Someone knocked on my hotel room door. The ominous sound repeated itself three times.

My eyes lit up and returned from the magical world of my dreams and returned back into the grey, dull, reality which I had been running away from.

“Who is it?” I asked.

“It’s… Me...” Ji’s weak voice fluttered through the air as it reached my ears.

I walked towards the door and hesitated slightly in front of it, thinking about what could happen between me and him. Partially excited but hating myself partially. My hand reached out to the golden colored hand and twisted it anti-clockwise once, and opened the door expecting the worst.

There was a sweet smile on Ji’s face he didn’t have hatred in his eyes nor did he have any fear. I couldn’t control myself, it was like instinct. His petite body shape fit into mine perfectly, every angle and curve slid into place just like a missing jigsaw piece.

“I’m sorry… But you know that this can’t last forever…” I whispered into his left ear.

I calmed myself and stood about a meter away from him, this break should be as clean as possible. I don’t want to give him any more hope because of my selfishness.

“Hyung, I heard from Anko… But I have a secret to tell you… I’m... a girl…”

I was overwhelmed. Not sure if I should believe in something so weird. He was the leader of the world know band ‘Big Bang’ and yet he has the guts to say something like this, with a straight face. I did find it strange that he never went into the showers with us after practice sessions and usually went shopping on his own.

“Ummm. I know this is a huge shock but that’s the way it is…” he smiled, “this means we can be together again right?”

“Man, is this what you’re doing this for? Don’t you think lying about your gender just for one person is just a little bit pathetic?” I said.

His face wasn’t pleased, upset even.

“I can’t believe that even you don’t believe me. Maybe it is right that you should stick with Anko. Although she did say this was a fake relationship.” She said with a low tone.

“How did you know about that?”

“So it is true? Does that mean you still love me?”

“Ji… Don’t make things harder for yourself. What happened to the Ji that had confidence and composure? Because the person in front of me is not the person I fell in love with.”

“…and now I think your should leave before I get angry.”

Ji nodded as his face lowered. A small whimper.

“But the gender thing wasn’t a joke you know?” and with that he left.

My head was having a confusing time as it was thinking over the quick yet interesting conversation.

“I do not need that right now.” I said to myself as I shook my head.

Through all this stress and false excitements, I decided to take a shower to cool myself.

I took of my clothes and stepped into the shower. Not realizing the note that was left beneath my hotel room door.

There was a shower radio placed inside the compact little space that was covered in white tiles apart from the ceiling which was painted white. I could see my scarred body on the steamed up mirror opposite me. It brought back so many memories that my head started to hurt. All of the fights that I had in my past were right in front of my eyes as a flashback. Every punch and kick was so vivid that it seemed real. As if I was going through it all over again. Everything just seemed to blend into one when finally the image of my friends came into my head.

I stared at the one large line that resembled a lightning bolt. I could remember the bike tires scratching against my back. The pain that I went through was tremendous but my friends had died over my stupid idea of racing in the rain. Thoughts like “Maybe if I had listened to HeehChul everything would have been ok.” or “Maybe I should have waited till the rain stopped.” Would always pop up in my mind when I think about them.

I had always wished that I had not done so many stupid things in the past. But I know that something like this happens all around the world and that all I have to do is to look forward and make my life the best there is.

At this moment something hit me like a giant boulder. It didn’t matter if my parents hated it. I could just ask him for a few favors and everything would be ok, for the both of us.

I quickly got out of the showers and put on my clothes, picked up my phone and rushed out the door without realizing the note that was left on the floor for me. When I got outside there were loads of people looking at me and pointing as I ran past them. I was sure that they were confirming with themselves if it was really me. But no matter how far I ran I couldn’t find where he was.

Then all of a sudden my phone rang.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Hi, it’s me…” and the familiar voice replied on my phone.

“Thank god where are you?” I asked.

“I’m sorry hyung but we’re going to do our debut in NYC. I hope you can make it.”

With that he hung up the phone. I didn’t understand anything, other than the fact that I was late.