There’s no going back once everything’s been set in motion.

A Christmas miracle is all Ae Sook could think when she saw Sae Ryun there in flesh, standing before her.

Shocked and utterly confused, Ae Sook just stood in front of her classmate with a frozen stature, one arm glued to the door handle, the other limp by her side, and parted and eyebrows drawn.

She was quite certain she looked like a fool, but she couldn't make herself to move.

If it was any other day, Ae Sook would be still for the sole reason that she would be trying to constrain herself from saying something stupidly combative in front of Sae Ryun or taking a direct swipe at the pretty structure of his face, but now, it was different.

Sae Ryun looked different.  

Ae Sook never noticed how calming his actual presence felt, or how black his hair shined, or how human his eyes seemed. In that moment, it seemed like Sae Ryun was a friend she had known for a long time rather than an enemy she had been wishing dead for the past three years of her life.

It confused the hell out of her, but she knew that the inkling of feeling she felt couldn't exactly be ignored, and she still couldn't understand why. One part of her wanted to close the door just as soon as she had opened it and pretend like he wasn't there at all, but then the other part, the weirder part of her, urged her to keep it open and listen to what he had to say.

As some of her consciousness resurfaced after a minute, Ae Sook could feel the stares of other pack members behind her, and especially so, she could feel Da Bin’s curiosity and astonishment almost like it was her own. However, Ae Sook chose to turn an oblivious face and instead focused her attention on Sae Ryun, who gave a small wave in acknowledgement.

“Hey, Ae Sook,” he simply says, and the absence of any awkwardness in that statement makes it feel like the two never had a rivaling feud.

Ae Sook can't help but give back a small, tentative smile that is marred by her confusion. And seeming to sense her discomfort, and the intense gaze of everyone behind her, Sae Ryun takes a short deep breath before asking, “Would I be able to talk to you for a few minutes alone?”

Ae Sook’s eyebrows shoot up at the words that leave his mouth, and they seem to have startled Da Bin too as the girl leaves Kai and walks up to stand by Ae Sook’s side, almost as if she had forgotten their fight in the midst of her shock. Ae Sook moves herself a few inches away to remind Da Bin of her hostile position, but allows her to answer to both of their shocks.

Sae Ryun seems to be equally surprised at Da Bin’s appearance too, who he probably didn't see over Ae Sook’s frame. “What are you doing here?”

“Uh, shouldn't that be the question I should be asking you, Dae?” Da Bin remarks as she crosses her arms in disapproval.

Sae Ryun shakes his head in annoyance at the girl’s hostility. “No need for pointed questions, Yeong.” Sae Ryun says, mirroring Da Bin’s tone. “I could have asked why you're not at the party, but that would be a burden, wouldn't it?” As he gives a short burst of smug laughter, Ae Sook can see a bit of Sae Ryun’s true nature peek out from under this new mask, and she could rightfully say that his new self would be preferable.

Da Bin practically hisses at the boy in retaliation, and Kai runs over to scoop her up before she tries to instigate a fight. D.O also makes a move to come closer to Ae Sook for the first time since his initial attempt, and with his new advantage, D.O observes the boy who is requesting his mate’s presence, and he doesn't like the looks of him.

Yet, like he could hear his thoughts, Sae Ryun moves his gaze to settle on D.O. D.O stops at the sudden move, and the two males hold each other's gazes for a few seconds before Sae Ryun disconnects the look with a smile that settles back on Ae Sook. He leans over to whisper something to Ae Sook that D.O’s hearing can't pick up, which causes D.O to itch with irritation.

Ae Sook nods her head in approval, though not without a second of hesitation, that makes D.O even more curious and angry at the arrival of this new human. Without a word more, Ae Sook begins to slip out of the door as Sae Ryun steps back from the threshold and onto the porch to make room for her.

Breaking free of Kai’s hold, Da Bin rushes to the door to question her friend as to where she's going, and D.O can't help but follow behind the girl.

To Da Bin, Ae Sook replies smartly, “Why do you care? Your boyfriend,” Ae Sook dodges the word mate in front of Sae Ryun, “is right beside you so you shouldn't have anything to worry about.” The girl practically deflates from shock and sadness as she just moves back to let Kai envelop her in his arms, which she doesn't feel at all as the pain from her friend’s words cover her mate’s touch. As for D.O, Ae Sook gives him a gentler response as she simply gives him a pointed look that tells him not to follow her. He can almost detect a hint of apology in it, but the message to get lost is still as evident as ever.

With a type of newfound anger at the situation, D.O shuts the door for Ae Sook and casually goes back to the kitchen. In that moment, the suspicion from the pack that Ae Sook is D.O’s mate is confirmed as a fact without Baekhyun having to tell them.

The pack’s gazes follow him as he walks away, but there's nothing they can do. And as the scent of D.O’s mate fades, they know he'll just be more passive aggressive.

They'll just leave him be and hope that Ae Sook comes back soon before his mood plummets further.

<> <> <> <> <> <>

Full of emotion, Ae Sook practically runs down the steps of the porch and away from the house, causing Sae Ryun to jog to catch up to her.

The boy can sense that there's something tense about her, and he knows that his appearance isn't the cause of it. Quite innocently, Sae Ryun asks after a few silent moments of walking, “Girl fight, huh?”

Ae Sook laughs bitterly at Sae Ryun’s question, but doesn't stop her brisk pace to look at him. “You don't even know the beginning of it.”

Continuing to follow Ae Sook, Sae Ryun can only think about how weird this situation is. He would have never thought he would be asking Ae Sook conciliatory questions, or even preparing to share things with her that were going to be inevitable this evening. But he also never thought that the time spent with Ae Sook would feel this comfortable either.

It seemed like today would be one of many firsts, and Sae Ryun wasn't quite sure if he wanted to do this anymore.

He wasn't quite sure if he wanted to confront his old self.

The silence of the walk that lead them farther and farther down the gravel path of the house allows Sae Ryun to continue contemplating the possible outcomes that could be a result of this encounter before something catches his attention.

"Aren't you cold?"

Ae Sook looks down at herself at the weird question, and with sudden realization, it dawns on her that she only has a simple hoodie and tights to fare with again the cold Korean winds. But oddly enough, her answer to the question is no.

This realization causes Ae Sook to stop abruptly in her path, and unaware, Sae Ryun collides into her. To his embarrassment, Sae Ryun’s force of impact simply bounces off Ae Sook like a raindrop would off a windshield, causing him to stumble to the ground with a flail of limbs.

Once Sae Ryun recovers from his fall and steadies himself on his feet, he looks up at Ae Sook whose eyes are full of suppressed laughter. “Can you please remind me why you bullied me when you're the clumsier one?”

Sae Ryun briefly averts his gaze as guilt surges in his gut at the reminder of his previous actions. As Sae Ryun looks elsewhere, Ae Sook spots a small red box lying near Sae Ryun’s feet. Curious, she leans over to pick it up. With it in her hands, Ae Sook s the box in Sae Ryun’s face to get his attention and asks, “What is this?”

Sae Ryun’s eyes widen before the box and then urgently, he pats down his jacket in search of something he placed in his pocket earlier. However, it seems like that something is in Ae Sook’s hand.

I guess I can't go back now, Sae Ryun thinks to himself. Sighing, he says with a bit of tired cheer in his voice, “Merry Christmas”.

With a weird expression, Ae Sook takes the box away from Sae Ryun’s face and holds it out in front of her in her palm. “This is for me?”

Scratching his ear, Sae Ryun nods in embarrassment. “Yeah. I was going to give it to you after I talked to you.”

As Sae Ryun narrates his reasoning to her, Ae Sook stares at the box intently without moving a muscle. She lets the conversation die for a few seconds while she tries to resolve her feelings. Then, biting her lip, she questions, “Was this because you heard my message?”

“I guess you could say that's one reason for this,” Sae Ryun admits as he rises to his feet and he brushes off the snow that cushioned his fall.

Ae Sook nods her head in understanding and then hands the present back to Sae Ryun. “You obviously have a schedule for what you were going to tell me, so what's first?”

Suddenly, the gravity of what he's about to do hits him. Whatever he tells Ae Sook won't be for her sake, it'll be for his. This may be a trivial occurrence in Ae Sook’s life, something that she probably wouldn't bother to remember later down the road, but this was going to change Sae Ryun.

He just really hoped he would be ready for what followed.

Taking a deep breath, Sae Ryun lets his voice ring through the cold winter air and ride the wind that seems to be chilling him to the core in that moment. “I wanted to say I'm sorry.” As soon as the words leave his mouth, Sae Ryun can see the shock effect on Ae Sook.

She stands still for a few seconds before somehow coming back to motion to offer some sort of explanation for her silence and shock. “I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you correctly.”

“You did,” Sae Ryun affirms. The boy had to take a long look around the frost-covered forest before he could resume. “I said I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the things I've done to you in the past three years.”

When Sae Ryun sees that Ae Sook continues to be at a loss for words, he swipes a hand across his eyes and continues on as he bites back his pride.

“I'm sorry for making your life horrible, for making everyone hate you, for challenging you at everything, for hurting Da Bin, for hurting you, for being an . I'm just really sorry and I regret everything I said and did.”

Suddenly, Ae Sook feels a large cold wave wash over her body, and instead of being warm like she was before, she's freezing now. Trying to measure her words, she slips her clenched fists into the pockets of her jacket. “Well why did you do it in the first place?”

She knew the answer, she just wanted to make sure. But Ae Sook really hoped he wouldn't affirm what she was thinking.

Sae Ryun coughs, his throat suddenly clogged. When he looks at Ae Sook, their gazes connect and neither of them let it drop. As a mutual feeling, both could sense how the other’s gaze looks into the worst part of each other, and somehow, neither of them backed away. Instead, they stood there together as Sae Ryun began to talk.

“You reminded me so much of myself.”

Ae Sook didn't say anything, but her eyes urge him on with their curious tint.

“I-,” Sae Ryun starts off, not quite sure of a good beginning. It seems that all the times he's practiced in his head fail him now. “Well, it might be hard to believe, but I was a lot nicer when I was little. I used to care a lot more about things in life. I was just happier 13 years ago.”

Sae Ryun takes a deep breath and buries his chin in the neck of his jacket. “But then my mom died. Sae Ra and I were 8, and I remember one day, she just wasn't there anymore. I was the closest to my mom, Sae Ra hung around my dad more because he gave her whatever she wanted. But it was so weird, because I should've known she was sick, but when I look back at it, she never seemed different. She was always the same, just happy, bubbly, and loving. I learned later that she had stage 4 lung cancer. It didn't affect her that bad, I guess. The tumor just started to spread and it couldn't be stopped, so she left the medication and let herself go naturally.”

Sae Ryun stops for a moment to regain his emotions because his eyes started to go dark with feeling as he continued with his story. The courteous part of Ae Sook wanted to reach out and console him, but the part of her that knew his grief told her to let him be. Soon enough, he starts again.

“The day that she died, my dad didn't tell us. He took Sae Ra off to get a toy or whatever she wanted at that time, and he left me at the hospital with the nurse I was the closest to. Apparently my mom had gone unconscious during the night, and she was in the ER having emergency surgery. But they couldn't save her. I didn't know that they still had her in her room. And that was my favorite room when I was in the hospital. Right up on the top floor, and it can a one-way glass so you could see all the busyness of the hospital. I loved hiding in there. But then, I walked in, right before they were going to transfer her to the morgue, and there was my mom, on a cold table, with scars still from surgery. I was the only one in my family apart from my dad who knew. I couldn't stop crying for weeks.”

Sae Ryun gives Ae Sook the most piercing look that she's ever witnessed after he pauses. It's a mix of outrage, sorrow, and malice all combined into one that gives Ae Sook chills.

“It wasn't even a month before my dad remarried. My stepmom was 15 years younger than him, basically out of high school. She treated me awful, but she loved Sae Ra. Of course, my dad didn't know or he probably chose to ignore it. He never really spent time with us anyways. Whenever she saw me crying over my mom, or looking at her picture, she would hit me. She would break the picture, have me clean it up. If I didn't turn sour because of my mom's loss or my dad’s ignorance, it was because of my stepmom.”

“I think I tried to hold onto the way I was for a long time. I remember trying to ignore everything around, turn into an introvert so that my stepmom would leave me alone. But then Sae Ra started acting like her, and she would do vicious things because I wasn't like them. Take my things, trash the only photo albums I had left with my  mom, have her friends get me into situations so that I would look like a douche. Then she would ask me why I was pretending to be good when I was truly like her and my stepmom. I guess that's when I realized it was too hard to stay nice. I left that part of myself behind and turned into what they wanted me to. They were right that I was really like them. I was just fooling myself all that time before.”

“And then I saw you on the first day of college. You were so sincere, so earnest about life and helping people, and it just took me back to when I was like you. I felt like if I hung around you, if I let you be friends with me, then I would turn back to how I was before. And I couldn't afford that. I wouldn't have been able to survive if I went back. So by bullying you, I was bullying myself. I never really saw past my own pain to realize that it was selfish. I'm sorry for that.”

At the end of this explanation, the two’s gazes are still interlocked. Ae Sook is looking at Sae Ryun with an indecipherable expression that the boy can't discern, but as for the girl, Ae Sook viewed Sae Ryun completely differently now. As he was talking and explaining his apology, Ae Sook had seen his eyes warm with an emotion that she was sure he hadn't experienced in a long time.

Despite what he said, she knew he was turning back to his old self, welcoming back the part that had been shut away for so long. And now, Ae Sook knew it was her job to turn him fully back.

Ae Sook takes a step closer to Sae Ryun, her eyes still and serious on his. “Why did you pay for my medical bills then?”

Sae Ryun turns pale. “What?”

“It was in my message, don't pretend like you don't know that I know. But okay, if you don't wanna answer that, how about another thing then? Why didn't you take the last two parts of your exam?” Ae Sook is persistent, her eyes searching his, and Sae Ryun starts to shy away.

“Whatever I did with my exams isn't really your concern.”

Ae Sook scoffs at his answer. “So you wanna tell me that you didn't purposely skip your exams after you saw me in the ER and that you didn't want to take them anymore just because?” The girl continues to stare at Sae Ryun until the boy breaks his gaze away, which acknowledges that he did exactly that.

“See,” Ae Sook proves, “you do care. I can't believe you were giving me all this bull about how you were bad, and you did those things just for me. Not even me, but for you. You paying my bills, transferring me to a room, not taking your exam so I could finally win. You were letting the good part of yourself back in.”

Sae Ryun gives Ae Sook sideways glance that screams disbelief. This action causes Ae Sook to shake her head at him and look at him more intensely.

Picking up on something, she asks, “Why did you go into the medical field?”

Like a robot, Sae Ryun replies automatically, “Because I'm the heir to my father's business.”

“No, why did you really go into it? You could have chosen a different route like your sister, but you stuck to medicine. So what is it?”

Sae Ryun lets a few seconds of silence pass between them before he answers tentatively. “To save people like my mom from their sickness.”

Ae Sook pulls a hand out from her pocket to use to push Sae Ryun’s shoulder. “Do you see what I mean? I can't believe I'm saying this, but you have good intentions. Your low self-esteem and unresolved grief is the reason why you're making yourself look bad. It's the reason you can't get close to people. You need to stop thinking that way now. And to help you,” Ae Sook inhales a mouth full of cold air, “I forgive you.” The last part of her sentence comes out as a whisper.

Sae Ryun’s head whips up to an alert position at Ae Sook’s words. The words may have been quiet, but they pierced through his core.

He never expected her to say that.

He came here to give an apology, but not to receive forgiveness. Sae Ryun now watches Ae Sook carefully, unsure of what other surprises are going to result from this.

“Honestly, before, I thought you were a complete ,” Ae Sook laughs, her voice brittle in the wind as she reminisces in the memories. “But I guess it takes one to know one. After my parents died, I did the same thing: pushed away people who I should've been close too. I was mean and cruel for no reason. But I guess that's just a defense mechanism for people like us. So after three years, I finally understand you, Sae Ryun, and I forgive you.”

Sae Ryun and Ae Sook look at each other for a few minutes before Sae Ryun finally breathes, “Thank you”.

Ae Sook simply nods in response, but nevertheless, the two words cause the corners of to tilt up just a bit. It seems like the smile was infectious because she could see its traces on Sae Ryun’s face, too.

<> <> <> <> <> <>

After their talk, Sae Ryun and Ae Sook headed back up the gravel trail to the house. However, because of the still profound tension between certain people in the house and the weight of the new provided information, Ae Sook didn't quite want to go back in so soon. Instead, after finding out that Sae Ryun and her parents were buried in the same cemetery, Ae Sook decided to take Sae Ryun on a little drive that would hopefully clear both of their minds.

When they arrived by Sae Ryun’s very spiffy looking Porsche that matched the status of cars in the house’s garage, Sae Ryun simply handed Ae Sook the keys. This action left Ae Sook gaping as Sae Ryun walked over to the passenger side. “You're letting me drive?”

“Spare me. I don't feel like it right now,” he said casually before slipping into the car. Ae Sook was left outside staring at the keys in her hand.

D.O would have never handed his keys over so easily, and it was a shock to her that Sae Ryun did it like they've been riding together for years. Not wanting to question it further, Ae Sook slid into her side and started the car. Instinctively, her eyes went to the front door of the house.

She knew the pack would be able to hear her leaving, and Ae Sook wasn't quite sure how they would feel about that.

She wasn't quite sure how D.O would feel about it.

She knew that the pack made it clear to take one of them, but Ae Sook didn't exactly want to at this moment. The cemetery was a private experience for both Ae Sook and Sae Ryun, and she didn't want anyone experiencing one of the most private aspects of her life. Not even that, but she knew they would be disapproving of her going with Sae Ryun. Because of this fact, she couldn't even go in and get the presents she had gotten for her parents.

And soon enough, Ae Sook knew that they would find out she had left the territory, and she couldn't imagine the consequences after. But she wanted to take that risk. And if she was going to hell, she might as well do it thoroughly.

As the car’s engine was warming up, Ae Sook glanced over to Sae Ryun who had leaned his head against the headrest and had his eyes closed. Biting her lip, Ae Sook debated over what to do as she glanced at her phone. Reminding herself of her previous thoughts, she abruptly unlocks her phone and goes to the settings.

Our phones are synced…. Also for emergency purposes, I have a tracker for your phone and you have one for mine.

The voice from her memories causes guilt to rise up in , and it almost makes her close the settings app.

Almost.

Trying to fight the intuition that there will be a fight later because of her decision, Ae Sook turns off the tracker with quick fingers and closed eyes. She waits a few seconds before opening one eye to make sure it's done. With a sigh, she opens her other eye once she sees that the green light is no longer blinking.

As guilty as she feels, she knows there are things that have to be done without the pack knowing. It's what she promised to herself earlier.

Still hunched over her phone, Ae Sook nearly jumps out of her skin when Sae Ryun’s voice fills the car.

“Are you going to drive anytime soon or are we just gonna sit here in the car?”

Feeling like she committed a crime, Ae Sook gives a slight laugh and pockets her new phone quizkly before looking over at Sae Ryun, who has his arms crossed and only one eye open to look at Ae Sook. Ae Sook nods fervently at his question and puts her hands on the wheels.

“I was just getting there.”

Sae Ryun makes a disgruntled noise in the back of his throat and feigns a move to open the car door. “You know, maybe I should actually dri-”

“No, no, no, no! No need for that! I'm going,” Ae Sook says as she puts the car into shift and drives the gas pedal, causing Sae Ryun to slam back into the car seat.

Sae Ryun gives Ae Sook a dirty glance as they drive down the gravel driveway and through the forest. “Tell me again, how long have you been driving?”

“Hey, I'm not that bad! You just scared me, okay?”

Sae Ryun does a doubletake. “I scared you? You floored the gas pedal when I said I would drive!”

“Listen, I don't need your negativity, sir. I've had enough of it this morning. I'm trying my best.”

Sae Ryun hums a sarcastic tune before commenting. “Well thank the lord you decided to major in medicine and not become a taxi driver.”

Ae Sook’s eyes widen at Sae Ryun’s brazen comment. “I'll have you know, I would be a great taxi driver. You just haven't seen the potential of my skills.”

“What skills?”

Ae Sook turns to Sae Ryun with a viciousness out of habit only to find him holding onto the safety handle with a large grin on his face. It takes her a moment to recover from shock, but Ae Sook can't help but laugh a little, realizing how ridiculous this entire conversation is. Soon, Sae Ryun’s smile turns into chuckles too, and the car's atmosphere seems so much more welcoming.

With a bit of reprehension, Ae Sook admits, “Okay, maybe I am a bit of a rash driver.”

“No , Sherlock,” Sae Ryun laughs back. “I have no clue how your boyfriend can put up with it.”

Ae Sook’s laughs turn into nervous chatter. “Excuse me?” She asks with wide eyes that clearly aren't on the road anymore.

Suddenly, a loud honk sounds from the left, and Sae Ryun screams, “Watch out, Ae Sook! Keep your eyes on the road, Jesus!”

On a split second, Ae Sook snaps her attention on the road while profusely apologizing. “Sorry, sorry! You caught me off guard.” She pauses to consider her words after she sees that all is safe on the road. “How did you hear I had a boyfriend?”

Though her question gives the affirmative, in her mind, Ae Sook is thinking what boyfriend?

Sae Ryun gives Ae Sook a sly smile that shows he has information he shouldn’t. “Well, when you have ears all over the city, it’s really hard not to hear certain things, especially about people you know.”

The girl narrows her eyes at his smirk and gives him a warning, “Sae Ryun”.

“Damn, no need to get all territorial. Minhyuk told me. He was pretty pised about your encounter and he called me to get me to sue you for theft and handout of false information.”

At the explanation, Ae Sook first has a quiet lightbulb moment in which she curses herself for coming up with such a ridiculous excuse, and then, she turns to give Sae Ryun an incredulous look at the lawsuit part. In accord with her feelings, Sae Ryun laughs at the situation. “I know, the kid’s rash and a bit dull, but he’s great for important intel. Anyhow, I’m a bit curious. Who is it? Is it the kid who was by the door, staring at me all angry-like?”

Sae Ryun’s last words give Ae Sook a shock that cause her to question Sae Ryun’s vision. “Angry? He was angry?”

“Ohhhhhh, so it must be him,” Sae Ryun taunts. Ae Sook tries to give him a dagger look to cover for her nervousness, but he’s oblivious to it as he continues to devise. “I mean, who else could it be? Like, don’t get me wrong, all those guys were staring at me with daggers and were pretty scary, but this guy looked like he wanted to drag me out of the house and take me out.” The boy shudders for emphasis, but then he turns to Ae Sook with a certain type of look. “He must like you a lot, Kim.”

At that, Ae Sook had no clue how she was going to explain this to D.O. Sae Ryun had it pinned that D.O and Ae Sook were dating, and she couldn’t afford to tell D.O how exactly this situation came to be. If he started questioning things from there, it would only be a matter of time before he found out that she was looking for the wolves on her own. She really hoped she could find a probable explanation before things got more tangled.

And God forbid if Da Bin found out about this. That would mean Ae Sook would be a hypocrite if that happened, and then she would have to let Kai and Da Bin date in peace, and she couldn’t exactly afford that.

Sae Ryun’s voice brought Ae Sook back from her contemplations. “But do you like him?”

Ae Sook bit back the truth and quickly muttered some nonsense. “Yes, I really do, and listen, no one knows about us so you can’t tell anyon