“I am not going to be your property! I won’t be anyone’s property!” There is a loud smack following Jaebum’s words and Yugyeom’s hand automatically flies to his hurting jaw as he stumbles away. The youngest looks up, prepared to confront the fury in his hyung’s eyes with his own slowly rising temper, but everything he wants to shout out sticks to the back of his throat when he sees the person before him.

The terrified confusion written all over Jaebum’s face as he glances at Yugyeom, then back at his trembling wrist tells the alpha more than he asked for.

“Yo, what’s the commot-“ Jackson doesn’t have the chance to finish the sentence, with Jaebum pushing him out of his way, as he storms out of their pack’s shared apartment, not sparing them a second glance.

“What’s gotten into him… Oh man, Yugyeommie, your face! Jinyoung-hyung!”

Jinyoung is like a lightning, especially when a member of their little group gets hurt, lost or is just in a bad mood, so it doesn’t take long for him to appear in the living room. With just a quick glance he assess the damage and then comes back with a pack of ice. He ushers Jackson away, trying to pick out clues about what happened from Yugyeom’s face, because Jackson’s ‘Jaebum-hyung went bat crazy’ explanation is obviously not enough.

“I suggested marking,” Yugyeom says with his head hanging low when they are finally alone. “He probably thinks that I want to claim him and take his position away,” the bitterness in his own voice makes him wince.

“Do you?” Yugyeom stiffens at the question, the lid on his bottled up feelings slowly slipping away. He meets Jinyoung’s steady gaze as he puts away the pack of ice the other brought for his aching jaw.

“I don’t care about this stupid position, I care about him and he refuses to acknowledge that!” It’s a low, dangerous growl that Yugyeom lets out and it makes Jinyoung lean away from him. Yugyeom realizes that he crossed the line, so one more time he bows his head before the older man and sighs tiredly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say it like that. I don’t want to hurt him or force him.  I just- I just really, really want him to want me back and to let me- ugh… To let me stay by his side.”

There is a moment of loaded silence between them, with Jinyoung slowly sitting down beside the younger boy. After a couple of seconds he lets out a breath and smiles, and it somehow brings Yugyeom something akin to hope.

“Oh, he wants you alright. He just needs some time,” Jinyoung’s words are gentle, like always, his hand going to pat Yugyeom’s shoulder softly.

Jaebum is a stubborn man, Yugyeom knows it all too well, really. He’s prideful, has anger management problems and refuses to admit his mistakes.

Then again, they agreed that he should be their leader not only because they used to think he was going to be an alpha, but because he was a trustworthy, unhesitating, driven and caring person. A person that led by example, relied more on actual action than words.

And now he’s probably scared out of his mind, because he doesn’t understand what is happening to him. Everything he was taught had to be thrown out the window. He has suddenly “became weak”, which isn’t true at all, but the stereotype is not helping. It felt like he lost his identity the night when the heat hit him and even though Yugyeom told the pack that nothing has changed, it only  managed to restore it partially. Yugyeom can’t say that he’s shocked – any sane person would be afraid if they suddenly lost control over their own body, especially when they are absolutely unprepared, just like Jaebum was. He has been changed by his first heat, his sharp edges smoothed by something they weren’t able to pinpoint. At the same time he became extremely guarded. He was still himself though and Yugyeom cursed his own stupidity for bringing up the topic of marking.

“I should have known better than this, yet I- oh God, how do I make this work out?” Yugyeom is aware of the shocked stare he gets. He sees the moment Jinyoung-hyung understands what he meant by this comment – the older looks partially happy and partially sad.

“It’s going to be even harder, you know it, right?”

“Yes,” Yugyeom notices  determination that snuck into his tone, setting his lips into a thin line. He had never backed off, especially when he knew he was needed. He does not intend to give in to Jaebum’s stubborn anger, not now, not when the other is so hurt and frightened. There is an invisible weight in the maknae’s stomach, a weight that pushes at his instincts to protect the people and things he loves. It screams at him to go find Jaebum, to make sure he’s alright, to apologize and just bring him back, so that the pack can look after him in his time of need-

“,” it’s more of a whisper than an actual word, but Jinyoung hears him nonetheless. He squeezes at Yugyeom’s shoulder, his face reflecting the confusion he feels.

“Hey, why did Jaebum-hyung leave without an umbrella? It’s pouring bucke-“ Youngjae’s pops into the room with a bag of chips in his hand, but Yugyeom doesn’t let him finish. He stands up and makes his way to the hallway, putting his shoes and jacket on.

“We need to find him,” he doesn’t think he sounds authoritative (at least not as authoritative as Jaebum sounds most of the time), but his friends’ slightly more straightened backs and the attentiveness on their faces speaks volumes of how he must act or smell right now.

“Why?” Jinyoung looks at him, wary and waiting.

“The heat. It will start soon, hyung.”

“What? What about the suppressants?” The question hangs in the air for a moment, before any of them reacts.

Yugyeom turns away from Jinyoung’s searching eyes.

“He- he probably didn’t take them. I think I could, um, smell-“

It takes Jinyoung approximately ten seconds to be right beside him, slipping his foot into the dirty sport shoe that’s probably not even his.

“Youngjae, please call the others and tell them that JB’s missing, ok?” Jinyoung tries to be calm, but there is panic lining the last part of the sentence. Yugyeom can share the sentiment – it doesn’t matter how tough you are, a heat will always make you a little more vulnerable. The memory of Jaebum struggling to stand on his own when the first heat got him is vivid in Yugyeom’s mind. There is a dark cloud of anxiety fogging his brain. What if  something happens to Jaebum before they find him?

A quiet rumble rakes through Yugyeom’s chest, his fingers tightening on the doorknob.

“We’re going to find him Yugyeommie,” Jinyoung assures him as they both practically run down the narrow staircase.

***

Three hours in pouring rain and desperation that grows within Yugyeom is making his steps quicker, longer. Bambam is trying to match his pace, but the exertion is visible in his flushed cheeks and slightly irregular breathing.

The rest of the pack found Yugyeom and Jinyoung pacing aimlessly outside Jaebum’s favorite music shop. There they split into three groups, however given the fact that neither Yugyeom nor Bambam were getting any calls from the others, the search was fruitless.

Right now the streets are more or less empty – the rain was effective in forcing most of the people into finding shelters in the closest shops. Yet here they are, still looking for a man who probably doesn’t want to be found.

“Maybe he already came back home while we were away?” Bambam breathes out and for a second Yugyeom thinks the shorter boy may be right.

Then he feels it.

A light linger of scent. An omega in distress. Jaebum’s upset and he’s near. If it’s noticeable in the rain it means they are really close – he turns around to notice a small, relatively decent-looking alley. There is a familiar figure sitting beside the wall, with their back hunched, head covered by both arms.

Yugyeom feels his heart constricting. His protective instincts howl at him, his brain screaming to do something. He takes a couple of steps forward, but stops the second the figure gazes up right at him.

Jaebum’s eyes seem a little reddish and he looks like he doesn’t know if he wants to run away from or towards them. Yugyeom approaches him with lots of caution. He faintly hears Bambam telling him that he’s going to get the rest of the guys. Jaebum doesn’t move, so Yugyeom takes the chance and kneels right before the older man, just like he did a couple weeks ago in their kitchen.

“I’m so sorry, hyung, I’m so, so sorry. Please come home with us? You will catch a cold,” he tries to be as gentle as he possibly can, waiting for some sort of nonverbal ‘yes’.

“Took you long enough,” the older man whispers harshly.

Yugyeom almost jumps out of his skin, when Jaebum grabs his jacket and yanks him closer. The leader’s head lands in the crook of his neck – he senses Jaebum inhaling his scent and for a brief second something deep inside of him understands. The older man hooks his fingers in maknae’s jacket, his shallow breathing becoming more steady with every passing second.

“Will you come home with me?” Yugyeom tries one more time, whispering the question into wet strands on top of his hyung’s head.

“I… I have problems with standing. My pills-“

“It’s alright, I’m going to help you. The rest will be here soon. Jinyoung-hyung has your pills. Everything’s ok, so let’s try to stand up, hm?”

Jaebum lets out an affirmative grunt, allowing Yugyeom to help him on his feet.

About halfway to their apartment they meet with Jinyoung, Mark and Bambam. The eldest doesn’t wait for anyone to tell him what to do and in the next second Jaebum’s weight is supported not only by Yugyeom, but also by Mark. They manage to bring him back home without much struggle, where Jackson and Youngjae are waiting for them all with warm soup and dry sets of clothes.

Jinyoung looks thoroughly displeased with his best friend’s behavior while he takes him to his room, telling Youngjae to sleep in Yugyeom’s bed. After a couple of minutes he emerges from Jaebum’s bedroom, motioning  for the youngest to come closer.

“You’re going to spend the night there.”

“What? Why? I don’t think it’s appropriate-“ Yugyeom starts, afraid that his presence might upset Jaebum after he has just calmed down.

“He asked me to bring him your jacket. I believe that the real thing would be better. He’s feverish and in heat, he needs the smell of the alpha to calm down.”

“But we’re not even-“

“Did you not hear me? He needs you. He needs an alpha. You are his alpha.”

The words die on maknae’s tongue, as he stares at the other in disbelief. The older man doesn’t seem like he is joking. On the contrary – his face looks completely serious and sincere.

“What makes you say that?” Yugyeom’s question is loaded with so many emotions that the elder feels sorry for him and his jumbled up feelings.

Jinyoung sighs, his fingers wandering to massage the bridge of his nose.

“I know that your parents weren’t expecting you to be an alpha, but they could’ve at least tell you the basics-“

“I’m sorry hyung, but can you just get to the point,” Yugyeom’s posture screams ‘desperate’, but he can’t help himself and Jinyoung is aware.

He decides that a clear explanation might spare Jaebum from having to spit out his guts (only for now and only because he is in no condition for any thought-through confessions), while the maknae can avoid pinning and further misunderstandings.

If Yugyeom knows the truth, he will be able to figure something out, even with Jaebum’s stubborn denial in his way.

“A stressed out omega calms down about six times faster when provided with a smell of an alpha. But not just any alpha – the strongest reaction occurs when it’s the alpha they chose themselves. I’m going to hazard a guess that he clung onto you when you first found him. Maybe there was even some sniffling at your clothes?”

When Yugyeom nods dumbly, Jinyoung continues.

“He was calm all the way here, but when I took him to his room he started to be a little snappy. Plus, he almost combusted, but asked for your jacket nevertheless. Do you realize how hard it was for him? Then again – if he decided to throw his ‘pride’ away, because I’m pretty sure he thinks of it that way, it means he must feel really safe with your scent around him. Now, if we are done here, can you please go to him now? I hate watching him in pain.”

“So do I,” Yugyeom answers, but he stops for a second just before opening the door, and with a soft smile turns to face Jinyoung.

“Thank you so much, hyung.”

***

When Yugyeom enters the room, he sees Jaebum laying with his face turned to the wall.

Maknae’s anxiety levels sky-rocket when he notices how the elder’s back stiffens at the sound of clicking door.

Yugyeom clears his throat awkwardly without moving from his place. If he wants to do it right, he needs to take it slowly.

“How are you feeling hyung?” It’s neutral and it shows that he cares without being too dramatic or fussy. Yugyeom mentally pats himself on back  and waits.

“Been better,” the answer is mumbled into the thin air, but there is no anger or venom in Jaebum’s tone, so the younger knows he’s not being pushed away. The silence stretches, making Yugyeom nauseous. How does he proceed from here?

‘Do you mind if I sit down?’

‘Do you want me to bring you something?’

‘Do you want to be left alone?’

“Can I sit by the door?” The question that leaves Yugyeom’s mouth makes him want to slap himself, forget about the patting.

“I d- what?” Jaebum fumbles with the stack of blankets that’s on top of him and after a short while Yugyeom’s eyes meet the incredulous stare of two dark orbs. The younger takes a deep breath and tries to stay calm.

“Can I sit by the door? I promise I won’t distur-“ Yugyeom’s sentence is interrupted by a quiet, genuine laughter.

“It’s ok, you can sit by the mattress, I know you won’t disturb me,” Jaebum sounds slightly amused and dead tired, so Yugyeom doesn’t bother him with another ‘Are you sure?’ and moves to sit beside his hyung’s bed.

Yugyeom stays true to his words and keeps quiet, noting how Jaebum’s eyelids become heavier. The lingering scent of distressed omega vanishes after about two minutes into maknae’s arrival, making his chest light and full at the same time. The sweet aroma of heat, although noticeably weakened (all thanks to the earlier dose of suppressants) fills alpha’s nostrils. He forces himself to stay composed, not only because of Jaebum’s condition, but mainly because he wants him to know that he is able to control himself.

The older man’s breath is still somehow haggard, most probably because of the fever and the heat combined, but he’s fast asleep nevertheless. Yugyeom’s orbs land on Jaebum’s face, tracing sharp lines of leader’s jaw, the bridge of his nose, wandering to soft wrinkles around eyes. His lips are pale and dry, slightly parted. Yugyeom’s gaze flicks to other man’s fingers,  gripping at the edge of the quilt like it is his lifeline. Instinctively, Yugyeom’s own hand slowly raises to cover the back of Jaebum’s palm, gently squeezing it. And tentatively the gesture is reciprocated. Jaebum is half conscious, falling deeper into his slumber. He holds tightly onto Yugyeom, inching into alpha’s personal space. So the younger decides to move closer, letting Jaebum use the side of his thigh as a pillow. The older man seems so, so tired and yet Yugyeom is unable to tear his eyes away - their independent, always reliable pack leader allows the younger to help him, to be near him. Jaebum’s vulnerability is just as beautiful as the strength he possesses. And Yugyeom is happy beyond words to be able to see it.

Yugyeom uses his free hand to pet dark, reddish hair on top of Jaebum’s head, carding his fingers through drying locks. He is relaxed, satiated and he doesn’t know why this simple action gives him all these nice feelings. He suspects it might have something to do with Jaebum cuddling up against him, smelling like jasmine tea and spring mornings. Yugyeom’s eyelids close as he lets himself be submerged in the overwhelming calmness.

***

Jaebum wakes up in the middle of the night, thirsty and a little sore from the weird position he slept in. When he tries to move, he realizes that he had made Yugyeom his pillow. The sudden urge to nuzzle against the maknae makes him freeze in place. He takes a moment to process it, gaze landing on Yugyeom’s sleeping face.

His alpha seems to be in some nice, peaceful dream-place, smelling of contentment and hot cocoa on a winter’s day. Stray strands of light-dyed hair are falling over his closed eyes and Jaebum’s hand travels up to move them from his forehead. Again, he stops, his thoughts backtracking to the way he thought about the younger just seconds ago.

His alpha.

His.

Jaebum’s breath hitches - he stares wide-eyed, finally understanding what his heart did when his brain wasn’t watching. He would have really liked to put the blame on the heat, but his denial can’t fight with the extra dose of suppressants he took while Jinyoung wasn’t watching. He’s completely sane and completely in control of his own body. The frightening need to give himself to an alpha, the one he felt during the first heat, has disappeared. Yet he still wants Yugyeom to hold him, to kiss him and he feels so freakingly at home just by being in his presence that trying to push all of this into the back of his mind is almost impossible.

He notices small bruise forming at the edge of Yugyeom’s jaw, feeling ashamed of his own lack of restraint, because the youngest was nothing but considerate of him and the situation he is currently facing. Jaebum chastens himself for all the times he lashed at the boy - Yugyeom never gave Jaebum a reason to believe he wanted to take away his position within the group, he always endured leader’s moods, trying to stay calm and careful as to not upset him.

Yugyeom leans into his touch. When Jaebum’s thumb brushes his cheek there is a slight change in the scent around them. The older man tries to figure out what he’s smelling, but the only things that come to his mind are ‘shared blankets’, ‘security’ and ‘happiness’.

Always gentle, always patient, always there.

Jaebum lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He realizes that the unconscious decision he made, might actually turn out to be the best decision of his life. But then again - there is no way he’s going to tell it to the alpha who’s still wet behind the ears.

Jaebum cradles Yugyeom’s face in his palms, leaning in to kiss thin, pink lips. Yugyeom’s eyelids flutter open. Dazed, he tries to comprehend why he’s being pulled out from his slumber, his own hands wandering to Jaebum’s hips as if in an attempt to anchor himself. Reality catches with him rather quickly and he looks genuinely perplexed by their current position. He does not remove his hands from Jaebum’s waist though, but there is a second of anxiety flashing through his Yugyeom’s big, glazed eyes. The older prays for him to not give in to the uncertainty of their situation, because now is the time they are going to take their first baby-step.

“Is everything ok?” Jaebum can’t help, but smile at the sleepiness in other’s tone and the warm feeling of belonging that engulfs him with every unintentional squeeze Yugyeom’s fingers are making over his waist.

“No,” he whispers, putting his forehead against Yugyeom’s. In a couple of seconds maknae seems to regain most of his consciousness, squinting at the leader in confusion.

“Are you in pain? Should I go get someone?”

This time Jaebum lets out a quiet chuckle.

“You should get yourself under the blankets with me.”

There is a moment of silence between them, with their gazes locking and Jaebum’s arms slowly encircling around Yugyeom. The younger lets himself pull the other closer, angling them into a lying position. They fumble with the quilts, Jaebum hooking his leg around Yugyeom’s thigh, while Yugyeom brings their chests together, allowing the other man to nestle between his outstretched arm and collarbone.

They fit - the initial awkwardness is gone in a matter of seconds, limbs tangled under the soft material and the coziness of the night.

And just before Jaebum drifts back to sleep he feels a confession being mouthed into his temple.

Moving closer, with lips ghosting over Yugyeom’s nose, he answers, letting his alpha kiss him goodnight.