Half a page, barely... but not really

 

There's a whole chapter in the book of losers for those who end up having to throw away unused, expired condoms.

 

Sadly, one of those losers is Joonmyeon, who decided earlier in the day that he would spend a couple of hours avoiding work by re-arranging his nightstand drawers. Now that he is throwing unopened boxes of Trojans into the trash bin, it no longer seems like such a good idea. It's best to continue with work before he digs up even more evidence of years of being single.

 

Joonmyeon walks back to his desk and sits down on the chair. On the screen, the cursor blinks on the far left side of the page, as if mocking Joonmyeon.

 

He looks up at the page and stares at the roughly fourteen rows of text he typed somewhere around noon. A poorly phrased rant about his sweaty in the June heat, riddled with exclamation points and ellipsis. It's hardly Pulitzer-worthy. It's hardly anything at all. Just worthless words that speak of nothing but Joonmyeon's writer's block and his desperate need to get a new apartment with working air conditioning.

 

He opens a window in hopes of a cooling kiss from a midday breeze but what Mother Nature grants him is a warm against his face. He definitely needs air conditioning.

 

The fourth and newest part of Joonmyeon's best-selling EXOtic Romance series is supposed to hit the shelves in only six months and so far Joonmyeon has absolutely nothing done. He doesn't even have an idea. He briefly tried writing about the sassy florist who works across the street from his building and pairing him up with the chef at his favorite restaurant, a young man who is all limbs and ears and teeth, but Joonmyeon knows barely anything about either of them and there just was no spark. Good romance stories need a spark, something electric that leaves you buzzing even after you've put the book down.

 

Joonmyeon's cousin Minseok and his Chinese live-in partner have a spark, which is why Joonmyeon was able to turn them into the main characters of his first novel My Bun, My Prince, a story set in the Ming dynasty, where a young food merchant falls in love with Xiumin, the third prince of the nation, who is visiting a town market in disguise. The forbidden love and fleeting moments of passion between a poor commoner and a handsome, privileged prince had the female readers in a frenzy and Kim Joonhee, Joonmyeon's pen name, was shot to instant fame.

 

In Joonmyeon's hunt for a second hit, his step-brother Jongin and his cute but slightly scary boyfriend were morphed into Kai and D.O., a young 22^nd century robotics prodigy and a new kind of cyborg with feelings and his own free will. Kai creates D.O. in Joonmyeon's sophomore novel D.O. I Love You? and problems arise when the cyborg starts showing romantic feelings towards Kai, as human/cyborg relationships are still considered a taboo in 2141. Despite having similar themes as Joonmyeon's first novel, the second book was an even bigger success and boosted the sales of his first book even further, too.

 

For his third novel, Joonmyeon's editor Zhang Yixing suggested he take the forbidden love concept to a modern day setting. With the help of Jongin, who spilled some details on his friend Sehun's relationship with Zitao, a model from Qingdao, Joonmyeon was able to create Oh, Overexposed, a story starring rookie fashion photographer Shixun, who falls in love at first sight with a model he sees in a magazine and works hard day and night for a chance to meet the model and be able to work with him. Unsurprisingly, the photographer and his gorgeous model fall in love and have to face the prejudice and injustice towards same couples in East Asia circa 2014. Not only was the book another success for “Kim Joonhee” but it also sparked a public discussion about the status of same couples, which Joonmyeon's publisher considered the best kind of free publicity there is. All in all, he's had a stellar career in the literary field. So far.

 

With no ideas and no inspiration, Joonmyeon has taken to eating more than writing. He's devoured countless boxes of cinnamon toast crunch in the past two months and there are more takeout containers littering his kitchen than he would like to admit. He's avoiding the scale as if it were the plague although the way his clothes are slowly tightening around his body is enough indication of a visible weight gain.

 

Yixing checks in with him every two weeks or so and Joonmyeon has convinced him that he's writing about the florist, although he knows he's never even going to start the story about love and the flower language that Yixing expects to have on his desk in four months' time. Joonmyeon almost feels bad about lying. Almost. He drowns his guilt with hopeful thoughts about an impending rush of inspiration.

 

Joonmyeon is just about to dig into a pudding cup when his phone starts ringing somewhere in the apartment. At this point it's become too easy not to answer, in the bigger picture of avoidance and lies it's such a small sin to “not notice” a phone call. Joonmyeon shrugs at the annoying ring tone and starts filling his belly with chocolate pudding.

 

However, in the evening when he finally checks his missed calls and messages, Joonmyeon wishes he had taken the call and gotten at least a bit more information on what his editor has gotten him into.

 

'Beep!' Hello, Joonmyeon, it's me Yixing. I'm calling to inform you that we have made a deal with El Dorado Software for a special project for the promotion of your upcoming book, as well as the rest of your series. Your fans have been craving for something like this for a while now, so it's sure to be another success! The person in charge of the project is coming to the office tomorrow at ten. Please try to make it to the meeting, they would love to have you in on the project, too. See you tomorrow, I hope! Happy typing!

 

Joonmyeon looks up El Dorado Software on Naver to discover they're a company that makes gaming apps. He figures the meeting may not be a bad thing at all, being exposed to fresh topics can always lead to having new material for a book. Like, maybe a romance novel where two people meet while playing a game... that happens these days, doesn't it? Two shy, socially awkward guys get to know one another while playing League of Legends and slowly fall for each other while breaching opponents' bases. And maybe they could sort of know each other in real life, too, but not know it? Perhaps one of them is a florist and the other one is a regular customer, so Yixing will never find out Joonmyeon has spent several weeks not writing anything?

 

Joonmyeon needs to figure out why a young man who spends countless hours playing computer games would buy fresh flowers on regular basis. An ailing grandmother, maybe? It would definitely up the drama for the novel, especially if the character had been raised by said grandmother, who ends up dying a little past the midway point in the story. A scene where one of the characters consoles the other over the death of a loved one could end up being a real fan favorite, so Joonmyeon scribbles 'LoL couple, florist and customer, hospitalized grandma dies + loving consoling' on his memo pad.

 

Satisfied with his newly found inspiration, Joonmyeon decides to start doing research for his new book right away. He exits the Word window without saving and clicks open League of Legends instead. There's nothing bad about brushing up on his gaming, Joonmyeon decides. After all, a good author should know exactly what it is he's writing about – that is a rule Joonmyeon lives by.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Still nothing... unless you count the headache from gaming until the wee hours

 

Joonmyeon braces himself at the door of the conference room before stepping in and finding Yixing and some of the other employees around an oval shaped table. Yixing points at the empty chair next to him and beckons Joonmyeon to take a seat there, which he does. Nervously, he straightens his tie and brushes down the sides of his suit jacket with his hands. Some lint from the fabric gets stuck on his moist palms but Joonmyeon feels too tired from gaming until 4am to feel embarrassed about it.

 

Looking around the conference room, Joonmyeon spots some familiar faces from the printing and marketing departments and he greets them all with a courteous nod. There are people seated across the table from Joonmyeon who he doesn't recognize. The ID badges hanging around their necks are different from Yixing's and Joonmyeon assumes they're from El Dorado Software.

 

Joonmyeon still isn't completely sure what to expect but he prays he will find inspiration in whatever the meeting is about.

 

Yixing's boss walks into the room, followed by his assistant, and with them enters a slim man of average height who takes a seat next to the laptop and projector set up on a small side table.

 

“I think we are ready to begin,” Yixing says, nodding to both his boss and the slim man, who takes a look around the room with a confused expression on his face.

 

“I thought we were waiting for Kim Junhee to join us?” he asks, looking at Yixing. “I wouldn't want to start before she gets here.”

 

“She is already here,” Yixing explains, gesturing at Joonmyeon.

 

Joonmyeon raises his hand for a small wave. The slim man looks flabbergasted for a second before his face adopts an apologetic expression.

 

“I'm sorry, I had no idea...” he explains, looking at Joonmyeon. “Based on your pen name, I assumed you were a woman.”

 

“You and the rest of the world,” Joonmyeon tells the man. “Don't worry about it, it's all intended to be that way. I'm trying to protect my identity, and for some reason people think it's more acceptable for a woman to write romance novels. Please call me Joonmyeon.”

 

“It's a pleasure to meet you, Joonmyeon,” the man says, “I'm Kim Jongdae. Please call me Jongdae.”

 

Joonmyeon thinks Jongdae has kind eyes, a cute kittenish smile and the loveliest voice. He feels glad that Jongdae is standing at the front of the room next to the projector – there's a good chance he'll be able to listen to a lot more of Jongdae's voice before the meeting comes to its inevitable end and Joonmyeon will have to start explaining to Yixing why he hasn't sent in any preview pages yet.

 

Joonmyeon soon discovers Jongdae is the game developer in charge of the EXOtic Romance project and the people sitting across the table from him and Yixing are programmers, scriptwriters and designers from Jongdae's team. Before they begin the presentation Jongdae and his team have prepared, Jongdae drops a small bomb on Joonmyeon.

 

“I really enjoyed reading your novels, Joonmyeon,” he confesses, smiling.

 

It shouldn't come as a surprise to Joonmyeon that Jongdae has read his novels. Just as Joonmyeon wants to be familiar with whatever he is writing about, of course Jongdae wants to know what his next project is like. But nonetheless something in Joonmyeon's gut jumps up at the revelation and then drops deep into his core seconds later. A heavy, nervous feeling, like he's afraid his books may have been a disappointment to Jongdae and he's only being complimented because Jongdae is a nice person.

 

“I'm really glad to hear that,” Joonmyeon tells him, searching Jongdae's face for any signs of lies.

 

He finds none, however.

 

Jongdae smiles at him for a moment before turning to the laptop and starting the presentation.

 

He starts with data Joonmyeon already knows, things he has heard from Yixing several times before, like how Kim Joonhee's books are really popular among females aged 13-45 but also sell surprisingly well in the males aged 17-35 demographic.

 

Jongdae then presents the plan for the promotional project for Joonmyeon's upcoming book. A free gaming app download will be given to anyone who buys the book in the first week after it hits the shelves. This is supposed to get Kim Joonhee's fans to buy the book as soon as it comes out and also boost the sales of the older books in the EXOtic Romance series since the app promotes all of them. Yixing thinks it's a genius plan and Joonmyeon can't disagree with him, but he does feel a pang of guilt whenever Yixing gets excited about anything involving Joonmyeon's next book.

 

Joonmyeon zones out for a moment, listening to the pleasant tone of Jongdae's voice but not paying attention to the words he speaks. He doesn't know how long he has been lost in his own world, staring at the beautiful line of Jongdae's shoulders, when Yixing elbows him under the table and brings him back to the meeting.

 

“The game is going to feature all six main characters from the first three novels,” Jongdae explains. There are charts on the screen behind him but Joonmyeon would rather focus on the way Jongdae's eyes are lit up when discussing the project. “Depending on which character the player chooses, two of the couples will remain together and act as helpful side characters in the game, the chosen character will become the person the player is romantically pursuing and that character's pair from the books will become the player's rival.”

 

Joonmyeon shudders on the inside. He definitely won't be playing a game where he can romantically pursue his family members and their significant others. It was enough physical intimacy for a lifetime when Jongin pulled his diaper down to his ankles in front of Joonmyeon when they were young. Sometimes when they go drinking, Minseok still laughs at Joonmyeon's horrified reaction.

 

Jongdae explains that he wants there to be an option that all the original couples end up together in the end if the player doesn't make all the right choices.

 

“This way, there's really no bad ending for the fans of the series,” he argues. “They either get together with their favorite character or they get to see their favorite couple together!”

 

The conference room breaks into a quiet mutter and it seems everyone agrees with Jongdae's reasoning. The members of Jongdae's team are smiling at their project leader, pleased to hear the positive response from their client. Jongdae's kittenish smile is back and a small part of Joonmyeon wishes he would at his lips like a kitten, just so Joonmyeon could witness it.

 

Yixing's boss raises a question about the characters of Joonmyeon's upcoming book and whether those will be in the game as well. One of the programmers from El Dorado speaks up and explains that the characters from the new book can be added as downloadable content once the book is out and they can start preparing more content for the app.

 

“And that is one of the reasons why we would like for Kim Joonh-- Joonmyeon,” Jongdae corrects himself, “to work closely with us on this project. While the game will borrow a lot from the novels' plots and present all sorts of nice little easter eggs for fans of the series, there is a need to create some new storylines, as all six of the characters will exist within each of the scenarios in the game – the Ming dynasty, the year 2141 and the present – and the player will become the seventh main character, someone who attempts to change the original plots to their own advantage. We want the game to be as faithful to the original works as possible and the best way to guarantee that is to get Joonmyeon's stamp of approval for each step of the process.”

 

Joonmyeon feels his jaw go slack and his mouth open an inch or so. He can't even write the plot for his next book, how is he going to be of help in writing several more for a game?

 

However, the thought of meeting Jongdae on regular basis makes his insides tingle and before he even realizes it, he is nodding his consent first to Jongdae, then Yixing.

 

“Great!” Jongdae exclaims and the rest of his team looks pleased. “We'll start polling your fans on what they would like to see in a dating sim based on EXOtic Romance, so there will be some data to move forward from when we meet each other next.”

 

Joonmyeon nods again, too astonished by the turn of events to react in any other manner. He can feel a smile tugging at the corners of his lips and hopes he doesn't look silly to Jongdae. And his team. But mostly Jongdae.

 

Luckily Yixing still has his head in the meeting and he asks: “Is there anything Joonmyeon should prepare for when you meet him next for the project?”

 

Jongdae looks pensive for a moment before one of the members of his team, a young woman who Joonmyeon remembers is one of the designers, speaks up.

 

“He could take a look at our existing games to get an idea of what the finished product will be like, couldn't he?” she asks, looking at Jongdae.

 

Jongdae nods and praises the designer for the excellent idea. He recommends that Joonmyeon search for El Dorado Software's games on his tablet and try out some of them. He calls it “homework” and laughs a little. Joonmyeon finds out that even his laughter is joy to the ears.

 

Just to be sure he won't forget, Joonmyeon jots down 'tablet, El Dorado Software, download apps' on his memo pad.

 

On his way out of the meeting, Jongdae shakes Joonmyeon's hand and tells him he will be in touch about the time and date of their first get-together on the game.

 

All Joonmyeon remembers afterward are the words 'date' and 'together' and the buzzing on his palm that lingers for hours after the meeting.

 

 

★★★

 

 

In the evening, back in the blissful privacy of his apartment, Joonmyeon takes a seat on the sofa with a tablet in his hands. The windows are open in order to cool the place down for the night and Joonmyeon relishes in the pleasant breeze coming in, shaking the curtains as it enters.

 

Taking Jongdae's advice, he searches for El Dorado Software's apps on his tablet. The results show at least two dozen different games, most of them dating sims, which Joonmyeon now knows the company is most renowned for.

 

He ends up downloading some of the more popular games on the results list. When he taps open one of them, his tablet screen is graced with the dazzling faces of a handful of handsome men, each one with their own charming characteristics. One of them looks like royalty, another is incredibly cute, a third wears glasses and holds a thick book in his hands. Each one of the men seems like they're meant to cover some stereotypical young girls are assumed to have, which isn't what Joonmyeon wants for his characters. They need to look and act true to his books and Joonmyeon decides he'll make sure Jongdae and his team know that.

 

Playing through one of the storylines, Joonmyeon is finally hit with a small wave of genuine inspiration. Perhaps he could write about a dating sim app instead of people who meet while gaming? He'll be working on one with a bunch of professionals, so he'll have an unlimited source of information on everything involving dating sims. It seems like the perfect plan.

 

Joonmyeon sets the tablet down on a table and walks over to his desk. He writes down notes about a protagonist who falls in love with a dating sim character and ends up meeting the character's doppelgänger in real life. For the first time in weeks, he's actually excited about something other than sales prices on cereal and the new food stall down the street that serves the best fish cakes he has ever tasted. Joonmyeon doesn't know yet what the man in the game looks like but he can already tell he is someone who seems kind and genuine. Someone smart with an artistic job, with an appreciation for other creators. Someone who anyone would fall for if they only were lucky enough to meet such a person.

 

For the rest of the night, the tablet stays on the table and Joonmyeon stays at his desk, trying to come up with the perfect words to describe the gorgeous guy his new protagonist won't be able to resist.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A solid plot plan and about twenty pages

 

It's one of the more pleasant days of summer when the wind blows from the northeast, cooler and dryer than usually. Joonmyeon is sitting close to an open window in one of the project spaces at the El Dorado Software office, his hands in a nervous bundle on top of a table while the scriptwriters discuss word choices in front of him.

 

The meeting is Joonmyeon's third with the El Dorado staff. They're now almost done scripting the plots for all the storylines in the game and all that's left is to choose the scenes that are important enough to be given special event pictures. Jongdae and his team have polled the fans for their suggestions but despite of that Jongdae asked Joonmyeon to take part in this step of the project. On the phone, the previous day, he told Joonmyeon they couldn't decide on the most meaningful scenes without hearing what the author himself thought were the most important moments in the books.

 

Jongdae walks in with a small stack of print-outs in his hands and sits down next to Joonmyeon. He starts arranging the papers next to each other on the table and calls for the scriptwriters' attention.

 

Joonmyeon knows he should already be accustomed to sitting so close to Jongdae but he can't help feeling anxious. The way Jongdae's eyes look up close, the way he touches Joonmyeon on the shoulder or brushes his fingers against his for encouragement whenever Joonmyeon is feeling indecisive on how they should proceed with the project... it makes Joonmyeon's stomach do flips and his palms sweat.

 

Joonmyeon takes his frustration about being nervous around Jongdae out on his writing, which has resulted in a decent start for a new book. He already called Yixing about a change of topic and to his mild surprise, Yixing wasn't disappointed that the book on flower language had become a scrapped project. Instead, Yixing praised him for writing about something that suits their promotional project. All in all, everything is going well for Joonmyeon. Except for his helpless crush on the guy who is turning his novels into a game.

 

“So, here we have the results from the most recent fan poll,” Jongdae begins in his melodious voice. “As you can see, the fans of D.O. I Love You? and Oh, Overexposed have clear favorites as to what they think is the most important scene in the books. For My Bun, My Prince, however, it's almost a tie.”

 

Joonmyeon looks at the pie charts in front of him, too focused on Jongdae to start reading the text accompanying the slices of different sizes. He has learned that Jongdae will read them out loud to him if Joonmyeon says nothing, so he keeps quiet and nods for Jongdae to continue.

 

“For some reason the fans of the Kai and D.O. couple really love the angsty stuff,” Jongdae says. “There more they fight and suffer, they more their fans enjoy it, it appears. The scene where D.O. confesses his love to Kai is their unquestionable favorite. It won by 72% of the votes.”

 

“Shall we copy the lines from the scene as they are?” one of the scriptwriters, a young man called Taewoong, asks.

 

“What do you think, Joonmyeon?” Jongdae asks, turning to Joonmyeon, touching his shoulder lightly.

 

Joonmyeon thinks about the scene in the novel.

 

“But I didn't program you to love!” Kai screamed from across the room, emphasizing his words with frantic movements of his arms.

 

“So you gave me feelings and a free will to do whatever I wanted with them but now that the result is something you don't care for, you turn me away!?” D.O. yelled back at him, his face turning red and tears b his eyes. He looked so... human. Kai wanted to embrace him, tell him everything would be okay, but the fear of someone finding them, of accusations being thrown at them, of D.O. getting forcefully torn apart at the command of the High Council of Biomechatronics– the risks were too high.

 

Before Kai could tell him any of that, however, D.O. bolted to the door and ran away from the test laboratory, to the streets or perhaps somewhere even more dangerous for a cyborg of his kind. Kai slammed his fists against the instrument panel and fell to his knees on floor, silently weeping at their cruel fate.

 

“Yes,” Joonmyeon tells Jongdae and Taewoong, “I would like it if you kept it the way it is. Maybe clean up the narration a bit, though?” he says with a shy smile.

 

The scriptwriters start shaking their heads and telling Joonmyeon there is nothing wrong with his narration but Joonmyeon know his second book is rough around the edges. His writing still is. It may take years, maybe even decades, until he is at a level where he would like to be, and he is okay with it. Writing, to Joonmyeon, is a journey. An adventure and a never-ending chance to develop.

 

“Shall we move onto the fans' favorite scene from Oh, Overexposed?” Jongdae asks. He nudges Joonmyeon's shoulder and points at a basket of colorful mini cupcakes and cans of cola in the middle of the table, trying to encourage Joonmyeon to have some before the writers wolf down all the treats. Joonmyeon doesn't trust himself with food around Jongdae quite yet, so he softly shakes his head to decline. He really doesn't want to spend the rest of the meeting with frosting all over his face and crumbs between his teeth.

 

The scriptwriters urge Jongdae to continue, so he clears his throat and searches for the right print-out with his eyes.

 

“For Tao and Shixun, they're adored for how sensually catlike they are, in both appearance and personality. Graceful and aloof, but clingy and possessive in the most subtle ways in public and the most adorable ways in private. They try to act like just friends, but the undeniable ual chemistry between them is what gets the fans going. Especially the photography scene, where Shixun keeps touching Tao when he's instructing him how to pose and tries to keep his gestures casual and friendly but his touches burn both him and Tao, the fans reported that they absolutely love that one.”

 

“Jongdae, Mr. Kim, would you mind reading some of their lines from the book aloud for us?” another scriptwriter, a woman in her early 30s called Ahreum, asks.

 

Just the thought of reading lines from the photography scene with Jongdae brings color to Joonmyeon's cheeks but the look Jongdae gives him is playful and challenging and Joonmyeon feels his body go a little weak. So he nods and watches Jongdae search the book in front of him for the right page.

 

“Actually, I've always wondered what it's like to take more... experimental fashion photographs,” Jongdae reads from the book, perfectly stressing the part Joonmyeon has written in italics for emphasis.

 

“I can model for you if you want,” Joonmyeon says, pronouncing every word slowly, willing his voice not to stutter.

 

“You shouldn't make promises like that when you don't even know what I'm talking about,” Jongdae reads, the tone of his voice a bit teasing. Joonmyeon supposes he is trying to be as authentic as possible.

 

“Whatever you ask of me, I'll do it with you,” Joonmyeon recites. He can feel his blush intensify and he prays they don't have to continue reading to the photography session and scene that follow. It appears to be his lucky day as his prayers are answered when Jongdae jumps up from his chair.

 

“That last line of Tao's, I really like how it's so daring and inviting and sets the stage for the scene that is to follow!” Jongdae exclaims with excitement drawn onto his face.

 

“So... you genuinely enjoyed my books?” Joonmyeon wonders aloud. “Even though they're all about two guys being in love?”

 

“There's nothing wrong about two guys being in love, is there?” Jongdae asks, bending towards Joonmyeon. The expression on his face looks more serious than what Joonmyeon is used to. Joonmyeon stares into the dark brown of Jongdae's eyes and shakes his head.

 

“No, nothing wrong with it,” Joonmyeon answers right before the awkward coughs from the scriptwriters break the moment.

 

Jongdae's head whips up to look at the scriptwriters. Joonmyeon rubs his sweaty palms against his jeans.

 

“Well then, now we know which scene the fans of Shixun and Tao like the best, so let's move on to the last pair,” Jongdae announces. His finger pokes at one of the pie charts, two of the slices in particular.

 

“As you can see from here, it's nearly a tie. There's only a two percent difference between the two scenes,” Jongdae explains. “The runner-up is the meet cute where Prince Xiumin, who has never had to pay for food, takes a meat bun from a market stall and gets accused for being a food thief. Han, the food merchant whose stall it is, comes to his rescue and drives away the angry mob trying to punish Xiumin.”

 

“I love Han's line at the end of that scene,” Ahreum gushes. “'You can have the bun if you're hungry... it's only right since it looks so much like you. I'll make even cuter ones for tomorrow so there'll be even more likeness. Promise you'll come back then?' Isn't that just the cutest? I'd faint if a handsome market vendor told me something like that!”

 

Joonmyeon can't stop a smile from drawing itself across his face. It's always a pleasure to encounter someone who has enjoyed his writing. The excited manner Ahreum is reacting is exactly the kind of fuel he needs for his work – in addition to inspiration, naturally.

 

“Be sure to include that line in full, then, Ahreum,” Jongdae says, smiling. “Anything that brings out reactions like that needs to be in the game, wouldn't you say so Joonmyeon?”

 

“Yes,” Joonmyeon says. Jongdae's kittenish smile is enchanting. Joonmyeon could stare at Jongdae's mouth and listen to his voice all day and all night.

 

“So, what was the winning scene?” one of the writers asks.

 

“It's the one near the end of the novel where Han and Prince Xiumin meet in secret in a small forest close to the city. They're embracing each other in a small clearing, underneath the starry sky, and they discuss whether they can stay together or not,” Jongdae explains.

 

“I don't normally read romance novels,” Taewoong admits, “but even I thought that scene was kind of heartbreaking. When Han goes on about he doesn't belong in the world of princes and other royals and nobles, and Xiumin tells him 'all I wish is that you could be my world'... I really could feel the love and desperation in that moment.”

 

Taewoong gives Joonmyeon a thumbs-up and Joonmyeon feels proud that even a man who normally wouldn't read his books has enjoyed his writing.

 

After some more discussion on the scenarios, the meeting draws to an end and the writers start exiting the room one by one, chatting excitedly about the changes they'll be making to the script. Joonmyeon hopes they're really enjoying the project as much as they appear to.

 

Once it's just him and Jongdae in the room, Joonmyeon, albeit nervous, decides to ask a question that he has been wondering about since their first meeting.

 

“So...” he starts, unsure of how he should proceed so Jongdae doesn't think he's only fishing for compliments. “We spent a good while discussing everyone's favorite scenes, and you've mentioned before that you read each novel before the project started, so I'm curious... what's your favorite out of the three?”

 

Joonmyeon grabs the edge of the table to keep his hands from shaking when Jongdae looks at him, right in the eye, and smiles that cute smile of his. He sits back down next to Joonmyeon and when his hand casually touches Joonmyeon's arm as he takes his seat, Joonmyeon tries not to think too much about Jongdae's earlier question about two men loving each other.

 

“I really liked My Bun, My Prince because it was such a fairytale like love story and if I'm being completely honest, I'm kind of a er for those,” Jongdae says. “But I also preferred the realism in Oh, Overexposed. It was easy to relate to because of how it was set in the modern day and addressed modern day issues, I guess. Not that I have any experience from the world of fashion and modeling,” he laughs. Joonmyeon loves the way Jongdae's eyes laugh with the rest of him.

 

 

★★★

 

 

Joonmyeon can no longer deny it even if he wanted to.

 

His gorgeous game character and the character's creator, game developer Chen whose avatar the game character is, both resemble Jongdae more and more every day. Looks, personality, even Chen's occupation as a game creator – it's all Jongdae.

 

Chen has created a game character of himself out of curiosity and amusement, but in Joonmyeon's story, his protagonist Suho falls in love with the game character and doesn't find his daydreaming and desire for what he thinks is a fictional character amusing at all. Instead, love for what Suho believes is just a figment of someone's imagination, brings him pain and lots of sleepless nights.

 

Joonmyeon can see himself in Suho – both inside and outside, if the dark circles underneath his eyes are anything to go by – and it makes him terrified, makes him shiver even during the warm summer evenings in his apartment. The character's mild mannered and timid nature, his weaknesses, his hopeful infatuation for someone he is likely to have no chance with – it's all Joonmyeon. He has never written about himself before, which is scary as it is, but what really makes Joonmyeon scared is how for the first time in his career he doesn't know how the story will end.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eighty-eight pages

 

“D.O. has bigger eyebrows, not wider – just, bigger. Think chubby baby caterpillars,” Joonmyeon says, pointing at one of the many illustration sketches laid out in front of him and trying to illustrate what he wants by drawing his fingers over the sketch. “And Tao has a more feral look to him, but at the same time he looks angel-like and innocent... his nose is more defined and I think you need to work on the eyes more, most of his charm is in the eyes like it says in the book.”

 

One of the designers nods and starts making a new sketch based on Joonmyeon's advice. To Joonmyeon's left, another designer is sliding a sketch of Prince Xiumin and Han across the table. Joonmyeon sighs for what feels like the twentieth time in the past hour. The designers have taken each character description from the books a little too seriously. It's almost like the sketches were humorous caricatures of the actual characters.

 

“You don't need to make Xiumin's face so round. This way he looks like a hamster hiding its food in its cheeks,” Joonmyeon explains. “He needs to look cute, not gluttonous.”

 

The designer, Joonmyeon thinks her name is Yeji, bows and walks across the room to prepare a new drawing. Joonmyeon feels like absolute crap for continuously rejecting the designers' hard work, but Jongdae told him this is an important step in the game making process and anything Joonmyeon doesn't like or is unsure of, he should voice to the people in charge of the game's graphics.

 

Joonmyeon has already gone through the same process with the game's background images and he was so sure he had been hardened enough by the two and a half weeks he spent telling designers that Han's market stall was larger than how it was first sketched and there were products hanging from its roof structure and that Kai's robotics laboratory is a brighter place than the murky room in the initial draft. Critiquing someone else's work is never easy, though. Especially when Joonmyeon knows he wouldn't be able to create such beautiful characters and scenery himself. Not to mention Joonmyeon would feel like all kinds of hell if someone ripped his writing apart detail by detail like he did with the designers' work. It's just that they weren't exactly how Joonmyeon imagined them, and Jongdae wanted the game to look like how Joonmyeon saw the stories in his mind's eye. And Joonmyeon really doesn't want to disappoint Jongdae.

 

As if he somehow knows Joonmyeon was thinking about him, Jongdae enters the room, carrying a tray of coffee cups. He hands one cup to Joonmyeon, their fingers brushing when Joonmyeon reaches for the handle.

 

Joonmyeon feels his hand shaking and quickly places the cup on the table in front of him, careful not to spill on the drafts. Mere moments later Jongdae is done handing out coffee to all the designers and he takes a seat next to Joonmyeon, wrapping his arm around Joonmyeon's shoulders and pulling him closer.

 

“So, how's it going?” he asks.

 

Joonmyeon can feel Jongdae's breath on his ear, it's faint but he feels it. He wraps his fingers into the soft fabric of his slacks and tries not to think about how the skin on his ear feels like a current of electricity was running through it.

 

“Umm, well...” Joonmyeon starts, not knowing where to lead from there.

 

Jongdae laughs and picks up the drafts on the table with his free hand one by one to give a cursory look at each of them. “That bad, huh?” he chuckles.

 

“No!” Joonmyeon protests and gently shakes Jongdae's arm off of him to able to turn toward him on his chair. “They're not bad at all, they're wonderful. It's just that they don't have the look I've imagined for the characters and I'm really poor at explaining what exactly I'm looking for.”

 

“That's hard to believe, with the way you paint pictures with your words in your work,” Jongdae tells him.

 

Joonmyeon is about to grumble how it's easy for him to describe his characters when he knows exactly what they look like when an idea hits him. Probably a disastrous idea, but still a much better one than Joonmyeon demanding countless new sketches from the designers to get every little detail correct.

 

“If I were to find people who look like the characters, could I bring them here to model?”

 

“Of course,” Jongdae says, smiling. “That would be great.”

 

Jongdae moves to closer to Joonmyeon. His face is just inches away and Joonmyeon has to struggle to still be able to focus his eyes on Jongdae's face. The weather outside has begun to become cooler, but Jongdae's exhales are warm and humid. For the first time in months Joonmyeon doesn't mind humid air on his face. Instead it makes his skin itch in a good way, like he wants Jongdae even closer. So much closer.

 

Jongdae lifts up a hand and brushes Joonmyeon's bangs away from his eyes, the soft pads of his fingers softly kissing Joonmyeon's forehead.

 

 

★★★

 

 

Joonmyeon is trying to type the scene where Suho and Chen the game creator finally meet for the first time at a fan convention for Chen's games. There is a great emphasis on 'trying'. The air feels heavy around him and his mind keeps wandering to the moment earlier in the day when Jongdae's fingers touched his forehead. If he closes his eyes and concentrates, he can still feel the soft brush and gentle pressure on his skin.

 

It hasn't gone unnoticed by Joonmyeon how Jongdae is touching him more and more, little touches and one-armed embraces that feel just a tad too intimate to qualify as casual.

 

The spark Joonmyeon had craved for all those months before meeting Jongdae is now running through him like lightning whenever he as much as thinks of Jongdae and he's not sure if he can face Jongdae at their next meeting. Not after the desperate way Joonmyeon jerked off to thoughts of him the moment he had come home from the El Dorado office. He didn't even make it to the shower or the bedroom. Instead, on his knees on the carpet of his living room, his slacks bunched around his ankles, Joonmyeon himself to fresh memories of Jongdae touching him.

 

He should feel more disgusted at himself than he does, he really should.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A hundred and fourteen pages

 

Joonmyeon feels sorry for the designers, he really does.

 

“Can't you see? There's no way someone who looks like me would be banging anyone who isn't a hot top model like this guy here,” Sehun complains to a group of designers, poking his finger at a magazine cover with Zitao's face on it. “Look at my prime booty, it's made for scoring with models!”

 

Joonmyeon turns his head away when Sehun begins to introduce his backside to the designer team. There is only so much he can take of Jongin's best friend and witnessing a detailed explanation of the way his jeans stretch over his posterior is way too much.

 

Minseok and Luhan are embracing each other in the corner, with three people sitting around them, sketching their likeness onto paper. A fourth person is circling the couple, taking photos of them from different directions. Kyungsoo is on the other side of the room, giving the stink eye to a designer who's teaching Jongin how to pose for his solo pictures and apparently getting slightly too handsy for Kyungsoo's liking.

 

Joonmyeon's friends and family members – aside from Zitao, who couldn't take part in the project since he's already endorsing another game but whose photos Sehun shows proudly to anyone willing to pay attention – have arrived at El Dorado Software's office to pose as models for the game characters. Things aren't as bad as Joonmyeon imagined they could be, at least as long as Kyungsoo doesn't bite off the heads of any of the staff members.

 

“This is amazing,” Jongdae whispers next to Joonmyeon. “I almost can't believe you were able to find people who look exactly like the characters are described in the books!”

 

It's only a brief moment when Joonmyeon wonders if he can trust Jongdae enough to confess to him something not even Yixing knows. The moment is cut short by a glance at Jongdae's eyes and lips and before Joonmyeon even truly understands what he is about to do, he is already pulling Jongdae into the hallway, away from the eyes and ears of the dozen or so staff members in charge of immortalizing Joonmyeon's friends and family within one work day.

 

“Can I tell you a secret?” he asks in a hushed tone.

 

Judging by his expression, Jongdae is pleased by the question. He brings his lips close to Joonmyeon's ear and whispers: “I'd be honored if you did.”

 

Joonmyeon can't stop a shiver from running through him, but he tries to disguise it as something that it isn't by muttering about how nippy it the early autumn air has gotten. This only make matters worse as Jongdae takes off his beige cardigan and wraps it around Joonmyeon's shoulders. The scent of Jongdae surrounds him and Joonmyeon wants to bury his nose in the soft fabric and inhale. But he doesn't.

 

Jongdae is looking at him expectantly. Joonmyeon clears his throat.

 

“So... you see, there's a reason why they look so much like the characters, and why I was able to find them so easily,” Joonmyeon admits, anxiously twirling his fingers around each other. The words he hasn't said to anyone who isn't family or a friend fall out of his mouth more easily than he would've thought.

 

“All my stories have been inspired by real people. Minseok and Luhan are Prince Xiumin and Han, Jongin and Kyungsoo are Kai and D.O., and Sehun and the model whose pictures he carries around with him are Shixun and Tao. Hence the likeness. It's not like the stories are theirs, mostly they're just figments of my imagination, but the main characters have been inspired by the people in that room,” Joonmyeon confesses. “Please don't mention this to anyone else.”

 

Jongdae assures Joonmyeon that his secret is safe with him. He walks to the door of the room where they were just a moment earlier and repeatedly nods his head as if to say 'makes sense' or 'I can see it'. Then he walks back to where Joonmyeon is standing, his hands still in a nervous bunch, and poses a question Joonmyeon is utterly unprepared for.

 

“So, who is your new book about?”

 

Shocked, Joonmyeon inhales so hard he nearly chokes on his own spittle. He can feel his mouth make out shapes but no voice comes out, as his brain has no idea what to answer.

 

Jongdae is looking at him with concern, his hand down Joonmyeon's back to soothe him and Joonmyeon fears it may be just the thing that is preventing his brain from working.

 

“I-I am...” Joonmyeon stutters. He tries to clear his throat but the damn thing feels like it's closing in panic at every brush of Jongdae's palm down his spine.

 

“I am w-writing about myself, actually. For the first time,” he finally manages. Jongdae is the first person he has admitted it to and perhaps he will also be the last. Confessing that he is writing about his own crush isn't something Joonmyeon prefers to do but for some reason confiding secrets in Jongdae feels comfortable.

 

The hand on Joonmyeon's back stills and drops to Jongdae's side.

 

“Kim Joonmyeon's love story...” Jongdae mutters, as if his thoughts are somewhere far away. “I hope you've got something wonderful to write about.”

 

Joonmyeon, grateful that Jongdae is looking away, can feel a blush spread all the way from his upper lip to the tips of his ears. What, or whom, he writes about is something he can't admit even to Jongdae.

 

“Yes,” Joonmyeon says. “It is indeed something wonderful.”

 

“I'm happy for you,” Jongdae tells him. His voice is warm as always but he is still looking away, and when he walks back to the others his arm isn't around Joonmyeon's shoulders. Instead Joonmyeon is left behind to stand alone in the hallway.

 

When Jongdae disappears into the room, Joonmyeon grabs the cardigan that is still wrapped around him and inhales. It's a good day for writing about how blissful Jongdae smells.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A hundred and seventy-seven pages

 

Joonmyeon looks out through the window above his desk at the sun setting behind the office buildings to his right, painting clouds in hues of peach, pink and purple. The darkness falls upon the city much earlier now than it did when began writing his new book. The sundown tells Joonmyeon, who has always preferred working after dusk, that it is high time for him to sit down and continue working on what's left to write of his new novel.

 

The preparations for his book are progressing swiftly. As soon as Joonmyeon told Yixing the title of his book, A Simulation of Romance, the name of the novel started spreading on the Internet like wildfire. Yixing called it social marketing – he leaks the title to Kim Joonhee's fans and they will build up so much hype for it online that soon A Simulation of Romance will be noticed even by those who aren't his fans. To Joonmyeon's mild surprise, it worked. His new book was one of the top ten most searched topics online before he had even finished writing it.

 

These days, there are already posters up on bookstore windows. The title of the book is on the poster in big, beautiful handwritten script, surrounded by colorful electric wire that is looped into heart shapes, with a short story description below it introducing Suho, a cookbook author in search of true love, and Chen, the game developer who inserts a lifelike avatar of himself in one of his dating simulations. Some of the posters already advertize the EXOtic Romance gaming app, which, as planned, is free for anyone who buys A Simulation of Romance within its first week of publication.

 

Two days ago, a short, polite email from Jongdae told Joonmyeon that the El Dorado team is adding finishing touches to the app. From what Joonmyeon has seen of the nearly finished product, it will be so much better than any of the other dating sims Joonmyeon has tried. Each one of his published works has been turned into an interactive graphic novel and in a few months' time his new main characters are scheduled to be added to the app, which means that Joonmyeon will meet Jongdae again soon after the book hits the shelves to start working on the downloadable content.

 

Before that, however, Joonmyeon must finish writing his story. It's just not a very simple task to perform when you have literally no idea how to do it. More than a dozen empty, used coffee cups sitting on his desk reflect the amount of nights Joonmyeon has already spent agonizing over the ending.

 

A good writer knows the subject he writes about. But Joonmyeon, despite how great he may or may not consider himself to be, has no idea what his ending with Jongdae will be like. He isn't even sure if there will be an ending or whether their story will remain an open-ended one until it is, eventually, lost in time like so many stories before it.

 

Now that Joonmyeon's consultation is no longer needed on the app project, he and Jongdae haven't met up anymore and mostly likely won't do so again until his new book is published. He gets the occasional status update from Jongdae via LINE or email but it's been weeks since Jongdae sent him a photo of himself smiling while picking up lunch or pictures of cute little doodles he drew while supervising his team. Since the day Joonmyeon's friends and family members modeled for the game, Jongdae has been keeping a physical distance from Joonmyeon, as well. Although Joonmyeon can't help feeling disappointed, he understands. A reclusive writerly type with a tendency to binge eat when stressed isn't exactly most people's idea of an ideal guy. Joonmyeon ought to be content with the little interest Jongdae showed him, really.

 

Nevertheless, it poses a problem for the novel. Would Kim Joonhee's fans be fine with a mysterious ending where the game crashes and Chen disappears with it and Suho, the hopeful young man with a heart open for affection, will be left alone to look for love once more?

 

Joonmyeon knows it's very unlikely they would. He loves his fans, treasures all their letters and little gifts they send to Yixing who acts as an intermediary between Joonmyeon and the fans, and he knows his fans well even though they don't know him. They will feel cheated if they don't get the happy ending they expect to be paying for.

 

Left with only one option, Joonmyeon reaches for his phone and taps on Yixing's contact.

 

It takes five rings before Yixing picks up, his voice tired after a long day of work.

 

“Hello, it's me, Joonmyeon. I'm sorry to call you so late in the day, but I need to discuss the ending the book...”

 

 

 

 

 

 

On the shelves, finally

 

Joonmyeon sits in a meeting room at the office of El Dorado Software, sweating bullets.

 

A Simulation of Romance has had better first week sales than any of Joonmyeon's earlier EXOtic Romance novels. When Yixing called Joonmyeon to congratulate him for having written the best selling book of the month, he mentioned that his boss is very pleased with how the app campaign appears to have boosted the sales. The company is looking forward to further sales boost from the downloadable content pack that will be released as soon as El Dorado Software is able to create it.

 

The only contact Joonmyeon has had with Jongdae in several weeks is the email Jongdae sent him to welcome him to another planning meeting. Now that the meeting is minutes from taking place, Joonmyeon doesn't know what to think. Or feel.

 

He has a stack of free copies of A Simulation of Romance with him, although he knows the El Dorado staff members must already by reading the book in preparation for the project. He's also got a thank-you card from Sehun to the designer team and he really, really doesn't want to know why Sehun wrote it.

 

Joonmyeon's friends and family members have enjoyed the gaming app a lot more than he would've assumed – even Kyungsoo played through the game twice, pursuing both D.O. and Kai to see the event pictures created of him and Jongin. The comments from his fans have been great and they've especially praised the fact that Joonmyeon worked on the app with the El Dorado team. Even Yixing has confessed to enjoying the game.

 

The door of the meeting room finally opens to reveal Jongdae. Just Jongdae. And he looks even more charming than Joonmyeon remembered.

 

“Oh,” Jongdae says. “Hi.”

 

“Hi,” Joonmyeon answers, suddenly unsure of what he should do with his mouth when he isn't speaking but too afraid to say anything more.

 

Jongdae takes a seat across the table from Joonmyeon. He clears his throat but in the end doesn't say anything. Joonmyeon expected potential minor discomfort but instead the meeting starts off with full-on awkwardness.

 

“So...” Joonmyeon starts, wishing he were as good with spoken words as he is with written ones. “It's been a while, I hope you have been well.”

 

Jongdae takes out a copy of A Simulation of Romance from the pocket of his sport coat and places it on the table.

 

“I had great time reading your new book,” Jongdae tells Joonmyeon. “Until everyone at the office began telling me I was Chen.”

 

Obviously Joonmyeon had no idea how awkward and uncomfortable the meeting could get.

 

“Uhmmm,” Joonmyeon mutters, deciding an honest apology is the best way to proceed if they're going to be working together. If Jongdae stills wants them to work together. If Jongdae still wants to work on the EXOtic Romance project at all.

 

“I'm so sorry,” he tells Jongdae. “I thought I would write about a dating sim since I was working on one with your team and I guess I became inspired by you. I'm really sorry for having offended you, it really wasn't my intention--”

 

“Are you Suho, the cookbook author?” Jongdae asks, interrupting Joonmyeon. “You told me you were writing about yourself, right? Are you Suho?”

 

“Well, you see...” is all Joonmyeon manages to say. There's really no perfect way to say 'I've been crushing on you this whole time and instead of telling you about it I took my feelings out on my writing and I'm really sorry your whole workplace is laughing at you as a result'.

 

“Suho is you, isn't he?” Jongdae asks again, this time his voice unusually quiet. His eyes are piercing through Joonmyeon, who feels smaller than her ever has before. Hurting Jongdae or causing him to face ridicule were never part of the plan.

 

Joonmyeon nods his head in reply.

 

“Then tell me, why is this all I get?” Jongdae breathes. It's a question even though it doesn't sound like one, but it's not a question Joonmyeon understands.

 

“I'm sorry, what do you mean?”

 

“I don't get a happy ending? All of your other characters get their happy ending despite facing worse odds but I get nothing? Not even a bittersweet ending? Is Chen someone who deserves nothing better than an unresolved mess?”

 

The look on Jongdae's face is pained and his hands, on top of the table, are rolled up into fists and shaking.

 

“I apologize, Jongdae,” Joonmyeon tells him. “But I promise you, you can have any kind of ending you want once I write the second part. I don't want to see you hurt, I hope you understand that.”

 

“The second part?” Jongdae asks, his pained look suddenly one of astonishment. If it were anyone else, Joonmyeon might chuckle at the way his expression quickly morphs from one to another, but an offended Jongdae is no laughing matter.

 

“Yes,” Joonmyeon confirms, nodding. “Didn't you take a look at the back cover? A Simulation of Romance is the first book of a two-part story.”

 

Jongdae visibly cringes and throws his hand over his eyes.

 

“Why a two-part story?” he inquires.

 

There is an obvious answer to the question. It's the only reason Joonmyeon had for splitting the story into two books. “I don't know the ending yet,” Joonmyeon confesses.

 

Jongdae takes his hand off his face and looks Joonmyeon in the eye. His eyes are even more beautiful than Joonmyeon recalled. Even in confusion they're bright and enchanting.

 

“When you said you were writing your love story, was it always about me? There was no boyfriend or lover that you had in mind?”

 

Joonmyeon feels his face flush. Where Jongdae got the idea that Joonmyeon could be attached, he doesn't know but it's a misunderstanding he definitely wants to clear.

 

“It was you since the first day I saw you,” Joonmyeon admits, hoping he had something to cool off his warm cheeks with.

 

Jongdae gets up from his chair. For a second, Joonmyeon's stomach drops with the fear that Jongdae will leave the room and possibly walk out of Joonmyeon's life.

 

It turns out his fear is unfounded when Jongdae corners the table to sit next to Joonmyeon.

 

“I'm such an idiot, I went and assumed thing I shouldn't have. Please forgive me Joonmyeon,” he says, taking Joonmyeon's hand in his. He's smiling that kittenish smile of his once again. “Any kind of ending is still possible, then?”

 

Jongdae's hand feels warm in Joonmyeon's and the warmth spreads through Joonmyeon until he feels toasty all over.

 

“Yes. Anything is possible,” he tells Jongdae, whose smile raises up to his eyes and Joonmyeon wants to write a short story in praise of them.

 

“Joonmyeon, I think we need more time to properly get to know these new characters before we bring in the rest of the team,” Jongdae opines. “Would you like to discuss them and their future over lunch?”

 

“Sure, whenever you would like,” Joonmyeon says. He can tell they're setting a date but it feels hard to believe it's really happening to him, after so many years of being by himself. Could it be that Suho and his ideal man Chen will still get their happy ending? Or maybe this is only the start of a journey – an adventure and a never-ending chance to develop, for both of them?

 

Jongdae moves his face towards Joonmyeon. There is a pause, as if he were sensing the moment. It makes the hairs on the back of Joonmyeon's neck stand on end in anticipation. Then there is a soft press against Joonmyeon's cheek, followed by a whisper in his ear.

 

“How about right now?”