I just a burden to you?” he asked, “Is the only thing that’s keeping you here is the promise you made to me out of pity?”

 

“You have so little faith in me,” Minseok said not even trying to mask the hurt he felt, Luhan snorted tired of being made felt guilty by Minseok.

 

“Can you blame me?” he asked throwing his hands in the air exasperated, “How can I trust you when you constantly go behind my back and deceive me?” Luhan shook his head, “why is it so hard to talk to me? Why couldn't you tell me something this important?” he demanded.

 

Minseok felt his patience snap at all the demands,

 

“Because I knew you wouldn't let me go if I asked! You won’t even let me have a room!”

 

“This is different!” Luhan yelled back face turning red, “you could get killed!”

 

His voice wavered, Minseok deflated at this. He took in Luhan’s appearance properly. His eyes weren’t angry, they were wild, with fear. Something gnawed against his chest.

 

“It's a war, Luhan-“ he said softly, “this is life, some stay, some go… You can’t control everything-“

 

Luhan shook his head stubbornly fists clenched tightly, Minseok did not need to remind him of how fragile their lives were, of how temporary things could be. He knew it, he knew it very well.

 

“I won’t let you do this! I wont!”

 

“It’s not your choice to make-“

 

“I am your commanding general! I did not authorize you to do this!” Luhan was shaking again.

 

“But your father did,” Minseok pointed out unable to continue looking at Luhan as his neck started to flush, “and he outranks you.”

 

Luhan slumped onto the floor startling Minseok who bent over to touch his shoulder,

 

“Don't! Don't touch me!” Minseok froze at the familiarity, same words different situation.

 

“You coward,” Luhan hissed making Minseok frown at the unexpected attack. He felt his defenses rise,

 

“How am I a coward?”

 

“You’re running away. You always do this, this is why you left last time as well. You get scared and you run.”

 

Minseok averted his eyes guiltily, moving further away from Luhan as he tried to get his expression under control.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said trying to sound unaffected.

 

“Bull,” Luhan bit out, expression bitter, “you left because of what I said-“

 

“No I didn't, my aunt and uncle-“

 

“Cut the crap, your excuse worked back then but it won’t now. You had a full scholarship and my father’s backing to fall on if anything went bad, but you chose to leave!” Luhan spat eyes boring into Minseok’s ducked head, the other’s breathing was starting to become irregular betraying his fear. Luhan knew he was right, “you chose to leave me, because you were afraid-“

 

“Why are we talking about this now?” Minseok cut in quickly not wanting Luhan to continue, Luhan let out a bitter laugh.

 

“There it is again, the famous ‘Xiumin- Minseok- whoever the you are’ deflection technique!” Minseok balked at Luhan’s harsh tone.

 

“You’re running away again because you’re scared!”

 

“Scared?” Minseok echoed confused not seeing how his joining in the invasion made him a coward, Luhan’s eyes narrowed,

 

“You’re scared that you fit in so well, that you belong! Scared that you’ll want to stay!” he cut in, “the only reason you want to find your family is so you don’t feel guilty about loving it here while they might be suffering!”

 

Minseok felt his heart skip at Luhan’s accurateness. He felt his palms start to sweat, he had to steer the argument away from the unstable territory that was his feelings.

 

“You don't know what you’re talking about,” he said weakly, not liking how Luhan could read him like an open book. He needed a counterattack, “this has absolutely nothing to do with it, stop deviating from the fact that you’re pissed because I’m doing my duty-“

 

“Your duty?”

 

“Yes, Luhan, my duty! The duty to serve as a soldier, which you gave to me-”

 

Luhan was stumped for a moment at the turnabout in events,

 

“Are you trying to pin the blame on me? What type of ty soldier are you? You’ve betrayed your own General!”

 

“I didn't betray you,” Minseok interrupted exasperated, “why do you make it seem as if I’ve walked over to the South Korean troops and offered my services-“ Luhan began to laugh hard, the laughter cruel and unforgiving on their ears. He wiped the tears from his eyes feverishly as they came to surface.

 

“Isn’t that what you’re doing though?” he questioned mockingly “You’re going to South Korea, who’s to say you won’t use that as a way to jump ship? To escape?”

 

“You’re my best friend-“ Minseok said frustrated at Luhan’s stubbornness, “I’ve pledged my allegiance to you-“

 

Luhan’s laughter cut him off, tears unexpectedly sprang to Minseok’s eyes at the cruelty it held.

 

“Tell me what good is that allegiance now, best friend?”

 

Minseok remained quiet blinking back his tears at Luhan’s mocking, Luhan got to his feet eyes trained on him.

 

"What do you expect to see when you arrive in Korea? What if someone recognizes you?! What then?"

 

Luhan had finally resorted to trying to get Minseok to stay through fear,

 

"You can't stop me," Minseok's tone was relatively calm for someone on the brink of crying, it would probably hurt him but he was going back. He needed to, for the safety of his mind, "I'm going back,"

 

"To what? A country in ruins?!" Luhan couldn't try to understand Minseok if he wanted to at this point, the other had definitely lost his mind.

 

"To my family,"

 

"I am your family! I care! I did not save you just for you to get yourself killed!" Luhan was starting to feel lightheaded, his blinked repeatedly as his vision blurred. Rapidly changing emotions taking its toll on his body.

 

"I am thankful, Xi Èr-“ Minseok stopped his defensive reflex, now was not the time to aggravate Luhan even more, “Luhan. I really am, but it is my decision to make."

 

It was silent, Luhan resorted to his last weapon although it was a weak one.

 

"If you go I'll reveal the others' identities-" Minseok finally looked at him, taking in how drained he looked. How depressed he had become in the span of a few hours and it was all Minseok’s fault. The General was no longer screaming, "Kyungsoo, Jongdae, all of them. Don't think I won't-" Luhan broke off as Minseok walked towards him, he looked at the other holding his gaze.

 

"You won't, you won't do it because you care for them too," he said, he knew Luhan. His head could be bad at times, but his heart was good. Better than Minseok’s at least.

 

"I hate you," Luhan leaned forward resting his head against Minseok’s chest muffling his voice, the anguish in his tone was clear. "I hate you Kim Minseok, you can go and never come back,"

 

"Do you really mean that?" Minseok asked hands trembling as they came up to Luhan’s shoulders.

 

"No."

 

A knock startled the two, they took a step away from each other reluctantly. Minseok glanced around the wrecked room doing a quick survey, he already knew there was no way to salvage it. Luhan began to push things to the corner before giving up and dropping onto his chair, Minseok kicked a few books to the side as he made his way to stand beside Luhan.

 

"Come in," He called out, Kyungsoo opened the door smiling at the two.

 

"Good Afternoon," he chirped. Minseok spared him a weak smile hand resting on Luhan's shoulder squeezing it reassuringly. He was thankful at Kyungsoo’s nonchalance to the chaos around him.

 

"Sorry for the mess," Luhan apologised tiredly, Minseok glanced at him worried as he stood up slowly. He shrugged Minseok's hand off him, Minseok felt his throat tighten at the action.

 

"If you excuse me, I'm going to retire for the day," Luhan mumbled, Kyungsoo's eyes widened.

 

"But it's barely one," he protested looking out of the window to emphasize his point,

 

"I am sorry, but I need to rest I am not feeling so well," he wasn't lying, Luhan looked as if he was going to faint. He could not be around Minseok at the moment. He left the room quickly,

 

"Don't do it," Kyungsoo said throwing away all pretenses once the door shut behind Luhan, Minseok sighed realizing Kyungsoo had overheard his argument with Luhan.

 

"It's not something I want to do, it's something I have to do."

 

He explained tired of having to repeat himself.

 

"And what if you don't like what you see? What if something goes wrong?"

 

"I'll deal with it then," Minseok refused to back down. Kyungsoo looked at him sadly,

 

"And how will you deal with Luhan? You're just going to leave him?"

 

"We're even now, we don't owe each other anything. He's repaid me enough," The words were stilted even to Minseok’s ears. Kyungsoo moved forward grabbing Minseok's hands forcing him to listen.

 

"Hyung," the Korean slipping from Kyungsoo’s lips sounded foreign to him now, "Luhan never did it because he owed you anything, he did it because he loves you. You know he does."

 

Kyungsoo released Minseok's hands letting his words seep in. Minseok knew, Minseok knew Luhan loved him. That was part of why he was leaving-running-, his brain supplied painfully masochistic. He was scared, Luhan was right. He was always right.

 

---

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A//N: Hey y'all, I haven't proof read this, so sorry in advance if it's . I'll be back to correct things later on xp Hope you enjoyed the manly sleep over and drama! Also thank you for all your interest, lovely comments and for waiting! I cant believe the last time I updated was in april 0.0 I've already started writing the next chapter, so hopefully if I stop being a lazy it'll be up this month as well <3