You knocked on the door of your best friend's apartment and sighed when you heard baby cries coming from inside the apartment. Your best friend Mira has given birth to her first child a month ago and this was the first time you were paying her a visit. You weren't excited about this visit. For a reason or another, you never liked children; not infants, not toddlers, not any person who is younger than 14 years old. It somehow had to do with your mother leaving you and you father a few months after you were born and running away with another man. Your father never spoke about her and never blamed you for her departure. He spent his life working as hard as he could to fill her place and make sure you were never affected by her absence. Despite that, you couldn't get over your distaste and rejection of the whole idea of marriage and relationships altogether. Is it because my own mother never loved me enough to stay? You'd think to yourself after getting into a heated argument with someone over the pointlessness of having kids, but then you'd tell yourself that it is impossible to take after a mother you never knew. You couldn't dislike kids only because your mother didn't love you enough to stay. Not everybody loves kids or wants to be a parent.

Mira opened the door, interrupting your thoughts. She had a grin on her face as she took you in her arms.

"I haven't seen you in a while!"

You hugged her back as you said:

"I told you not to get married."

You said earning yourself a silent cough from Mira's husband, Sungjae, who was standing behind her.

"I'm sorry. Don't take it personally."

You followed Mira inside the apartment while she said:

"She's against the whole idea, it's not about you."

They walked you toward the living room and you sat down next to Mira while her husband took the seat across from his wife as he said:

"Marriage is not that awful."

Mira smiled and placed her hand on your thigh.

"We've been trying to convince her for a while now but it doesn't seem to work."

"It's just the beginning. Things won't always be good, you know."

Sungjae frowned and Mira swallowed hard as she tried to change the subject.

"How is work?"

"It's fine, I guess. I haven't had a vocal in a while. Seems like nobody wants to work with me."

You giggled.

"I wonder why."

Sungjae said and Mira glared at him. She could sense the tension rising between you and her husband. You rolled your eyes at Sungjae's last comment and then picked up the bag you brought for the baby and handed it to Mira.

"Here, this is your gift. I'm sorry it's late, I hope it fits your little thing."

"Thing?!"

Sungjae exclaimed. This was the last straw. He got from his seat and left the room without exchanging another word with you. A second later he called Mira and she stood up hurriedly, excused herself and followed him.

"What is wrong with her?"

Sungjae almost yelled.

"She didn't mean what she said."

Mira knew you too well to know that you meant no harm.

"It doesn't change a thing. She can't call my baby girl a thing."

"She calls all babies things, it's not about our baby."

"Mira! Are you listening to yourself? I don't care if she's your friend. She is not allowed to disrespect us or our child, not in our own house."

"Baby, please! This is the first time she ever visited me here, and I haven't see her in ages."

"Then meet up with her when I'm not home."

"Can we talk about this later? She's here now and I won't ask her to leave."

"Then I will leave."

He grabbed his keys and left the room with Mira running after him. As soon as they stepped into the living room they noticed that you weren’t where they had left you.

"Look what you've done! She left! What am I supposed to do now?"

"I couldn't care less."

Mira suddenly noticed your purse was still on the couch. She looked at her husband before hearing her child cry. They both ran toward their daughter's room to see you standing in front of the baby’s crib, distress apparent on your face as you looked at the crying baby.

"What did you do to her?"

Sungjae almost yelled as he ran toward the crib, picked the baby up and started patting her back gently while glaring at you.

"I didn't do anything!"

You cried out before looking at Mira:

"I swear I didn't do anything!"

Mira ran to you and put her arm on your shoulder.

"I know dear, I know. The baby has been crying all day long. Come on, let's have some tea."

You entered the studio, unaware of the man leaning against the door looking through his phone. You flinched when you finally noticed him and let out a yelp. He looked at you in surprise, took his earpods off and then said:

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Who are you?”

You asked.

“I’m Taekwoon.”

“I didn’t ask for your name, I said who are you? Why are you here?”

Your attitude alarmed him. He felt flustered that he was stuttering.

“I… I’m…”

“He’s the new vocal.”

Yoongi, one of your coworkers, interfered. You looked at both of them before turning to look at Yoongi.

“Why is he in my studio?”

“He’ll be working with you.”

Taekwoon asked:

“Are you Miss [---]?”

You turned to look at him and then nodded before finding your way behind your desk and then looking at Taekwoon and Yoongi:

“Are you going to stand there forever?”

“W… what shall I do?”

Taekwoon asked.

“Are you asking me?”

Yoongi walked to you, placed his hand on your shoulder before saying:

“Chill. He’s new.”

You let out a sigh before turning your chair and looking at Taekwoon.

“Get behind the microphone and show me what you can do.”

Taekwoon exchanged looks with Yoongi before receiving an approving nod from the latter and following your instructions. He closed the door behind him and positioned himself in front of the microphone.

“Start whenever you want.”

He cleared his throat and looked at you for a second before closing his eyes and placing his hands on his sides. The second he started singing, you felt a tear roll down your right cheek. You couldn’t understand why you were crying. The song was sad, but you weren't an emotional person. It's his voice. You thought to yourself. His voice was beyond angelic, it was divine. It was soft, yet powerful. It was unique, and Taekwoon had a bright future if he could use his talent in the right direction.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

You looked up to see Yoongi looking down at you with a content smile on his face. You nodded, wiped the tear away before saying:

“Where did you find him?”

“He’s been singing for at least a month at the restaurant I usually go to. I can’t believe I only noticed him last night.”

“Why did you choose me?”

He smirked, realizing his attempt to fool you was unsuccessful.

“You’re my best producer, and he’s single.”

You rolled your eyes before motioning Taekwoon to stop. He took the headset off his head and placed them on the chair next to him before leaving the room. He then fixed his shirt and his hair before asking:

“How was it?”

“It was great!”

Yoongi answered excitedly while you said, without turning to look at him:

“It was good.”

“But you said…”

Yoongi exclaimed and you interrupted him:

“I didn’t say anything. His voice is good but his singing isn’t perfect. He’s got a lot to work on.”

Taekwoon remained silent the whole time, listening to you and Yoongi argue about him without saying anything. He was looking at you as you were pointing out where his singing was lacking and he felt like he could see through you. Your façade was cold and distant, but he could see the tears sparkling in your eyes, and something told him you‘re more than you‘re trying to seem. He waited until you were done arguing and then said:

“I’ll do everything you ask me to do. I’ll practice very hard and sleep here if I needed to.”

You finally turned to look at him, taking your time to explore his handsome face before saying:

“Are you really willing to sleep here?”

“I will if I have to.”

You studied his face for a couple of seconds and then asked:

“What do you care about the most?”

He scratched the back of his head in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean: What do you care about the most in life? Is it family? Friends? Career?"

He thought for a couple of seconds before saying:

“Family and friends of course, and my career too. Oh, and my nephew, Minyul.”

You rolled your eyes and Yoongi nudged Taekwoon’s side.

“How old is your nephew?”

“He’s almost 3.”

Taekwoon answered excitedly and Yoongi looked at you before saying:

“Don’t talk about him in front of her. She’s allergic to kids.”

“Yoongi!”

You almost yelled causing Yoongi to laugh before saying:

“The boy needs to know, if he’s going to work with you.”

“I didn’t say I’ll take him yet.”

“You will. You’re the only one without a vocal.”

You grunted and watched Yoongi leave before patting Taekwoon’s shoulder and leaving him in your care. As soon as Yoongi left, Taekwoon was starting to feel awkward. He stood there looking at you and then at the room around him before finally saying:

“I’m sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable.”

“It has nothing to do with you.”

You finally noticed he was still standing so you asked him to sit down on the sofa. You turned your chair and stared at him for a few seconds before saying:

“My name is [----], call me by my name or my surname, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that we never talk about personal stuff. No questions about family, friends, personal life, relationships, nothing. I don’t want to ask you and I don’t want you to ask me. We’re here to work, and that’s all.”

He nodded and you took a deep breath before saying:

“Your name is Taekwoon, right?”

“Yes.”

“That’s all I need to know.”

He nodded again, so you asked:

“Are you always this quite?”

He nodded for the third time and you chuckled.

“Am I this intimidating?”

He almost nodded and you laughed at the light shade of pink creeping into his cheeks.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to look this scary for our first meeting. I’m usually less scary but I had a terrible morning.”

“C… can I ask why?”

“No.”

“I… I’m sorry.”

His phone started vibrating in his pocket so he took it out and looked at you as if asking for permission to answer. You nodded and he picked it up.

“Hey! Yes, I’m there. It was good, I guess.”

You smiled and gave him thumps up so he said:

“It all went fine. Is he awake? Put him on the phone.”

He suddenly started cooing and giggling and you couldn’t hide the surprised look on your face. A second ago all he did was nod, now he was completely a different person, grinning widely and talking loudly to the person on the other end of the line. You waited until he was done and then said:

“Was it your nephew?”

“I can’t tell you.”

Your eyes widened in surprise at his answer. He chuckled.

“You said you’re not going to ask any personal questions.”

“I… b… “

You stuttered. You definitely didn't expect this answer.

“Yes. It’s my nephew. Do you want to see his picture?”

You frowned, stood up and said “no!” before opening the door and leaving. He jumped of his seat and followed you.

“I’m sorry, I…”

“It’s fine. I need to go to the toilet, are you going to follow me around all day?”

He blushed and shook his head no. You rolled your eyes and walked away leaving him standing in the middle of closed doors, not knowing what to do or where to go. Yoongi saw him through his studio’s door window so he opened the door and nudged his shoulder.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. But I don’t think our first meeting went as good as you said it would.”

Yoongi snorted.

“I lied.”

Taekwoon frowned as he looked at Yoongi laugh his heart out. It took him a couple of seconds to stop laughing and wipe the tears away as he looked at Taekwoon and said:

“I’m sorry. If I told you how it would really be you wouldn’t have come here in the first place.”

Taekwoon sighed and then asked:

“Is she always like this?”

“You can say so. I saw her laugh and chat with friends but not with strangers..." he paused and then added: "or potential boyfriends.”

“Potential?”

Taekwoon wondered why Yoongi would call him that. He met you only a few minutes ago. How would Yoongi tell if Taekwoon would ever be interested in your or vice versa?

“Yes. You are a potential boyfriend since I told her you’re single.”

“So should I be in a relationship for her to treat me nicely?”

“No no. Just show her that you’re not interested in her in any possible way. She does it too, to push you away.”

“What if I am?”

“Interested?”

Taekwoon nodded and Yoongi looked at him, perplexed.

“Are you?”

“You shouldn’t be.”

They both turned around when they heard your voice coming from behind them. Taekwoon’s cheeks turned bright red and Yoongi cleared his throat.

“I am not into relationships. Don’t waste your time.”

You said and then walked toward your studio, opened the door and entered before calling Taekwoon.

“We have work to do.”

“I’m coming.”

He waved at Yoongi who whispered “Good luck!” before going back into his studio. Taekwoon entered your studio and closed the door behind him before asking:

“What should I do?”

You turned to look at him before saying:

“First of all, you need to stop talking to Yoongi, especially about me. Second, I want you to try different genres so we can find the one that suits your voice the best.”

“Okay. Should I start?”

“Go ahead.”

After a long day at work, you could finally go home. You entered your apartment, took your shoes off and walked toward the sofa. You sat down, placed your purse on the coffee table and rested your back against the cushions. This has been a long day! Mira was upset with you, Yoongi is telling everyone about your childhood stories. Could this day get any worse?

No it can’t. You thought to yourself. It shouldn’t. I won’t allow these nuances to determine how I feel about my day. What happened has happened. You jumped from the sofa and walked toward the bathroom. You turned the hot water on, letting it fill the tub as you went back to your room, took your dress off and grabbed your towel before heading back toward the bathroom.

Hot bathes always solved everything. You let yourself relax while still thinking of the text message Mira sent you.

“Sungjae is upset, but I know you meant no harm. Maybe we can meet again when you have time? I can come over if you want. Without the baby hahaha…”

Without the baby…

Fine. If that’s what she wants.

You took a deep breath as you imagined what your life would be like if you had a normal childhood. Would I be married? Would I be a mother of three, coming back from work to prepare lunch and then go over my kids’ homework and help them prepare for their exams? Would I be taking this bath with a loving husband? Or maybe a boyfriend even?

Your small apartment was quiet most of the time, unless you had the TV on, which happens every once in a blue moon. It almost seemed dead with no living creature roaming around but you. Not even a cat or a dog or a goldfish to keep you company.

When you were done with your soothing, or so it was meant to be, bath, you tucked yourself under your blanket and a certain memory crept into your head. Ji Sung. Your boyfriend of two years, probably a father of two now, maybe three. He was the last person to share this bed with you. The last person you ever kissed. The last person you ever thought you’d spend the rest of your life with. If only it wasn’t for the kids topic. He was confused when you said you didn’t want kids.

_________________

“What do you mean you don’t want kids? Don’t you want to marry me?”

He asked as he sat up in bed.

“I… I am not sure.”

You sat up in bed next to him, avoiding his perplexed stare.

“Not sure? About what exactly?”

“The… the whole thing.”

“The whole thing?”

He repeated. He grabbed your shoulders forcing you to look at him.

“Do you even love me?”

“Of course I do!”

You defended yourself.

“But I don’t know if I want to marry you. I don’t know if I want to have kids with you. I mean… I don’t know if I ever want to have kids.”

You blurted out. He was speechless. It took him a few seconds to ask:

“Why?”

“I told you! I already told you everything. Why can’t you understand?”

“Because it doesn’t make sense. Why are we here then? Why are we doing this if you’re still not sure about starting a family with me?”

You looked at him with teary eyes.

“Why can’t we just live like this? Why do we have to get married and have kids?”

You were almost begging.

“Because you’re only thinking about yourself. Your childhood is haunting you, making you blind to my needs. Have you ever considered that I might… just might want to have a child with you? Have you ever thought about that? Have you ever wondered why I haven’t left when you told me what you told me? It’s because I love you, but do you even care about me?”

He asked, and the accusation hurt. You loved him, a lot, but you weren’t ready to take this risk. Your love for him wasn’t strong enough to get you over your fears. Breaking up wasn’t a choice anymore, and he soon found a woman to start a family with, and you never considered being in a relationship ever again.

_________________

The following morning, you arrived to work and could see the door of your studio slightly open. You tiptoed your way toward the door and peeked through the opening to see Taekwoon sitting to the coffee table in the middle of the studio and going over the notes you took together yesterday after asking him to try a couple of different genres. You knocked the door and he flinched. A chuckle slipped out of your throat at the expressions on his face. He stood up and greeted you as he tried to hide the blush creeping up his cheeks.

“You’re early.”

He nodded.

“Did you have breakfast?”

He nodded again.

“I did.”

You let out an ‘oh’ as you looked at the bag in your hand before saying:

“Well, I guess I’ll eat alone then.”

You placed the bag on the coffee table and he looked up at you, puzzled. He noticed your cheeks turn a light shade of pink as you said:

“I… I wanted to apologize for my behavior yesterday so… I thought maybe… you’d like to… eat with me.”

He stood up and stared at you for a couple of seconds before saying:

“I think I can eat again.”

He moved his notes away and started taking the food out of the bags and placed them in front of you. You looked at him as the corners of your lips lifted up in a smile before whispering “Thank you!”

He pretended not to hear you to spare you any extra embarrassment and motioned you to sit down before taking a seat in front of you. You ate breakfast in silence until you decided to say, when you were done eating.

“I… I don’t usually explain myself but… after what Yoongi said I feel like I should say something.”

He looked at you and waited for you to continue.

“I… I am not into relationships or commitments, I am not and I will never be. All I want is to have a good relationship with everybody around me without having to worry about anything.”

“Do you mind if I ask why?”

You were contemplating whether to tell him or not, when a voice behind you interrupted your thoughts and caused your heart to pound in your chest.

“Because her parents had a terrible relationship, and her mother abandoned her a month after she was born.”

“Yoongi!”

Yoongi had found the door to your studio slightly open, and in his attempt to spy on you he heard Taekwoon's questions and believed he had the right to answer the question you couldn't answer.

“What? He deserves to know.”

He defended himself.

“Who are you to decide?”

You yelled. Your body was shaking in anger and tears welled up in your eyes.

“Miss [---], please… I’ll pretend I didn’t hear anything.”

Taekwoon said in an attempt to calm you down and prevent you from ripping Yoongi’s head off.

“It’s not like I made it up!”

Yoongi said only to make things worse. You pushed him aside and ran out of the room.

“Wait… Miss [---]… “

Taekwoon ignored Yoongi as he ran after you. He stopped outside the room when he couldn’t find you. Yoongi walked out of the room a second later and found Taekwoon standing in front of the studio's door, confused.

“Where did she go?”

He asked Yoongi and the latter answered.

“I didn’t do anything wrong!”

Taekwoon felt the urge to punch his face when he saw how indifferent he was but he decided to keep that for later as he asked again:

“Do you know where she could be?”

Yoongi nodded.

“You’ll find her in the storage room under the stairs on the ground floor.”

“What?”

“She goes there whenever she has a break down and…”

Taekwoon didn’t hear the rest of the sentence as he ran to where he thought the storage room was. He went down the stairs and looked around until he found a small door leading to what he assumed was the storage room. He walked in the direction of the door, not knowing what to expect. He paused in front of it when he heard some noise coming from inside the room. He heard sniffles so he knocked the door softly but the sniffles didn’t stop. A second later you were sobbing again so he opened the door without trying to knock anymore.

You yelped when the door was opened and took a step backwards when you saw a tall figure blocking the way. The room was dark and you couldn’t see the person’s face, not even when he wrapped his arms around your body. You didn’t fight when you realized the touches weren’t aggressive but rather comforting. All he did was holding you still and your back. After a few minutes you were starting to calm down, relaxing in the embrace of whoever was holding you. You slowly pulled out of the hug, wiping your tears away. You looked up at the person in front of you and backed away when you recognized him. Taekwoon took a step back and said as he scratched the back of his head in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t…”

“Thank you.”

You whispered and he moved aside to let you get out of the room. He followed you and then blocked your way. You looked up at him and said:

“What do you want?”

“You shouldn’t be ashamed of that.”

“What?”

You stared at him and could see a hint of compassion in his eyes.

“Your parents. I… I am sorry I am interfering in your personal matters but this is not something you should be ashamed of. It’s not your fault.”

You let out a sigh. Why does he make me feel like I want to tell him everything? You rubbed your hands together as you said:

“I am the reason my mom ran away, so how is it not my fault?”

“It’s her decision and I’m sure it had nothing to do with you.”

You looked up at him, your eyes filled with unshed tears regardless of how much you’ve cried already.

“How do you know?”

He thought for a second.

“Because… because some parents are selfish enough to leave their children behind. It has nothing to do with the child but rather with the ungrateful parent. I’d never give up on my child no matter what, and she shouldn’t have given up on you.”

“But she did.”

You said faintly, looking down at the floor. Something about him was forcing you to pour your heart out for him. You weren't a fan of sharing your story with people you've just met, but he was different. He was radiating warmth you've never felt before. The sympathy in his eyes made you feel safe.

He hesitated for a second as he lifted his hand up and held your chin up as he said:

“It’s her loss, not knowing a person like you.”

“What if I become like her?”

Your voice was shaking as tears threatened to roll down your cheeks.

“I’m sure you won’t.”

“You barely know me.”

A smile crept into his face as he cupped your cheek and said:

“Then, will you give me the chance to?”