Dongwan sat in a club staring down at his glass of intoxicating alcohol. Why was he here? Why did he feel so lonely? glancing up towards the dance floor he saw people dancing together. Most of them were probably in love. Love...love was something that Dongwan didn’t believe in.

It had started when he first met him. The man he knew with or without Shinhwa would be an idol. The way he handled himself in any situation drew people to him. They were good friends from the start...eventually best friends. He could tell him anything and not be judged for it.

Yet now? Here he was staring at a half empty glass of whiskey wondering when did it all change? When did he develop these feelings for his best friend? Why was he now running away from the fact and pushing his best friend away? So many questions and not enough answers…

---

“Damnit.” Dongwan cursed under his breath as he grabbed his favorite hoodie and shoved his shoes on. Checking his watch it was already a half past seven. He had practice with the guys at six thirty. Sleeping in late due to the many glasses of whiskey he had to forget how he felt.

He drove as fast as he could, but safely, to the building where Shinhwa held their rehearsals and practiced their dance routines. He rushed into the room to see his fellow members were finishing up a song. Of course they wouldn’t wait for him. He didn’t blame them...he blamed himself for drinking too much and not waking up when his alarm went off.

Once the song was over everyone turned and looked at me. Junjin spoke first with a sheepish grin on his face, “Look who decided he needs practice!”

Dongwan frowned and rubbed the back of his neck, “Sorry guys…”

Eric walked over to the shorter man, wiping his face with a towel, “Where have you been?”

Dongwan took a deep breath in, “I was out late...and didn’t hear my alarm.”

“At the club buying some hotties some drinks?” Minwoo had made his way over to them both. He put his hand on Dongwan’s shoulder, “I envy you…”

Dongwan shrugged off his friend’s hand, “Won’t happen again…” He muttered under his breath before walking away to set his things down.

Eric looked at Minwoo, who just shrugged at Dongwan’s attitude. They returned to the floor and started to practice again as an entire group. They practice a handful of songs before Eric called it a day. Dongwan watched as everyone got ready to leave. He could go as well but knew he should stay and practice by himself. He had done so many times before and the fact he showed up late made him want to stay even more. It wasn’t fair for him to get out of practice when he needed it the most. Everyone knew this so they said their goodbyes to him. Dongwan was a team player and if it meant he had to stay until lunchtime then he would.

The room was clearing out when Dongwan went to grab his water. Minwoo had stayed behind and walked over to his friend, “Hey Wan…”

Dongwan looked over at him as he took a sip of water, “Hm?”

“Are you alright?” Minwoo asked softly, concern in his voice, “You seem very distracted…”

“I’m fine…” Dongwan set his water bottle down and turned the stereo on again for the next routine.

Minwoo watched him do the dance of their latest single. Dongwan couldn’t help but notice Minwoo watching him in the mirror. He messed up a few steps but kept going. Why did Minwoo stay behind? Of all of the members...why him?

Dongwan finished the dance and grabbed the towel Minwoo offered him, “Nice work, Wan.”

“Thanks…” Dongwan wiped his face off with the towel.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Minwoo asked as he put his hands on his hips.

Avoiding eye contact with him Dongwan justed nodded, “Yea...just a bit tired is all.”

“Alright…” Minwoo sighed, not very happy with the answer he got, “I’ll see you later.”

“Later.” Dongwan glanced up once his friend walked away. He clenched the towel in his hands. This was one of the shortest conversations Dongwan remembers ever having with his best friend. At least it seemed that way since he wanted their conversation to end. He was scared. Scared of what he felt for the other man.

---

It was later that night. Their second practice of the day, with a concert coming up they had much to do. Which meant more rehearsals, dealing with the press and other time consuming things that went into creating the best fan experience.  

“I think that’s all we can do for today.” Eric announced to everyone in the room, “Excellent work everyone!”

Junjin made his way over to Dongwan, “Hey Dongwan, we’re all going out tonight. Eric didn’t get a chance to ask you but you’re coming right?”

Dongwan stared at the younger man. Thoughts racing through his mind as to if he should go or not. Minwoo would be there. Everyday it seemed to get harder and harder to even be in the same room as him. Most likely go to a club and drink with the guys? It did not seem like a great idea, “I-I don’t so…”

“What do you mean?” Junjin frowned slightly, a bit disappointed, “What’s the point of going out if you’re not coming? Shinhwa is not complete without you!”

Dongwan smiled at the compliment since he appreciated hearing it, “You’re right.”

“Of course, I am.” Junjin chuckled as he walked away to inform Eric that he was going.

They all took a cab to a club that was in the hustle and bustle of the city. They all gathered around a booth in the corner of the club by the dance floor. Beers all around and all paid for by Eric. Dongwan found himself sitting next to Minwoo, which of course was normal. Now? It was not normal. He looked at him from the corner of his eye. The man’s defined jawline moved as he talked. How Dongwan wanted to touch him and feel his skin under his fingers.

He quickly looked down at his beer. What was he thinking? Having erted thoughts about his friend was wrong!

He tensed up a bit when he felt his friend’s hand caress his thigh lightly. He looked over at Minwoo, whose attention was fixed on Andy who was telling a story. Dongwan downed his fourth beer of the night and abruptly stood up. Everyone stared at him, confused. He cleared his throat, “Excuse me...I need to use the restroom.”

Dongwan hurried out of the booth and made his way through the crowd to the restroom. Once in he went into a stall and locked the door behind him. He sat down on the toilet and put his hands on his head. Staring at the floor he cursed at himself. He probably looked like an idiot!

He wasn’t all too sure how long he had been in the restroom but he heard someone come in. “Dongwan, are you in here?” A familiar voice asked.

Dongwan sighed and wiped his eyes as he checked it watch. He had been sitting there having what seemed to be a panic attack for at least ten minutes. He collected himself as he left the restroom stall, “Hey Hyesung…”

Hyesung frowned at him, “Are you okay? You don’t look so well…”

Dongwan smiled, “I’m fine...I thought I felt sick but I’m fine…” He went to the sink and washed his hands getting a glance of his tired eyes.

“The others are dancing...and I’m here if you need to talk.” Hyesung said slowly, did he know? “About anything…”

Dongwan nodded, “I know…”

They went back to their booth. The other four were on the dance floor flirting with some ladies and showing off their moves. Dongwan ordered a whiskey, the burning as it went down helped calm him down.

Hyesung sipped on his drink, watching the other man closely. He knew better than to pry, but he noticed something was off about his friend. He wanted to help but knew better than to force Dongwan to talk. Thankfully his friend opened up a bit.

“I’m conflicted, Hyesung…” Dongwan finally said after a big gulp of whiskey burned down his throat. He looked over at him, “There is someone I like...but I know liking this someone is not good for me or the group.”

“How so?”

Dongwan sighed and looked down at his glass, “Well...it has been distracting me from my work. Thus that affects the group and no one would accept the fact I like this person…”

Hyesung sat back in his seat, going into deep thought it seemed, “Why would someone not accept this person as someone you like?”

“They just won’t...besides…” He sighed deeply, not sure what he can say without giving up Minwoo’s name, “The person I like...doesn’t like me the same way…”

Before Hyesung could ask any more questions Eric stumbled his way over, practically falling into the booth, “I am tired!”

Dongwan cracked a small smile and stood up, “I think it’s time for everyone to head home. I need to do a few things before tomorrow’s practice. So better get up early. Thanks for the drinks, Eric.”

Eric waved at him as his eyes started to get heavy. He was going to fall asleep right there in a loud and busy club. Hyesung said goodbye to him before addressing the fact that Shinhwa’s leader was now sleeping soundly.

Dongwan got outside and went to the curb preparing to call a cab. Before he could do anything he heard his name. Turning around he was surprised to catch Minwoo in his arms. The man had stumbled out of the club to see him, “W-Where are you going, Wannie?”

“Going home where else?” Dongwan helped Minwoo regain his balance, “You should too.”

“I...can’t…” Minwoo burped a bit with a chuckle.

“Why not?”

“I don’t remember…” Minwoo yawned, “Where I live…”

Dongwan sighed, somehow the dancer was so drunk that he couldn’t remember where he even lived. There was no way he would leave his friend on the street knowing he probably wouldn’t make it home. Sure the other’s could take him home but it looked like Hyesung had to handle Eric and the younger ones were still inside dancing.

He called a taxi and got Minwoo into the cab. After telling the cabbie where to go he stared out the window. Minwoo rested his head on his friend’s arm and rested his eyes. Dongwan gulped as he dared to look at his friend. The light from the streetlamps going by illuminated his face. He looked so peaceful and handsome. He cursed himself again and looked back out the window as they made their way to Minwoo’s house.

Dongwan barely got his friend into his home. Minwoo’s legs didn’t seem to work anymore. Thankfully Dongwan was able to get him into his room. He started to put him on the bed before Minwoo grabbed his arms and pull his friend on top of himself. Dongwan blushed as his friend held him close. What was going on? Why was he doing this?”

Minwoo started to hum, “Ooh Wannie…”

Dongwan swallowed the lump in his throat, he knew he had to push away. His friend was drunk. Yet this was an opportunity to get what he wanted...as horrible as it sounded. He savored the moment for at least a minute before finally pushing off of his friend, who had fallen asleep. Dongwan took the man’s shoes off before leaving. Sure, Minwoo wouldn’t mind if he stayed the night but for his best interest he left. Called a cab and went to his own home to sulk.