Chapter 2

            Jessica Jung, an independent, ambitious girl with many dreams, yet little passion to make them come true.  She played through middle school and high school without any worries, assuming that the glamorous life she always anticipated would simply be delivered to her on her eighteenth birthday.  But her birthday passed, and graduation came quickly, and before she could decide to grow up, she was an adult laden with all the expectations that adults bear.  Her grades were not spectacular, but she was Student Body Treasurer at her high school, and the name she had gained for herself allowed her to be accepted into UCLA.

            In high school, though she was known well across campus, she felt a loneliness.  It was an isolation she couldn’t explain, even as people clamored to be her friends.  Her beauty always brought many admirers and privileges.

            After having cute flings in middle school and holding hands with many boys she had no interest in actually loving, she entered into a serious relationship with a boy during senior year of high school.  But he disregarded the essence of who she was, assuming she came with the submissive nature of a typical Asian woman.  He treated her well, but his neglect of who she was broke her heart terribly.  After ridding herself of him, she decided that people would know who she was.  Her personality would be too loud to assume she was a stereotype. 

            Though she felt empowered by her decision, it worked against her in a way, and few people, both boys and girls, dared to meet her gaze as she walked around UCLA.  With the great distance between them, she struggled to keep in contact with her friends in San Francisco, and they seemed to fade away.  Somehow, she always knew they would.  They never seemed like the right friends.  She had no words for why or how she knew this.  The pain lingered in her heart her entire life like a splinter she just couldn’t remove.

            She visited the Starbucks on Vermont and Wilshire almost every day, just as a sober way to escape the loneliness she felt.  The tiny, shy barista who worked during the afternoons and evenings made her feel an odd sense of nostalgia that she couldn’t explain.  Her short, dark brown hair was tied up into a short ponytail, and though she hardly spoke, she gave off an inescapable feeling of warmth and light.  Jessica fed off that energy, wishing it would allow her to find a direction for her whirlwind of a life.

            When she saw the little barista out from behind her coffee bar out at the bus stop one night, it felt natural to offer her a ride home.  They hardly talked about much on the ride home, but Jessica felt free to be herself in her presence.  She didn’t want to let that comfortable, nostalgic sensation go, so she gladly accepted Susan’s offer to be shown around Los Angeles.

            They visited a few restaurants and cafes over the next few days.  Not once did their conversation go beyond the shallow topics of school, work, and fashion.  But both of them experienced that peculiar coziness when they were together, so they saw each other often.  Jessica would continue to visit Susan’s Starbucks, but she spent more time up at the bar, chatting with Susan about various things.

            “I forgot to tell you about my Korean class,” Jessica smirked as Susan worked on a mocha Frappuccino.  “It’s just Korean 1.  I’m going to ace it.”

            Susan uttered something in Korean, and Jessica tilted her head and attempted to read her lips.

            “What was that?”

            Susan giggled and finished the Frappuccino.  “I just said…Don’t think it will be so easy.”

            “Ah…”  Jessica quickly discarded her embarrassment and leaned over the bar toward Susan.  “Hey, Susan, what’s your Korean name?  You have one, right?”

            “It’s…I have a mocha Frappuccino for…Aeryn.”

            A business man walked up to the bar, read his name on the cup, and glared at Susan.  She bowed her head politely and attempted to give an apologetic smile.  Jessica straightened up and took a step toward him.

            “Sir, your name is complicated,” Jessica began sternly.  “Do you have two a’s?  Two r’s?  You’re lucky it was spelled phonetically correct.”

            The man, almost twice Jessica’s age, appeared suddenly uncomfortable.  He took his cup and scurried away, giving one last look back at her.

            “Don’t be so sassy with customers,” Susan requested, though her lips formed a small smirk.

            “I don’t work here,” Jessica insisted, leaning on the bar again.  “I’ll tell him off for you, Susan.  Don’t worry.  Anyway, you didn’t answer my question.  What’s your Korean name?”

            Susan looked at the register, but there were no more customers or drinks to tend to.  She gave a sigh and looked back at Jessica.  “It’s Soonkyu.”

            “Soonkyu?”  Jessica smiled in delight.  “Aw, that’s cute!  Mine is Sooyeon.  We share the same first syllable!  Woochan-ah, isn’t Susan’s Korean name cute?”

            Woochan came over from the sink.  He had seemed indifferent toward Jessica all the time she had visited this Starbucks, but now he seemed pleasantly surprised that she wanted to talk to him.  “Susan’s Korean name?  Is it cute?  She’s never told me what it is.”

            “What?” Jessica exclaimed.  “She hasn’t?”

            “It’s Soonkyu,” Susan told quietly.  “It’s not a big deal.  I just don’t really like it.”

            “Whenever I asked, you said you didn’t have one!” Woochan scolded, shaking his head.  “I knew you were lying.”

            “Anyway, now that you say it, I feel that it doesn’t suit you quite well,” Jessica suggested, giving the frustrated pout she often displayed.  “Neither does Susan.  I can’t explain it, but both seem wrong.”

            “That’s what I’ve always thought,” Susan sighed.

            “Would you mind if I made a nickname for you?”  Jessica stared up at the ceiling, already running names through her mind.  Both of them knew she would create one with or without Susan’s permission.

            A few days later, Jessica offered to give Susan a ride home from work again.  Susan informed her that her father worked with oil in the Middle East, and he visited the area quite often.  Tomorrow, the Friday of October 12^th, he was leaving for Kuwait, and Susan’s mother was going with him.  They were going to spend the whole weekend there, leaving Susan home alone for a few days.

            “Oh, Susan, you can’t stay home alone!” Jessica insisted, nearly losing control of her vehicle for the third time that night.  “You should come over and stay at my apartment until they come back.”

            “Apartment?”  Susan stared at her with wide eyes.  “I assumed you lived on campus in a dorm.”

            “My parents are renting me an apartment near school.”  She said it casually, as if it were a logical option for anyone.  “It’s a little high-rise not too far from the beach.  Do you want to stay with me for the weekend?  I just finished my midterms, so I won’t have any studying to do.  We can do something fun!”

            Jessica realized she hadn’t considered Susan’s school schedule, but her excitement overshadowed her afterthought, and she simply look at the road in anticipation.  Susan’s sudden smile glistened in the moonlight, and she laughed quietly.

            “A little high-rise apartment near the beach…That sounds amazing.  Are you sure it’s okay?”

            “Definitely!”

            When Jessica brought Susan to her apartment the very next day, the cold, prickly atmosphere of the big rooms and modern furniture dissipated.  Jessica felt the temperature raise a few degrees, and the space seemed smaller, cozier.

            The sun was just setting, and a shadow of the moon could be seen hovering above the ocean.  Susan rested her bags on the floor and became mesmerized by the lights.  Jessica’s apartment was on the ninth floor, and Susan couldn’t remember the last time she was so high above the ground.  The moon’s shadow seemed just as high as her, lacking its usual wonder.  Yet, somehow, that appearance made it even more extraordinary.

            “This view is incredible,” Susan whispered.

            Jessica looked out the large glass windows and noticed the dark moon and sunset.  But she was more impressed with the presence of her new friend Susan.  She was the very first guest she had ever invited over to the apartment.  The loneliness she felt deep inside her heart seemed to break into eight little pieces, and Susan’s existence stole one of them away.

            “Do you want to walk down to the beach?”  Jessica had forgotten what it was like to entertain a guest or even interact with a friend.  She immediately wanted to allow Susan to have anything she wanted.  “I’ve never walked down there before, but I hear it’s not too much work.”

            “That sounds great!”

            As they walked down to the beach, Jessica began to regret her suggestion.  She never liked to walk very far, and the sound of the crashing waves seemed so far away.  But Susan kept a bright smile as she looked around at the buzzing Friday night life of Santa Monica.  Interesting characters passed by them every few seconds.  A dirty, eccentric homeless man complimented the little, black fedora Susan wore.  Jessica was very surprised as Susan gave a bashful bow and a glimmering smile, as if her eyes were pure and untouched by the world; as if everyone around her was a person without title or judgment.  Though her heart beat quickly in her chest, Jessica also flashed a grin and bowed toward the interesting man.

            They finally reached the beach and stood in a small park that overlooked the sand.  It was twilight now, and the sun was barely a sliver of orange light over the horizon.  The Santa Monica Pier sparkled with colorful lights to their left.  Sounds of cars, people, and the ocean swirled around the two of them, and they felt pleasantly trapped within all of it.

            “It has always seemed strange to me to watch the sun set over the ocean,” Susan said suddenly, her eyes shining bright brown in the final light of the sun.  “It bothers me so much.  I love twilight because I can pretend that it’s rising over the ocean instead.”

            “You could move to the East Coast.”  As she said the words, Jessica swiftly regretted them.  The thought of Susan moving far away so suddenly made her stomach twist into a knot.

            “Or I could move to the other side of this ocean.”

            “You mean Korea?”

            Susan squinted her eyes, but not because of the sunlight.  Thoughts were swirling around in her head.  “I don’t know if it’s Korea I really long for.  It’s just strange.  This sunset just upsets me.”

            “If you lived on the West Coast of Korea, the sun would still set in the West,” Jessica informed with a laugh.

            “You’re right.”  Susan stared at the sun with a kind of loathing.  “I don’t know how to explain it.  I just feel like I was meant to see it rise on the other side.”

            “I think I understand you.”  As Jessica looked at the leaving sunlight, it began to make her feel uncomfortable as well.  Her body shivered.  “Like…If you threw away something precious as a child and you wish you could get it back.  Somehow, that one thing changes everything.”

            Susan finally looked over at Jessica, but her revulsion faded and only a smile remained.  “I feel like that summarizes my feelings in a way.  Yet the discomfort lingers within me, and I can’t make such easy sense of it.”

            “Neither can I.”  Jessica watched the waves uselessly beat against the shore, always attempting to pass the coastline.  “Sometimes I feel like I made a mistake in my past, and nothing I do could ever fix it.  My life will turn out a mess no matter how hard I try to maintain it.”

            Susan spoke in Korean again, and Jessica could only make it out as a negative command for something.  She smiled at her again and laughed.  “Don’t worry, Jessica Jung.  Everything is going to be okay.”

            As Jessica looked at Susan’s hopeful little face, she realized something that both saddened her and warmed her heart.  “Susan…I think you’re my only friend in the whole world.”

            “What?” Susan frowned.  “That’s not true.”

            Jessica’s eyes filled with tears, and she looked back over the ocean.  “Ever since high school, they’ve called me the Ice Princess.  Am I too cold to befriend?  Even those who became my friends seemed to slip right away from me.  And now I sit down in a classroom at UCLA, and the seats around me are the last ones to be filled.  What’s wrong with me?”

            “Oh, Jessica, I think people are just intimidated by you,” Susan suggested quickly, putting her hand on Jessica’s shoulder.  “You’re so confident and beautiful.  People are just a little…nervous.”

            “I don’t want to be confident or beautiful if it means no one will ever go near me,” Jessica whimpered, looking back at Susan.  “I was scared you wouldn’t let me drive you home that night.  If someone in such a desperate situation didn’t want to be near me, then there was no hope for me.  But you let me drive you home.  Maybe you thought it was a favor to you, but I’m grateful for it, Susan.  I’m grateful to have you as a friend.”

            Susan pulled Jessica into her arms and hugged her tightly as the orange glow finally faded to black.  “Jessica, I think we were meant to find each other here.  I’m so grateful to have you as my friend, too.  Don’t think it’s one-sided.”

            “I didn’t mean to cry like this,” Jessica said as Susan released her.  She felt embarrassed in that park full of people, but Susan’s kind stare let her relax.  “I’ve just felt…so incomplete recently.”

            “Me too.”

            Susan looked back at the dark horizon and frowned.  “The sun is gone.  I suppose that means it’s still setting over the ocean.”

            “Soonkyu…Susan…Sun…I’ve got it.”  Jessica smiled brightly.  “Susan, from now on I’ll call you Sunny.”

            “Sunny?”  Susan barely finished the word before it left a sweet taste on her tongue.  It seemed like the taste of a sunrise over the ocean, something so unattainable yet real.  “Sunny…I like that.  Ah, you have to sing me that song, then.”

            “What song?”

            “You are my sunshine.”  Susan cleared and looked down at the ground shyly as she sang.  “My only sunshine.”

            “You make me happy when skies are grey.”  Jessica looked at Susan with wide eyes.  “Sunny, your voice is so cute and sweet.”

            “Ah, your voice is perfect,” Susan told with a timid smile.

            “I’m serious.  Let’s sing together.”

            “Together?”

            “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.  You make me happy when skies are grey.”

            “You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you.”

            “Please don’t take my sunshine away.”

            Their voices sounded warm and sweet together, like a sunrise over the ocean.