The first time I had met Kim Jongin, it was under a very deep set arrangement of weird circumstances. Like a magnet, he attracted me to him with such high intensity, I couldn’t help but fall, face first, into the frigid and confusing waters of infatuation. The waves took over my poor, decapitated soul every time I saw him. Why? For three years I wrestled with the reason, even keeping me up during long, thoughtful nights. Like a maze without an escape, I had to climb and chew my way out of the iron walls of ignorance. Eventually, just like the waves, it hit me.

It was because he was normal.

Everything about him was the idealistic human life. He had normal friends, a normal school-life, even normal thoughts. I deluded myself into thinking, for three years, that the center of my obsession existed solely because he had what I could not even begin to fathom. Every year, every time we locked eyes, every time I learned something new about him, if it wasn’t considered normal, I would ignore it, saying everyone has their quirks.

In all honesty, it wasn’t fair to Jongin for me to do that. There was no way he could match the level I had set up for him. I found this out the first time I saw him dance. I knew he wasn’t like anyone else when I saw him move so beautifully, as if forgetting the world. But, this thing that I had for him, call it love, infatuation, or even admiration, was still there. Even after my constant attempts to make my subconscious aware that he wasn’t what I wanted to cling to, what I needed to cling to, every attempt was in vain. It made we want to hate him. I gathered every possible insult and injury from my years in purgatory and held them up next to his face every time I saw him, like an evaluation. I would constantly remind myself of his inner sadist.

But masochists are always attracted to sadists.

I realize this as we sit in a comfortable silence, no less than three inches away from each other. His body heat radiated and conjoined with mine as we looked forward, not daring to spare a glance at each other. He was obviously deep in thought.

Suddenly, he stood up, grabbed me, and without a word, we were outside the cabin, a beautiful sunset gracing the horizon like a lover returning to her partner. My eyes widened.

Is that the reason I have become so obsessed with Jongin? No, it couldn’t be. But then, why? Why have I become so attached to this man? This unique, sadistic, obviously burdened teenage boy? While I am being pulled from the old cabin by a blithe and convivial Jongin, I am slowly crawling back into the iron walls of ignorance, however this time, my resolve to care is lessening with every smirk that foul face creates.

“Where are we going? Why are you in such a rush, Jongin?” I asked, confused at his sudden outburst of jubilation. We almost ran out of the cabin and onto the same path we’d taken previously. The sunset to our backs made us almost impossible to see correctly.

“Well, I figured if we were going to try whatever this is,” he turned around and waved is hands nonchalantly between us, “then we had better start now.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, completely befuddled.

“We’re going to hang out, you know, like a date,” he said shyly, his hands scratching the back of his neck.

“What’s wrong with here?” I ask, catching up to him.

“Well,” he looked out into the forest, “let’s just say we’re not exactly safe here,”

He was being strangely cryptic, with his shy expression and nervous glances. Before I realized what was really happening, he grabbed me, a genuine smile on his face, and we raced off further into the trail, Jongin’s ringing laughter filling the air at my clumsy being.

Out of breath and completely exhausted, we made it to the station, laughing between gasps for breath.

“Kyungsoo, you don’t run very fast,” Jongin teased in between gasps, poking me in the side.

“Like you’re one to talk, I beat you here,” I said, poking him back. He laughed.

“Only because I didn’t want to leave you behind. What if the Slender Man gets you? What am I supposed to tell the police?” he asked, as we made our way up an escalator.

“I beg your pardon? Do you honestly expect me, of all people, to believe in German myth?” I ask.

We walk towards the ticket booth and stop. It’s obvious neither of us want to go back home just yet.

“Do you have to be home soon?” Jongin asks, hope gleaming in his eyes. I realize what he’s asking me. I look down; the way I see it I have two options; I can go home, and that will be it. No more Jongin. He will leave me alone and maybe, just maybe, I can try to revive myself, and crawl out of the waters, onto the land, and walk away forever. He has already made his decision, but I have yet too.

Or, I can go with him, and plunge head first into an unknown and possibly irrevocable abyss. But I will be with Jongin, as he slowly pulls me down with him. We’ll be together.

“No. I don’t have to be home anytime soon,” I said. He chuckled, relieved I presume, eyes folding into crescent moons.

“Good.”

Seoul, South Korea. I gaped as we made our way out of the train station, Jongin only inches behind me. He couldn’t have. The whole way here, when I wasn’t asleep, I was nagging him insensately, as he refused to tell me where the hell we were going, saying I would “ruin the mood”. I didn’t know whether to be angry he took me half across the country, or ecstatic, because this was my first time in the city, without having to take tests.

There were lines of people outside, even though it was getting close to nine at night. Neon signs of nightclubs, PC bongs, and bars lit the street that was spotted with food vendors, selling innumerable types of food. Everyone from every age was gathered here, even people of different ethnicities encircled areas, taking pictures and laughing, as if not having a care in the world.

I sighed; the atmosphere was one I had never encountered before, with being in houses and hospitals for the vast majority of my life. It was exciting, rather than nerve-racking, to be around normal people, people who didn’t know a single thing about me.

I circled around to find Jongin staring at me. I looked back questioningly, the smile fading from my face. He shook his head and motioned around him.

“What would you like to do Kyungsoo? The night is young; none of our classmates are here to see us, no parents, what would you like to do?” he asked, turning me around to see everything the beautiful metropolis had to offer.

“I want,” I whispered, “I want to be normal tonight.”

“Then let’s go,” Jongin replied, sticking his hand out.

The first normal thing we did was go to the arcade. It was dark, covered to the inches in neon lights that tried to imitate functional lighting. The floor was interesting; the same shade of purple bounced between the walls and floors. I couldn’t stare for too long; the luminescence made my head hurt.

It was loud, as well. Strangers of all different walks of life wasted away in here; boys shouting random cuss words to their friends or girls off in the distance waiting for said boys to talk to them. The older gamers who seemed to be well out of the high school age, immersed in their own world, the new ones, like me, who hadn’t the foggiest as to what they were doing. Jongin looked at me and shrugged, as he lead me through the seemingly endless rows of machines.

Jongin started me off slow, sensing my apprehension. We played air hockey, which he beat me in relentlessly, not a gentleman, I rolled my eyes as I made a mental note for later, then shooter games, which I had no idea how to work, and frankly disgusted me, and then eventually we settled on me riding on the back of Jongin’s fake sports car as he raced on the virtual track.

I was getting frustrated; normally things as menial as entertainment came to me with ease. However, the more things we tried, the less I knew what was going on. I had never played these games before. It was like entering a world previously unknown to you. But, no matter how badly I failed, Jongin would smile at me, saying I shouldn’t worry about it, everyone’s bad at something.

Easy for him to say, I think. He’s good at everything.

It was always awkward sitting next to Jongin. However, the close proximity we’ve been sharing this whole day, plus the events that had unfolded in the cabin had taken a toll on my mental stamina. I could smell him, we were that close. It was unorthodox, the way he could intoxicate me. He wasn’t even wearing his normal cologne.

I shifted uncomfortably. I had never felt like this before. I always knew men were more physical than women, we thrive on touches, but this was my first encounter with someone I had been so attracted to.

My senses were on fire. Hypersensitive.

Jongin turned around, sensing my shift, looking at me with wide eyes.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a slight tinge of vertigo,” I lied through my teeth.

“Oh,” he replied, slightly incredulous, “well, we’d better not do that anymore.”

He got down from the “car”, and turned to me.

“What would you like to do next, Kyungsoo?”

“I’m not sure,” I lingered on it. I hadn’t really thought about it. I sincerely thought that I would have loved the arcade so much, by the time we had left, it would be rather late. But disappointment comes to us in many fashions.

It was so awkward, as we stood outside the arcade looking for our next activity, that the only way to break through the glass case of uncomfortable silence was with a chain saw.

Luckily, my stomach did the trick.

Kim Jongin had the audacity, seven minutes and forty five seconds after we’d arrived at a table inside a cheap restaurant, to be doubled over in laughter. I rolled my eyes. It wasn’t funny. I don’t care if my stomach makes a “really weird noise” or if it “sounds like the spawn of Satan” it is inappropriate to laugh at your date.

Definitely not gentlemanly. When we get our food let’s go home.

Henrietta had a very good point, I thought as I glanced over my ramen. It smelled divine. I decided the best way to get out of this crappy date was to eat as fast as possible, if nothing was said during the time I stuffed my face, I would be gone. Simple as that. We gave it a try. It’s not meant to be.

I was on my last helping of noodles when I looked up.

He was staring at me. No, that wasn’t the best way to put it. He was boring holes into my head, as if concentrating on something. It was almost as if he was trying to read my mind. I put my chopsticks down, and leaned back against my chair. One brow lifted in question, but nothing was said.

A staring contest began.

It wasn’t until my eyes burned that I pulled away, my heart beating faster. I had had enough. I was done. So done. It wasn’t fair, that he would treat me like this only to make me feel this way. I don’t even know how to properly explain how I feel about him. He irritates me. It’s beyond irritation. This feeling digs deep inside me, turning my innards out and making my brain shut down. I’m reacting barbarically. I’m beyond this, and I know it.

I got up, and was out the door before it registered to Jongin what was happening.

“Kyungsoo! Where are you going?” I heard Jongin faintly as I brushed by the innumerable people that occupied this city. In my completely annoyance, I had also seemed to forget I have nothing on me. I stopped in the middle of the crowed and groaned loudly at my life and its poor choices it forces upon me.

“Kyungsoo!” Jongin grabbed a hold of me, and swung me around to face him.

“What the hell?! Don’t do that Kyungsoo. What would you have done if I couldn’t find you?” Jongin was exasperated, his eyes wild and his face inches from mine.

“Since you took me from school without getting my I.D. or wallet, I suggest you take responsibility and take me back,” I said through gritted teeth. This was supposed to be a magical night, not another disappointment.

Jongin let go of me slowly. Looking down at the ground he spoke softly.

“Fine, I’ll take you back. Let’s go.”

The subway ride was dreadful. Jongin sat on the other side of the aisle, facing the window. I couldn’t see his eyes, nor his face even. I looked down at my hands. Did I do something wrong?

Of course you did something wrong Kyungsoo. You probably hurt him.

Ricardo?

Listen, there’s always a reason people act the way they do. A lot has happened today, almost to much in fact. You need to cut him some slack.

Maybe Ricardo’s right-

I don’t even think so. Kyungsoo did nothing wrong. Jongin was being a pompous idiot and needs to learn the error of his ways. He can’t keep treating Kyungsoo like an old broken toy and expect Kyungsoo to be okay with it!

Oh come now Henrietta, you know as well as I do that Jongin is just as troubled, if not more so, as Kyungsoo. We need to understand the lad, just like we’re being understanding towards Kyungsoo. I think this whole ordeal needs time. Taking things slow and observing it’s changes is the best way to go.

I didn’t hear anything, but all of a sudden, the subway slowed to a halt and I was being dragged out by the hand by a determined Jongin.

“For heaven’s sake, Jongin, where are you taking me?” I asked completely perplexed.

“I’m letting you go until you can say with the upmost sincerity that making the decision to give us a try was not a bad one,” he said turning around, a fire inside his eyes as they penetrated mine.

He took off once again, me in tow.

“You really need to stop dragging me around like a rag-doll. I’m getting pretty sick of it,” I grumbled as we made our way onto a hill, just outside the city limits of Panam.

“Well, I wanted to show you something, and you would’ve refused if I had asked politely,” he retorted, hands still around my eyes. Oh, did I forget to mention, his hands are now acting as my own personal blind-fold.

“Touché,” I muttered back, disgruntled beyond all reason. We stopped suddenly, anticipation growing in my stomach no matter how much I rejected the idea.

“Okay, I’m going to release my hands on the count of three, when I do, look up.”

“Whatever, I don’t need a play-by-play Jongin.”

The hands left my face, and the electricity soon followed. I looked up and opened my eyes.

It was gorgeous.

Thousands, if not millions, of stars lined the night sky, burning with a beautiful intensity. It was like God’s masterpiece. I lay down on the grass, not daring to take my eyes off of the stars. I faintly heard Jongin rustling in the grass beside me, closer than I thought but had quickly grown used to.

“Do you like them?”

“They’re gorgeous,” I whispered.

“They’re just stars Kyungsoo,” he replied.

“You’re just an ,” I retorted, and immediately regretted saying.

He sat up, turning to face me.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for tonight. I know I was being a jerk-off, and I’m sorry. You have to know this is my first time dealing with something like this. I thought that if I used my actions instead of my words, my feelings, however awkward and rough they may be, that they would reach you. But I realized tonight that that’s not who you are, Kyungsoo. And I realized if I used my words they would get through to you, but how can I talk to you if I can’t find the words to express myself? How could I possibly paint you a picture if the canvas has been destroyed? I’m sorry, Kyungsoo, will you forgive my behavior tonight, for the past three years, and let me show you the real me?” Jongin asked in a broken whisper.

“Despite the fact that the canvas has been ‘destroyed’, you’ve done a pretty good job thus far of painting me a picture I’m happy with,” I said, getting up from the grass.

“You think so?” he asked, getting dangerously closer.

I didn’t get a chance to answer before a sweet pair of plump lips molded themselves onto mine.