At the sixth kiss, Jaejoong finally managed to keep Yoochun’s lips on his before the other could pull it back from him. He might not understand yet where all those talks and kisses would lead him to, but he knew that Yoochun’s teases were making him crazy. Jaejoong really needed to have a proper kiss from the younger at this rate. Jaejoong wanted the kiss to get deepened, as he was then opening his mouth wider and luring Yoochun to quickly give him more of those. Yoochun complied soon; but not for too long. When Jaejoong’s hungriness was shown a bit too unwavering for him, Yoochun pulled himself back- away from Jaejoong instead.

Jaejoong blinked; bewildered and hurt since he couldn’t understand the sudden refusal coming from Yoochun. “Why-”

“You’re too stunning,” Yoochun continued as if nothing has happened, resting his head on Jaejoong’s as he also closed his eyes one more time. “And sometimes… I just wonder what I have really done in my life to deserve this kind of gorgeous right beside me.”

Jaejoong didn’t- couldn’t say anything for a moment, showing only his pout no matter how he didn’t like how the words sounded on his ears. Then, due to the sudden urge to snap the right mind back to the younger, Jaejoong decided to do something more to the extreme side. Well- it wasn’t as extreme but still, shocking. Jaejoong pulled his head back; about five centimeters away from Yoochun, before slamming it back with a big enough force. The sudden doing was of course making Yoochun startled and opened his eyes almost right away, feeling a stinging pain right at his forehead where Jaejoong’s was now leaned on once again.

“You’ve done more than enough, Idiot,” Jaejoong finally said a thing; warm eyes were glued on Yoochun. “I don’t even know what I would be without you. You’re keeping me sane, Yoochunnie; always. You also stick around for my own good, ready to help with whatever I need you to do. You are there; when I need you… when I miss you, and when I want you. I can’t ask for a better companion than you; you’re perfect, Yoochunnie.”

Yoochun shook his head, showing a sad smile once he has finally separated his head from Jaejoong’s. “I know how wrong it is, Jaejoongie,” he then replied. “Even just for a glance, I know Yunho-Hyung is the perfect one. He always lives his life with a good lead, doesn’t he? He has showed how reliable he is in most of the time people needed him to. He’s indeed hard-working, and he’s always prepared to take the blame and responsibility of his surroundings when thing went wrong. Everyone wants to be like him- or with him- not like me or with me, not this lazy-.”

“We had boyfriends- and girlfriends before,” Jaejoong tried reasoning with the other, though a panic was shown clearly on his face. “And we don’t compare ourselves with them, Yoochunnie.”

“I don’t- well, not usually,” Yoochun let out another defeated sigh as soon, stopping to consider if he should have told Jaejoong already or… just left it behind. But as he thought that everything has been too much for him too lately today, Yoochun knew he wouldn’t last long keeping this by himself. “But, this is Yunho-Hyung we’re talking about. And he’s different; always different.” Yoochun stopped one more time as he chocked his own words. “He’s not just your ex; he was our members and members also mean family and friend. And then there’s this fact that you were once still in love with him; even when he have taken a different path with him. So- somehow all of those make things complicated in my mind. I’m not quite sure how to react and suddenly everything is all over the places and I just-”

Jaejoong waited, and waited for the continuation of Yoochun’s words again; he has been waiting for awhile, yet Yoochun didn’t seem to be saying whatever he wanted to say before. “Just-?” asked him in the end; decided to push the younger more as he couldn’t survive hanging like this.

“Just-” Yoochun stopped and seemed so hesitant to continue again, but then Jaejoong suddenly held his hands tightly and Yoochun knew he had to say this- or else it wouldn’t be fair too for Jaejoong. So he held Jaejoong’s hands back and squeezed it to tell the oldest that he was fine. “It came back,” he continued in whisper. “The ugly thought I have back in my mind; the one where I think that you were with me because I’m the only option available. Or that one thought that you were with me because Yunho was too unreachable and hard-to-get with our position. Or that maybe you don’t need me but need anyone’s companion.”

“Yoochunnie-”

“So when Yunho came back to the game again, I thought that-” Yoochun stopped and took one deep breath. “Maybe you wouldn’t want me anymore. Maybe you’ll ask me to release you; to let you back for Yunho. Maybe you will realize that it’s Yunho all the way long ever since the start.” Yoochun once again stopped; voice was broken completely. “Those thoughts were suffocating, to be honest; and I just wanted to let it out- which led me to say stupid things to you just now. I know saying sorry is not enough, but- I was- I am so afraid of losing you, Jaejoongie.”

Jaejoong was too stunned to say a thing- losing his words somewhere once he has done listening at the younger one. Jaejoong wasn’t expecting this; that was for sure. He thought this would be just as it has always been; a simple jealousness over something stupid enough- the kind they could laugh at once they were cooled down. But it was completely not the case. This was serious, and Jaejoong was unsure on how he should tell Yoochun to stop thinking about that. Yet upon that thought, Jaejoong was also gradually feeling dejected. He wanted to cry or maybe scream; to leave Yoochun and all his stupidity behind. This was probably the first time Jaejoong didn’t want to believe at Yoochun’s words, even. “What about now?” he finally asked when he has managed to calm himself down- just for a bit, in fact. “When I’m sitting here right beside you, do you still have the thought?”

Yoochun gave another sad smile towards Jaejoong; as if resigned on whatever was going to happen already. “Honestly?” he answered with a chuckle. “Yes. I still don’t get the reason on why you might want to stick with me instead Yunho-Hyung; so-”

“Okay.”                                                                                    

Yoochun hasn’t finished his words, but Jaejoong has heard enough of it- and he didn’t even want to hear the continuation. So he stood up at his place, showing a last glare towards the puzzled Yoochun and then leaving the younger for good- for now. In his mind, Jaejoong knew that he was too upset to talk normally with Yoochun; and maybe Yoochun was too depressed to listen at him either. This was for the best, Jaejoong thought. After all, it wasn’t like he would never come back to Yoochun. He just needed some time to cool himself down; after that, he would definitely back.

But of course, Yoochun without his right mind would not be able to read Jaejoong and de