“ Irene?” I called out.

“Hmm?”  She answered.

“Have you eaten?”

“Yeah, with Wendy.”

“Oh. I’ll just go and wash up then.”

It was the same for the other days. I’ll wake up in the morning, get ready for training at SM.Ent while she has to wake up earlier than me for her schedules. Once night time came, I’d come home and ask her questions but I knew I shouldn’t ask anymore once her tone started getting more irritated. We were nothing but just acquaintances. The question is, why are we staying in the same house. Easy. Me and Joohyun were friends ever since we were kids. We were inseparable. Once she started her trainee life, everything changed but I didn’t blame her nor SM. Why? Because her passion was strong. She was 19 and I was 16. My parents pleaded her to take care of me while they were away from home. My parents were both hard working people. Due to their busy schedules, they have to go out of country frequently, leaving me alone at home. But they didn’t trust me enough, so they seek help from Joohyun in which she agreed on it.

I was more than happy when she came over because it’s been a while since we were able to hang out with each other. With a goofy smile plastered on my face;

“Hyun-unnie,  what are we going to do today?”

She looked at me with an unreadable face.

“Just behave yourself, alright? I’m tired with all the trainings. I might need a quick nap. Don’t disturb me.” My heart hurts and I don’t why at that time.

I nodded understandingly and went upstairs to take my homework and accompanied Joohyun while she was sleeping. As I glanced at her face, I couldn’t help but gasped in awe. Her features are no joke. I shook my head and continued with my work. Day by day we started drifting away from each other and all I could do was being understanding towards her. Years past and now she’s 25 and I’m 22. After she became an idol, we barely meet each other. Sometimes I could see her looking at me with despise but I shook off the negative things and fell deeper into her. Yes, I was in love with her. But things got even more worse when I was told to get married with Irene. Yes, Irene. She hates it when I call her with her birth name. Oddly, I’ve been calling her that for the past few years and she was totally fine with it. I sighed and obliged with it.

The marriage was to merge together my parents’ business and Irene’s. I was not desperate enough and I didn’t want to take Irene’s happiness away but because I was a filial daughter, I obeyed. Of course Irene was mad at me. Very mad. She told me how disgusting and how desperate I was. That day, it was the most hurtful day ever. She insulted me. She said a lot of things that were still kept in my mind until now. But all I could do was nod. Why? Because I took away her happiness. I was ready to accept anything that’d come out of . I deserved it. But at the same time, I was slightly happy that I’d be able to spend my days with Irene by my side but how wrong was I. It was the same thing.

“Irene?”

“Hmm?”

“Have you eaten?”

“Yeah, with Wendy.”

“Oh, I’ll just go and wash up then.”

If luck was on my side, she’d add on a few more sentences and end it off with insulting words. But all I could do was nod. Why? Because I took away her happiness. I couldn’t deny the fact that I’m head over heels for Irene. I miss her smile. I miss her laughter. I miss her jokes that would make me laugh non-stop. I miss her. It was all about her that made my insides do back flips and even cart wheels (Heh.) But now I can’t see it anymore, why? I took away her happiness, her freedom. And I’m ready to accept everything that she says, even her hurtful and insulting words because I deserved it.

It wasn’t until I came back from my tiring training when I saw Irene and her group mate, Wendy cuddling on the sofa, watching movies together. They didn’t see me coming because they were back facing me. That scene pierced my heart a thousand times. Why? Because for the first time, I got to see her smile and laugh heartily like she never would with me. It pained me to see her smiling and laughing not because of me but someone else. I somehow smiled at the scene and walked upstairs to take a nap.

I would see Irene and her often at our house. They would be close to each other, initiating skin ships every now and then. I would look from afar and smile at the scene but my heart tells me otherwise. Why? Because she found her happiness, not with me but with someone else. I clutched my heart as it pounded painfully against me. Unknown to me, Irene saw me. My eyes shot open and quickly hid myself. Days past by and I started avoiding her, hoping that the feelings will get away, but I was wrong once again. I would always see her with Wendy, which did not help with my poor heart. (Heh)

I knew I had to do something when I walked into them while they were making out. Irene looked at me with an unreadable look that she had with me. Sometimes I wish she would smile at me at least.

“Can’t you see I’m with Wendy? Thanks for interrupting, idiot.”

“Irene, can we talk?”

She narrowed her eyes at me and for the first time, my heart pounded, not painfully but blissfully. Why? Because for the first time, she looked at me, attentively. She nodded and whispered towards Wendy and pulled me somewhere private. I analysed her body language and I knew right there and then, I wasn’t her happiness. I was a disturbance. I smiled weakly at her.

“Irene, I know I wasn’t able to tell you this but (It’s now or never) , I’ve been liking – no, loving you ever since we were kids. I thought it was merely just because you were close with me and that’s why I love you but as I got older, I realised it’s something more than that. Can we start all over again and try to make this marriage work?” I said, not hoping much.

“Pfft. Can’t you see, kid? I’m happy with Wendy. Ever since I got married to you, you took away everything I have. I can’t go out freely without the media following me. Do you know how stupid I’d look like if I were to be out with other people aside from you? BECAUSE OF YOU, people around me have been saying things over and over again, about our marriage. Do you know how flustered I am? Why? We’ve been like strangers for years and I don’t feel a tad happy with you. You’re just a kid to me. I need someone who can protect me in the future, not just childish kid like you. Sometimes I wonder what my parents see in you.”

I looked down again, like I always did and nodded.

“Joohyun-unnie. If that’s what you want, I’ll give it to you. I’ll go far away so that you won’t see me ever again. I’ll promise you that. I’ll divorce so you’ll be happy, for once and not be like who you are with me, spending time with the person that you do not love. I hope you’ll finally gain your happiness. Your happiness is my energy. You should smile and laugh more when we’re divorce.”

I forced a smile as I walked away from her to my room. Tears started welling up and I slept with tears running down my cheeks. Weeks past by and we settled our “marriage” and now we’re nothing but just friends. I was packing my stuff when I heard the door close and Irene’s voice were heard.

“Seungwan-ah, why did you come?”

“I heard about your divorce, are you okay? Should I beat her?”

“No. It’s fine. We should go out now. I feel stuffy in here.”

I heard the door being closed once again. I lowered my head as flashbacks started flashing in my mind. How I wish Irene loved me. But feelings can’t be forced. I smiled weakly as I dragged my luggage and walked downstairs. I was about to leave the house when a frame caught my attention. It was me and Irene’s photo when were teens. When we were best of friends, or that’s what she called it. I smiled and took it. I caressed it and placed it back on its originally place as I want it to be a memory for Irene. I inhale as my eyes roamed the whole house. I sighed heavily as tears started forming. I shook my head and smiled like fool.

Her happiness is my energy. She’s happy right now, why shouldn’t I be? I will always love you Bae Joohyun, endlessly. Laugh. Live. Be free like you never could when you were with me. Like you were caged. I hope you’re finally able to live like you wanted to. I’m sorry and I deserved it. Until next time, Hyun-unnie. I’ll miss you and I love you.

Her.

Happiness.

Is.

My.

Priority.

Have a great day ahead. :')